Let the man who disapproves of reading parties suggest something better.
"Let the lads stop at home," says one. Have you ever tried it? They
soon become a bore to themselves and all around them. "Let them go by
themselves, then, to some quiet seaside lodging or small farmhouse."
Suicide or the d---1. "Let them stop at the University for the Long."
The Dons won't let them stop up, unless they are likely to take high
degrees; and, even if the Dons would permit it, it would be too
oppressively dull for the young men. "At all events, let reading parties
be really _reading_ parties." Whoever said they should be anything else?
For my part I know nothing in this life equal to reading parties. Do
Jones and Brown, who are perched upon high stools in the city, ever dream
of starting for the Lakes with a ledger each, to enter their accounts and
add up the items by the margin of Derwentwater. Do Bagshaw and Tomkins,
emerging from their dismal chambers in Pump Court, take their Smith's
_Leading Cases_, or their _Archbold_, to Shanklyn or Cowes? Do Sawyer
and Allen study medicine in a villa on the Lake of Geneva? I take it, it
is an invincible sign of the universality of the classics and mathematics
that they will adapt themselves with equal ease to the dreariest of
college rooms or to the most romantic scenery.
Harry Barton, Richard Glenville, Thomas Thornton, and I, made up
Porkington's Reading Party.
Harry Barton's father was a Manchester cotton spinner of great wealth.
Himself a man of no education, beyond such knowledge as he had picked up
in the course of an arduous life, the cotton spinner was not oblivious to
those advantages which ought to accrue to a liberal education; and he
resolved that his son, a fine handsome lad, should not fail in life for
want of them. Young Barton had, therefore, in due course been sent to
Eton and Camford with a full purse, a vigorous constitution, a light
heart, and a fair amount of cramming. At Camford he found himself in the
midst of his old Eton chums, and plunged eagerly into all the animated
life and excitement of the University. Boating, cricket, rackets,
billiards, wine parties, betting--these formed the chief occupation of
the two years which he had already passed at college. Reading, upon some
days, formed an agreeable diversion from the monotony of the above-named
more interesting studies. Porkington, however, who seldom placed a man
wrong, still promised him a second class. Hearty, generous, a lover of
ease and pleasure, good-natured and easily led, he was a general
favourite; and in some respects deserved to be so.
Richard Glenville was the son of an orthodox low church parson, a fat
vicar and canon, a man who, if he was not conformed to the world at
large, was a mere reflection of the little world to which he belonged.
His son Richard was a quick-sighted youth, clear and vigorous in
intellect, not deep but acute. He was high church, because he had lived
among the low church party. He was a Tory, because his surroundings were
mostly Liberal. He was inclined to be profane, because his father's
friends bored him by their solemnity. He was flippant, because they were
dull; careless, because they were cautious; and fast, because they were
slow. He had an eye for the weak points of things. He delighted in what
is called "chaff." He affected to regard all things with indifference,
and was tolerant of everything except what he was pleased to denounce as
shams. Upon this point he would occasionally become very warm. If his
sense of truth and honour were touched, he became goaded into passion;
but most things appealed to him from their humorous side. He was tall,
fair, and handsome, the features clean cut and the eyes grey. His
manners were polished, and he was always well dressed. He was full of
high spirits and good temper, and was a most agreeable companion to all
to whom his satire did not render him uncomfortable. Strange to say, he
stood very high in the favour of Mrs. Porkington, who, had she known what
fun he made of her behind her back, would, I think, have sometimes
forgotten that he was the nephew of a peer. He studied logic, classics,
mathematics, moral philosophy indifferently, because he found that a
certain amount of study conduced to a quiet life with the "governor." He
proposed ultimately, he said, to be called to the Bar, because that was
equivalent to leaving your future career still enveloped in mystery for
many years.
I do not know that I have very much to say about Thornton. He was a very
estimable young man. I think he was the only one of the party who might
say with a clear conscience that he did some work for his "coach." He
was not short, nor tall, nor good-looking, nor very rich, nor very poor.
He was of plebeian origin. His father was a grocer. I am sure the young
man had been well brought up at home, and had been well taught at school;
and he was a brave, frank, honest fellow enough, but there was withal a
certain common or commonplace way with him. He acquitted himself well at
cricket and football; and I have no doubt he will succeed in life, and be
most respectable, but on the whole very uninteresting.
The present writer is one of the most handsome, most amiable, and most
witty of men; but if there is one vice more than another at which his
soul revolts, it is the sin of egotism. Else the world would here have
become the possessor of one of the most eloquent pages in literature. It
is said that artists, who paint their own portraits, make a mere copy of
their image in the looking glass. For my part, if I had to draw my own
likeness, I would scorn such paltry devices. The true artist draws from
the imagination. Let any man think for a moment what manner of man he
is. Is he not at once struck with the fact that he is not as other men
are--that he is not extortionate, nor unjust, and so forth? But, in
truth, if I were to paint my own portrait, I know there are fifty fools
who would think I meant it for themselves; and as I cannot tolerate
vanity in other people, I will say no more about it.
So at length here at Babbicombe were the coach, harness, drag, and team
duly arrived, and settled for six weeks or more, in a fine large house,
far above the deep blue ocean, and far removed from all the turmoil and
bustle of this busy world. Wonderful truly are the happiness and
privileges of young men, if they only knew how to enjoy them wisely.
"I think it is somewhat unthoughtful, to say the least of it," said Mrs.
Porkington to Glenville, "that Mr. Porkington should have taken a house
so very far from the beach. He knows how I adore the sea."
"Perhaps he is jealous of it on that account," said Glenville.
The Drag said she believed he would be jealous of anything. For her part
if she were tied to such a man she would give him good cause to be
jealous.
Glenville replied in his most polite manner that he was sure she could
never be so cruel.
The Drag did not understand him.
"Confound the old aunt," said he, as he sat down to the table in the
dining-room to his mathematical papers, "why did she not stick to the
tallow-chandling, instead of coming here? Don't you think, Barton, our
respected governors ought to pay less for our coaching on account of the
drag? Of course we really pay something extra on her account; but,
generally speaking, you know an irremovable nuisance would diminish the
value of an estate, and I think a coach with an irremovable drag ought to
fetch less than a coach without encumbrances."
"I daresay you are right," said Barton. "The two women will ruin Porky
between them. The quantity of donkey chaises they require is something
awful. To be sure the hill is rather steep in hot weather."
"Yes," said Glenville, "they began by trying one chaise between them,
ride and tie; but Mrs. Porkington always would ride the first half of the
way, and so Miss Candlish only rode the last quarter, until at last the
first half grew to such enormous proportions that it caused a difference
between the ladies, and Porkington had to allow two donkey chaises. How
they do squabble, to be sure, about which of the two it really is who
requires the chaise!"
"I can't help thinking Socrates was a fool to want to be killed when he
had done nothing to deserve it," said Thornton, with a yawn, as he put
down his book.
"Yes," said Glenville, "nowadays a man expects to take his whack first--I
mean to hit some man on the head, or stab some woman in the breast,
first. Then he professes himself quite ready for the consequences, and
poetic justice is satisfied."
"How a man can put the square root of minus three eggs into a basket, and
then give five to one person, and half the remainder and the square of
the whole, divided by twelve, and so on, I never could understand; but
perhaps the answer is wrong, I mean the square root of minus three."
"Oh, if that is your answer, Barton," said Glenville, "you are fairly
floored. Take care you don't get an answer of that sort--a facer, I
mean--from the 'pretty fisher maiden.'"
"Don't chaff, Glenville," cried Barton; "you are always talking some
folly or other."
"Well, well, let us have some beer and a pipe.
'He, who would shine and petrify his tutor,
Should drink draught Allsopp from its native pewter.'
We shall all go to the dance to-night, I suppose--Thornton, of course,
lured by the two Will-o-the-wisps in Miss Delamere's black eyes."
"Go, and order the beer, Dick," said Thornton, "and come back a wiser, if
not a sadder man." Dick procured the beer; and, it being now twelve
o'clock at noon, pipes were lit, and papers and books remained in
abeyance, though not absolutely forgotten. At half-past twelve Mr.
Porkington looked in timidly to see how work was progressing, to assist
in the classics, and to disentangle the mathematics; but the liberal
sciences were so besmothered with tobacco smoke and so bespattered with
beer, that the poor little man did not even dare to come to their
assistance; but coughed, and smiled, and said feebly that he would come
again when the air was a little clearer.
"Upon my word, it is too bad," said Barton. "Many fellows would not
stand it. I declare I won't smoke any more this morning."
The rest followed the good example. Pipes were extinguished, and
Glenville was deputed to go and tell the tutor that the room was clear of
smoke. They were not wicked young men, but I don't think their mothers
and sisters were at all aware of that state of life into which a love of
ease and very high spirits had called their sons and brothers.