I have enjoyed my visit to your beautiful but wet old town very
much and would respectfully advise you that there are several
things you can do to keep it unspiled. These are as follows to wit
viz:
I. Bale it out once in a while and see that the barrel hoops in
your Grand Canal are sifted out of it. They're a mighty poor
stubstishoot for shad.
II. Get a few trained whales in commission so that when a feller
wants to go driving he won't have to go paddling.
III. Stock your streets with trout, or flounders, or perch or even
sardines in order that us Americans who feel like fishing won't
have to be satisfied with a poor quality of straw hat.
IV. During the fishing season compel artists returning from their
work to wear beaver hats or something else that a fish-hook baited
with macaroni won't catch into thus making a lot of trouble.
V. Get together on your language. I speak the very best variety of
banana-stand Italian and twenty-three out of twenty-four people to
which I have made remarks in it have not been able to grasp my
meaning.
VI. Pigeons are very nice to have but they grow monotonous. Would
suggest a half dozen first class American hens as an ornament to
your piazza.