Por cierto, Senör Gobernador * * * * que vuesa merced tiene mucha
razon en quanto ha dicho: y que yo ofrezco en nombre de todos los
insulanos desta insula, que han de servir á vuesa merced con toda
puntualidad, amor y benevolencia, porque el suave modo gobenar que
en estos principios vuesa merced ha dado, no les da lugar de
hacer, ni de pensar cosa que en deservicio de vuesa merced
redunde.
DON QUIXOTE, tome IV.
TRANSLATION.
Doubtless, Sir Governor * * * * you have much reason in all you
have been pleased to say: and let me promise you, in behalf of all
the inhabitants of this island, that they shall serve your will
and pleasure with all due diligence, love, and good-will; for the
sweet and mild mode of government that hitherto in the beginning
you have administered to them, causes them neither to do, nor even
to think, aught that may redound disloyal to your government.
DON QUIXOTE, vol. IV.
Before the Duke had arisen upon the ensuing morning the Duchess thus
addressed him, and pronounced, if we may so express it, the
curtain-lecture, with which the reader is here made acquainted:--
"My dear and much beloved Lord, you are now about to assume the
government of your native island, a land richly abundant in agricultural
and commercial resources, possessing a peasantry inured to toil, hardy,
industrious, and intelligent; keenly alive to and sensible of wrong and
injustice, yet still a passive and a patient people, who, like the Roman
ox, stand ready victims, stationed between the ploughshare and the
altar, alike prepared for the yoke or for sacrifice!--a soil luxuriant
for tillage or for pasture, abounding in quarries, mines, and minerals;
blest with a mild and temperate climate, and adorned with scenery
picturesque, romantic, and sublime; with mountains high as the lofty
spirit of the race who inhabit them, and with harbours (open as their
generous hearts) expanding their numerous emporiums to receive the
tribute of every coast and every clime.
"Remember, I pray thee, my good Lord, a passage which once we read,
and that I never can forget; we found it in the Lives of Plutarch, where
we are told the courtiers of Philip of Macedon essayed to mount and
master the noble animal Bucephalus, afterwards the war-horse of the
great and renowned Alexander. Courtier succeeding courtier attempted to
mount the back of Bucephalus, but in vain. They knew, indeed, how to
cringe, and fawn, and flatter in a despot's court, but they were wholly
ignorant and incompetent how to manage this nobly spirited war-horse;
their shadows, as they successively attempted to mount, startled the
steed, and they could make nothing of it. It was then that the son of
Ammon sprang forth, and said, 'Father, give him into my hands; I see the
noble bearing of the proud and generous animal, let me too, therefore,
have a trial!' The request was granted. When Alexander, leading him into
the shade where the steed neither startled by the shadow of his person
nor the flowing of his mantle, Alexander instantly sprung upon his back,
and galloped him several times past the presence of Philip, reining him
with full command, wheeling him round in full career, and then suddenly
halting to address his admiring king and father, and no less astonished
courtiers. At length, overcome with joy and admiration, Philip exclaimed
to Alexander, 'Go, go, my son, and seek to rule over other realms, for
Macedonia is too small for thee!' Yes, my dear Lord, I at once see you
forcibly feel the allusion. In the hands of ignorant, or stupid, or
bigoted governors, and their underlings, Ireland shall ever prove and
remain untractable, as Bucephalus was in the clumsy and untoward hands
of the courtiers of Macedon; but rule the inhabitants of this isle with
gentleness and moderation, with equal and impartial justice, alike
administered to all beneath a mild and conciliatory government, and then
mark how submissively they shall obey their ruler. In peace you shall
see drawn home the heavy harvest team; and on the day of battle our
navies shall ride triumphant, and our armies march victorious!"
The Duke smiled at the conclusion of this lengthened lecture; but he
was truly pleased withal at the judicious remarks, the sound sense, and
also with the enthusiastic feeling of his Duchess; and he said somewhat
gaily, "Bravo! well done, my Katherine. I long knew the extensive range
of your reading and information; but, 'fore Jupiter Ammon, I _certes_
did not know until the present what a famous politician thou hast
become. Thou assuredly hast pronounced a very notable and altisonant
lecture upon legislation, wherewithal from which I fully trust that I
shall ultimately derive much advantage. But yet under favour, lady mine,
my vice-regal _femme covert_, you will peradventure please to carry in
your noble recollection, that I am no sovereign prince or potentate, and
that the _roy le veult_ belongs not to me, but to my royal master; that
simply I am but a deputy, and therefore it is evident that I can have no
will of mine own, but, on the contrary, that every measure must emanate
from the throne. However, it is nevertheless true, that although I owe
much to my regarded sovereign, yet unhappily should this reflected light
of majesty prove to be but mere "disastrous twilight," I have still the
power to resign; and albeit I am not devoid certainly of ambition, yet
there exists not a man who is more attached to retirement than what I
confessedly am;--none, I am sure, more devoted to his country, friends,
family, and home!"
The intention of the Duke of Tyrconnel being fixed to pursue his journey
onward without unnecessary delay, to assume the reins of his vice-regal
government, His Grace and his amiable Duchess descended betimes to the
breakfast saloon. The Duke was in uncommon good spirits, spoke
sportively to his beloved Adelaide. The Ladies Letitia and Lucy soon
made their appearance, and Sir Patricius was not the last to take his
station at the breakfast-table, on which was duly placed every solace
for the regalement of the worthy Baronet, if indeed a salutary morning
walk amid the mountain-air could have rendered his appetite fastidious.
The Duke soon began in a jocular way to rally the Ladies Letitia and
Lucy, by observing, "I propose very soon, gentle ladies, so hearken to
me both, to dispose of you twain by promotion--in the temple of Hymen!
What say ye, ladies fair, to my proposition? Doubtless it will meet with
your joint approval, and most dutiful concurrence to my high and
puissant command!"
Lady Lucy replied, that she had no wish nor intention whatsoever to
alter her situation, feeling perfectly happy and contented as she was,
desirous of no change, and fully resolved, as far as was within her
control, that no cruel _empêchement_ should ever separate her from those
she so dearly regarded and loved.
Lady Letitia said in reply: "As for your _high men_, they are always
sure to have their own high ways in aught perchance they would do or
dare; and I needs must observe that I have no wish whatever to be
connected with such high cavaliers, having, alas! upon a former occasion
experienced much vexation and disappointment at the hands of one of
those said _high men_."
"Prithee, Letitia, explain in what manner," rejoined the Duke.
"You must know, then, that a proposal of marriage was made to me from
one of noble birth, and likewise of affluent fortune, while you, my
Lord, were absent in foreign lands. The gentleman was the Honourable Mr.
Gwillim Ap-Gwillim, of Caper Ap-Shenkin, in North Wales, who was not
slow in using every endeavour to win my love and affections; and, alas!
he succeeded but too well in the accomplishment of his wishes. But after
all, a long courtship and fair promises, this Cambrian proved himself to
be one of your '_perhaps_' knights-errant; and so, my good Lord, no more
of them for poor me! The man, prince, potentate, or peer, who deals in
the shuffling word '_perhaps_,' shall never possess my affection, nor
have my hand in the tie of holy wedlock. Never, I am resolved. No; for
ever I forswear and detest the word, as being the most offensive and
deceitful in the English tongue, past, present, or to come."
"Hold, hold, Letitia," said the Duke, "you are off in full gallop from
your story. Pray rein in thy noble indignation and imagination awhile,
and do let us have the conclusion of your most tragical hero, whom you
stigmatize with the title and appanage of '_perhaps_?'"
"I fairly promised my hand where before I had given my heart; that is to
say, provided you had so approved; and while matters were, as I
conceived, happily arriving, as I had fondly hoped, at the long wished
claracism (_eclaircissement_), who would have suspected or have dreamed
the result?
"'I am told, Sir,' addressing Mr. Gwillim Ap-Gwillim, of Caper
Ap-Shenkin, 'I am told, Sir,' said I, with proud tears in my eyes, 'that
you at present entertain a paramour?'
"'Well, Madam,' rejoined he, 'perhaps' (oh, the abominable word) 'I do;
and if so, it is surely not unusual or marvellous in an unmarried man.'
"'But then, Sir,' I replied, (somewhat enraged at his tawdry 'perhaps',)
'sure before we become man and wife, you will no doubt part with and
discharge this said paramour?'
"'Perhaps,' he rejoined, 'perhaps, (the third time, observe,) Madam, I
may.'
"'_Perhaps_, Sir,' I loudly re-echoed, my blood boiling, my breath
parting, my tongue gasping, and enraged to the very utmost, 'Perhaps,
Sir,' I said vehemently, 'know, my hand never shall be yours--never,
never!' Then with a strong impulse of collected coolness, for very often
what is the most opposite will occur, I distantly retired, with the
utmost indifference I dropt a low court courtesy, and never beheld him
more."
The Duke proposed, previous to departing, to accompany his noble
consort and family in a promenade on the pleasure grounds. Their Graces
led the way; and while apart from the attending group, the Duke
addressed the Duchess in a low voice--"I shall do every thing, depend
upon it, that is within my power, to render my vicegerency popular; not
from a love of popularity, but from the impulse of administering even
and equal justice to all His Majesty's subjects, which is a debt I shall
not fail to discharge, so far as the responsibility of my station
admits, and my duty to the king allows. The salary which I may receive
during my administration shall, to the uttermost farthing, be expended
among the generous people, from whose purses I am to receive it; I shall
assist the poor, and the great I will entertain. Thus when the
termination of my government arrives, I trust that my departure from the
viceregency shall not be mistaken for that of a collector of taxes, who
retires _sub umbra_, having embezzled the public coffers, and who
departs _ex-officio_, attended, justly I admit, with "curses, not loud
but deep!" Oh no, my dearest love, by no earthly possibility shall any
one mistake me for a Jamaica planter, a bullock feeder, or a Jew broker!
Never; my private fortune shall be expended in addition to the princely
income which I receive from the nation; and I am resolved that in every
way it shall be my study, as it will be my pleasure, to prove indeed the
true and appropriate representative of a noble and generous king!"
To this expressive burst of loyal and ardent feeling, the Duchess fully
accorded her hearty assent. While the noble pair remained thus employed
in discussing the high and grave affairs of state, the ladies Letitia
and Lucy, attended by Sir Patricius Placebo and Captain Heaviside, were
employed in admiring the surrounding scenery.
"What a romantic delightful prospect here presents itself to the
spectator," observed Sir Patricius Placebo to Lady Letitia, who stood
next him.
"Oh yes," replied her Ladyship, "it is truly a noble tract of verdant
valley and lofty mountain, scenery, sea, and river; the goats on the
rock, the sheep on the hill, and the cows in the vale; indeed the Duke
positively asserts that the surrounding scene displays perhaps the most
beautiful cow-dell (_coup d'oeil_) in the whole kingdom."
The promenaders returned from their ramble, and were stationed on the
terrace when the Duke's travelling coach and six drove up to the
embattled porch of the castle. The Duke, addressing himself to Sir
Patricius, pleasantly and playfully said: "Sir knight we do hereby, by
the powers in us vested, constitute, nominate, and appoint, with all the
briefness and celerity the occasion demands, you, Sir Patricius Placebo,
M. D. Baronet, _eques non male notus_, our _locum tenens_, and Lord
Constable of this our good castle of Tyrconnel during our absence
herefrom; and thou, Sir Patricius Placebo, art bound, in due accordance
with right, ancient, and laudable usage, to dispense all manner of
ancient hospitality, as if we ourself were in person present; and within
a few given days to escort our beloved partner and family to His
Majesty's castle of Dublin; all which fail not to do, under the pain and
penalty of our heavy displeasure."
The Duke fondly and affectionately embracing his Duchess, his beloved
Adelaide, and his sisters, and cordially shaking hands with his guests,
entered his travelling carriage, which set off, the horses travelling in
a brisk pace, for Dublin, to assume the chief government of the island.
The ladies followed the Duchess, who retired into the castle to regret
even the temporary absence of her lord.
Meanwhile Sir Patricius proposed to Captain Heaviside an excursion on
horseback, to pass away the time _jusquè a dinèr_. After a short
interval Sir Patricius having doffed his grave professional peruke; and
having assumed his hunting wig, mounted his gallant steed, and set out
with the Captain in a ramble through the country. While thus they were
employed in exploring the surrounding scenery, Captain Heaviside,
addressing Sir Patricius, said, "Pray, my good Sir, did I ever repeat to
you my _chronicle_?"
"Oh no, never, Captain, upon my veracity; but in sooth I should be quite
delighted to hear it, so pray let us have it by all manner and means."
"I call it," continued Captain Heaviside, _my_ chronicle, but I must
say, really and truly, that it was never written by me;--positively not
mine, but written indeed by a particular friend."
"Come, come, bold Captain, that is very well, and likewise most sagely
and discreetly expressed; very good indeed--an excellent come off, _cum
grano salis_, hem! It is, however, to be sure, vastly convenient upon
all such occasions to enlist a friend into the service who shall enact
you the part of a poetical godfather, and act too as pioneer: a most
meritorious gentleman truly, who is disposed with such magnanimous
generosity to place all our written sins and verses upon his own
muster-roll. Vastly, egad vastly convenient, I needs must observe,
master Heaviside, hah, hah, hah, _sed, litera scripta manet!_ There is
no getting over that, my gallant young Captain, by my halidam!"
"My good Sir Patricius accredit me, it was really written by my very
excellent friend, Captain Drinkwater, a dashing dragoon."
"I can then flatly tell you, Captain, that it will never do--I know it
will never do; for as friend Horace sings,
'Nulla placere diu nec vivere carmina possunt
Quæ scribuntur aquæ potoribus.'
I hate and detest your _aquæ potoribus_, all your drink-waters, and
your water-drinkers, they are beyond all compare the very worst
description of enemies that our profession has to contend with: so no
more of this; give me your drinkers of _aqua vitæ_, and honest
stout-hearted topers of genuine Drogheda usque-baugh; these are the
generous souls whose quaffing I admire, and whose fees I dearly prize.
But come, my brave Captain, notwithstanding we must positively have your
_chronicle_."
"Well, Sir Patricius, since it must be so, here it is.
CAPTAIN HEAVISIDE'S CHRONICLE,
BEING AN EXCELLENT NEW ANACREONTIC, AND WRITTEN BY
CAPTAIN DRINKWATER OF THE HORSE-GRENADIERS.
Julia first met me with bright sparkling eye;
Next Sally so sober, yet so very sly,
Margery, matchless at grin and grimace;
Then Susan so simple, with innocent face.
Betty was breathless when told of a fray,
And Judy in sooth would have her own way:
Of Nelly 'tis needless ought for to tell,
On ev'ry occasion she bore off the belle.
There was rattling, laughing, roaring young Kate,
Who many did think was perturbed in her pate:
Of Kathlane so cunning, and Mollys a score,
Och, I could sing till I tired you sore.
Let this little sample the truth only tell,
That, ah! I have lov'd too long and too well!"
"_Olet lucernam_, good master Heaviside! methinks it smells somewhat
rather too strong of the lamp. Nay, nay, come noble Captain, I say,
cheer up man! never mind, my brave boy, for in faith I like your
chronicle, master Heaviside, passing well; and the very first open day,
to speak the _vox parliamentaria_, that is to express, that the first
day that the Duke shall dine abroad----hah, hah, which, 'fore Jupiter,
egad he does this very day--aye, good--very good,
DOSS MOI, TANE STIGMEN!
this very day, by my halidam, we shall have it! By the mass he who
gainsays it wets not his lips with a cup of hermitage! Nay more, down
goes my gauntlet; Captain--there is my hand for you! A fig, I say, for
your black rods, your white rods, and your green rods! I would fain
flagellate them all with their own proper _insignia_ of office; aye,
marry, I say, a plague upon them all, master Heaviside! I am a man
somewhat gifted with authority, as you are, Captain, fully aware, being
no less than grand Seneschal of yonder ancient castle; and by the mass,
indubitably, with due and meet discretion, we shall have _viva voce_
this very day your much to be lauded Anacreontic, and that too without a
single repugnant '_perhaps_,' against which vague, dubious, and most
distrustful adverb, that sage and circumspect Lady Letitia doth so
continently and cautiously enter her solemn protest. But my good Sir,
time and place--place and time? methinks as I don't toss off drams in a
morning, that songs sound sweeter heard in the evening. Oh, ever time
and place are to be taken into account, my good Captain, for
DOSS MOI, TANE STIGMEN!
as the venerable Archimedes enforces it--hem; and I shall----But come,
Captain, for once I will give a gratuitous prescription--take my
nostrum--sing, or hear it sang, Captain Harry Heaviside's new Chronicle,
which be sure to wash down with the potation of two honest quarts of old
bottled Chateau-Margut, or good Burgundy, for I am not squeamish, which
shall answer just quite as well;--swallow the dose, charily, charily,
but without shaking the bottle!"
The equestrians soon approached the castle on their return to dinner,
and the first bell was now heard pealing over battlement and tower, duly
giving warning note; hence from a smart trot they hastened to a brisk
gallop.
"Ahem," said Sir Patricius, "see, noble Captain, how strong and lustily
the smoke mounts up from the kitchen chimney, _bonum signum, bonum
signum_, by Bacchus and Ceres a most propitious omen! Ahem, spur on, my
gallant chevalier!"
The two worthies now reached the lordly castle; and entering the
embattled porch, Captain Heaviside observed in a whisper to Sir
Patricius: "A d----d bore to be sure it is, all this dressing for
dinner, my good Sir Patricius. But no matter, it is some consolation,
however, that we shall have an excellent feed; and I am resolved to do
it justice, exercise and the mountain air having sharpened a natural
good appetite."
"But," rejoined Sir Patricius, "hark, again this accursed bell, how it
frights the castle from its propriety.
'Ring out the alarum-bell, blow winds come, crack,
At least we'll die with harness on our back.'
But never mind, we shall be ready before the bell rings a third time."
The man of physic and the man of war having thus spoken, they wended
their way to their respective toilettes, which were quickly despatched.
Here then we leave them to pay their attentions to the Duchess and the
ladies, and enjoy all the good cheer at the ducal _salle à manger_.
Meanwhile, in our next chapter, we shall return to the Duke, and escort
His Grace to the vice-regal abode at Dublin castle.