_Castle Dismal_, Novr. 13th, 1845
_Intimatest Friend_,
I cannot settle down to work this forenoon, or do anything but write
to thee--nor even that, I fear, with any good effect; for I am just as
much dissatisfied with this mode of intercourse as always hitherto. It
is a wretched mockery. But then it _is_ a semblance of communication,
and, thus far, better than nothing.
I got thy letter of Tuesday the same evening, while it was still warm
out of thy heart; and it seemed to fill the air round about me with
Nona's prattle. I do love her--that is the truth,--and almost feel it
a pity to lose a single day of her development;--only thou wilt tell
me, by letter or by mouth, all the pretty things that she says or
does, and more over find a beauty in them which would escape my
grosser perception. Thus, on the whole, I shall be a gainer by our
occasional separations. Thee I miss, and without any recompense. I
marvel how it is that some husbands spend years and years away from
their wives, and then come home with perhaps a bag or two of gold,
earned by the sacrifice of all that life. Even poverty is better--and
in saying that, thou knowest how much I say.
Nothing has happened here since I wrote thee last. I suspect the
intelligence of thy meditated baby is very pleasant to the grandmother
and aunts; for Louisa met me at dinner, that day, with unusual
cheerfulness, and observed that Thanksgiving was at hand, and that we
must think of preparing. [As] for me, I already love the future little
personage; and yet, somehow or other, I feel a jealousy of him or her,
on Una's account, and should not choose to have the new baby better
than the old one. So take care what thou dost, Phoebe Hawthorne! And
now I think of it, do not thou venture into that tremendous press and
squeeze, which always takes place on landing from the ferry-boat at
the East Boston depot. Thou art not to be trusted in such a tumult; it
will be far better to wait behind, and compel the conductor to find
thee a seat. There is always the densest squeeze on Saturdays.
But I shall not expect thee back on Saturday. According to Dr.
Wesselhoeft's dictum, and supposing the vaccination to have taken,
that will be precisely the critical day;--if Dr. Moss be correct, the
crisis comes on Monday. In either case, I hope thou wilt wait a
little. There is the greatest satisfaction to me in thinking how
comfortably situated thou art, with thy sister at thy elbow, and thy
mother at arms' length, and thy Aesculapius within a five minutes'
summons. If I (and thou too, thou lovingest one) could endure it, I
should be glad that thou mightest spend the winter there; but that is
too heart-chilling to think of--so thou must even come back, in a few
days more, to old Castle Dismal! But I shall never feel at home here
with thee. I went, the other afternoon, to look at the hill where Pike
and the Chancellor have built a castle in the air for our reception.
Thou hast no idea what capacities it has.
(Portion of letter missing)