_THE COUNTRY MOTHER AND THE CHILDREN_
Greater attention needs to be given to the conservation of the farmer's
wife. Although there are many other justifications for giving more
thought to the care and the comfort of the country mother, the single
fact of her very close relation to the children growing up in the home,
and of her peculiar responsibilities as center of life there, warrant us
in devoting a chapter to her interests. Recently, while passing upon a
country highway, the author met a funeral procession. A little inquiry
revealed a pathetic situation, one that has been repeated thousands of
times throughout the length and breadth of this fair country. The
deceased was the wife of a young farmer, both of them under thirty-five
years of age, hard working and ambitious for success, but thoughtless of
their own health and comfort. Their farm was somewhat new and
unimproved, there were hundreds of things to do other than the routine
affairs of home keeping and crop raising. Worst of all, there was a
mortgage to be lifted. After all reasonable improvements were made and
the mortgage paid off, then, according to their plans, they were going
to take matters easy. But the delicate cord of life suddenly broke in
the case of the wife, and left the young husband as overseer of the farm
and home and sole caretaker of three little children.
How can parents hope to produce a better crop of boys and girls in the
farm communities so long as the typical farm wife is crushed into the
earth with the over-weight of the burdens placed upon her? A few
minutes' enumeration in this same rural neighborhood brought out the
startling fact that in fully half of the homes a scene similar to the
one just described had been enacted during the last score of years. That
is to say, during the twenty years, fully one-half of the farm mothers
living in that particular neighborhood had died before their time from
one cause or another. In most instances the death occurred during what
we usually speak of as the prime years of life, and at a time when the
rose bloom should naturally be fresh upon the cheek. Fortunately, this
serious condition, still present in some communities, is being gradually
improved by the improved methods.
POOR CONDITIONS OF WOMEN
The report of the Country Life Commission makes the following
suggestions:--
"The relief to farm women must come through a general elevation of
country living. The women must have more help. In particular these
matters may be mentioned: Development of a cooperative spirit in the
home, simplification of the diet in many cases, the building of
convenient and sanitary houses, providing running water in the house and
also more mechanical help, good and convenient gardens, a less exclusive
ideal of money getting on the part of the farmer, providing better means
of communication, as telephones, roads, and reading circles, and
developing of women's organizations. These and other agencies should
relieve the woman of many of her manual burdens on the one hand and
interest her in outside activities on the other. The farm woman should
have sufficient free time and strength so that she may serve the
community by participating in its vital affairs."
[Illustration: PLATE IV.
FIG. 4.--A day nursery at the Country Social Center. It may be otherwise
called "an institution designed to lengthen the lives of tired country
mothers."]
In discussing this same matter, Henry Wallace, a member of the
Commission, says in his paper, _Wallaces' Farmer_:--
"They have been saying that the mother is the hardest worked member of
the family, which is often and we believe generally true. They have been
saying that in the anxiety of the farmer to get more land, he not only
works himself too hard, but his wife too hard, and the boys and girls so
hard that the boys get disgusted and leave the farm, and the girls marry
town fellows and go to town.
"Now the farmer's wife is really the most important and essential person
on the farm. As such she needs the most care and consideration. You are
careful, very careful, not to over-work your horses. How much more
careful you should be not to over-work the mother of your children. You
rein back the free member of the team. You take special care of the
brood mare, and the cow that gives three hundred pounds of butter. Have
you always kept the freest of all workers, your wife, from doing too
much? How about this?"
FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN
But this chapter, as well as the entire book, is being prepared in the
interest of boys and girls. So we shall attempt to show a number of
specific conditions that may be sought as tending to conserve the
strength and the life of the rural mother, with a view to her continuing
to be in every best sense of the word a caretaker and conserver of the
lives of her own children.
1. _Surplus nerve energy._--However it may be achieved, the thing to
work for in this connection is a surplusage of nerve energy. If the
child training is to go on in a satisfactory manner, the mother
especially, and if possible both parents, must have stated times and
occasions for looking after such training and for inculcating a series
of important fundamental lessons. The first and best test of this
child-rearing situation may be made at evening. If, after the work of
the ordinary day, the mother is still fresh enough to take a real
interest in the children's affairs, to read to them briefly and perhaps
tell them a story or two, or to read for further preparations of her
work with them,--then it may be said that her life energies are being
conserved in a fairly satisfactory manner. The children will most
certainly reap the benefits. But if the close of the ordinary day's work
finds the farm mother suffering from physical and nervous exhaustion,
cross and impatient with the other members of the family, depressed in
spirit and gloomy as to the future, these are signs which should give
alarm to the head of the household and arouse him to the point of
looking into such distressful conditions, and setting them right.
2. _A rest period._--How would it do to plan for the mother a daily
period of rest and relaxation? Would not such a program furnish
something of a guarantee of length of life in her own case and of peace
and contentment in the home, and of improved well-being in respect to
the children? How shall we state this question? Must the very lives of
the rural mother and her children be run through the mill of over-work
as a grist for the improvement and up-building of the farm animals and
the farm crops? Or should all of these material things be valued only in
proportion as they contribute to the happiness and contentment and the
long life of the members of the family? Too many farmers seem to say, as
expressed by their conduct: "I _must_ lift that mortgage this year! I
_must_ market so many bushels of corn and so many head of live stock!
So here goes my wife, and here go my children into the hopper! Perhaps
they will have to give up their lives. At any cost I _must_ make this
thing pay!"
Then, how would it be to set apart an hour or more each day, regularly,
for the rest and relaxation of the mother, and call it "Mother's hour"?
During that time let it be the policy of the entire family to require no
work, no assistance, no favors of her, unless it be in case of illness.
During such a time of recuperation, the delicate organism of the
ordinary woman would tend to regain its poise. The nerve energy would be
more or less restored, while she would tend to view the better things of
life more nearly from their right angle. Best of all, she would regather
during the hour not a little strength to be used later in the caretaking
of her children. Try it for a week.
3. _The home conveniences._--This is not the place for a detailed
discussion of what might or ought to be put into the house for the sake
of the convenience of the home-maker. But if such materials be
thoughtfully arranged, they may be made most effective, even though they
be small and inexpensive. A little inquiry among the ordinary homes will
show what is meant here, by either the presence or the lack of the
things indicated. It is not so much a question of expense as it is one
of thoughtful provision. The guiding principle of the home convenience
is that of saving and conserving the strength of the housekeeper.
There is especially one day in the week which might be appropriately
called the "mother-killing day." That is the occasion of her doing the
washing and ironing for the family. Not infrequently two or three days
thereafter are required for the restoration of her normal strength and
health. Now, it is clearly the specific duty of the farmer to take hold
of just such matters as this and attempt seriously to put them right.
Doing the washing for four or five, and that with the use of the wash
tub, is a man's work so far as required muscular energy is concerned,
and very few women are able to do it regularly and live out their
allotted lives. Therefore, let the conscientious farmer see to it first
of all that some kind of machinery be installed for lightening such
wife-killing tasks as that just named. Let him provide such household
helps and conveniences _first_, and for the sake of the house mother and
her children. And then, if there be other means available, let him
provide the man-saving machinery about the barn and the fields. In the
chapter on "Constructing a Country Dwelling," fuller attention will be
given to these matters.
4. _The mother's outings._--The farmer who is seriously interested in
providing for the care and comfort of his family, and for the
instruction and intelligent direction of his children, will see to it
that his life companion be allowed her share of outings. This matter
must be just as much on his mind as that of marketing the produce. The
usual habit of the farmer's wife is to give up willingly her rights and
opportunities of this sort. But she cannot well continue to be
spiritually strong and mentally well disposed toward the world unless
she be permitted to get out among her friends and acquaintances at
frequent intervals.
So, arrange carefully a series of outings for the country mother. The
beginning of such a program is to provide that there be available for
her use and at her command a horse and carriage. This equipment need not
be of the finest quality, and it may be used for other purposes, but
when her needs appear, it should be given up to her purposes. At least
one afternoon a week she should go away from the place and be free as
much as possible temporarily from the cares of the household while she
finds congenial company among some of the neighboring women, or at the
library or elsewhere.
5. _The home help._--The unending problem of the home life throughout
much of the civilized world is that of obtaining adequate assistance in
the performance of the household work. Much of the time such assistance
from outside sources is practically unavailable. And yet something must
be done to meet the situation. If there be young girls growing up in the
home, the solution of the problem may, and should, be met by means of
requiring the daughters to assist with the home duties. But in case
there be no daughters it is seriously recommended that either the father
or the boys do certain parts of the heavier housework.
It is not necessarily beneath the dignity of the best and most brilliant
man of this country for him to get down on his knees in his own home and
help perform the menial work there which threatens to break the health
of his life companion. If there be growing sons in the family, there is
every justification for training them to assist in the housework in a
case where such assistance is needed to shield the health and strength
of the mother. It prepares for better manhood and for more sympathetic
protection of his own wife to be, if the boy be required to do such
things and thus to become intimately acquainted with what it means to
perform the many burdensome tasks that tend to wear away the lives of so
many good women.
6. _The children shield the mother._--There will perhaps be no better
occasion than this to remind parents of the necessity of carefully
training the growing children to perform such deeds as will shield the
mother in the home, and show a sympathetic interest in her welfare.
These matters will not naturally be acquired by children. The country
to-day is full of grown men whose mothers and wives have worked
themselves to death; and yet these men did not detect the seriousness of
the situation until it was too late. There are many men of this same
general class who are willing and even anxious to protect the women of
the home from the crush of over-work, but who know not how to do it.
Such faults as we have just named might easily have been avoided had
these men, during very early boyhood, been brought into an intimate
acquaintance with the burdensome tasks of the household. Especially
should they have been drilled time after time in the performance of
deeds of love and sympathy in respect to their mother. It may seem a
little thing for a younger child to rush to the table, call for and
partake of the best the table provides and, inattentive to the wants of
any other members of the family, hurry off to his play full fed and
happy. And yet this very thing may be indicative of a serious lack of
attention to the rights and requirements of others, such as may be
carried over into his future home life and there amount to serious
abuse. Again, it must be insisted that deeds of sympathy and altruism
are acquired through the actual and continued practice of the
performance of such deeds.
7. _Planning for the children._--Among the other splendid results of the
conservation of the nerve energy and the vital interests of the house
mother may be mentioned that of her ability to plan thoughtfully for the
instruction of the boys and girls. It is not an easy task to select
appropriate stories and readings for the young. It is neither an easy
nor a trifling matter for the parent to be able to read suitable
stories to them and to interpret helpfully such stories. It is not a
trifling matter for the parents to converse together an hour at evening
and there plan as to the future home instruction of their young. When
should this be introduced into the boy's life and when that into the
girl's life? What is a fair allowance for the boy for what he does and
for his spending money for the Fourth of July, Christmas, and the like?
What is a fair allowance for the girl with which to purchase her clothes
and for her pin money? When should each of them be told this and that
about the secrets of life, and where may helpful literature thereon be
obtained? Just when and how much should the boy and girl be allowed to
go among the young people of the community? When we consider the
far-reaching results which their solution may mean for the developing
young lives, these and many other such questions become exceedingly
important.
8. _A common conspiracy._--In many a farm home to-day there is a secret
compact which goes far to shape the destiny of a great number of lives.
Go if you will to the farm home where the life of the mother is being
gradually crushed out by the over-work and the lack of sympathetic
protection on the part of the husband, and you will almost invariably
find a secret understanding between the mother and the growing children
in reference to the future careers of the latter. It is implied by
these words put into the mouth of the mother: "Your father is too
ambitious about the work and in his desire for accumulating wealth about
the farm. He is over-working me, is thoughtless of me, and indifferent
to your present needs and your future welfare. Work on as you must,
driven by him, but do as little as you can and grow up to manhood and
womanhood. Study your books, get through with your schooling, and in
time find something easier for your own life work. Perhaps we can
persuade him to give it up after a while and move to town, where you can
go out more, dress better, and get more enjoyment out of life." Thus,
the children grow up to mistrust and dislike their father, and to
despise the vocation in which he is engaged. Such a state of affairs
will precipitate their flight from the home nest. This will take place
at the earliest possible moment and will often be in the nature of a
leap into the dark, anything to get away from the drudgery of the farm.
Mark you this situation well, you farm fathers, and attack it in all
possible haste with the best available relief. A happy, contented,
well-protected farm mother almost certainly means the same sort of farm
children, while the converse situations will also run in the same
unvarying parallel. Do not satiate your desire for more hogs and more
land with the sacrifice of the peace and happiness and the very
life-blood of your wife and children!
REFERENCES
The Nervous Life. G. E. Partridge, Ph.D. Sturgis-Walton
Company, New York. This book is especially recommended as an
aid to the relief of the tired farm mother.
Parenthood and Race Culture. Charles W. Saleeby, M.D. Chapter
IX, "The Supremacy of Motherhood." Moffat, Yard & Co., New
York. This is a book of great value for students of race
improvement.
From Kitchen to Garret. Virginia Van de Water. Chapter I, "A
Heart-to-Heart Talk with the House Wife." Sturgis-Walton
Company. Wholesome advice concerning the conservation of the
mother's strength.
Proceedings of Child Conference for Research and Welfare,
1910. L. Pearl Boggs, Ph.D. Page 5, "Home Education." G. E.
Stechart & Co., New York.
The Efficient Life. Dr. L. H. Gulick. Chapter XVIII, "Growth
in Rest." This entire volume is highly recommended as being
suitable for over-worked mothers.
What the Farmer can do to Lighten his Wife's Work. T. Blake.
_Ladies' Home Journal_, Feb. 15, 1911.
The Higher Tide of Physical Conscience. Dr. L. H. Gulick.
_World's Work_, June, 1908.
Education for Motherhood. Charles W. Saleeby. _Good
Housekeeping_, April, 1910.
The Profession of Motherhood. Dr. Lyman Abbott. _Outlook_,
April 10, 1909.
Power Through Repose. Annie Payson Call. Chapter XII,
"Training for Rest." Little, Brown & Co.
_Wallaces' Farmer_, Des Moines, Ia., is especially to be
commended for its editorial championship of The Farm Mother.
The Freedom of Life. Annie Payson Call. Chapter IV, "Hurry,
Worry, and Irritability." Little, Brown & Co.
Ideas of a Plain Country Mother. _Ladies' Home Journal_, May
1, 1911.
_American Motherhood_. Coopertown, New York Monthly, $1. This
magazine publishes many short articles bearing on the subject
of this chapter.
How to conduct Mothers' Clubs. (Pamphlet No. 302, 8 cents.)
_American Motherhood_. Coopertown, New York.