DIARY—_continued_—1810.
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
_April 29th._—My nephew took leave of me, returning to Cambridge.
_May 4th._—I went to Slough, my brother going to town with Mrs. H. He
returned after a short stay, and I remained with him till Mrs. H. came
home again. Some of my last days of staying at Slough I spent in
papering and painting the rooms I was to occupy in a small house of my
brother’s attached to the Crown Inn, to which I removed.
_July 13th._—I went to remain at my brother’s house during the time he,
with Mrs. H. and Miss Baldwin, went to Scotland.
* * * * *
_Sept. 18th._—My brother and the family returned, and Dietrich came to
Slough, a room being prepared for him in my cottage.
* * * * *
_Dec. 1st._—Dietrich went to town to enter on his winter engagement.
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
[Illustration:
Joseph Brown SC.
SIR W^{M.} HERSCHEL, B^{T.}
_From a Drawing by Lady Gordon,
after a Painting by L.T. Abbott in the National Portrait Gallery._
JOHN MURRAY, ALBEMARLE ST. 1876.]
_July 22nd._—My brother with his family left Slough on a tour to
Edinburgh and Glasgow. I went to his house till they returned, Sept.
18th.
_Aug. 6th._—Dietrich came to Slough, and I left him to the care of Mrs.
Cock, at my habitation.
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
_May 11th._—I went to be with my brother; Mrs. H. went to town for a
month.
_June 1st._—Dietrich came to Slough, disengaged from all business in
town to spend the last few weeks he was to be in England with us.
_June 12th._—Mrs. H. returned from town, and I went home to look to the
necessary preparations for Dietrich’s precarious (_sic_) journey he was
obliged to make through Sweden.
_June 27th._—My eldest brother went to Oxford, came back the 30th, and
Alexander arrived the same day from Bath.
_July 8th._—Dietrich left us; Alex accompanied him to town.
_July 14th._—Dietrich left Harwich, and at the end of the month we
received a letter dated Gottenburg, July 18, and so far we knew that he
was safe, but of receiving any further account we had not the least
prospect, for all communication, with Hanover in particular, was cut
off.
_Sept._—Mrs. Goltermann came to see me, and took a bed at my cottage, I
being left alone at my brother’s house. The family were at Dawlish with
Sir William Watson.
_Oct. 5th._—My nephew left Slough for Cambridge with intention of not
returning till his studies were ended at the University. The latter end
of September Mr. Goltermann received a few lines which came open through
France to him, dated September 4, showing that a letter of August 15th
had been lost, and that at Helsinförs Dietrich had been robbed of his
pocketbook when under examination; to this accident we were indebted for
knowing that he was got home, as he was obliged to write for a duplicate
bill of exchange; such letters were, though unsealed, allowed to pass
through France.
[Sidenote: 1813. _Extracts from Diary._]
1813.—The three last months of the preceding year I spent mostly in
solitude at home, except when I was wanted to assist my brother at night
or in his library.
* * * * *
_Jan. 25th._—Congratulatory letters arrived from Cambridge on my
nephew’s having obtained the Senior Wranglership. He was then contending
for another prize, which a few days after he also obtained, so that from
the time he entered the University till his leaving he had gained all
the first prizes without exception.
* * * * *
* * * * *
_March 5th._—Miss S. White, with her maid Sally (one of my nephew’s
nurses), came to be present at my nephew’s twenty-first birthday.
_March 7th_ and _8th_.—I joined the company who dined there on this
occasion, and I must not forget that my nephew presented me with a very
handsome necklace, which I afterwards sent to my niece Groskopf, when a
bride, and I being too old for wearing such ornaments.
* * * * *
_March 17th._—My nephew went again to Cambridge to offer himself as
candidate for a fellowship, there being three vacant, and at the
conclusion of the examination he obtained the first choice of the three.
_March 25th._—I went to be with my brother. Mrs. Herschel and Miss
Baldwin followed my nephew to Cambridge to assist him in settling his
occasional residence there.
* * * * *
* * * * *
_May 3rd._—I intended to pay a long-promised visit to Mrs. Goltermann,
but found my brother too busy with putting the forty-foot mirror in the
tube, the carriage having broke down between the polishing-room and the
tube. Therefore I postponed my journey till I was sure I should not be
wanted at home.
_May 10th._—I went to London, and met with a friendly reception at Mrs.
Goltermann’s.
_May 11th._—I went with Mrs. G. and a Mrs. Kramer to Kensington. I
remained with Miss Wilson whilst they paid a charitable visit to the two
ladies attendant on the Duchess of Brunswick, who were left in a very
distressed situation by the death of their mistress.
The evening we spent at Buckingham House with Mrs. Beckedorff.
_May 12th._—The forenoon and early part of the afternoon were spent in
shopping and visiting, the evening again at Buckingham House, where I
just arrived as the Queen and Princesses Elizabeth and Mary, and the
Princess Sophia Mathilda of Gloucester, were ready to step into their
chairs going to Carlton House, full dressed for a fête, and meeting me
and Mrs. Goltermann in the hall, they stopped for near ten minutes,
making each in their turn the kindest enquiries how I liked London, &c.,
&c.
On entering Mrs. Beckedorff’s room I found Madame D’Arblay (Miss
Burney), and we spent a very pleasant evening.
_May 15th._—I went to the Exhibition; the evening at Baron Best’s, where
I met the Beckedorffs. On my return home I found a letter from my
brother with Sir William Watson’s direction that I might give them the
meeting in town. The next morning I spent a few hours with them, and
next day Sir William, with Lady Watson and Miss Jay, called on me in
Charles Street. Baron Best also called and brought me the place of a
comet from the “Hamburger Zeitungen.”
[Sidenote: 1814. _Extracts from Diary._]
_May 18th._—I went home and found a great deal of work prepared for me.
The evening was spent in sweeping for the comet, but I could not find
it, the weather was not clear.
_June 14th._—I returned to continue my works in the daytime at my own
rooms, and the fine evenings assisting my brother when observing, but we
were much interrupted by Mrs. H. being seriously ill. She was confined
to her room and bed from the 25th of June till the 8th of August before
perfectly recovered.
_July 24th._—Alexander arrived at Slough to spend the summer and work
with his brother.
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
_Nov. 13th._—I had a call from Miss Joanna Baillie.
_Nov. 29th._—Mr. Rehberg brought the first letter from our brother
Dietrich, dated November 10th, which, though still written with great
caution, gave us, after a lapse of sixteen months, the assurance that he
and his family were living.
_Dec. 4th._—I met Madame D’Arblay and Mr. Rehberg, &c., at the Castle.
_Jan. 1st._—My nephew, John Herschel, brought me, for a New Year’s
present, a new publication by him.
_Mem._—The winter was uncommonly severe. My brother suffering from
indisposition, and I, for my part, felt I should never be anything else
but an invalid for life, but which I very carefully kept to myself, as I
wished to be useful to my brother as long as possibly I could....
_Feb. 7th._—I was obliged to move to a small cottage in Slough, at a
considerable distance from my brother. I began to move, and slept there
for the first night, the 22nd.
_April 1st._—My brother went to Bath to see his brother and Sir William
Watson. His cough still very bad, and the 12th, when he came home, we
learned that he had been taken very ill on the road and suffered much
when at Bath. It was not till many weeks after, when the warm weather
came on, that he felt relieved. A few days after his return from Bath,
we received notice by a message from the Queen of the Duchess of
Oldenburg’s intention of coming to see my brother’s instruments.
Everything was put in readiness for either a morning or evening visit,
but the weather being very bad, the visit was put off till the arrival
of the Emperor.
_May 4th._—I went to be with my brother. Mrs. H. and Miss B. went to
meet my nephew in town, who was keeping a term in the Temple, where he
had commenced to be a student for the law in February.
* * * * *
_June 10th._—My brother, being about this time engaged with re-polishing
the forty-foot mirror, it required some time to restore order in his
rooms before any strangers could be shown into them, and I again was
assisting him to prepare for the reception of the Emperor Alexander and
the Duchess of Oldenburg, &c., as they were at Windsor for Ascot Races.
But we might have saved ourselves the trouble, for they were
sufficiently harassed with public sights and festivities.
* * * * *
_Sept. 13th._—During the time I was with my brother I saw among the
visitors, &c., General P., who informed us of General Komarzewsky’s
death, and on my expressing a hope it might not be true, le Général said
he had buried him himself at Paris, and had erected to him a little
monument as long as seven years ago.
[Sidenote: 1815-16. _Extracts from Diary._]
_Sept. 30th._—I came to my home again, but under the greatest concern at
being obliged to leave my brother without my little help. But I have
since been with him every morning till he told me he should leave off.
His strength is now, and has for the last two or three years not been
equal to the labour required for polishing forty-foot mirrors. And it
was only by little excursions and absence from his workrooms, he for
some time recovered from the effects of over-exertion.
_Nov. 15th._—I went to work with my brother, which chiefly consisted of
calculations and constructing new tables for the Georgian satellites,
&c., &c.
_Nov. 29th._-Mrs. H. returned, and I continued calculating and copying
at home.
* * * * *
_Aug. 11th._—Alexander left Slough, my eldest brother with him, going on
to Dawlish to recruit his strength again. His declining health had a sad
effect on Alexander’s spirits, and I was in continual fear of the
consequences; for nothing but the thoughts of the yearly meeting had
till now kept up his spirits. From what is yet to follow, it will be
seen that our next meeting was not only the last, but a very distressing
one.
_Sept. 11th._—I went to be with my brother, and remained with him till
the 12th of October. The first fortnight of my being with him he was not
able to do anything which required strength.
* * * * *
* * * * *
_Jan. 2nd._—I was obliged to attend at Slough by eight o’clock, to be
present when the Archdukes John and Louis of Austria visited my brother
and his instruments.
_Jan. 9th._—My nephew received a diploma of being Member of the
University of Göttingen. The packet brought very satisfactory letters
from our brother at Hanover.
_Feb. 4th._—My brother sent the carriage to fetch me home [from the
Castle], and I was desired to write to our brother Alexander at Bath,
from whom a most melancholy letter had that morning arrived, acquainting
us with his being confined to his bed, having received an injury to his
knee.
_April 5th._—My brother received the Royal Hanoverian Guelphic Order.
_May 12th._—My brother went to town to prepare for going to a levée at
the Regent’s next Tuesday. He brought me the keys to the library for
going there to work.
* * * * *
_June 17th._—I went to my brother’s house, and was left in the deepest
concern for his health. He went with his family to Cambridge. [Alexander
was to make a journey to Hanover.]
_Sept. 2nd._—I saw Alexander led by Captain Stevens on board ... of whom
I had the assurance that he would see Alexander safe to Dietrich’s
friend, Mr. Münter, in Bremen. A few hours after I left the place
[Wapping], taking with me receipts from everybody with whom I had had
occasion to keep accounts. I came very ill to Mrs. Goltermann’s, where I
remained a week under her care.
_Sept. 9th._—I went home.
* * * * *
_Sept. 23rd._—We were at a fête the Queen gave at Frogmore. I was
obliged to return with my brother soon after he had been noticed by and
conversed with the Queen and Regent, being too feeble to be long in
company.
_Sept. 26th._—We had letters from Hanover to acquaint us with
Alexander’s arrival in improved health, after a pleasant journey both by
sea and land.
[Sidenote: 1817. _Extracts from Diary._]
_October_, _Nov._, _Dec._—Nothing particular happened, my nephew
remaining at home working with his father, and I took the opportunity of
working on my MS. Catalogue at those times when I was left without
employment.
* * * * *
_March 27th._—I spent the day at my brother’s, Sir Robert and Lady
Liston being there on a visit before their return to Constantinople.
_May 10th._—I met Sir William and Lady Watson at dinner at my brother’s,
but was grieved to see the sad change in Sir William’s health and
spirits, and felt my only friend and adviser was lost to me.
* * * * *
_June 9th._—All the family came home. I returned to my house with
astronomical work to finish.
_June 14th._—Spent the day at Lady Herschel’s to meet Mrs. and Miss
Maskelyne.
_July 10th_ and _11th_.—Spent at my brother’s, the mornings at work in
the library the evenings with the company....
_July 14th._—I spent with Mrs. Beckedorff and brought tickets of
invitation to a fête at Frogmore, for our family, with me; where we all
went on the 17th of July; but almost as soon as the Royal party sat down
to dinner I was obliged to go home with my brother, after having twice
been honoured by the notice and conversation of the Queen and Regent,
&c., &c. He found himself too feeble to remain in company. It was said
that there were above two thousand persons invited.
* * * * *
* * * * *
_Nov. 7th._—Prepared for going into mourning for the Princess Charlotte.
Mrs. De Luc died a few days after or before the Princess.
_Feb. 11th._—I went to my brother, and remained with him till the 23rd.
We spent our time, though not in idleness, in sorrow and sadness. He is
not only unwell but low in spirits.
_April 13th._—Princess Elizabeth of Hesse Homburg and the Prince of
Hesse Homburg came to see my brother and his instruments. They were
attended by Count O——, Baron K——, and Baron G——. The latter being well
informed in the science of astronomy.
_Mem._ I lost my attendants, the C.’s, at the latter end of April, and a
waste of my time was the consequence, for I never after met with anyone
who was deserving of my trust.
_June 8th._—The Prince and Princess Schaumburg von der Lippe, attended
by Fraulein U., came to see my brother. Their behaviour to him was truly
kind and affectionate on leaving him, with a hope to see him in the same
place—in the garden at the foot of the forty-foot telescope—five or six
years hence, when they should come to England again.
* * * * *
_June 25th._—From this day to July 8th I was with my brother. The family
at Newbury; he being so far well that without interruption, I was
supplied with copying as he wrote.
_July 16th._—I went to my brother’s, to be present in the evening when
the Archduke Michael of Russia, with a numerous attendance, came to see
Jupiter, &c.
_July 21st._—
_Mem._ Began to copy the numbering of stars from my brother’s 2nd volume
of Flamsteed’s Observations into one of my own, having succeeded to
procure all the three volumes complete at the price of four guineas.
[Sidenote: 1818. _Extracts from Diary._]
_Aug. 8th._—I spent the afternoon with my brother, who found himself
very unwell, but with the assistance of my nephew, he had the pleasure
of showing the Princess Sophia of Gloucester (who came in the evening
accompanied by the Archbishop of Canterbury and several lords and
ladies) many objects in the ten-foot telescope.
_Aug. 18th._—I went to my brother’s, his family left home for Brighton,
where he intended to follow as soon as the repairs of the forty-foot
should be finished; but he was all the time too ill for being anywhere
but at home. The first evening we were alone, the Princess Sophia came
to see the moon. She was accompanied by Lady Mary Paulet, another lady,
and some gentlemen. After their departure, my brother seemed much
pleased with the intelligent enquiries made by the Princess; but with
much concern I saw that he had exerted himself too much above his
strength.
_Aug. 25th._—I was obliged to leave my brother for a few hours to call
on the Princess Sophia Matilda, who desired to see me.
* * * * *
_Sept. 8th._—I spent some hours with the Princess at the Castle.
_Oct. 14th._—The Ertz Herzog Maximilian of Austria came to see my
brother, charged with messages from his mother to both my brother and
myself, we having had the honour of seeing her Imperial Highness at
Slough, in 1786, when on a visit to the King, with her husband the
Archduke of Milan.
_Nov. 12th._—I spent some hours in the forenoon with the Princess at the
Castle. I left her with a promise of coming soon again, but it was to be
my last visit for a long time to come, for....
_Nov. 17th._—The Queen died. The 3rd of December the Princess returned
my books with a kind note, and on the 4th she left Windsor.
_Dec. 5th_, _6th_, _7th_.—I spent in Windsor to see Mrs. and Miss
Beckedorff at short intervals. Miss Wilson, Miss S. White, Miss Baldwin,
Mr. Beckwith (Miss B.’s bridegroom) were visitors for several days at
Slough, to see the funeral of the Queen.
* * * * *
_Dec. 16th._—My brother went to town, to sit for his portrait by Mr.
Artaud.
_Feb. 3rd._—My brother went to town. The 4th I received a note from Mrs.
Beckedorff, desiring me to spend the next and last day with her, but I
went immediately and took (as I then thought) my last leave of both
mother and daughter, for I could not leave my brother on his return on
the 5th to be received only by the servants, as he went from home very
unwell with a cold.
_Feb. 7th._—My nephew arrived in town, and on the 12th all came home and
I returned to my habitation.
_Feb. 28th._—I heard of the death of Mrs. Beckedorff’s daughter, at
Hanover. My brother consented to my going next morning to London, and
before two o’clock, after I had procured a lodging in Pimlico, I was
with the poor mourners at Buckingham House, and remained till March 4th,
when I left them, hoping they would be able to leave England on the 9th.
_March 11th._—Was Miss Baldwin’s wedding-day, which I spent at Slough,
with the family.
_April 2nd._—My brother left Slough, accompanied by Lady H. for Bath, he
being very unwell, and the constant complaint of giddiness in the head
so much increased, that they were obliged to be four nights on the road
both going and coming.
The last moments before he stepped into the carriage were spent in
walking with me through his library and workrooms, pointing with anxious
looks to every shelf and drawer, desiring me to examine all and to make
memorandums of them as well as I could. He was hardly able to support
himself, and his spirits were so low, that I found difficulty in
commanding my voice so far as to give him the assurance he should find
on his return that my time had not been misspent.
[Sidenote: 1819-1820. _Extracts from Diary._]
When I was left alone I found that I had no easy task to perform, for
there were packets of writings to be examined which had not been looked
at for the last forty years. But I did not pass a single day without
working in the library as long as I could read a letter without
candlelight, and taking with me papers to copy, &c., &c., which employed
me for best part of the night, and thus I was enabled to give my brother
a clear account of what had been done at his return.
_May 1st._—But he returned home much worse than he went, and for several
days hardly noticed my handiworks.
* * * * *
_June 21st._—I went with my brother to town. He was to sit to Mr.
Artaud. We remained till Friday, whilst Lady Herschel entertained the
Wilson family at home, who were attending the funeral of Miss Wilson at
Upton.
_July 8th._—We thought my brother was dying. On the 9th he was persuaded
to be blooded in the arm, which something relieved him.
_Aug. 10th._—My brother and Lady H. took me with them to town.
_Aug. 11th._—We went to the Bank and did what was thought necessary.
_Aug. 12th._—I went with Lady H. to see my brother’s portrait, and
ordered a copy for myself.
_Aug. 25th._—
_Mem._—The 13th we came home, and one day passes like the other. I have
much to do and can do but little beyond going daily to my brother, and
often we are both unable to look about business. The present hot weather
bears hard on enfeebled constitutions. Thermometer most days above 80
degrees.
_Oct. 15th._—I went to my brother, his family being in town.
_Oct. 29th._—I returned to my home.
A small slip of yellow paper, containing the following lines, traced by
a tremulously feeble hand, belongs to this year:—
“LINA,—There is a great comet. I want you to assist me. Come to dine and
spend the day here. If you can come soon after one o’clock we shall have
time to prepare maps and telescopes. I saw its situation last night—it
has a long tail.”
_July 4th, 1819._
Then follows:—
“I keep this as a relic! Every line _now_ traced by the hand of my dear
brother becomes a treasure to me.
“C. HERSCHEL.”
The next year opens, as so many previous ones have done. The bare facts
of the steadily narrowing life being set down with the same brevity and
unswerving attention to _the one_ object. The family was in much anxiety
on account of the failing health of Mrs. Beckwith, the niece of Lady
Herschel, of whom, as Miss Baldwin, frequent mention has been made. The
spring and summer were passed in taking the sufferer to different places
in the country, but she was sinking in a rapid decline, and died in the
autumn.
[Sidenote: 1819-1821. _Extracts from Diary._]
_Nov. 10th._—The remains of Mrs. Beckwith were brought to Upton to be
buried, and to me was left the melancholy task of keeping up my poor
brother’s spirits on such a melancholy occasion, when at the same time
my own were at their lowest ebb, and being besides much molested about
this time by the rejoicing of an unruly mob at the acquittal (as they
called it) of the Princess of Wales.
From the 26th to 29th I was with my brother.
_March._—We lost our brother Alexander, who died at Hanover.[26]
* * * * *
_May 22nd._—Again with my brother. My chief care was to see that my
brother was not fatigued by too many visitors, and reading to him to
prevent his sleeping too much.
* * * * *
* * * * *
The volume ends in October, 1821.
“Here closed my Day-book, for one day passed like another, except that
I, from my daily calls, returned to my solitary and cheerless home with
increased anxiety for each following day.”
[Sidenote: 1822. _Death of Sir William Herschel._]
On the 25th of August, 1822, Sir William Herschel died in his house at
Slough.
A small book, containing a very few pages, entitled “Memorandum from
1823 to,” &c., gives the sad history of the last days of that long life
of indefatigable toil over which the devoted sister had watched so long
with untiring love. It would be easy, and perhaps in some respects
preferable, to tell the story without the details, but it would be at
the cost of much that is characteristic and illustrative of the nature
which has thus far been unfolded from within, and it is the last chapter
of her life which she thought worth recalling to memory and committing
to paper. The terrible blow of the death of her brother seems to have
deprived her of all power or desire to do or to will anything beyond the
one stern, dogged resolve to leave England for ever as soon as the
beloved remains were buried from her sight. Six months after her return
to Hanover she thus prefaced this last and most pathetic of her
_Recollections_:—
HANOVER, _April 15th, 1823_.
“Eighteen months have elapsed since I could acquire fortitude enough for
noting down in my Day-book any of those heartrending occurrences I
witnessed during the last nine months of the fifty years I have lived in
England, and I cannot hope that ever a time will come when I shall be
able to dwell on any one of those interesting but melancholy hours I
spent with the dearest and best of brothers. But if I was to leave off
making memorandums of such events as either affect or are interesting to
me, I should feel like what I am, viz., a person that has nothing more
to do in this world.
“But to regain the thread of my narration, it is necessary to take
notice of the vacancy between the present date and the ending of the
year 1821, and the only way in which I can possibly fill up this vacancy
must be to take a few dates with memorandums marked in my almanac and
account books for the year 1822, without making any comments on what my
feelings and situation must have been throughout that whole interval.
“By some letters I wrote during the first four months of 1822 to my
brother Alex^r. here at Hanover, I see that I was employed in copying
from the Philosophical Transactions the first twelve papers of my
brother’s publications. The time required for this purpose I could only
obtain by making use of most of the hours which are generally allotted
to rest, as during the day my time was spent in endeavours to support my
dear brother in his painful decline. And besides, the hope that we might
continue yet a little longer together began to forsake me, for my own
health and spirits were in that state that I was in daily expectation of
going before.[27] Therefore each moment of separation from my dear
brother I spent in endeavours to arrange my affairs so that my nephew,
J. Herschel, as the executor of my will, might have as little trouble as
possible.
[A letter of eighteen pages would have been found along with a will, if
I had (as I then daily expected) died before my brother. After the sad
events of the succeeding two years, I thought it necessary to destroy
both the will and the letter.] My thoughts were continually divided
between my brother’s library, from which I was now on the point of being
severed for ever, and my own unfinished work at home endeavouring to
bring by degrees all into its proper place.”
[Sidenote: _Recollections written at Hanover._]
DIARY—(_continued_).
_May 13th._—Lady Herschel and my nephew went to town: I was left with my
brother alone, but was counting every hour till I should see them again,
for I was momentarily afraid of his dying in their absence.
_May 20th._ * * * *
The summer proved very hot; my brother’s feeble nerves were very much
affected, and there being in general much company, added to the
difficulty of choosing the most airy rooms for his retirement.
_July 8th._—I had a dawn of hope that my brother might regain once more
a little strength, for I have a memorandum in my almanac of his walking
with a firmer step than usual above three or four times the distance
from the dwelling-house to the library, in order to gather and eat
raspberries, in his garden, with me. But I never saw the like again.
The latter end of July I was seized by a bilious fever, and I could for
several days only rise for a few hours to go to my brother about the
time he was used to see me. But one day I was entirely confined to my
bed, which alarmed Lady Herschel and the family on my brother’s account.
Miss Baldwin[28] called and found me in despair about my own confused
affairs, which I never had had time to bring into any order. The next
day she brought my nephew to me, who promised to fulfil all my wishes
which I should have expressed on paper; he begged me not to exert myself
for his father’s sake, of whom he believed it would be the immediate
death if anything should happen to me....[29] Of my dear nephew’s advice
I could not avail myself, for I knew that at that time he had weighty
concerns on his mind. And, besides, my whole life almost has passed away
in the delusion that next to my eldest brother, none but Dietrich was
capable of giving me advice where to leave my few relics, consisting of
a few books and my sweeper. And for the last twenty years I kept to the
resolution of never opening my lips to my dear brother William about
worldly or serious concerns, let me be ever so much at a loss for
knowing right from wrong. And so it has happened that at the time when I
was stupefied by grief at seeing the death of my dear brother, I gave
myself, with all I was worth, up to my brother Dietrich and his family,
and from that time till the death of D. I found great difficulty to
remain mistress of my own actions and opinions. In respect to the latter
we never could agree. And this it was which prompted me to send
Flamsteed’s works to Göttingen (I would rather have kept them till now)
for fear they might be offered for sale. Having about this time received
very distressing accounts of family misfortunes from Dietrich at
Hanover, I could find no rest on his account till I should have made my
£500 stock over to him, but this required my presence at the bank, and I
could not think of leaving Slough till my brother should be engaged for
some days with his family previous to the departure of my nephew, who
was going to accompany a friend abroad. And besides, I knew that my
absence would then be scarcely perceived, as a very sensible elderly
lady (Mrs. Morsom) would be there on a visit.
[Sidenote: 1822. _Recollections written at Hanover._]
_Aug. 8th._—I went, and at six o’clock in the afternoon of the 10th I
was home again. My nephew had left Slough the same morning.
I found my brother seated by the ladies, but so languid that I thought
it necessary to take a seemingly unconcerned leave for the night.
_Aug. 11th_, _12th_, _13th_, and _14th_. I went as usual to spend some
hours of the forenoon with my brother.
_Aug. 15th._—I hastened to the spot where I was wont to find him with
the newspaper which I was to read to him. But instead I found Mrs.
Morsom, Miss Baldwin, and Mr. Bulman, from Leeds, the grandson of my
brother’s earliest acquaintance in this country. I was informed my
brother had been obliged to return to his room, whither I flew
immediately. Lady H. and the housekeeper were with him, administering
everything which could be thought of for supporting him. I found him
much irritated at not being able to grant Mr. Bulman’s request for some
token of remembrance for his father. As soon as he saw me, I was sent to
the library to fetch one of his last papers and a plate of the
forty-foot telescope. But for the universe I could not have looked twice
at what I had snatched from the shelf, and when he faintly asked if the
breaking up of the Milky Way was in it, I said “Yes,” and he looked
content. I cannot help remembering this circumstance, it was the last
time I was sent to the library on such an occasion. That the anxious
care for his papers and workrooms never ended but with his life was
proved by his frequent whispered inquiries if they were locked and the
key safe, of which I took care to assure him that they were, and the key
in Lady Herschel’s hands.
After half an hour’s vain attempt to support himself, my brother was
obliged to consent to be put to bed, leaving no hope ever to see him
rise again. For ten days and nights we remained in the most heartrending
situation till the 25th of August, when not one comfort was left to me
but that of retiring to the chamber of death, there to ruminate without
interruption on my isolated situation. Of this last solace I was robbed
on the 7th September, when the dear remains were consigned to the grave.
[Sidenote: 1822. _Departure from England._]
_Sept. 9th._—I returned to my house and began selecting the books and
clothing I should want to take with me to Hanover, where I thought it
best to go with the Michaelmas messenger.
_Sept. 27th._—I had disposed of my furniture, partly by presents and
partly by sale; and after settling with my landlord, &c., I left my
house for Lady Herschel’s, to remain there till business should call her
and my nephew to town.
_Oct. 3rd._—My friends as well as myself were made easy by the arrival
of my brother Dietrich, who came to fetch me.
_Oct. 7th._—I took leave of Princess Augusta and all my friends and
connections in Windsor.
_Oct. 10th._—At 9 in the morning I left Slough with my brother D. Lady
H. and my nephew followed the next day.
* * * * *
_Oct. 14th._—Princess Sophia Matilda sent her carriage for me to spend
the day with her at Blackheath.
_Oct. 16th._—I went with my brother to Mortlake to take leave of Baron
Best and family; and thence we directly proceeded to Bedford Place,
where all my friends were assembled, among whom I had the comfort of
seeing once more my nephew’s friend, and the favourite of my dear
departed brother, Mr. Babbage. He had only that day arrived from the
North. I could find no opportunity for any conversation with him, but
just by a pressure of the hand recommended my nephew in incoherent
whispers to the continuance of his regards and friendship.
From all these sorrowing friends and connections I was obliged to take
an everlasting leave, and in the few hours we were for the last time
together, I was obliged to sign many papers, among which was a receipt
for a half year’s legacy. I signed this with great reluctance ... but
Lady H. and my nephew insisted on my taking it, according to my
brother’s will. This unexpected sum has enabled me to furnish myself
with many conveniences on my arrival here, of which otherwise I should
have perhaps debarred myself.
_Oct. 17th._—In the morning we left our lodging for an inn near the
Tower. Mr. Beckwith joined us, and settled at the Custom House for our
baggage. My nephew came for a moment to us, and after his departure I
saw no one I knew or who cared for me.
_Oct. 18th._—At ten o’clock we went on board of the steam packet.
_Oct. 20th._—At noon we landed after a stormy passage at Rotterdam.
_Oct. 21st._—At daybreak we began to proceed on our way, and
_Oct. 28th._—We arrived at the habitation of my brother, in Hanover.
A note, dated September 29th, 1828, apologizes to her nephew for
troubling him with the above and other papers, adding:—
I have destroyed my Day-book, but in doing so I was tempted to extract
some dates which I thought might still be interesting to me, and bring
the past once more to my recollection; but as that would only be a
drawback to the satisfaction I almost daily may enjoy by hearing of the
fame of my dear nephew, it is best to remove all that can bring the past
to my recollection.
The letters which follow are the only documents from which any
particulars can be drawn for this and many following years. No Day-book
or note-book of any kind appears to have been kept, or at any rate
preserved, from the time of the return to Hanover in October, 1822,
until the year 1833.