But as to man, the first object of his care should be respecting a
wife; for the society which exists between the male and female is
above all others natural. For it is laid down by us elsewhere, that
nature aims at producing many such creatures as the several kinds of
animals; but it is impossible for the female to accomplish this
without the male, or the male without the female, so that the society
between them exists of necessity. In all other animals indeed, this
association is irrational, and exists only so far as they possess a
natural instinct, and for the sake of procreation alone. But in the
milder and more intelligent animals, this bond more nearly approaches
perfection; for there seem to be in them more signs of mutual
assistance and good-will, and of cooperation with each other. But this
is especially the case with man, because the male and female here
cooperate not only for the sake of existence, but of living happily.
And the procreation of children is a means not only of subserving
nature, but also of solid benefit; for the labor which they expend
during their season of vigor upon their helpless young is given back
to them in the decay of age, from their children who are then in
vigor.
And at the same time, by this continual cycle, nature provides for the
continuance of the race as a species, since she can not do so
numerically. Thus divinely predisposed toward such a society is the
nature of both the male and the female. For the sexes are at once
divided, in that neither of them have powers adequate for all
purposes, nay, in some respects even opposite to each other, tho they
tend to the same end. For nature has made the one sex stronger and the
other weaker, that the one by reason of fear may be more adapted to
preserve property, while the other, by reason of its fortitude, may be
disposed to repel assaults; and that the one may provide things
abroad, while the other preserves them at home. And with respect to
labor, the one is by nature capable of attending to domestic duties,
but weak as to matters out-of-doors; the other is ill-adapted to works
where repose is necessary, but able to perform those which demand
exercise. And with respect to children, the bearing of them belongs to
one sex, but the advantage of them is common to both; for the one has
to rear them, and the other to educate them....
A good and perfect wife ought to be mistress of everything within the
house, and to have the care of everything according to fixt laws;
allowing no one to come in unbidden by her husband, and especially
keeping on her guard against everything which can be noised abroad
relating to a woman's dishonor. So that if any mischance has happened
within doors, she alone ought to know about it; but when those who
have come in have done anything wrong, the husband should bear the
blame. And she should manage the expenses laid out upon such festivals
as her husband has agreed with her in keeping, and make an outlay of
clothes and other ornaments on a somewhat lesser scale than is
encouraged by the laws of the state; considering that neither splendor
of vestments, nor preeminence of beauty, nor the amount of gold,
contributes so much to the commendation of a woman as good management
in domestic affairs, and a noble and comely manner of life; since all
such array of the soul is far more lovely, and has greater force (than
anything besides), to provide herself and her children true ornament
till old age.
A wife therefore ought to inspire herself with confidence, and
perpetually to be at the head of domestic affairs. For it is unseemly
for a man to know all that goes on in the house; in all respects
indeed she ought to be obedient to her husband, and not to busy
herself about public affairs, nor to take part in matrimonial
concerns. And when it is time to give his daughters in marriage, or to
get wives for his sons, by all means in these respects she should obey
her husband. And she ought to show herself a fellow counsellor to her
husband, so as to assent to what pleases him, remembering that it is
less unseemly for a husband to take in hand domestic matters, than for
a wife to busy herself in affairs out-of-doors. But the well-ordered
wife will justly consider the behavior of her husband as a model of
her own life, and a law to herself, invested with a divine sanction by
means of the marriage tie and the community of life. For if she can
persuade herself to bear her husband's ways patiently, she will most
easily manage matters in the house; but if she can not, she will have
greater difficulty. So that it will be seemly for her to show herself
of one mind with her husband, and tractable, not only when her husband
is in good luck and prosperity, but also when he is in misfortune; and
when good fortune has failed him or sickness has laid hold of his
bodily frame, or when he has been deprived of his senses, she ought
gently and sympathetically to yield in any matter which is not base
and unworthy; but if her husband has been ailing and made a mistake,
she ought not to keep it on her mind, but to lay the blame on disease
or ignorance....
But the husband in his turn should find out certain laws to regulate
his treatment of his wife, as one who entered the house of her husband
to share his children and his life, and to leave him a progeny
destined to bear the names of her husband's parents and her own. And
what in the world could there be more holy than these ties? or what is
there about which a man in his sound sense could strive more earnestly
than to beget the children who shall hereafter nurse his declining
years, from the best and most praiseworthy of wives; for they are to
be, as it were, the best and most pious preservers of their father and
mother, and guardians of the entire family. For it is probable that
they will turn out good, if they have been reared uprightly by their
parents in the habitual practise of what is just and holy but if the
contrary should be the case, they will suffer the loss themselves. For
unless parents afford their children a fit pattern of life, they will
leave them an obvious excuse to quote against themselves. And this is
to be feared, that if they have not lived well, their sons will
disregard them, and neglect them in their old age.
On this account nothing is to be omitted which tends to the fit
education of a bride, so that the children may be born of the best
possible mother. For the husbandman neglects nothing so as to cast his
seed upon the richest and best wrought ground, considering that it is
from such a soil that he will hereafter reap the fairest fruits; and
if any violence threatens, he fights against his enemy, and
deliberately chooses to die rather than endure to see it ravaged; and
such a disposition as this is praised by most persons. And as such is
the care which is spent by us on the support of our bodies, what
manner of men ought we to show ourselves on behalf of our children and
of the mother that is to rear them? Ought we not most readily to
strain every nerve? For in this way alone does the constitution of
man's nature, which is mortal, attain to prosperity, and the prayers
of parents all tend to this one end. And hence, whoever cares not for
this is sure to be regardless of the gods.
It was for the sake of the gods, then, who were present to him when
he offered the marriage sacrifice, that he not only took to himself a
wife, but also (what is far more) gave himself over to his bride to
honor her next to his own parents. But that which is most precious in
the eyes of a prudent wife is to see her husband preserving himself
entirely for her, thinking of no other woman in comparison with her,
and regarding herself, above all other women, as peculiarly his own,
and faithful toward him. For in proportion as a wife perceives that
she is faithfully and justly cared for, so much the more will she
exert her energies to show herself such. Whoever therefore is prudent
will not fail to remember with how much honor it becomes him to
requite his parents, his wife, and his children, in order that he may
gain the name of one who is just and upright in distributing to each
their due. For every one is indignant beyond measure at being deprived
of that which belongs to himself in a peculiar manner; and there is no
one who is content at being deprived of his own property, tho one were
to give him plenty of his neighbor's goods. And in very truth nothing
is so peculiarly the property of a wife as a chaste and hallowed
intercourse.
And hence it would not befit a prudent man to cast his seed wherever
chance might take it, lest children should be born to him from a bad
and base stock, on an equality with his legitimate sons; and by this
the wife is robbed of her conjugal rights, the children are injured,
and above all, the husband himself is enveloped in disgrace. He ought
therefore to approach his wife with much self-restraint and decency,
and to maintain modesty in his words, and in his deeds a regard to
what is lawful and honest, and in his intercourse he should be true
and discreet. And to little errors, even tho they be voluntary, he
ought to vouchsafe pardon; and if she has made any mistake through
ignorance, he ought to advise her, and not to inspire her with fear,
except such as is accompanied with reverence and respect. For such
treatment would be more suited to mistresses at the hands of their
gallants. Yet, nevertheless, justly to love her husband with reverence
and respect, and to be loved in turn, is that which befits a wife of
gentle birth, as to her intercourse with her own husband. For fear is
of two kinds; the one kind is reverent and full of respect; such is
that which good sons exhibit toward their parents, and well-ordered
citizens toward those who rule them in a kindly spirit. But the other
kind is attended by hatred and aversion: such is that which slaves
feel toward their masters, and citizens toward unjust and lawless
tyrants.
Furthermore, the husband ought to choose the best course out of all
that we have said above, and so to conciliate his wife to himself, and
to make her trustworthy and well disposed, as that whether her husband
be present or absent, she will be equally good, while he can turn his
attention to public matters: so that even in his absence she may feel
that no one is better, nor more suited to herself, nor more nearly
bound to her, than her own husband: and that he may always direct his
energies to the public good, and show from the very first that such is
the case, even tho she may be very young and quite inexperienced in
such matters. For if the husband should ever begin such a course of
conduct as this, and show himself to be perfect master of himself, he
would be the best guide of the entire course of his life, and he would
teach his wife to adopt a similar mode of action.