Tommy Brown knows all about India. You see his father served out there,
and that is how Tommy knows so much. He says that everybody in India has
to have a bath once a year in the Ganges, and that there is a delta at
the mouth of the Ganges as big as Ireland.
Tommy says it is very hot in the shade in India, but you needn't walk in
the shade unless you like. He showed me how an idol looked--it is like
when you come to the castor oil under the ginger wine.
But it is about the Indian troops that I want to tell you. Tommy was
very pleased when they came, because he knows all about them. He likes
the Gherkins best, he says, because they are so hardy. Tommy says the
Gherkins can hold their breath for five minutes without going red in the
face, and that's why they can fight so well.
He says they never want anything to eat, because they have a kind of a
twig that they chew, and then all they have to do is to keep tightening
their belts. Tommy gave me some of the twig they chew; it tasted like
cabbage. I didn't want anything more to eat all that day. Tommy had some
himself; he says now he doesn't think it was the right kind of twig.
Tommy told me that the Gherkins' mothers teach them to prowl when they
are very young, and that they are always prowling. Tommy showed me how
to prowl. You have to lie flat on your stomach, and wriggle about as if
you were swimming. He says it makes the Gherkins very hardy. They always
do it, Tommy says, even when they have a half-holiday. To do it properly
you have to breathe through the back of your throat and move your ears.
When the KING went to India, Tommy says he was surprised at the
Gherkins. They used to prowl before him, and he was very glad. He said
they were very hardy.
Tommy says they are very brave because they don't know what fear is; his
father told him that. He says no one has ever seen a Gherkin blub; if
they have to, they go and do it somewhere else.
There is only one way you can kill them. Tommy knows the way, but he
daren't tell anyone.
Tommy says that when they want to kill a man they prowl after him for
five miles, and then come back as silently as they went. He says it is
no good shooting at them, because they are not there.
He showed me how they killed people. They come up behind you and catch
you round the neck, and it's no good saying, "Shut up," because they
don't understand English; then you make a noise like gargling for sore
throats, and that's how they know you are dead. It makes the people very
angry, Tommy says.
If they take a dislike to anyone, you are sure to get killed, because
they prowl after you until they do. And when you come to look at the
dead man, you can see he has died a horrible death, and if you turn him
over there isn't a mark on him. You see he didn't hear them coming.
That's what Tommy Brown told me.
Tommy says a Gherkin once saved his father's life by killing a snake.
Tommy's father gave the Gherkin a lot of money to put in his pocket, but
he wouldn't take it. The Gherkins don't have pockets, Tommy says.
Tommy says, that if two Germans stood back to back to see who was the
taller, a Gherkin could cut through both of them with his two-handled
knife, and it would be done so quickly that neither of the Germans would
know which was killed first. They do it by practice, Tommy told me. They
always use two-handled knives, so that when they are tired with using
one handle they can use the other.
You can never catch a Gherkin because on the slightest movement in the
bushes they throw a rope up into the air and climb up it, then they pull
the rope up after them.
Tommy says that Gherkins wear turbots on their heads. He says that they
wear very few clothes, but they don't catch rheumatism because it is not
known there.
When Tommy's mother told him that people were sending presents to the
Indian troops we had a meeting about it. We dug a deep trench in Tommy's
garden and held the meeting there; Tommy didn't want the Germans to
know.
When we had dug the trench Tommy stood at one end, and I had to come up
to him and give him the sign we had arranged. You had to move your ears
and say "Gherkin," then you were admitted to the trench. It was because
of the German spies.
We decided to get money for the Indian troops by selling Tommy's white
rats, and I was to lend Tommy my Jew's harp for a week as my share.
Tommy sold the white rats in the playground after school. He stood on a
box near the fence. The man who lives next door thought Tommy was going
to climb over into his garden after a ball, and he said to Tommy, "My
steemy friend, you stay where you are."
Tommy took no notice because his mother said the man had been to India
and brought back his liver and Tommy wasn't to listen.
I bid fourpence for the two white rats; we had arranged that in the
trench.
Tommy Brown said with lots of scorn, "Fourpence!!"--just like that. Then
he said the money was to go to buy things for the Indian troops, and
what would they think of fourpence? Old Jones minimus said sixpence when
he got his pocket-money on Saturday; then the Head came out to see what
the row was about. When Tommy Brown told him all about it, the Head bid
half-a-crown in a loud voice. We cheered, and just then the man who
lives next door and who brought his liver home from India shouted out
five shillings. Then the Headmaster said ten shillings. Tommy Brown had
to clutch hold of the rails. The man who lives next door went red in the
neck and bid a sovereign. Jones minimus began to blub when the Head bid
two pounds.
The man who had been to India said: "My steemy Sir, it is no use; I bid
four pounds." I could see old Tommy Brown moving his ears like anything.
The Headmaster said: "The Gurkhas are some of the finest troops in the
world"--he meant Gherkins, but he was excited; then he said: "Five
Pounds, Tommy White, for the brown rats." The man who likes liver said
something we haven't got to listen to, and then Tommy fell off the box.
"Knocked down at six pounds!" said the Headmaster, laughing; "we will
have one each." They both gave Tommy Brown three pounds and then shook
hands over the fence. Tommy says I needn't lend him my Jew's harp now.
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