BEGINNING HER LIFE.
SHE did not remember anything, but the yard was very dirty, and the
fence was tumbling down, and there were lights of glass out of the
windows, and a general air of discomfort prevailed. It did not look
like a home. Besides, where were father and mother? There must be some
mistake.
The two little Deckers who had played and quarreled together all
day had left their work to come and stare at the new comer out of
astonished eyes. Certainly they did not seem to have been expecting her.
The new comer turned to the elder of the two children, and spoke in a
gentle winning voice: "Little girl, do you live here--in this house?"
The child with her forefinger placed meditatively on her lip, and her
bright eyes staring intensely, decided to nod that she did.
"And can you tell me what your name is?"
To this question there was no answer for several seconds, then she
thought better of it and gravely said: "I could."
This seemed so funny, that poor Nan, though by this time carrying a
very sad heart, could not help smiling.
"Well, will you?" she asked.
But at this the tangled yellow head was shaken violently. No, she
wouldn't.
"It can't be," said Nan, talking to herself, since there was no one who
would talk with her, looking with troubled eyes at the two uncombed,
unwashed children, with their dresses half torn from them, and dirtier
than any dresses that this trim little maiden had ever seen before,
"this really cannot be the place! and yet father said this street and
number; and the driver said this was right." Then she stooped to the
little one. "Won't you tell me if your name is Satie Decker?"
But this one was shy, and hid her dirty face in her dirty hands, and
stepped back behind her sister who at once came to the rescue.
"Yes, 'tis," she said, "and you let her alone."
A shadow fell over Nan's face, but she said quickly, "Then you must be
Susie Decker, and this place is really home!"
But you cannot think how strangely it sounded to her to call such
a looking spot as this home. There was no use in standing on the
doorstep. She could feel that curious eyes were peeping at her from
neighbors' windows. She stepped quickly inside the half-open door, into
the kitchen where that breakfast-table still stood, with the flies so
thick around the molasses cup, from which the children had long since
drained the molasses, that it was difficult to tell whether there was a
cup behind it, or whether this really was a pyramid of flies.
The children followed her in. Susie had a dark frown on her face, and a
determined air, as one who meant to stand up for her rights and protect
the little sister who still tried to hide behind her. I think it was
well they were there; had they not been, I feel almost sure that the
stranger would have sat down in the first chair and cried.
Poor little woman! It was such a sorrowful home-coming to her. So
different from what she had been planning all day.
I wish I could give you a real true picture of her as she stood in
the middle of that dreadful room, trying to choke back the tears while
she convinced herself that she was really Nettie Decker. A trim little
figure in a brown and white gingham dress, a brown straw hat trimmed
with broad bands and ends of satin ribbon, with brown gloves on her
hands, and a ruffle in her neck. This was Nettie Decker; neat and
orderly, from ruffle to buttoned boots. I wonder if you can think what
a strange contrast she was to everything around her?
What was to be done? she could not stand there, gazing about her; and
there seemed no place to sit down, and nowhere to go. Where could
father be? Why had he not stayed at home to welcome his little girl? or
if too busy for that, surely the mother could have stayed, and he must
have left a message for her.
If the little girls would only be good and try to tell her what all
this strangeness meant! She made another effort to get into their
confidence. She bent toward Susie, smiling as brightly as she could,
and said: "Didn't you know, little girlie, that I was your sister
Nettie? I have come home to play with you and help you have a nice
time."
Even while she said it, she felt ten years older than she ever had
before, and she wondered if she should ever play anything again; and if
it could be possible for people to have nice times who lived in such a
house as this. But Susie was in no sense won, and scowled harder than
ever, as she said in a suspicious tone: "I ain't got no sister Nettie,
only Sate, and Nan."
Hot as the room was, the neat little girl shivered. There was something
dreadful to her in the sound of that name. She had forgotten that she
ever used to hear it; she remembered her father as having called her
'Nannie'; that would do very well, though it was not so pleasant to her
as the 'Nettie' to which she had been answering for seven years.
But how strange and sad it was that these little sisters should have
been taught to call her Nan! could there be a more hateful name than
that, she wondered. Did it mean that her step-mother hated her, and had
taught the children to do so? She swallowed at the lump in her throat.
What if she should cry! what would those children say or do, and what
would happen next? she must try to explain.
"I am Nannie," she couldn't make her lips say the word Nan. "I have
come home to live, and to help you!" She did not feel like saying "play
with you," now. "Will you be a good girl, and let me love you?"
How Susie scowled at her then! "No," she said, firmly, "I won't."
There seemed to be no truthful answer to make to this, for in the
bottom of her heart, Nannie did not believe that she could. Still, she
must make the best of it, and she began slowly to draw off her gloves.
Clearly she must do something towards getting herself settled.
"Won't you tell me where father is? or mother?" her voice faltered a
little over that word; "maybe you can show me where to put my trunk; do
you know which is to be my room?"
There were pauses made between each of these questions. The poor little
stranger seemed to be trying first one form and then another, to see if
it was possible to get any help.
Susie decided at last to do something besides scowl.
"Mother's sick. She lies in bed and groans all the time. She ain't got
us no dinner to-day; Sate and me called her, and called her, and she
wouldn't say anything to us. There ain't no room only this and that,"
nodding her head toward the bedroom door, "and the room over the shed
where Norm sleeps. Norm is hateful. He didn't bring home no bread this
noon for Sate and me; and he said maybe he would; we're awful hungry."
"Perhaps he couldn't," said poor startled Nettie. She hardly knew
what she said, only it seemed natural to try to excuse Norm. But what
dreadful story was this! If there was really a sick mother, why was not
the father bending over her, and the house hushed and darkened, and
somebody tiptoeing about, planning comforts for the night? She had seen
something of sickness, and this was the way it was managed.
Then what was this about there being no room for her? Then what in the
world was she to do? Oh, what did it all mean! She felt as though she
must run right back to the depot, and get on the cars and go to her own
dear home. To be sure she knew that her father was poor; what of that?
so were the Marshalls; she had heard Mrs. Marshall say many a time
that "poor folks can't have such things," in answer to some of the
children's coaxings. But poverty such as this which seemed to surround
this home was utterly strange to Nettie.
Still, though she felt such a child, she was also a woman; in some
things at least. She knew there was no going home for her to-night. If
she had the money to go with, and if there had been a train to go on,
she would still have been stayed, because it would be wrong to go. Her
father had sent for her, had said that they wanted her, needed her,
and her father certainly had a right to her; and she had come away
with a full heart, and a firm resolve to be as good and as helpful and
as happy in her old home as she possibly could. And now that nothing
anywhere was as she had expected it, was no reason why she should not
still do right. Only, what was there for her to do, and how should she
begin?
She stood there still in the middle of the room, the children staring.
Presently she crossed on tiptoe to the bedroom door which was partly
open and peeped in, catching her first glimpse of the woman whom she
must call "mother."
Also she caught a glimpse of that dreadful bed; and the horrors of that
sight almost took away the thought of the woman lying on it. How could
she help being sick if she had to sleep in such a place as that? Poor
Nettie Decker! She stood and looked, and looked. Then seeing that the
woman did not stir, but seemed to be in a heavy sleep, she shut the
door softly and came away.
I don't suppose that Nettie Decker will ever forget the next three
hours of her life, even if she lives to be an old woman. Not that
anything wonderful happened; only that, for years and years afterwards,
it seemed to her that she grew suddenly, that afternoon, from a
happy-hearted little girl of thirteen, into a care-taking, sorrowful
woman. While she stood in that bedroom door, a perfect whirl of
thoughts rushed through her brain, and when she shut the door, she had
come to this conclusion:
"I can't help it; I am Nettie Decker; he is my father, and I belong to
him, and I ought to be here if he wants me; and she is my mother; and
if it is dreadful, I can't help it; there is everything to do; and I
must do it."
It was then that she shut the door softly and went back and began her
life.
There was that trunk out on the stoop. It ought to go somewhere. At
least she could drag it into the kitchen so that the troops of children
gathering about the door need not have it to wonder at any longer.
Putting all her strength to it she drew it in and shut the door. By
this time, Sate, who was getting used to her as she had gotten used to
many a new thing in her little life, began to wail that she was hungry,
and wanted some bread and some molasses.
"Poor little girlie!" Nettie said, "don't cry; I'll see if I can
find you something to eat. Did she really have no dinner, Susie? Oh,
darling, don't cry so; you will trouble poor mother."
But Susie had gone back to the scowling mood. "She _shall_ cry, if she
wants to; you can't stop her; and you needn't try; I'll cry too, just
as loud as I can."
And Susie Decker who had strong lungs and always did as she said she
would, immediately set up such a howl as put Sate's milder crying quite
in the shade.
Nettie looked over at the bedroom door in dismay; but no sound came
from there. Yet this roaring was fearful. How could it be stopped?
Suddenly she plunged her hand into the depths of a small travelling bag
which still hung on her arm, and brought forth a lovely red-cheeked
peach. She held it before the eyes of the naughty couple and spoke in a
determined tone: "This is for the one who stops crying this instant."
Both children stopped as suddenly as though they had been wound up, and
the machinery had run down.
Nettie smiled, and went back into the travelling bag. "There must be
two of them, it seems," she said, and brought out another peach. "Now
you are to sit down on the steps and eat them, while I see what can be
found for our supper."
Down sat the children. There had been quiet determination in this
new-comer's tone, and peaches were not to be trifled with. Their mouths
had watered for a taste ever since the dear woolly things began to
appear in the grocery windows, and not one had they had!
Now began work indeed. Nettie opened her trunk and drew out a work
apron which covered her dress from throat to shoes, and made her look
if anything, prettier than before. Where was the broom? The children
busy with their peaches, neither knew nor cared; however, a vigorous
search among the rubbish in the shed brought one to light. And then
there was such a cloud of dust as the Decker kitchen had not seen in a
long time. Then came a visit to the back yard in search of chips; both
children following close at her heels, saying nothing, but watching
every movement with wide-open wondering eyes. Back again to the kitchen
and the fire was made up. Then an old kettle was dragged out from a
hole in the corner, which poor Mrs. Decker called a closet. It was to
hold water, while the fire heated it, but first it must be washed;
everything must be washed that was touched. Where was the dishcloth?
The children being asked, stared and shook their heads. Nettie
searched. She found at last a rag so black and ill-smelling that
without giving the matter much thought she opened the stove door and
thrust it in. This brought a rebuke from the fierce Susie.
"You better look out how you burn up my mother's things. My mother will
take your head right off."
"It wasn't good for anything, dear," Nettie said soothingly, "it was
too dirty." And she stooped down and turned over the contents of the
trunk. Neat little piles of clothing, carefully marked with her full
name; a pretty green box which Susie dived for, and pushing off the
cover disclosed little white ruffles, some of lace, and some of fine
lawn, lying cosily together; but Nettie was not searching for such
as these. Quite at the bottom of the trunk was a pile of towels,
all neatly hemmed and marked. Two of these she selected; looked
thoughtfully at one of them for a moment, and then with a grave shake
of her head, got out her scissors and snipped it in two. Now she had
a dishcloth, and a towel for drying. But what a pity to soil the
nice white cloth by washing out that iron kettle! Nettie had grave
suspicions that after such a proceeding it would not be fit for the
dishes. Still, the kettle must be washed, and to have used the black
rag which she had burned, was out of the question.
There was no help for it, the other neat dishcloth must be sacrificed.
So taking the precaution to wipe out the iron kettle with a piece of
paper, and then to heat it quite hot, and apply soap freely, the cloth
escaped without very serious injury; and in less time than it takes me
to tell it, the water was getting itself into bubbles over the stove,
and a tin pan was being cleaned, ready for the dishes. Then they were
gathered, and placed in the hot and soapy water, and washed and rinsed
and polished with the white towel until they shone; and the little
girls looked on, growing more amazed each moment.
It did not take long to wash every dish there was in that house. I
suppose you would have been very much astonished if you could have
seen how few there were! Nettie was very much astonished. She wondered
how people could get supper with so few dishes, to say nothing of
breakfasts and dinner. But you see she did not know how little there
was to put on them.
The next question was, Where to put them? One glance at the upper part
of the closet where she had found some of them, convinced Nettie that
her clean dishes could not be happy resting on those shelves. There was
no help for it; they must be scrubbed, though she had not intended to
begin housecleaning the first afternoon. More water and more soap, and
the few shelves were soon cleared of rubbish, and washed. Nettie piled
all the rubbish on a lower shelf and left it for a future day. She did
not dare to burn any more property.
"Don't they look pretty?" she said to the children, when at last the
dishes were neatly arranged on the shelf. One held them all, nicely.
Susie nodded with a grave face that said she had not yet decided
whether to be pleased or indignant.
"What did you do it for?" she asked, after a moment's silent survey.
"Why, to make them clean and shining. You and I are going to clear up
the house and make it look ever so nice for mother when she wakes up."
"Did you come home to help mother?"
"Yes, indeed. And you two little sisters must show me how to help her;
poor sick mother! I am afraid she has too much to do."
"She cries," said Susie gravely, as though she were stating not a
surprising but simply a settled fact; "she cried every day: not out
loud like Sate and me, but softly. Father says she is always sniveling."
If you had been watching Nettie Decker just then you would have noticed
that the blood flamed into her cheeks, and her eyes had a flash of
wonder, and terror, and anger in them. What did it all mean? Where
had the children learned such words? Was it possible that her father
talked in this way to his wife?
"Hush!" she said unguardedly, "you must not talk so." But this made the
fierce little Susie stamp her foot.
"I _shall_ talk so!" she said angrily; "I shall talk just what I
please, and you sha'n't stop me." And then the queer little mimic
beside her stamped her foot, and said, "You sha'n't stop me."
Said Nettie, "There was a little girl on the cars to-day that I knew.
She had a little gray kitty with three white feet, and a white spot on
one ear, and it had a blue ribbon around its neck. What if you had such
a kitty. Would you be real good to it?"
"I will have a _black_ kitty," said Susie, "all black; as black as that
stove." Nettie glancing at the stove, could not help thinking that it
was more gray than black; but she kept her thoughts to herself, and
Susie went on. "And it should have a red ribbon around its neck; as red
as Janie Martin's dress; her dress is as red as fire, and has ruffles
on, and ribbons. But what would it eat?"
She did not mean the dress but the kitten.
Nettie laughed, but hastened to explain that the kitten would need a
saucer of milk quite often, and bits of various things. This made wise
Susie gravely shake her head.
"We don't have no milk," she said, "only once in awhile when Norm buys
it; Sate, she often cries for milk, but she don't get none. It don't do
no good to cry for milk; I ain't cried for any in a long time."
Poor little philosopher! Poor, pitiful childhood without any milk!
Hardly anything could have told the story of poverty to Nettie's young
ears more surely than this. Why, she was a big girl thirteen years old,
and had lived in a city where milk was scarce, and yet her glass had
been filled every evening. Nettie did not know what to make of it. How
came her father to be so poor? She was sure that the house did not look
like this when she went away; and her clothes had been neat and good.
She had the little red dress now which she wore away. She thought of it
when Susie was talking, and wondered if with a little fixing it could
not be made to fit the black-eyed child who seemed to admire red so
much. Finding the kitty a troublesome subject, at least so far as the
finding of milk for it was concerned, she turned the conversation to
the little girls who had been on the cars; the one with the kitty, and
her little sister, whom she called "Pet." "She was about as old as you,
Susie, and Pet was about Satie's age. And she was very kind to Pet;
she always spoke to her so gently, and took such care of her everybody
seemed to love her for her kindness."
"I take care of Sate," said Susie. "I never let anybody hurt her. I
would scratch their eyes out if they did; and they know it."
"You slap me sometimes," little Sate said, her voice slightly
reproachful.
"Yes," said Susie loftily, "but that is when you are bad and need it; I
don't let anybody else slap you."
"The oldest little girl had curly hair," said Nettie, "but it wasn't so
long as yours, and did not curl so nicely as I think yours would. And
Pet's hair was a pretty brown, like Sate's, and looked very pretty. It
was combed so neatly. One wore a blue dress, and one a white dress; but
I think they would have looked prettier if they had been dressed both
alike."
"I don't like white dresses," said Susie; "I like fiery red ones."
So Nettie resolved that the red dress should be made to fit her.
Meantime, the scrubbing had gone on rapidly; the table was as clean as
soap and water could make it. Now if those children would only let her
wash their faces and put their hair in order, how different they would
look. Should she venture to suggest it?
It all depended on how the idea happened to strike Susie.