Given Her Own Way
On Monday the absorbing work of the farm was renewed, and every day
brought to Holcroft long and exhausting hours of labor. While he was
often taciturn, he evidently progressed in cheerfulness and hope.
Alida confirmed his good impressions. His meals were prompt and
inviting; the house was taking on an aspect of neatness and order long
absent, and his wardrobe was put in as good condition as its rather
meager character permitted. He had positively refused to permit his
wife to do any washing and ironing. "We will see about it next fall,"
he said. "If then you are perfectly well and strong, perhaps, but not
in the warm weather now coming on." Then he added, with a little nod,
"I'm finding out how valuable you are, and I'd rather save you than the
small sum I have to pay old Mrs. Johnson."
In this and in other ways he showed kindly consideration, but his mind
continually reverted to his work and outdoor plans with the
preoccupation of one who finds that he can again give his thoughts to
something from which they had been most reluctantly withdrawn. Thus
Alida was left alone most of the time. When the dusk of evening came
he was too tired to say much, and he retired early that he might be
fresh for work again when the sun appeared. She had no regrets, for
although she kept busy she was resting and her wounds were healing
through the long, quiet days.
It was the essential calm after the storm. Caring for the dairy and
working the butter into firm, sweet, tempting yellow rolls were the
only tasks that troubled her a little, but Holcroft assured her that
she was learning these important duties faster than he had expected her
to. She had several hours a day in which to ply her needle, and thus
was soon enabled to replenish her scanty wardrobe.
One morning at breakfast she appeared in another gown, and although its
material was calico, she had the appearance to Holcroft of being
unusually well dressed. He looked pleased, but made no comment. When
the cherry blossoms were fully out, an old cracked flower vase--the
only one in the house--was filled with them, and they were placed in
the center of the dinner table. He looked at them and her, then
smilingly remarked, "I shouldn't wonder if you enjoyed those cherry
blows more than anything else we have for dinner."
"I want something else, though. My appetite almost frightens me."
"That's famous! I needn't be ashamed of mine, then."
One evening, before the week was over, he saw her busy with a rake
about the door. Last year's leaves were still scattered about, with
twigs and even small boughs wrested by the winds from the trees. He
was provoked with himself that he had neglected the usual spring
clearing away of litter, and a little irritated that she should have
tried to do the work herself. He left the horses at the barn and came
forward directly. "Alida," he said gravely, "there's no need of your
doing such work; I don't like to see you do it."
"Why," she replied, "I've heard that women in the country often milk
and take care of the chickens."
"Yes, but that's very different from this work. I wouldn't like people
to think I expected such things of you."
"It's very easy work," she said smilingly, "easier than sweeping a
room, though something like it. I used to do it at home when I was a
girl. I think it does me good to do something in the open air."
She was persisting, but not in a way that chafed him. Indeed, as he
looked into her appealing eyes and face flushed with exercise, he felt
that it would be churlish to say another word.
"Well," he said, laughing, "it makes you look so young and rosy I guess
it does you good. I suppose you'll have to have your own way."
"You know I wouldn't do this or anything else if you really didn't want
me to."
"You are keen," he replied, with his good nature entirely restored.
"You can see that you get me right under your thumb when you talk that
way. But we must both be on our guard against your fault, you know, or
pretty soon you'll be taking the whole work of the farm off my hands."
"To be serious," she resumed, accompanying him to the barn for the
first time, "I think YOU are working too hard. I'm not. Our meals are
so simple that it doesn't take me long to get them. I'm through with
the hurry in my sewing, the old dog does the churning, and you give me
so much help in the dairy that I shall soon have time on my hands. Now
it seems to me that I might soon learn to take entire care of the
chickens, big and little, and that would be so much less for you to
look after. I'm sure I would enjoy it very much, especially the
looking after the little chickens."
"So you really think you'd like to do that?" he asked, as he turned to
her from unharnessing the horses.
"Yes, indeed, if you think I'm competent."
"You are more so than I am. Somehow, little chickens don't thrive
under a busy man's care. The mother hens mean well, but they are so
confoundedly silly. I declare to you that last year I lost half the
little chicks that were hatched out."
"Well, then," she replied, laughing, "I won't be afraid to try, for I
think I can beat you in raising chickens. Now, show me how much you
feed them at night and how much I'm to give them in the morning, and
let me take the whole care of them for a month, get the eggs, and all.
If they don't do so well, then I'll resign. I can't break you in a
month."
"It looks more as if you'd make me. You have a good big bump of order,
and I haven't any at all in little things. Tom Watterly was right. If
I had tried to live here alone, things would have got into an awful
mess. I feel ashamed of myself that I didn't clear up the yard before,
but my whole mind's been on the main crops."
"As it should be. Don't you worry about the little things. They
belong to me. Now show me about the chickens, or they'll go to roost
while we're talking."
"But I, as well as the chickens, shall want some supper."
"I won't let either of you starve. You'll see."
"Well, you see this little measure? You fill it from this bin with
this mixture of corn and wheat screenings. That's the allowance,
morning and evening. Then you go out to the barnyard there, and call
'kip, kip, kip.' That's the way my wife used--" He stopped in a little
embarrassment.
"I'd be glad if I could do everything as she did," said Alida gently.
"It has grown clearer every day how hard her loss was to you. If
you'll tell me what she did and how she did things--" and she hesitated.
"That's good of you, Alida," he replied gratefully. Then, with his
directness of speech, he added, "I believe some women are inclined to
be jealous even of the dead."
"You need never fear to speak of your wife to me. I respect and honor
your feelings--the way you remember her. There's no reason why it
should be otherwise. I did not agree to one thing and expect another,"
and she looked him straight in the eyes.
He dropped them, as he stood leaning against the bin in the shadowy old
barn, and said, "I didn't think you or anyone would be so sensible. Of
course, one can't forget quickly--"
"You oughtn't to forget," was the firm reply. "Why should you? I
should be sorry to think you could forget."
"I fear I'm not like to make you sorry," he replied, sighing. "To tell
you the truth--" he added, looking at her almost commiseratingly, and
then he hesitated.
"Well, the truth is usually best," she said quietly.
"Well, I'll tell you my thought. We married in haste, we were almost
strangers, and your mind was so distracted at the time that I couldn't
blame you if you forgot what--what I said. I feared--well, you are
carrying out our agreement so sensibly that I want to thank you. It's
a relief to find that you're not opposed, even in your heart, that I
should remember one that I knew as a little child and married when I
was young."
"I remember all you said and what I said," she replied, with the same
direct, honest gaze. "Don't let such thoughts trouble you any more.
You've been kinder and more considerate than I ever expected. You have
only to tell me how she did--"
"No, Alida," he said quietly, obeying a subtle impulse. "I'd rather you
would do everything your own way--as it's natural for you. There,
we've talked so long that it's too late to feed the chickens tonight.
You can begin in the morning."
"Oh!" she cried, "and you have all your other work to do. I've
hindered rather than helped you by coming out."
"No," he replied decidedly, "you've helped me. I'll be in before very
long."
She returned to the house and busied herself in preparations for
supper. She was very thoughtful, and at last concluded: "Yes, he is
right. I understand. Although I may do WHAT his wife did, he don't
wish me to do it AS she did. There could only be a partial and painful
resemblance to his eyes. Both he and I would suffer in comparisons,
and he be continually reminded of his loss. She was his wife in
reality, and all relating to her is something sacred and past to him.
The less I am like her, the better. He married me for the sake of his
farm, and I can best satisfy him by carrying out his purpose in my own
way. He's through with sentiment and has taken the kindest way he
could to tell me that I've nothing to do with his past. He feared,
yes, he FEARED, I should forget our businesslike agreement! I didn't
know I had given him cause to fear; I certainly won't hereafter!" and
the wife felt, with a trace of bitterness and shame, that she had been
put on her guard; that her husband had wished to remind her that she
must not forget his motive in marrying her, or expect anything not in
consonance with that motive. Perhaps she had been too wifelike in her
manner, and therefore he had feared. She was as sensitive to such a
reproach as she would have been in her girlhood.
For once her intuition was at fault, and she misjudged Holcroft in some
respects. He did think he was through with sentiment; he could not
have talked deliberately to Alida or to any other about his old life
and love, and he truly felt that she had no part in that life. It had
become a sad and sacred memory, yet he wished to feel that he had the
right to dwell upon it as he chose. In his downright sincerity he
wished her to know that he could not help dwelling on it; that for him
some things were over, and that he was not to blame. He was profoundly
grateful to her that she had so clearly accepted the facts of his past,
and of their own present relations. He HAD feared, it is true, but she
had not realized his fears, and he felt that it was her due that he
should acknowledge her straightforward carrying out of the compact made
under circumstances which might well excuse her from realizing
everything fully.
Moreover, direct and matter of fact as he was, he had felt vaguely the
inevitable difficulties of their relationship. The very word "wife"
might suggest to her mind an affection which he believed it was not in
his power to bestow. They had agreed to give an arbitrary and unusual
meaning to their marriage, and, while thinking it could have no other
meaning for him, his mind was haunted, and he feared that hers might
be, by the natural significance of the rite. So far from meaning to
hint that she had been too wifelike, he had meant to acknowledge her
simple and natural fulfillment of his wishes in a position far more
difficult to fill than even he imagined. That she succeeded so well
was due to the fact that she entertained for him all the kind feelings
possible except the one supreme regard which, under ordinary
circumstances, would have accounted for the marriage. The reason that
all promised to go so well in their relationship of mere mutual help
was the truth that this basis of union had satisfied their mutual need.
As the farmer had hoped, they had become excellent friends,
supplementing each other's work in a way that promised prosperity.
Without the least intention on the part of either, chance words had
been spoken which would not be without effect. He had told her to do
everything in her own way because the moment he thought of it he knew
he liked her ways. They possessed a novelty and natural grace which
interested him. There are both a natural and a conventional grace, and
the true lady learns to blend the one with the other so as to make a
charming manner essentially her own--a manner which makes a woman a
lady the world over. Alida had little more than natural grace and
refinement, unmodified by society. This the plain farmer could
understand, and he was already awakening to an appreciation of it. It
impressed him agreeably that Alida should be trim and neat while about
her work, and that all her actions were entirely free from the coarse,
slovenly manner, the limp carriage, and slatternly aspect of the whole
tribe which had come and gone during the past year. They had all been
so much alike in possessing disagreeable traits that he felt that Alida
was the only peculiar one among them. He never thought of instituting
comparisons between her and his former wife, yet he did so
unconsciously. Mrs. Holcroft had been too much like himself, matter of
fact, materialistic, kind, and good. Devoid of imagination, uneducated
in mind, her thoughts had not ranged far from what she touched and saw.
She touched them with something of their own heaviness, she saw them as
objects--just what they were--and was incapable of obtaining from them
much suggestion or enjoyment. She knew when the cherry and plum trees
were in blossom just as she knew it was April. The beautiful sounds
and changes in nature reminded her that it was time to do certain kinds
of work, and with her, work was alpha and omega. As her mother had
before her, she was inclined to be a house drudge rather than a
housewife. Thrift, neatness, order, marked the limits of her endeavor,
and she accomplished her tasks with the awkward, brisk directness
learned in her mother's kitchen. Only mind, imagination, and
refinement can embroider the homely details of life. Alida would learn
to do all that she had done, but the woman with a finer nature would do
it in a different way. Holcroft already knew he liked this way
although he could not define it to himself. Tired as he was when he
came home in the evening, his eyes would often kindle with pleasure at
some action or remark that interested him from its novelty. In spite
of his weariness and preoccupation, in spite of a still greater
obstacle--the inertia of a mind dulled by material life--he had begun
to consider Alida's personality for its own sake. He liked to watch
her, not to see what she did to his advantage, but how she did it. She
was awakening an agreeable expectancy, and he sometimes smilingly said
to himself, "What's next?"
"Oh, no!" he thought as he was milking the last cow, "I'd much rather
she'd take her own natural way in doing things. It would be easier for
her and it's her right and--and somehow I like her way just as I used
to like Bessie's ways. She isn't Bessie and never can be, and for some
reason I'd like her to be as different as possible."
Unconsciously and unintentionally, however, he had given Alida's
sensitive nature a slight wound. She felt that she had been told in
effect, "You can help me all you please, and I would rather you would
do this in a way that will not awaken associations, but you must not
think of me or expect me to think of you in any light that was not
agreed upon." That he had feared the possibility of this, that he
might have fancied he saw indications of this, hurt her pride--that
pride and delicacy of feeling which most women shield so instinctively.
She was now consciously on her guard, and so was not so secure against
the thoughts she deprecated as before. In spite of herself, a
restraint would tinge her manner which he would eventually feel in a
vague, uncomfortable way.
But he came in at last, very tired and thoroughly good-natured. "I'm
going to town tomorrow," he said, "and I thought of taking a very early
start so as to save time. Would you like to go?"
"There's no need of my going."
"I thought perhaps you'd enjoy the drive."
"I would have to meet strangers and I'm so entirely content in being
alone--I won't go this time unless you wish it."
"Well, if you don't care about it, I'll carry out my first plan and
take a very early start. I want to sell the butter and eggs on hand,
repay Tom Watterly, and get some seeds. We need some things from the
store, too, I suppose?"
"Yes, you are such a coffee drinker--" she began, smiling.
"Oh, I know!" he interrupted. "Make out your list. You shall say what
we want. Isn't there something you want for yourself?"
"No, not for myself, but I do want something that perhaps you would
enjoy, too. You may think it a waste of money, though."
"Well, you've a right to waste some in your way as well as I have over
my pipe."
"That's good. I hadn't thought of that. You are the one that puts
notions into my head. I would like three or four geraniums and a few
flower seeds."
He looked as if he was thinking deeply and she felt a little hurt that
he should not comply at once with her request, knowing that the outlay
suggested was very slight.
At last he looked up, smiling as he said, "So I put notions into your
head, do I?"
"Oh, well," she replied, flushing in the consciousness of her thoughts,
"if you think it's foolish to spend money for such things--"
"Tush, tush, Alida! Of course I'll get what you wish. But I really am
going to put a notion into your head, and it's stupid and scarcely fair
in me that I hadn't thought of some such plan before. You want to take
care of the chickens. Well, I put them wholly in your care and you
shall have all you can make off them--eggs, young chickens, and
everything."
"That IS a new notion," she replied, laughing. "I hadn't thought of
such a thing and it's more than fair. What would I do with so much
money?"
"What you please. Buy yourself silk dresses if you want to."
"But I couldn't use a quarter of the money."
"No matter, use what you like and I'll put the rest in the bank for you
and in your name. I was a nice kind of a business partner, wasn't I?
Expecting you to do nearly half the work and then have you say, 'Will
you please get me a few plants and seeds?' and then, 'Oh! If you think
it's foolish to spend money for such things.' Why, you have as good a
right to spend some of the money you help earn as I have. You've shown
you'll be sensible in spending it. I don't believe you'll use enough
of it. Anyway, it will be yours, as it ought to be."
"Very well," she replied, nodding at him with piquant significance,
"I'll always have some to lend you."
"Yes, shouldn't wonder if you were the richest some day. Everything
you touch seems to turn out well. I shall be wholly dependent on you
hereafter for eggs and an occasional fricassee."
"You shall have your share. Yes, I like this notion. It grows on me.
I'd like to earn some money to do what I please with. You'll be
surprised to see what strange and extravagant tastes I'll develop!"
"I expect to be perfectly dumfoundered, as Mrs. Mumpson used to say.
Since you are so willing to lend, I'll lend you enough to get all you
want tomorrow. Make out your list. You can get a good start tomorrow
for I was too tired and it was too late for me to gather the eggs
tonight. I know, too, that a good many of the hens have stolen their
nests of late, and I've been too busy to look for 'em. You may find
perfect mines of eggs, but, for mercy's sake! don't climb around in
dangerous places. I had such bad luck with chicks last year that I've
only set a few hens. You can set few or many now, just as you please."
Even as he talked and leisurely finished his supper, his eyes grew
heavy with sleep. "What time will you start tomorrow?" she asked.
"Oh, no matter; long before you are up or ought to be. I'll get myself
a cup of coffee. I expect to do my morning work and be back by nine or
ten o'clock for I wish to get in some potatoes and other vegetables
before Sunday."
"Very well, I'll make out my list and lay it on the table here. Now,
why don't you go and sleep at once? You ought, with such an early
start in prospect."
"Ought I? Well, I never felt more inclined to do my duty. You must
own up I have put one good notion into your head?"
"I have said nothing against any of them. Come, you ought to go at
once."
"Can't I smoke my pipe first please?"
"You'll find it quieter in the parlor."
"But it's pleasanter here where I can watch you."
"Do you think I need watching?"
"Yes, a little, since you don't look after your own interests very
sharply."
"It isn't my way to look after anything very sharply."
"No, Alida, thank the Lord! There's nothing sharp about you, not even
your tongue. You won't mind being left alone a few hours tomorrow?"
"No, indeed, I like to be alone."
"I thought I did. Most everyone has seemed a crowd to me. I'm glad
you've never given me that feeling. Well, goodbye till you see me
driving up with the geraniums."