_Liverpool_, March 18th, 1856
In a little while longer, ownest wife, we must think about thy return
to England. The thought is a happiness greater than I can crowd into
my mind. Wilt thou think it best to go back to Lisbon? This must
depend, I suppose, on the length of stay of the O'Sullivans in
Madeira. If they return to Lisbon before June, thou wilt have to go
with them; if they stay so late as the first of June, I should think
it best for thee to come direct to Southampton; but I leave it to thy
decision, as thou canst weigh all the circumstances. I somewhat dread
thy returning to this miserable island at all; for I fear, even if
Madeira quite rids thee of thy cough, England will at once give it
back. But Elizabeth has sent thee a certain article which is vouched
for, by numerous certificates, as a certain cure for all coughs and
affections of the lungs. So far as I can ascertain its structure, it
consists of some layers of quilted flannel, covered with an
oilcloth; and the whole thing is not more than three inches square. It
is worn on the breast, next the skin, and, being so small, it would
not be perceptible under the thinnest dress. In order to make it
efficacious, it is to be moistened with some liquor from a bottle
which accompanied it; and it keeps the person comfortably warm, and
appears to operate like a charm, and makes a little Madeira of its own
about the wearer. If thou wast not so very naughty--if thou wouldst
consent to be benefitted by anything but homeopathy--here in this
little box is health and joy for us!--yes, the possibility of sitting
down together in a mud-puddle, or in the foggiest hole in England, and
being perfectly well and happy. Oh, mine ownest love, I shall clap
this little flannel talisman upon thy dearest bosom, the moment thou
dost touch English soil. Every instant it shall be shielded by the
flannel. I have drawn the size and thickness of it, above.
We are plodding on here, Julian and I, in the same dull way. The old
boy, however, is happy enough; and I must not forget to tell thee that
Mary W. has taken him into her good graces, and has quite thrown off
another boy, who, Julian says, has heretofore been her "adorer." I
told Julian that he must expect to be cast aside in favor of somebody
else, by-and-bye. "Then I shall tell her that I am very much ashamed
of her," said he. "No," I answered; "you must bear it with a good
grace and not let her know that you are mortified." "But why shouldn't
I let her know it, if I _am_ mortified?" asked he; and really, on
consideration, I thought there was more dignity and self-respect in
his view of the case, than in mine; so I told him to act as he thought
right. But I don't think he will be much hurt or mortified; for his
feelings are marvellously little interested, after all, and he sees
her character and criticises her with a shrewdness that quite
astonishes me. He is a wonderfully observant boy; nothing escapes his
notice; nothing, hardly, deceives his judgment. His intellect is
certainly very remarkable, and it is almost a miracle to see it
combined with so warm and true and simple a heart. But his heart
admits very few persons into it, large though it be. He is not, I
think, of a diffusive, but of a concentrative tendency, both as
regards mind and affections.
In Grace Greenwood's last "Little Pilgrim," there is a description of
her new baby!!! in response to numerous inquiries which, she says,
have been received from her subscribers. I wonder she did not think
it necessary to be brought to bed in public, or, at least, in presence
of a committee of the subscribers. My dearest, I cannot enough thank
God, that, with a higher and deeper intellect than any other woman,
thou hast never--forgive me the base idea!--never prostituted thyself
to the public, as that woman has, and as a thousand others do. It does
seem to me to deprive women of all delicacy. Women are too good for
authorship, and that is the reason it spoils them so.
The Queen of England is said to be going to Lisbon, this summer; so
perhaps thou wouldst rather stay there and be introduced to her, than
come hither and be embraced by me--The O'Sullivans would not miss
seeing her, I suppose, for all the husbands on earth. Dearest, I do
not like those three women very much; and, indeed, they cannot be good
and amiable, nor wise, since, after living with thee for months, they
have not made thee feel that they value thee above all things else.
Neither am I satisfied with Mr. Welsh's turning thee out of his house.
Mr. Dallas, our new Ambassador, arrived at Liverpool a few days ago;
and I had to be civil to him and his son, and to at least five ladies
whom he brought with him. He seems to be a good old gentleman
enough, and of venerable aspect; but as regards ability, I should
judge Mr. Buchanan to be worth twenty of him. Dost thou know that we
are going to have a war? It is now quite certain; and I hope I shall
be ordered out of the country in season to meet thee at Madeira. Dost
thou not believe me?
March 19th.--Ownest beloved, this morning came thy letter of the 9th,
by the African steamer. I knew it could not be much longer delayed,
for my heart was getting intolerably hungry. Oh, my wife, thou hast
been so ill! And thou art blown about the world, in the midst of rain
and whirlwind! It was a most foolish project of O'Sullivan's (as all
his projects are) to lead thee from his comfortable fireside, to that
comfortless Madeira. And thou sayest, or Una says, that the rainy
season is just commencing there, and that this month and the next are
the two worst months of the year! Thou _never_ again shalt go away
anywhere without me. My two arms shall be thy tropics, and my breast
thy equator; and from henceforth forever I will keep thee a great deal
too warm, so that thou shalt cry out--"Do let me breathe the cool
outward air for a moment!" But I will not.
As regards teaching Julian French, I wish I had found a master for
him when we first left thee; but there seemed to be so many
difficulties in making him really and seriously study, without
companions, and without constant supervision, that I let it alone,
thinking that, on the continent, all lost time would quickly be made
up. And now it will be so little while before thy return, that I doubt
whether much would be accomplished in the meantime. It is very
difficult to get him really interested in any solitary study; and as
he could not take more than two lessons in a week, and would have
nobody to practise pronounciation with, in the intervals, I think, the
result would be only an ineffectual commencement. I have not myself
the slightest tact or ability in making him study, or in compelling
him to do anything that he is not inclined to do of his own accord;
and to tell thee the truth, he has pretty much his own way in
everything. At least, such is my impression; but thou hast so often
told me of the strength of my will (of which I am not in the least
conscious) that it is very possible I may have been ruling him with a
rod of iron, all the time. It is true, I have a sort of inert and
negative power, with which I should strongly interpose to keep him out
of mischief; but I am always inclined to let him wander around at
his own sweet will, as long as the path is a safe one. Thou hast
incomparably greater faculty of command than I have.
I think he must remain untaught till thou comest back to take the
helm. Thou wilt find him a good and honest boy, healthy in mind, and
healthier in heart than when he left thee; ready to begin his
effectual education as soon as circumstances will permit. Let this
suffice. In body, too, he never was better in his life than now; and
he is a real little rampant devil for physical strength. I find it an
arduous business, now-a-days, to take him across my knee and spank
him; and unless I give up the attempt betimes, he will soon be the
spanker, and his poor father the spankee.
I am going to dine at Mr. Bright's, this evening. He has often
besought me that Julian might come and spend a few days at Sandheys;
and I think I shall let him go, and take the opportunity to run up to
London. What vicissitudes of country and climate thou hast run
through, while I have never once stirred out of this mud and fog of
Liverpool! After returning from London, and as Spring advances, I mean
to make little excursions of a day or two with Julian.
Oh, dearest, dearest, interminably and infinitely dearest--I don't
know how to end that ejaculation. The use of kisses and caresses is,
that they supersede language, and express what there are no words for.
I need them at this moment--need to give them, & to receive them.