THE UNWISEMAN, _President_.
MR. MOLLIE J. WHISTLEBINKIE, _Vice-President_.
A. BURGULAR, _Seketary and Treasurer_.
I. To purchase all right, title, and interest in one first class
Alp known as Mount Blank, a snow-clad peak located at
Switzerville, Europe. For further perticulars, see Map if you have
one handy that is any good and has been prepared by somebody what
has studied jography before.
II. To orginize the Mount Blank Toboggan Slide and Sled Company
and build a fence around it for the benefit of the young at ten
cents ahead, using the surplus snow and ice on Mount Blank for
this purpose. Midsummer coasting a speciality.
III. To mine ice and to sell the same by the pound, ton, yard, or
shipload, to Americans at one cent less a pound, ton, yard, or
shipload, than they are now paying to unscrupulous ice-men at
home, thereby putting them out of business and bringing ice in
midsummer within the reach of persons of modest means to keep
their provisions on, who without it suffer greatly from the heat
and are sometimes sun-struck.
IV. To gather and sell snow to the American people in summer time
for the purpose of cooling off their houses by throwing the same
into the furnace like coal in winter, thereby taking down the
thermometer two or three inches and making fans unnecessary, and
killing mosquitoes, flies and other animals that ain't of any use
and can only live in warm weather.
V. Also to sell a finer quality of snow for use at children's
parties in the United States of America in July and August where
snow-ball fights are not now possible owing to the extreme
tenderness of the snow at present provided by the American climate
which causes it to melt along about the end of March and disappear
entirely before the beginning of May.
VI. Also to sell snow at redoosed rates to people at Christmas
Time when they don't always have it as they should ought to have
if Christmas is to look anything like the real thing and give boys
and girls a chance to try their new sleds and see if they are as
good as they are cracked up to be instead of having to be put away
as they sometimes are until February and even then it don't always
last.
This Company has already been formed by Mr. Thomas S. Me, better
known as the Unwiseman, who is hereby elected President thereof,
with a capital of ten million dollars of which three dollars has
already been paid in to Mr. Me as temporary treasurer by himself
in real money which may be seen upon application as a guarantee of
good faith. The remaining nine million nine hundred and
ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-seven dollars worth
is offered to the public at one dollar a share payable in any kind
of money that will circulate freely, one half of which will be
used as profits for the next five years while the Company is
getting used to its new business, and the rest will be spent under
the direction of the President as he sees fit, it being understood
that none of it shall be used to buy eclairs or other personal
property with.
"There," said the Unwiseman, as he finished the prospectus. "Just you
hand that over to your father, Mollie, and see what he says. If he don't
start the ball a-rolling and buy that old Mountain before we leave this
place I shall be very much surprised."
But the Unwiseman's grand scheme never went through for Mollie's father
upon inquiry found that nobody about Chamounix cared to sell his
interest in the mountain, or even to suggest a price for it.
"They're afraid to sell it I imagine," said Mollie's father, "for fear
the new purchasers would dig it up altogether and take it over to the
United States. You see if that were to happen it would leave an awfully
big hole in the place where Mount Blank used to be and there'd be a lot
of trouble getting it filled in."
For all of which I am sincerely sorry because there are times in
midsummer in America when I would give a great deal if some such
enterprise as a "Switzer Snow & Ice Co." would dump a few tons of snow
into my cellar for use in the furnace.