NEXT morning I rose with the dawn, and having dressed myself and stood
half-an-hour, my elbow leaning on the chest of drawers, considering what
means I should adopt to restore my spirits, fagged with sleeplessness,
to their ordinary tone--for I had no intention of getting up a scene
with M. Pelet, reproaching him with perfidy, sending him a challenge, or
performing other gambadoes of the sort--I hit at last on the
expedient of walking out in the cool of the morning to a neighbouring
establishment of baths, and treating myself to a bracing plunge.
The remedy produced the desired effect. I came back at seven o’clock
steadied and invigorated, and was able to greet M. Pelet, when he
entered to breakfast, with an unchanged and tranquil countenance; even
a cordial offering of the hand and the flattering appellation of “mon
fils,” pronounced in that caressing tone with which Monsieur had, of
late days especially, been accustomed to address me, did not elicit any
external sign of the feeling which, though subdued, still glowed at
my heart. Not that I nursed vengeance--no; but the sense of insult and
treachery lived in me like a kindling, though as yet smothered coal. God
knows I am not by nature vindictive; I would not hurt a man because I
can no longer trust or like him; but neither my reason nor feelings
are of the vacillating order--they are not of that sand-like sort where
impressions, if soon made, are as soon effaced. Once convinced that my
friend’s disposition is incompatible with my own, once assured that he
is indelibly stained with certain defects obnoxious to my principles,
and I dissolve the connection. I did so with Edward. As to Pelet, the
discovery was yet new; should I act thus with him? It was the question I
placed before my mind as I stirred my cup of coffee with a half-pistolet
(we never had spoons), Pelet meantime being seated opposite, his pallid
face looking as knowing and more haggard than usual, his blue eye
turned, now sternly on his boys and ushers, and now graciously on me.
“Circumstances must guide me,” said I; and meeting Pelet’s false glance
and insinuating smile, I thanked heaven that I had last night opened
my window and read by the light of a full moon the true meaning of that
guileful countenance. I felt half his master, because the reality of
his nature was now known to me; smile and flatter as he would, I saw his
soul lurk behind his smile, and heard in every one of his smooth phrases
a voice interpreting their treacherous import.
But Zoraide Reuter? Of course her defection had cut me to the quick?
That stint must have gone too deep for any consolations of philosophy
to be available in curing its smart? Not at all. The night fever over,
I looked about for balm to that wound also, and found some nearer home
than at Gilead. Reason was my physician; she began by proving that the
prize I had missed was of little value: she admitted that, physically,
Zoraide might have suited me, but affirmed that our souls were not in
harmony, and that discord must have resulted from the union of her mind
with mine. She then insisted on the suppression of all repining,
and commanded me rather to rejoice that I had escaped a snare. Her
medicament did me good. I felt its strengthening effect when I met the
directress the next day; its stringent operation on the nerves suffered
no trembling, no faltering; it enabled me to face her with firmness,
to pass her with ease. She had held out her hand to me--that I did not
choose to see. She had greeted me with a charming smile--it fell on my
heart like light on stone. I passed on to the estrade, she followed me;
her eye, fastened on my face, demanded of every feature the meaning of
my changed and careless manner. “I will give her an answer,” thought I;
and, meeting her gaze full, arresting, fixing her glance, I shot into
her eyes, from my own, a look, where there was no respect, no love,
no tenderness, no gallantry; where the strictest analysis could detect
nothing but scorn, hardihood, irony. I made her bear it, and feel it;
her steady countenance did not change, but her colour rose, and she
approached me as if fascinated. She stepped on to the estrade, and
stood close by my side; she had nothing to say. I would not relieve her
embarrassment, and negligently turned over the leaves of a book.
“I hope you feel quite recovered to-day,” at last she said, in a low
tone.
“And I, mademoiselle, hope that you took no cold last night in
consequence of your late walk in the garden.”
Quick enough of comprehension, she understood me directly; her face
became a little blanched--a very little--but no muscle in her rather
marked features moved; and, calm and self-possessed, she retired from
the estrade, taking her seat quietly at a little distance, and occupying
herself with netting a purse. I proceeded to give my lesson; it was a
“Composition,” i.e., I dictated certain general questions, of which the
pupils were to compose the answers from memory, access to books being
forbidden. While Mdlle. Eulalie, Hortense, Caroline, &c., were pondering
over the string of rather abstruse grammatical interrogatories I had
propounded, I was at liberty to employ the vacant half hour in further
observing the directress herself. The green silk purse was progressing
fast in her hands; her eyes were bent upon it; her attitude, as she
sat netting within two yards of me, was still yet guarded; in her whole
person were expressed at once, and with equal clearness, vigilance and
repose--a rare union! Looking at her, I was forced, as I had often been
before, to offer her good sense, her wondrous self-control, the tribute
of involuntary admiration. She had felt that I had withdrawn from her
my esteem; she had seen contempt and coldness in my eye, and to her, who
coveted the approbation of all around her, who thirsted after universal
good opinion, such discovery must have been an acute wound. I had
witnessed its effect in the momentary pallor of her cheek--cheek unused
to vary; yet how quickly, by dint of self-control, had she recovered
her composure! With what quiet dignity she now sat, almost at my side,
sustained by her sound and vigorous sense; no trembling in her somewhat
lengthened, though shrewd upper lip, no coward shame on her austere
forehead!
“There is metal there,” I said, as I gazed. “Would that there were fire
also, living ardour to make the steel glow--then I could love her.”
Presently I discovered that she knew I was watching her, for she stirred
not, she lifted not her crafty eyelid; she had glanced down from her
netting to her small foot, peeping from the soft folds of her purple
merino gown; thence her eye reverted to her hand, ivory white, with a
bright garnet ring on the forefinger, and a light frill of lace round
the wrist; with a scarcely perceptible movement she turned her head,
causing her nut-brown curls to wave gracefully. In these slight signs
I read that the wish of her heart, the design of her brain, was to lure
back the game she had scared. A little incident gave her the opportunity
of addressing me again.
While all was silence in the class--silence, but for the rustling of
copy-books and the travelling of pens over their pages--a leaf of the
large folding-door, opening from the hall, unclosed, admitting a
pupil who, after making a hasty obeisance, ensconced herself with some
appearance of trepidation, probably occasioned by her entering so
late, in a vacant seat at the desk nearest the door. Being seated, she
proceeded, still with an air of hurry and embarrassment, to open her
cabas, to take out her books; and, while I was waiting for her to look
up, in order to make out her identity--for, shortsighted as I was, I had
not recognized her at her entrance--Mdlle. Reuter, leaving her chair,
approached the estrade.
“Monsieur Creemsvort,” said she, in a whisper: for when the schoolrooms
were silent, the directress always moved with velvet tread, and spoke
in the most subdued key, enforcing order and stillness fully as much
by example as precept: “Monsieur Creemsvort, that young person, who has
just entered, wishes to have the advantage of taking lessons with you in
English; she is not a pupil of the house; she is, indeed, in one sense,
a teacher, for she gives instruction in lace-mending, and in little
varieties of ornamental needle-work. She very properly proposes to
qualify herself for a higher department of education, and has asked
permission to attend your lessons, in order to perfect her knowledge
of English, in which language she has, I believe, already made
some progress; of course it is my wish to aid her in an effort
so praiseworthy; you will permit her then to benefit by your
instruction--n’est ce pas, monsieur?” And Mdlle. Reuter’s eyes were
raised to mine with a look at once naive, benign, and beseeching.
I replied, “Of course,” very laconically, almost abruptly.
“Another word,” she said, with softness: “Mdlle. Henri has not received
a regular education; perhaps her natural talents are not of the highest
order: but I can assure you of the excellence of her intentions, and
even of the amiability of her disposition. Monsieur will then, I am
sure, have the goodness to be considerate with her at first, and not
expose her backwardness, her inevitable deficiencies, before the young
ladies, who, in a sense, are her pupils. Will Monsieur Creemsvort favour
me by attending to this hint?” I nodded. She continued with subdued
earnestness--
“Pardon me, monsieur, if I venture to add that what I have just said is
of importance to the poor girl; she already experiences great difficulty
in impressing these giddy young things with a due degree of deference
for her authority, and should that difficulty be increased by new
discoveries of her incapacity, she might find her position in my
establishment too painful to be retained; a circumstance I should much
regret for her sake, as she can ill afford to lose the profits of her
occupation here.”
Mdlle. Reuter possessed marvellous tact; but tact the most exclusive,
unsupported by sincerity, will sometimes fail of its effect; thus, on
this occasion, the longer she preached about the necessity of being
indulgent to the governess pupil, the more impatient I felt as I
listened. I discerned so clearly that while her professed motive was a
wish to aid the dull, though well-meaning Mdlle. Henri, her real one
was no other than a design to impress me with an idea of her own exalted
goodness and tender considerateness; so having again hastily nodded
assent to her remarks, I obviated their renewal by suddenly demanding
the compositions, in a sharp accent, and stepping from the estrade, I
proceeded to collect them. As I passed the governess-pupil, I said to
her--
“You have come in too late to receive a lesson to-day; try to be more
punctual next time.”
I was behind her, and could not read in her face the effect of my not
very civil speech. Probably I should not have troubled myself to do so,
had I been full in front; but I observed that she immediately began
to slip her books into her cabas again; and, presently, after I had
returned to the estrade, while I was arranging the mass of compositions,
I heard the folding-door again open and close; and, on looking up, I
perceived her place vacant. I thought to myself, “She will consider her
first attempt at taking a lesson in English something of a failure;” and
I wondered whether she had departed in the sulks, or whether stupidity
had induced her to take my words too literally, or, finally, whether
my irritable tone had wounded her feelings. The last notion I dismissed
almost as soon as I had conceived it, for not having seen any appearance
of sensitiveness in any human face since my arrival in Belgium, I had
begun to regard it almost as a fabulous quality. Whether her physiognomy
announced it I could not tell, for her speedy exit had allowed me no
time to ascertain the circumstance. I had, indeed, on two or three
previous occasions, caught a passing view of her (as I believe has been
mentioned before); but I had never stopped to scrutinize either her face
or person, and had but the most vague idea of her general appearance.
Just as I had finished rolling up the compositions, the four o’clock
bell rang; with my accustomed alertness in obeying that signal, I
grasped my hat and evacuated the premises.