Have I not had to wrestle with my lot?
Have I not suffered things to be forgiven?
Have I not had my brain sear'd, my heart riven?
BYRON.
It was Mr. Trevor's good pleasure to bestow the church living in his
gift upon his second son. On the same principle, we suppose--as it was
the fashion, at that period--more we trust than in the present time--for
the least promising and least talented of a family to be devoted to the
sacred service of the church--did the father, we conclude, in the
present instance select for this purpose the son least esteemed and
honoured in his eyes, without any regard to the inclinations of his own
heart, or his fitness for that vocation.
Eustace Trevor was sent to College, on as small an allowance as could in
decency be accorded, and commanded there to prepare himself for Holy
Orders.
How can we describe the trials, the struggles, the discouragements which
beset the path of one who, under more propitious circumstances, might
have passed on to such high and distinguished grades of honour and
distinction?
His noble character and conspicuous talents, drew down upon him the
love, admiration, and honour of those around him; yet to some degree the
galling hand which had laid heavy on his boyhood oppressed his powers
even then.
Great and good as was the young man's nature,
"Temptation hath a music for all ears,
And mad ambition triumpheth to all,
And the ungovernable thought within
Will be in every bosom eloquent."
The very superiority of Eustace Trevor's nature, his high, and serious
estimate of the holy nature of the profession which had been forced upon
him, soon caused the youth to recoil with conscientious horror from
embracing it upon such terms. He laid his scruples before his father,
who with contemptuous indignation told him he might then starve, or beg,
for by no other means should he obtain from him a farthing of
subsistence--and his mother, whilst she sympathized in his feelings on
the subject, still encouraged and besought him to make himself worthy of
the sacred vocation, and bring down those high thoughts and aspirations
which rendered it incompatible with his desires.
This was the substance of her mild, soft pleadings in the anxious cause:
"My son, oh leave the world alone!
Safe on the steps of Jesus' throne
Be tranquil and be blest."
Encouraged by this strong persuasion, Eustace Trevor promised for her
dear sake to do all in his power to satisfy her solicitude, and
reconcile his own conscience on the point.
Eugene in the meantime was given a place in the great banking
establishment before alluded to, a position which only served to throw
the young man in the way of all the temptations and dissipations of a
London life, and rather to overthrow those expectations of Mr. Trevor,
as to the money saving propensities of his favourite.
In his fondness for money, he might indeed show himself a worthy son of
his father, for to attain it by all attainable means soon became his
actual object. Yet to whatever pitch this inclination might arrive in
later years, in these his days of youthful folly, "to spend and not to
hoard," was certainly his distinguishing propensity; thus affording his
father plentiful opportunities for displaying to the full, the partial
injustice of his conduct towards his younger children.
One of the most striking instances in this particular was exhibited a
few years after the establishment of Eustace at College, when Eugene was
about nineteen. The latter unexpectedly one summer evening arrived at
Montrevor from London, in no very happy state of mind.
Gambling was unfortunately one of the pleasures, or more properly
speaking passions, which assailed the young man most strongly in this
early part of his career. He had just lost a considerable sum of money
at the late Derby; and this was the first time that he found himself
obliged to confess this delinquency to his father, and apply for the
amount necessary for the payment of the debt of honour thus incurred.
He could scarcely flatter himself that Mr. Trevor's hitherto partial
favour could avail him in a case of such unwonted enormity. Forfeiture
of that favour, perhaps a refusal of his application; anger, disgrace at
home, ignominy, dishonour abroad, all stared him in the face. Eugene
entered the house at night, and went straight to Mabel Marryott's
apartment, where, scarcely noticing the eager and astounded greeting of
his foster-mother, he threw himself upon a seat, and leaning his elbows
upon the table, he buried his face in his hands, and remained plunged in
moody silence.
In vain for some time Marryott questioned him, as to what had happened
to occasion his sudden return, and the discomposure under which he
appeared to labour. But at length, having shaken off the hand she so
caressingly placed on his shoulder (for some years the young man had
begun to discourage any similar demonstrations from his quondam nurse),
he called for some wine; and having drank off a bumper, he then came out
with the abrupt communication, that he had lost a thousand pounds, and
that she must manage to get it from his father.
Mrs. Marryott was astounded.
"Lost a thousand pounds!" Mr. Trevor to be informed of this, and coolly
asked to supply it. The boy was mad to think of such a thing. No
favouritism would indeed avail to cover such an enormity in his father's
eyes. She, with all her confidence in the influence she possessed, would
not risk the office of intercession in such an outrageous instance, at
such a time too, when Mr. Trevor was overlooking the accounts of his
brother Eustace, who had just returned from College, and into a fine
state of mind she assured him his father was worked up by the
employment. Then, in anticipation of the paternal indignation she
prepared him to receive, Mrs. Marryott ventured to bestow upon her
foster-son some severe strictures upon the imprudence of his conduct,
all which Job's comfort the young man was in no mood to receive with
patient equanimity.
Starting from his seat, he rudely told her to hold her tongue, for if
she did not choose to help him he must go to some one who would; and
rushing up stairs, he went straight to his mother's sitting-room. Mrs.
Trevor was alone, seated near the open window, with her eyes fixed sadly
on the church spire rising amidst the distant trees, and pointing with
such solemn silence to that blessed home, for which the wounded spirit
must have so often yearned.
"Eugene!" she exclaimed in surprise, as, turning her sorrowful
countenance towards the opening door, she beheld her son; and Eugene
having slightly returned the pressure of her outstretched hand, threw
himself down upon the nearest seat, in much the same state of moody
dejection as he had previously done in the apartment of Marryott.
But there seemed something more soothing in the atmosphere of his
present position--something in the subdued and holy calm of the maternal
presence, which had never before impressed him in the like degree.
Perhaps it had been a relief to his jealous spirit to find his mother
thus alone, unaccompanied, as was usually the case when he was in the
house, by the envied Eustace, to be the witness of his discomfiture, and
an auditor of his misfortune. And when, perceiving that something was
amiss, she approached, and, without inquiry, sat down silently by his
side, he did not now shrink from the fair soft hand which, with almost
timid tenderness, was placed in gentle sympathy on his arm, but burst
forth at once in softened accents of appeal with the grievous fact.
"Mother, what am I to do? I have lost upon the Derby a thousand pounds;
have it I must immediately. I cannot tell my father; some one must get
it out of him. Marryott won't--will you?"
The mother withdrew the hand which, emboldened by her young son's
unwonted show of confiding consideration, had ventured to begin to part
the dark matted locks from his heated brow. Nor was this done from
dismay at the chief purport of this desperate intelligence, but from the
cold pang with which these concluding words struck upon her ear:
"Marryott won't--will you?"
It had not then been the impulse of his filial heart, as for a few brief
minutes she had gladly hoped, to fly to his mother in his distress. He
had gone to another first, and only come to her as a last resource--as
often when a boy had been the case, when Marryott, for fear of his
father's displeasure at the expense, had refused him some
indulgence--some of those "good things" we have heard the man Eugene so
feelingly deplore, and with which the mother had supplied him from her
own too circumscribed resources.
Had not the present emergency been out of the question to her limited
powers, how willingly would she in the same manner have relieved her son
of his pressing anxiety.
As it was, the momentary pang of bitterness allayed, without giving way
to any irritating manifestation of her feelings, with regard to his
astounding communication, she only expressed her sorrow at his
misfortune and perplexity; and refused not to take upon herself the
office he demanded of her.
"Alas, Eugene! you know the extent of the influence I possess," she
sadly observed. "I can but break to your father what you have related,
and trust to his general indulgence towards you, rather than to any
regard he may be inclined to pay to entreaties of mine in your behalf."
"Exactly; that is all I want, mother; tell him that I will work hard at
that d--d bank for the next year--that I will make it up to him in some
way--anything in the world; but if he does not let me have it, I must
blow my brains out--that's all."
And the mother, sadly sighing over the ruinous course--ruinous as
regarded his soul's welfare--in which her son had so early embarked--and
she, without any power to influence or to restrain--left the room.
Mrs. Trevor entered the library with no willing step. She knew well how
she should find her husband occupied, and the disagreeable nature of her
mission was less repugnant to her feelings than the pain which would
most probably be in store for her in her other son's behalf.
And here indeed she did find her Eustace undergoing a more torturing
mental ordeal than that of the physical chastisement to which she had on
a former occasion seen him exposed in that same apartment; his noble,
generous spirit goaded almost beyond the power of endurance, as
compelled to sit there before his father, and submit to the most close,
exact, and grinding examination of every detail and minutiæ of his last
year's expenses, a process accompanied, as was every item of the amount,
with the most bitter and angry comments on his so-called profligacy and
extravagance--the galling and degrading nature of which ordeal every
young man, blameless and well-principled as he may be, will be able
fully to appreciate.
The mother cast an involuntary glance of tender concern upon the victim,
and then approached her husband.
"Well, Madam, are you too come to assist me in this delightful
business?"
"No, Mr. Trevor," in a trembling voice. "I have come to speak to you
upon another subject--about Eugene."
"Eugene! what in the world have you got to say about him?"
"He has returned home in much distress; he has been unfortunate, and
requires your assistance, though at the same time is fearful of your
displeasure."
"The devil he is! well, I am a happy individual. Have I not enough on my
hands already," with a vindictive glance at Eustace, "without being
bored in this fresh quarter? I suppose he wants his allowance advanced;
but be so good as to tell him, Madam, that until I have finished the
delectable business in which I am engaged, he must please to wait. What
the deuce did he come running down here for, wasting his time and my
money. A letter, I should think, would have answered his purpose;
really, one would suppose I was made of millions."
"But, Mr. Trevor, I am sorry to say that Eugene's case is of greater,
more immediate importance than you imagine. Eugene, I grieve to tell
you, has lost a very considerable sum of money at Epsom, and requires an
immediate remittance for payment (as it is called) of his debt of
honour."
Mr. Trevor changed colour, and an involuntary oath escaped his lips. But
something--perhaps it was the glance he saw exchanged between the mother
and son--caused him to restrain any further ebullition of the feeling
with which this revelation inwardly inspired him.
For he fancied--how unjustly may be imagined--that something of
triumphant exultation was expressed in that glance, that it was now the
father's favourite on whom was about to descend his displeasure--perhaps
the present forfeiture of his former favour. This was most fortunate for
Eugene. It turned the course of his passion into another channel.
"And what, allow me to ask," he proceeded with forced composure, "may be
the amount of this unfortunate involvement?"
Mrs. Trevor, in a low tone, named the sum.
Its extent probably exceeded Mr. Trevor's expectation, and the
expression of his countenance plainly indicated the struggle of
contending feelings within his breast.
He took two or three strides about the room, then ordered Eugene to be
sent to him.
"Nay, Madam, pray do not you trouble yourself," as Mrs. Trevor was
preparing to leave the room, too willing to escape from the scene of
whatever nature which was to follow; and he rang the bell, and desired
Eugene to be summoned.
In a few minutes, during which no one spoke--Mrs. Trevor sitting pale
and patient, Eustace walking to the window with a look of weary disgust
upon his countenance, whilst Mr. Trevor's dark eye glanced alternately
the one from the other, with the wary suspicious glare of an angry
animal--Eugene entered, prepared for the worst, with a dogged
indifference of countenance and threw himself upon a chair behind his
father.
"Well, Sir, and what is this I hear of you?" Mr. Trevor commenced. "Lost
a thousand pounds! a pretty story truly; and want me to give you the
money. Really one would think you were heir to twenty thousand a-year,
instead of a younger son," with a significant glance towards the window,
"totally and entirely dependent on my bounty."
There was nothing very encouraging in the letter of this exordium.
Something, however, in the manner in which it was spoken, seemed to give
hope and courage to the culprit; for shaking off his sullen moodiness,
he sprang from his seat, and approaching his father, began to pour into
his ear, in earnest humble strains, a string of protestations,
representations, and excuses, relating to the subject of his loss--on
the true Spartan principle, accusing the failure rather than the
committal of the deed--showing how it had been, by the most unforeseen
turn of luck, that he had not won _thousands_, instead of losing _one_;
the good fortune which had attended him, on each preceding occasion of
the kind; finally declaring his determination to do better for the
future, or at any rate so manage, that he would blow his brains out
rather than again trouble his father.
"Well, well, Sir, this all sounds very plausible, indeed," was Mr.
Trevor's reply, having listened with becoming gravity and consideration
to the defence; "but I would advise you to give up this losing trade of
gambling you have commenced. You will find it, let me tell you, far less
profitable in the end than sticking to your bank. In the meantime, to
extricate you from your present dilemma, and enable you to turn over a
new leaf for the future--this also being in your case the first trouble
you have given me--I will write you a cheque for what you require; but
remember, this is the last time you must expect from me anything of the
sort. Your brother there will tell you how I have plenty to do with one
younger son's worthless extravagance--"
"Mr. Trevor, you are cruelly unjust," interposed the mother's trembling
voice, indignant tears swelling to her eyelids. "You know that one half
of what you bestow so freely upon Eugene would amply cover all that
Eustace owes--"
"Mrs. Trevor, may I request your silence on the subject?" thundered her
husband. "Have I not often told you, that I desire no interference
between myself and the affairs of my sons. Supposing I do act with the
cruel injustice you so flatteringly ascribe to me, what then? have I not
a right to do what I will with my own?"
And, suiting the action to the words, his hand trembling with agitation,
he hastened to achieve--that to him almost incredible thing--to write a
cheque and present it to his youngest son for a thousand pounds, with a
certain feeling, or at any rate the appearance, of unmurmuring alacrity.
So does one bad feeling at the time being, govern even our worst of
passions.
Eugene on his part did not, as may well be supposed, trouble himself to
analyse the merits of his father's unexpected generosity.
He was really overcome with gratitude at the ready manner in which his
anxiety and trouble were thus alleviated. He thanked his father with
earnest emotion, and repeated protestations of never again requiring
such beneficence at his hands.
Mr. Trevor waved him away. He had done the deed--he had shown forth his
own perfect independence of will and power--satisfied his own bad
feelings towards the object of his unnatural aversion, and mortified--as
seemed his constant aim--the partial feelings, as he deemed them of his
gentle wife towards her second son. And now the ruling passion began
again to struggle into power.
The remembrance that he had just signed away a thousand pounds of his
close-kept hoards, without more demur than in former times he might have
bestowed a half-crown piece upon the boy, began to stir within his
breast no very great feeling of satisfaction.
Eugene knew his father too well to risk any further provocation of the
feelings he could pretty plainly divine, and hastened to beat a
triumphant retreat, purposing to leave Montrevor that same night.
In the exuberance of his feelings, he would probably, at least by a
glance, have thanked his mother for the service she had so auspiciously
rendered him; but Mrs. Trevor's looks were sorrowfully averted, and he
passed her by, not caring to irritate his father by any more manifest
token of attention. He did, however, stop to shake hands with Eustace as
he passed the window near which he stood--the first greeting exchanged
between the brothers, who had not met before for several months.
Eustace Trevor returned his brother's greeting with no lack of kindly
warmth. He had stood mute and motionless as a statue throughout the late
trying scene which had been enacted. No sign of dark passion--of
envious, hateful feeling could have been read upon that countenance,
pale as marble, and beautiful in its nobly-suppressed emotion. Only
once--that time when his mother had raised her meek voice in his
defence, had an expression of strong feeling--a mixture of disdain,
indignation, and grateful affection--broke forth over his countenance,
and his dark, full eyes turned upon that much-loved champion with a
glance not to be described, whilst his lips moved as if he were about to
entreat her not to distress herself for his sake, when his father's
angry interruption had more effectually supplied any deprecation on his
part to that effect.
But now, having returned, as we have said, his brother's greeting in a
manner which showed no particle of invidious feeling to have been
excited against the object of such unjust and unmerited favouritism;
when, too, his mother had softly and sadly left the room, without daring
to cast another look upon the beloved object for whom her heart was
bleeding; he came forth and stood before his father, with a firm and
composed mien and countenance.
"Father!" he said.
Mr. Trevor was looking over some drawer in his _escritoire_, with no
very happy expression of countenance.
"Well, Sir?" glancing upwards, speaking in the most sharp, irritated
tone and manner, "what in the name of ---- do you want now? I must
request you to pester me no more to-night, we will return to the
pleasant task of settling the rest of your debts to-morrow."
"No, father--that cannot be. I am no longer a child--a boy; and
it is not in the nature of man to bear, even from a father,
injustice--degradation, such as that to which I am subjected. I ask you
then, that this very night, on this very spot, for once, and for ever,
to let my account be settled between us; and never I solemnly swear,
here or hereafter shall you be troubled by me or my concerns. What I ask
is, that you will give me down a sum of money, just sufficient to pay my
expenses out of this country, and let me work for my bread by the sweat
of my brow, like others whom I know, in one of the distant colonies; for
this I say will be preferable, far preferable, to what you now make me
endure--far more accordant with my feelings of right and honour, than
shackled, degraded in every point, to be goaded, drawn into a profession
for which, besides the original disinclination I felt to embrace it, I
have been rendered still more unfit by the treatment I have received.
Viewing the office as I do, in a light far too sacred to be entered upon
by one, in the spirit and temper of mind to which you have reduced me."
"Well, Sir, well; I admire your pious principles; do as you please;
give up this living. Many a better man than you, no doubt, will be glad
to have it. Go off to Botany Bay, if you will--but beg, borrow, or steal
your way out as you like. I must decline advancing you a farthing
towards that laudable design; all the money you ever get out of me, goes
to making you a parson; choose that, or beggary; for do not suppose that
you will be coming over me a second prodigal son. Go, riot as you will,
but not from me will ever come the wherewithals. Eat the husks, if you
please; but as for the ring, and the fatted calf, and all that--"
"Sir!" interrupted the young man, by a strong effort suppressing the
resentment these taunting words fired in his breast from breaking
through the limits of filial respect. "Far be it from me, to expect such
things at your hands. No, truly, the very husks of the fields _would_ be
far sweeter to my taste than the begrudged bread eaten in my father's
house. And, refused as I am the just and reasonable demand I have made
to-night--determined as you are to show the cruelly childish dependence
to which you have reduced me, willingly would I embrace the other
alternative, and by the sweat of my brow, unaided by you, gain my daily
subsistence, were it not for the one consideration which draws me back,
and renders me powerless to resist--my mother."
"Come, come, Sir; no more of this," interrupted Mr. Trevor impatiently,
wincing consciously--as he generally did from any allusion of the
kind--at this observation of the zealous son, as if he feared the
reflection on his own conduct which it implied. "No doubt, as you have
now found that I am not to be threatened out of another thousand pounds
to-night, you have plenty of considerations in reserve to reconcile your
dainty stomach to the loaves and fishes so cruelly forced upon you, in
preference to the husks to which it so nobly aspired. There--you had
better go and learn to practise, first, the duty, and obedience, and all
that you will have to preach to us bye and bye. Let me hear," in a tone
of taunting irony, "what shall be your first text."
"Fathers, provoke not your children to anger!" was the reply which
thrilled in low, deep accents from the young man's voice through the
dusky apartment. But the servant for whom Mr. Trevor had some minutes
before rang impatiently, entering the next moment with lights, the
impression, whatever might have been its nature, which it made upon the
hearer, was dissipated, and a conclusion put to one of those dark,
painful interviews such as it is our unpleasing task to record, which
within that long, low library were enacted. Alas! more dark and dreadful
still are those which have to follow.
Poor Mary Seaham! how would your gentle spirit have quailed with
shuddering dread, if a vision of what had there been witnessed had dimly
passed before your sight--those calm, sweet eyes there fixed with such
trustful and admiring confidence, upon that venerable old man--have
shrunk with horror and aversion, could "the light of other days" but
have revealed in all its naked hideousness, the spirit--which now
chained and incapacitated in its decrepitude and weakness--had once
worked with such hateful power within that aged form; but what even
this, to the knowledge of other things which it might also have
revealed--the close and active part which he--who then sat by her side,
as an angel of light to her infatuated eyes--had taken in some of these
deeds of darkness.