CONSCIENCE ASLEEP.
“Those, however, who having no such plea to urge, are envious,
sour, discontented, irritable, uncharitable, have good ground
to suspect the genuineness of their Christianity. Grace
sweetens while it sanctifies.”—GUTHRIE.
How wide a difference do we find to exist between the consciences of
those who hold the same faith, and profess to be governed by the same
commandments! To some—sin appears like the speck on a bridal robe, a
disfiguring blot seen at a glance, which offends the eye, and to remove
which every means at once must be taken. To others—it is a thing as
little to be marked as the same speck on a dark, time-worn garment. The
possessor wears it with an easy mind, perhaps all unconscious of the
stain!
Thus while Ida grieved at the recollection of that false delicacy or
hidden pride, that had made her shrink from intruding herself upon
her cousin at a time when her presence might have been of essential
service, Bardon felt not the least self-reproach for the evil counsel
which he had given to the countess. It was to him merely a subject of
pleasant speculation whether she would follow it or not, and he was
extremely impatient for the day when the appearance of the next number
of the —— Magazine would set all his doubts to rest. Bardon longed to
see a good home-thrust at the pride of Reginald, Earl of Dashleigh. The
mortification of the peer—his confusion—his indignation—was a subject
upon which the imagination of the doctor actually feasted, for he had
never forgotten or forgiven the words that he had overheard at the Hall.
And yet Bardon was not considered a bad man nor was he such as the word
is commonly understood. He was an honest, upright man; a steady friend,
an earnest patriot, one who felt for the sufferings of the poor, though
he had little power to relieve them. And Bardon was to a certain extent
religious, at least in his own opinion. He read and venerated his Bible,
constantly attended his church, and had persecution arisen, would have
been a martyr of the cause of truth.
But Bardon’s religion did not pervade his spirit, it did not leaven his
temper. It left him as jealous, irritable, and vindictive, as if he had
never heard of a gospel of peace!
“In yonder vase replenished by the shower
Pour the rich wine; it spreads as it descends,
Pervades the whole, and with mysterious power
To every drop its hue and sweetness lends!
Thus should religion’s influence serene
Be felt in all our thoughts, in all our actions seen!”
But it was not thus with Timon Bardon. He could repeat the Lord’s
prayer,—did repeat it twice every day, without once starting at the
thought, that he was in it constantly invoking a curse on his own
vindictive soul! Forgive us our trespasses, _as we forgive them that
trespass against us_! Was that a prayer for one who treasured up the
memory of a wrong far more jealously than that of a benefit? for one who
prided himself on being “a good hater;” and who spoke of “the sweetness
of revenge?” Bardon reprobated with indignation the mean vices of
covetousness, falsehood, or fraud,—he was ready to call down fire from
heaven on the tyrant, the traitor, or the thief; but he granted, in his
own person, a plenary indulgence, a perfect tolerance to pride, hatred,
malice, revenge—sins as destructive to the soul as the darkest of those
which he condemned.
Bardon was too poor to be a subscriber to the —— Magazine; but he was
always allowed a reading of that which was taken in at the Vicarage, and,
indeed, Aumerle, though his friend little guessed the fact, subscribed
chiefly on account of the doctor. But Bardon was far too impatient to
know whether the countess had written in this Number, to endure waiting
for a second day’s reading. He did not choose to go to the Vicarage to
betray his eagerness there, but he resolved to walk the whole six miles
to Pelton, in order to purchase a copy for himself.
“You must have pressing business indeed at the town, papa, to walk so
far in the sun on such a warm day as this!” cried Cecilia in a tone of
expostulation, as she fanned herself with a languid air. “I’m sure that
the heat will kill you.”
“Not so easily killed,” said the doctor gaily; “there’s nothing like air
and exercise for keeping a man in health.”
“You have received a call to some patient?” said Cecilia, encouraged by
his cheerfulness to venture upon a subject which was usually forbidden,
for Bardon’s patients were “few and far between.”
“There’s one who won’t prove patient, I guess,” replied Bardon inwardly
chuckling at the joke.
His mind was so full of his errand that, though the road was extremely
dusty, and the sun shot down fervid rays, Bardon was scarcely conscious
either of discomfort or fatigue. He walked on as briskly as if the frost
of December braced his nerves and rendered rapid motion necessary. Bardon
was glad, however, when his journey drew near its end, and he reached the
High Street of Pelton, with its rows of tidy shops, to one of which—the
library—he now bent his eager steps. He glanced rapidly over the window
in hopes to recognise the well-known cover of the —— Magazine amongst
prints, envelopes, and daily papers; it was not, however, to be seen, and
Bardon entered the library.
There was at first no one sufficiently disengaged to be able to attend to
the doctor, and Bardon had to wait with what patience he could muster,
taking off his hat, and wiping his heated forehead, and looking around
him, but in vain, for the Number which he had walked so far to see.
“Warm morning, sir,” said the librarian, turning to the doctor at last,
as a party of customers quitted the shop.
“The last Number of the —— Magazine!” cried Bardon, waving superfluous
comment on the weather, and flinging down a coin on the counter.
“Well, sir,” said the shopkeeper with a smile, “if you had called but
five minutes ago I could have accommodated you with a copy; but there’s
been such a run on the Magazine to-day, that really I have not one left.
You see, sir,” he added, “there’s an article in it that takes with the
public amazingly,—something that’s said to be a hit on one of the leading
men in the county; and,” here he lowered his voice, “people who are wiser
than their neighbours think that they’ve a pretty good guess as to the
pen that wrote it. Anything else this morning, sir?”
Bardon uttered his emphatic “No!” and hurried out of the shop. “She’s
done it!” he muttered to himself; “I’d give anything to see her paper!”