Somehow, during the election excitement, Frank Hatch happened to bet right
just once. He bet a hat, and on Monday he went to Putnam & Philbrick and
selected one of the finest silk ones. When he went out in the street every
body noticed it, and a reception was held. They all congratulated Frank,
except Ike Usher. Ike's hat was a year old, and the contrast was so
remarkable that Ike would not walk on the street with Hatch. Frank said
that Ike's hat used to be a very fine looking hat, but at present it was a
disgrace to the force. Mr. Usher was offended, and he swore revenge. He
went to a professional drunkard on Division street, and said that if he
should happen to get drunk Monday night and Hatch should happen to arrest
him, he would give the drunkard five dollars if the drunkard would mash
Frank's new hat. The fellow said he would flatten it flatter than flatness
itself. Just after dark Mr. Hatch was walking down Third street, "Whoop,
hurrah for Tilden, (hic) 'endrix." The remark seemed so out of place that
Frank went down there. The man was lying on the sidewalk, and telling the
barrel to roll over and not take up all the bed. Mr. Hatch accosted the
man gently, telling him he would catch cold there, and that he had better
go with him to the city hotel. The man said he would--be counted in if he
did, and Hatch bent over him to take him by the lily white hand, when a
drunken boot came down on the top of that hat, and drove it clean down to
Frank's nose. Of course it could go no further. Then the man pulled Frank
down, and the hat struck the end of a salt barrel, knocked it off, and the
man raised up and sat down on it, and kicked it into the street. Frank got
the man away, and a boy brought his hat to the police station, just as
Usher and Littlejohn and Knutson, and all the policeman entered. It is
said that all stood on the corner over by Kevin's watching the
arrest. The hat was a sight to behold, as it laid in state on the safe,
and all the boys making comments on it. It looked like a six-inch stove
pipe elbow that a profane man had been attempting to fit to a five-inch
stove pipe. It looked like some old dripping pan that had been thrown out
in the street, and had been run over by wagons. It looked like the very
dickens. And yet we have no doubt Hatch will say this is a lie, because he
now wears a good hat, but we know the hat he now wears he got by trading a
flannel shirt to a grasshopper sufferer, and it no more resembles the
beautiful new hat he won on election than nothing. After Hatch went out of
the office, Usher let the man "escape," and he is five dollars ahead, and
Ike has got even with Hatch.
[Illustration: IT LOOKED LIKE AN OLD DRIPPING PAN.]