It was his vest-slip which chained my eye. Spats and the lesser niceties
are common among the altruists who strive to set us to rights just by
the Marble Arch, but a vest-slip was a new note.
His voice was like his hair, in that it was thin, undecided, not really
assertive enough to be impressive ... Ah, now I had the range of him.
"You may call 'im a beneffercent despot. I _don't_. You may 'ave a tiste
for aristocrercy, plootocrercy, ortocrercy. I _'aven't_. You may prefer
to 'ave a iron-shod 'eel ground on your fices. _I don't._
"There was a professor at Kimebridge, some years ago, who said to me,
when I 'come-up,' as they say, after tikin' my degree, 'My boy,' 'e
says, 'when you git out into the world, when you desert these 'ere
cloistered 'alls, these shidy lawns, these venerable cryp's, never you
eat no dirt! Not for nobody, my boy! Remember your ol' collidge, think
of your _awmer-miter_, think of 'istoric Trinity 'All, an' the pelloocid
Isis, and never eat no dirt!'
"Yes, gents, they was 'is larst words to me, one of 'is fivourite
pupils, if I may say so; 'is Pawthian shots. An' if that there estimable
ol' man could look down on me now, as I stand 'ere fice to fice in front
of you, 'e would candidly admit that I 'ave always bore in mind 'is
fawtherly adjuritions.
"I'll tell you what it is, gents. If you was to walk quietly into
Buckin'am Pellis at this moment, an' 'ave a friendly word with 'Is
Mejisty, do you kid yourselves 'e would igspress any what I may call
cuzzen like feelin' for this--this perisite? Do you fan your ducks, in
vulgar pawlence, that if the KING'S 'ands was free 'e would not 'asten
to be the first to pluck the bauble from 'is cuzzen's fat 'ead?
"If there are any Germans present, is there one among them who will 'ave
the 'ardi'ood to step forward now and say a word, one little word,
gentlemen, one single bloomin' ''_Och!_' on be'alf of 'im? _Naow_,
gents, _naow_! Ten thousing times _naow_!
"'Eaven forbid that I should talk above your 'eads, my friends, but I
say, an' I maintain, that this insolent upstawt, this pestilenshul
braggadosho, this blood-suckin', fire-eatin', spark-spittin',
sausage-guzzlin', beer-swillin' ranter, this imitashun eagle, with a
cawdboard beak an' a tin 'elmet, this 'ypercritical 'umbug, 'as
forfeited the larst shred of the respec' of any but the mos'
sooperfishul stoodent of international affairs, or _welt-politik_, as
the French would put it.
"I know what I'm talkin' abaout, gents. I can call for my seven-course
dinner, my little 'alf-bottle, my Larranaga or Corona, my corfy, my
lickewer _an'_ my tooth-pick, in the language of every capital in
Europe.
"Well, gents, where did I get my information, my insight, my instinc',
on these things? 'Ow came it to be that I can walk into the private
offices of the biggest bankers in Europe, knowin' full well what they
would understand if I so much as suggested a pinch of snuff, or said it
looked like rain, or asked if they 'ad seen the Shaw of Persha litely?
"You don't suppose I got my intimercy with questions what 'ave brought a
Continent, ay, an' 'alf a world, to grips, by 'angin' round Embassies
an' Consulates, and Chawncelleries, do you?
"There is always somethink _subrowsa_, somethink be'ind the scenes,
somethink suttle, some unsuspected inflooence, what the outer world
'ardly ever 'ears of.'
"An' what is it, in 'undreds of cises? Gents all, I will tell you, in
the words of the gallant defenders of Leege--_Shurshy-lar-fam_! That
little phrise, gents, in cise you may 'ave forgot your French or
Belgian, as the cise may be, means 'Look for the woman,' gents.
"I may not look it now, my frien's, an' you may larf with scorn to 'ear
an ol' feller speak the words, but there _was_ a time, shortly arfter I
come-up from the Varsity, an' just before I took my commishun in the
dear ol' Tin-Bellies, when there was no man more popular than me in the
_salongs_ of Europe.
"Take my word for it, gents! Young, wealthy, not undistinguished in the
matter of learnin', well-bred, nurchured in the lap of luxury, tolerably
good-lookin', if not actually 'andsome, my way was easy, gents. It was
child's play for me to get at the inside of things, to get under the
surface, to see what was agitatin' the boorses of 'alf the Continent, to
understand why big financiers was orderin'-in 'ams by the 'alf-'undred,
religious scruples not-withstandin'. Why, if I was to sit down an' put
pen to piper I could sell my memo'rs of them days for a fabulous sum--if
the biggest publishers in the land was not too bloomin' chicken-'earted
to publish anythink so 'ot, gentlemen!
"Your ears would wag, my friends, if I told you one 'alf of the spells
what some of them Continental society sirens wielded, an' but for my
mastery over their 'earts what might we not have igsperienced years
agow? An' this, gentlemen, at the biddin' or the innuendoes of vile
bein's not fit to 'arthstone the door-step of the po'rest workin'-man
what plods 'is 'eart-broken way acrost this Pawk to-night!
"You 'ave no idear, I assure you, gents, what might not 'ave 'appened,
what cruel, what damn ..."
B2471, who had gradually edged toward the stool on which he stood,
stepped up to him and spoke softly. "That's bloomin' well _torn_ it,
matey," said B2471. "You've 'ad a good time all to your little self, but
we 'ave to dror the line. You'll 'ave to _'op_ it, old sport!"
And, just, as we were getting into his confidence, he of the vest-slip
'opped it, and we were left behind, without further clues to
_Shurshy-lar-fam_.
The woman still remains a mystery.
* * * * *