"You're getting such a fine gent now. Ant'ny," said Revitts to me one
morning; "but, if so be as you wouldn't mind, Mary and me's made up our
minds to have a bit of a trip out, a kind of s'rimp tea, just by way of
celebrating my being made sergeant, and getting well again."
"Why, my dear old Bill," I cried, "why should I mind your having a trip?
Where are you going?"
"Well, you see, it's a toss up, Ant'ny; Gravesend's best for s'rimps,
but Hampton Court's the nicer sorter place for a day, and Mary ain't
never been."
"Then go to Hampton Court," I said.
"Hampton Court it is, Mary," he said. "That settles it."
"And I hope you'll both enjoy yourselves."
"What, won't you come?" said Revitts blankly.
"Come! what--with you?" I said.
"Why, of course, Ant'ny. You don't suppose we should care about going
alone. Won't you come?"
"You didn't ask me."
"Oh, come now; that I did!" he exclaimed.
"That you did not," I said stoutly. "Did he, Mary?"
"He meant to, Master Antony," said Mary, looking up with a very red
face, and one hand apparently in a grey boxing-glove, though it was only
one of Revitts' worsted stockings, in need of another darn.
"Well, I'll ask you now, then," exclaimed Revitts. "Will you come along
with us?"
"When?"
"Sat'day next, being your half-holiday."
"Yes," I said, "but I must write and tell Miss Carr I'm not coming till
Sunday."
"That's settled, then," said Revitts, holding out his big hand for me to
shake; and I could not help noticing how thin and soft it was; but he
was fast recovering his strength, and was again on duty.
We walked down from Pentonville together, and as we went along, he
introduced the subject of his accident for the first time for some
weeks.
"You wouldn't think as I'm a-trying hard to conjure out who it was
fetched me that crack on the head, Antony?"
"No," I said; "I thought you had forgotten all about it."
"Not I," he said, shaking his head. "What, me, a sergeant, just
promoted, and let a case like that go by without conjuring it out! Why,
it couldn't be done! I should feel as if I was a disgrace to the force.
That's speaking 'ficially," he said. "Now, speaking as a man, I've got
this here to say, that I shan't rest comfortable till I've put something
on that there fellows wrists."
"And shall you know him again?" I asked.
"Know him! Out o' ten thousand--out o' ten millions o' men. I only
wish I knew the gal. It would be such a clue."
"It's no use to be revengeful, Bill," I said. "Let it go. It brought
Mary up to town."
"Yes, it did, didn't it?" he said, with the sheepish, soft look coming
over his face for a moment. But it was gone directly, and he was the
officer once more. "'Taint revengeful," he said; "it's dooty. We can't
let outrageous outrages like that take place in the main streets. No,
Antony: I feel as if my reputation's at stake, to find out who did that,
and I shan't rest till I do."
We parted then, and the rest of the week passed swiftly away. I told
Hallett that I was going to spend the afternoon out on the Saturday, so
that most likely I should go to Miss Carr's on the Sunday, and he was
not to expect me for my usual walk with him, one which had grown into a
custom; and being thus clear, I went off in the morning to Westminster,
it being understood that I was to meet Revitts and Mary at the White
Horse Cellar. Piccadilly, and go down to Hampton Court at midday by the
omnibus.
Punctual to my time, I went across the park and up Saint James's Street
and saw Revitts and Mary, long before I reached them, by the show they
made. Mary was in white book muslin, with a long blade silk scarf, and
a bonnet that I could not pretend to describe, save that over it she
carried a blue parasol shot with red; and Revitts was in black
frock-coat, buff waistcoat, and white trousers, with a tremendous show
of collar standing bolt out of a sky-blue watered-silk stock, while his
hat shone as if it was a repetition of the patent leather of his shoes.
I instinctively felt that something was the matter as I drew near them,
and, but for my genuine love and respect for them both, I believe I
should have run away. I rebuked my cowardly shame directly after,
though, and went up and shook hands.
There was not a vestige of tantrums left in Mary's countenance, for it
had softened itself into that dreadful smile--the same that was playing
upon Revitts' face, as he kept looking at her in a satisfied,
half-imbecile way, before giving me a nudge with his elbow, covering his
mouth with his hand, and exclaiming in a loud whisper,--
"We've been and done it, Ant'ny! Pouf!" This last was a peculiar laugh
in which he indulged, while Mary cast down her eyes.
"Done it!--done what? What does he mean, Mary?"
Mary grew scarlet, and became puzzled over the button of one of her
white kid gloves.
"Here, what do you mean, Bill?" I said.
"Done it. Pouf!" he exclaimed, with another laugh from behind his hand.
"Done it--married."
"Married?" I echoed.
"Yes. Pouf! Mrs Sergeant Revitts. White Sergeant. Pouf!"
"Oh, Mary," I said, "and not to tell me!"
"It was all his doing, Master Antony," pleaded Mary. "He would have me,
and the more I wanted to go back to service, the more he made me get
married. And now I hope he's happy."
There was no mistaking William Revitts' happiness as he helped his wife
on to the outside of the omnibus, behind the coachman--he sitting one
side of Mary, and I next him; but try as I would, I could not feel as
happy. I felt vexed and mortified; for, somehow, it seemed as if it was
printed in large letters upon the backs of my companions--"Married this
morning," and this announcement seemed reflected upon me.
I wouldn't have cared if they could have sat still and talked
rationally; but this they did not do, for every now and then they turned
to look in each other's faces, with the same weak, half-imbecile
smile,--after which Mary would cast down her eyes and look conscious,
while Revitts turned round and smiled at me, finishing off with a nudge
in my side.
At times, too, he had spasmodic fits of silent laughter--silent, except
that they commenced with a loud chuckle, which he summarily stifled and
took into custody by clapping his great hand over his mouth. There were
intervals of relief, though; for when, from his coign of vantage, poor
Bill saw one of his fraternity on ahead--revealed to him, perhaps, by a
ray of sunshine flashing from the shiny top of his hat--for, of course,
this was long before the days of helmets--the weak, amiable look was
chased off his face by the official mask, and, as a sergeant, though of
a different division, Revitts felt himself bound to stare very hard at
the police-constable, and frown severely.
At first I thought it was foolish pride on my part, that I was being
spoiled by Miss Carr, and that I was extra sensitive about my friends;
but I was not long in awakening to the fact that they were the objects
of ridicule to all upon the omnibus.
The first thing I noticed was, that the conductor and driver exchanged a
wink and a grin, which were repeated several times between Piccadilly
and Kensington, to the great amusement of several of the passengers.
Then began a little mild chaff, sprinkled by the driver, who started
with--
"I say, Joey, when are _you_ going to be married?"
"Married? oh, I dunno. I've tried it on sev'ral times, but the parsons
is all too busy."
The innocent fit was on Revitts just then, and he favoured Mary and me
with a left and right nudge.
"Do adone, William," whispered Mrs Sergeant; and he grinned hugely.
"Shall you take a public, Joey, when you do it?" said the driver,
leaning back for another shot.
"Lor', no; it won't run to a public, old man," was the reply. "We was
thinking of the green and tater line, with a cellar under, and best
Wallsend one and six."
I could feel that this was all meant for the newly wedded couple, and
sat with flaming cheeks. "See that there wedding in Pickydilly, last
week, Bill?" Revitts pricked up his ears, and was about to speak, but
the driver turned half round, and shouted--
"What, where they'd got straw laid down, and the knocker tied up in a
white kid glove?"
"No-o-o!" shouted the conductor. "That wasn't it. I mean clost ter'
Arfmoon Street, when they was just going off."
"Oh, ah, yes; I remember now."
"See the old buffer shy the shoe outer the front winder?"
"No-o-o!"
"He did, and it 'it one o' the post-boys slap in the eye. Old boy had
been having too much champagne."
"Did it though?"
"Yes. I say, Bill."
"Hal-low!"
"It's the right card to have champagne on your wedding morning, ain't
it?"
"Ah! some people stands it quite lib'ral like, if they're nobs; them as
ain't, draws it old and mild."
I had another nudge from Revitts just then, and sat feeling as if I
should like to jump down and run away.
"Drop o' Smith's cool out o' the cellar wouldn't be amiss, Joey, would
it?"
"No, old man. I wish we could fall across a wedding-party."
A passenger or two were picked up, and we went on in peace for a little
while: but the chaffing was commenced again, and kept up to such an
extent that I longed for the journey to be at an end.
"'Member Jack Jones?" said the driver.
"Ah! what about him?" said the conductor.
"He went and got married last year."
"Did he?"
"Yes."
"Who did he marry?"
"That there Mrs Simmons as kep' the `Queen's Arms' at Tunnum Green."
"Ah!"
"Nice job he made of it."
"Did he?"
"Yes; he thought she was a widder."
"Well, warn't she?"
"No; she turned out a big-a-mee; and one day her fust husban' comes back
from 'Stralia, and kicks Jack Jones out, and takes his place; and when
Jack 'peals against it, Mrs Simmons says it was all a mistake."
"That was warm for Jack, wasn't it?"
"Hot, I say."
"Well," said the conductor; "when I makes up my mind again, and the
parsons ain't so busy, I shall have the missus cross-examined."
"What for, Joey?"
"So as to see as she ain't a big-a-mee."
Revitts, who was drinking all this in, looked very serious here, as if
the conversation was tending towards official matters. Perhaps it
occurred to him that he had not cross-examined Mary before he was
married; but he began to smile again soon after, for the conductor took
a very battered old copper key-bugle from a basket on the roof, and,
after a few preliminary toots, began to rattle off "The Wedding-Day."
The driver shook the reins, the four horses broke into a canter, and as
we swept past the green hedgerows and market-gardens, with here and
there a pretty villa, I began to enjoy the ride, longing all the same,
though, for Revitts and Mary to begin to talk, instead of smiling at
each other in such a horribly happy way, and indulging in what was meant
for a secret squeeze of the hand, but which was, however, generally seen
by half the passengers.
The air coming to an end, and the bugle being duly drained, wiped, and
returned to its basket, the driver turned his head again:
"Nice toon that, Joey."
"Like it?"
"Ah, I was going to say `hangcore,' on'y we're so clost to Richmond.
What was it--`Weddin' Day'?"
"That's right, old man."
"Ah! thought it was."
Revitts sent his elbows into Mary and me again, and had a silent laugh
under one glove, but pricked up his ears directly, as the conductor
shouted again:
"Ain't that Bob Binnies?"
"What, him on the orf side?" said the driver, pointing with his whip.
"Yes."
"Well, what of him?"
"What of him? Why, he's the chap as got married, and had such a large
family."
"Did he, though?" said the driver seriously.
"Ten children in five years, Bill."
"Lor'! with only five-and-twenty shillings a week. How did he manage?"
Revitts looked very serious here, and sat listening for the answer.
"Kep' him precious poor; but, stop a moment, I ain't quite right. It
was five children in ten years."
Revitts made another serious assault on my ribs, and I saw Mary give
herself a hitch; and whisper again to her lord.
There was a general laugh at this stale old joke, which, like many more
well-worn ones, however, seemed to take better than the keenest wit, and
just then the omnibus drew up in front of an inn to change horses.
The driver unbuckled and threw down his reins, previous to descending to
join the conductor, who was already off his perch. Several of the
passengers got down, and after bidding Mary and me keep our places,
Revitts prepared to descend, rather more slowly though, for his wedding
garments were not commodious.
"Don't drink anything, William dear," whispered Mary.
"Not drink anything to-day?" he said, laughing. "Oh, come, that won't
do!"
He jumped off the step, and I saw him join the driver and conductor, who
laughed and nodded, and, directly after, each man had a foaming pint of
ale, which they held before putting to their lips, till Revitts came
round to our side with a waiter bearing two glasses of wine and another
pint of ale, the driver and conductor following.
"Oh, I don't want anything," said Mary, rather sharply.
"It's only sherry wine, my dear," said Revitts magnificently; and, as if
to avoid remark, Mary stooped down and took the glasses, one being for
me, Revitts taking his shiny pewter measure of ale.
"Here is long life and happiness to you, mum, and both on you," said the
driver, nodding in the most friendly way.
"Aforesaid," exclaimed the conductor, "and a bit o' chaff on'y meant as
fun. Long life and a merry one to both on you. Shaver, same to you."
I was the "Shaver," and the healths being drunk in solemn silence, and I
accommodated with a tumbler, and some water to my sherry, the driver
mounted again, the conductor took out his key-bugle, the streets of
pretty Richmond echoed to an old-fashioned air, and the four fresh but
very dilapidated old screws that did the journey to Hampton Court and
back to Richmond were shaken into a scrambling canter, so that in due
time we reached the royal village, the chaff having been damped at
Richmond with the ale, and ceasing afterwards to fly.
I've learned that a return omnibus left the "Toy" at seven o'clock, and
then started for our peregrination of the palace and grounds. But
somehow that pint or ale seemed to have completely changed poor Revitts.
The late injury to his head had made him so weak there, that the ale
acted upon him in the strangest manner. He was excited and irritable,
and seemed to be brooding over the remarks he had heard upon the
omnibus.
The gardens, of course, took our attention first, and there being few
people about, and those of a holiday class, the gay costume of my
companions ceased to excite notice, and I began to enjoy our trip.
There were the great smooth gravel walks, the closely shaven lawns, the
quaintly clipped shrubs, and old-fashioned flower beds to admire. The
fountain in the centre made so much spray in the pleasant breeze that
from one point of view there was a miniature rainbow, and when we walked
down to the iron railings, and gazed at the long avenue of the Home
Park, with its bright canal-like lake between, Mary was enraptured.
"Oh, do look, dear!" she exclaimed; "isn't it 'evingly, William?"
"Yes," he said stolidly, as he took hold of the railing with his white
kid glove; "but what I say is this: Every man who enters into the state
of wedlock ought fust to make sure as the woman he marries ain't a
big-a-mee."
Here he unbuttoned his waistcoat, under the impression that it was his
uniform coat, so as to get out his notebook, and then, awakening to his
mistake, hastily buttoned it again.
"Haven't got a pencil and a bit o' paper, have you, Ant'ny?" he said.
"What are you talking about, William?" exclaimed Mary. "Don't be so
foolish. Now, take us and show us the oranges Master Antony," she said.
This was on the strength of my having invested in a guidebook, though
both my companions seemed to place themselves in my hands, and looked up
to me as being crammed with a vast amount of knowledge about Cardinal
Wolsey, Henry the Eighth, and those who had made the palace their home.
So I took them to see the Orangery, which Revitts, who seemed quite out
of temper, looked down upon with contempt.
"Bah!" he exclaimed; "call them oranges! Why, I could go and buy twice
as good in Grey's Inn Lane for three a penny. That there woman, Ant'ny,
what was her name?"
"What woman?"
"Her as committed big-a-mee?"
"Oh, do adone with such stuff, William dear. Now, Master Antony, what's
next?"
"I know," said Revitts oracularly, "Mrs Simmons. I say she ought to
have been examined before a police magistrate, and after proper
adjournments, and the case regularly made up by the sergeant who had it
in charge, she ought to have been committed for trial."
"Oh, William dear, do adone," cried Mary, clinging to his arm.
"Cent. Crim. Court--"
"William!"
"Old Bailey--"
"William dear!"
"Before a jury of her fellow-countrymen, or,--I say, Ant'ny ain't that
wrong?"
"What?" I said, laughing.
"Oh, it ain't a thing to laugh at, my lad. It's serious," he said,
taking off his hat and rubbing his head, exhaling, as he did so, a
strong smell of hair-oil.
"What is serious?" I said.
"Why, that," replied Revitts, "I ain't sure, in a case like that, it
oughtn't to be a jury of matrons."
"Oh do, pray, hurry him along, Master Antony," cried Mary piteously.
"Whatever is the matter with you to-day, William?"
"I'm married," he said severely.
"And you don't wish you weren't. William, don't say so, please,"
exclaimed Mary pitifully.
"I don't know," said Revitts stolidly. "Go on, Ant'ny."
He went on, himself, towards the Vinery, Mary following with me, and
looking at me helplessly, as if asking what she should do.
The sight of the great bunches of grapes in such enormous numbers seemed
to change the course of William Revitts' thoughts, and we went on pretty
comfortably for a time, Mary's spirits rising, and her tongue going more
freely, but there were no more weak, amiable smiles.
At last we entered the palace, and on seeing a light dragoon on duty,
Revitts pulled himself together, looked severe, and marched by him, as
if belonging to a kindred force; but he stopped to ask questions on the
grand staircase, respecting the painted ceilings.
"Are them angels, Ant'ny?" he said.
"I suppose so," I replied.
"Then I don't believe it," he said angrily. "Why, if such evidence was
given at Clerkenwell, everybody in the police-court would go into fits,
and the reporters would say in the papers, `Loud laughter, which was
promptly repressed'! or, `Loud laughter, in which the magistrate
joined.'"
"Whatever does he mean, Master Antony? I don't know what's come to him
to-day," whispered Mary.
"Why, that there," said Revitts contemptuously. "Just fancy a witness
coming and swearing as the angels in heaven played big fiddles, and
things like the conductor blew coming down. The painter must have been
a fool."
He was better pleased with the arms and armour, stopping to carefully
examine a fine old mace.
"Yes, that would give a fellow a awful wunner, Ant'ny," he said; "but it
would be heavy, and all them pikes and things ain't necessary. A good
truncheon properly handled can't be beat."
Old furniture, tapestry, and the like had their share of attention, but
Revitts hurried me on when I stopped before some of the pictures,
shaking his head and nudging me.
"I wonder at you, Ant'ny," he whispered.
His face was scarlet, and he had not recovered his composure when we
reached another room, where a series of portraits made me refer to my
guide.
"Ladies of Charles the Second's Court," I said, "painted by Sir Peter
Lely."
"Then he ought to have been ashamed of himself," said Revitts sharply;
and drawing Mary's arm through his, he hurried me off, evidently highly
disapproving of the style of bodice then in vogue.