America is to be visited by the most beautiful woman in all England, Mrs.
Langtry. It is said that she is so sweet that when you look at her you
feel caterpillars crawling up the small of your back, your heart begins to
jump like a box car, and a streak of lightning goes down one trousers leg
and up the other, and escapes up the back of your neck, causing the hair
to raise and be filled with electricity enough to light a circus tent, and
that when looking at her your hands clutch nervously as though you wanted
to grasp something to hold you up, a sense of faintness comes over you,
your eyes roll heavenward, your head falls helpless on your breast, your
left side becomes numb, your liver quits working, your breath comes hot
and heavy, your lips turn livid and tremble, your teeth chew on imaginary
taffy, and you look around imploringly for somebody to take her away. If
all this occurs to a person from looking at her, it would be sudden death
or six months illness, to shake hands with her. If she comes to Milwaukee,
there is one bald headed man going to the country where they are not so
bad. You bet!