sincerity of your words; and as I am fortunately not a married man,
there is no objection to our entering into very friendly and intimate
relations with each other.”
I do not know whether or not the princess understood what I said; but
she continued to indulge in her expressions of love and admiration.
Bending low, and extending her beautiful white arms towards me, she
cried out in rapture--
“Let me worship thee, O self-born, self-existent one, thee who was
before the world came into existence, and who will remain what he is
even if all things perish! Thou, who knowest no death, let me embrace
thee, and become one with thy divine nature! Let me hail thee, O son
of wisdom and lord of creation, whose kingdom encompasses the sky,
the earth, and the whole universe, whose Self includes and penetrates
all, to whom all power belongs and all glory is due. O infinite one,
having shown thyself to me in a limited form, let me dissolve in the
infinitude of thy being. Tell me, O man, how I may serve thee!”
I was very much puzzled by this speech, and somehow felt that I did not
deserve it. I had never known myself to be such a superior being as the
princess described; but I saw that she was happy in her delusion, which
afforded me a good opportunity to get my wish fulfilled, and obtain
some knowledge in regard to the life of the gnomes. There was now a
good chance to get the better of Professor Cracker and the likes of
him. I therefore said:
“It is I, madame, who would always be at your service; but if you would
do me a favour, I would, with your permission, take a look into the
kingdom of the gnomes.”
Thereupon the princess crossed her hands upon her bosom and bowing low,
she said:
“Thy wish, O beloved and all-knowing one, is to me a command. Nothing
shall hereafter separate me from thy glorious presence. Follow me, O my
lord!”
Having spoken these words, her form dissolved, losing its human shape,
and becoming, as it were, a ball of light with a fiery centre. This
ball floated away and I followed. Was it that there was something the
matter with the rocks or with myself? The walls of rock offered no
resistance; we passed through them as we would pass through a London
fog. It was such a strange experience that, if I did not know myself, I
should be inclined to doubt my own words.
We might have been travelling for about ten minutes at the rate of
what I should judge to have been about ten miles an hour, the princess
literally acting as my guiding star, when the fog seemed to retreat on
both sides, and in the open space I saw at a short distance a lot of
other luminous balls, and in the midst of each there was a human-like
form with a star upon the forehead, from which issued the light that
formed the luminous spheres in which these beings lived and moved, each
having its own peculiar light. Directly we entered, and were in the
midst of the gnomes. They were of various sizes and colours. Some were
nearly as tall as I, others like dwarfs. They were not all of the same
brightness; some were more luminous than others and their stars more
radiant. They had all some sort of an occupation. Some were quarrying
marble, from which they made works of art and curious implements;
others were engaged in mining. By some means, which I afterwards found
to be the application of a substantial energy, which might be called
liquid electricity, they rendered fluid the gold that glittered in
yellow veins within the snow-white quartz, and after letting it run
into moulds the gold became again solid and hard. There was no other
light than what emanated from the gnomes themselves, and I saw that the
amount of light in each individual indicated the amount of his or her
spiritual energy and intelligence. Those that were luminous seemed to
be very clever; others, emitting only a faint glow, looked dull and
stupid, and between these two extremes there were luminous spheres and
radiating stars of different degrees of brightness, exhibiting various
tints and hues; but in the majority of them a tint of green could be
perceived. They were what may be called “spirits,” in spite of all that
may be said to the contrary by Professor Cracker, and their bodies
were of a substantial kind. Their forms were not permanent, nor were
they, as spirits, dependent upon the existence of their forms. In their
normal and spiritual condition they were like individual currents of
air, that blow here and there, having no particular shape; but they
assumed or projected corporeal and organised bodies whenever it was
necessary for them to do so for the purpose of accomplishing some
labour requiring a form; and in such cases each spirit assumed the same
form again which he had before he dissolved, and which corresponded
to his individual character; and he did this, not as a matter of
choice, but of necessity, for such is the law of their nature, that
to each character belongs a certain form of expression. A good gnome
always assumes the same beautiful shape which he had in his previous
embodiment, and whenever a wicked gnome dissolved and again took form,
he acquired again the same distorted shape, the same features and
clothing as before.
But this is a digression, and I must continue my account.
At my approach those who beheld me first were very much frightened,
and dissolved into spheres of light, which grew less luminous as
they expanded. This called the attention of the rest to my presence,
whereupon what I would call a general scattering and dissolving took
place; everybody vanished, and from all sides resounded the cries: “A
spook! a hobgoblin! a ghost!”
Even the princess became affected by the general panic, so that she
lost her presence of mind and disappeared, and the place would have
been completely dark but for the fact that in the place of each gnome
there was a fiery spark, corresponding in colour to the light that
belonged to each individual. Thus the whole place was dotted with
sparks of various colours, resembling jewels emitting magnetic rays. In
the place of Adalga there was a beautiful pearl; there were brilliant
diamonds, sapphires emitting a fine blue light, red-glowing rubies,
glittering emeralds, amethysts, smaragds, and other jewels of various
kinds--some very tiny, others of considerable size, but all had the
same mysterious lustre, the same quality of fire; the difference was
only in the amount and colour of the light they emitted.
I then remembered some tale which I had heard of people who went
into the Untersberg and found untold treasures of gold and silver
and precious stones, but were too much dazzled by the sight of so
much wealth that they entirely forgot to pocket any of the jewels,
and thought of it only after returning with empty hands. I therefore
made up my mind not to lose this opportunity, and started to take one
precious emerald, but a faint, childlike voice cried out to me:--
“Touch me not! touch me not!”
I then stretched out my hand towards others; but from each and every
one came the same answer--“Touch me not!” However, I was not to be
disappointed; so I gathered my courage and made a resolute grab at a
great diamond; but on doing so I received an electric shock that threw
me upon the ground. At the same time a clap of thunder reverberated
through the hall, and the next moment the precious stones had
disappeared, and I stood in the midst of a crowd of gnomes, who were
talking and gesticulating in an excited manner. They all looked upon me
with indignation, and even Adalga’s face expressed disappointment and
doubt. But one of the gnomes, a very bright fellow, the one who had
been the diamond, came forward, and, assuming a threatening attitude,
shook his fist at me and angrily exclaimed--
“This spectre has attempted my life. Why should we be afraid of a ghost
that has no substance and is merely a compound of delusions? Let us
drive it away! Make it vanish!”
In answer to this, and as if by common consent, all the gnomes shook
their fists and cried--
“Put it out! let it be evaporated!”
“This is a queer reception,” I said to the princess. “It is quite
unexpected. I am neither a spectre nor a ghost, and not prepared to
evaporate. I am a man!”
Then the princess came forward, and holding up her hand as a sign that
everyone should be silent, she said--
“Do him no harm. Touch him not. He is a man!”
“A man!” exclaimed the gnomes, pushing forward and staring at me, while
the one who had spoken first asked the princess--
“How do you perceive him to be a man?”
“He told me so himself!” answered the princess.
A general “Ah!” was the reply of the gnomes. “He said so himself! He
told it to her!” they whispered to each other. The threatening attitude
of the gnomes at once changed into one of respect. “A man!” they
exclaimed, and the cry was repeated until from all parts of the open
space it was echoed back by many voices shouting, “A man!” And through
all the caves of the Untersberg the cry was resounded, “A man has come
among us! A man! Let his name be blessed! All hail to Mulligan, the
saviour of our world!”
Now from all sides gnomes came forward and stared at me. Some were
old and others were young, men, women, and children, some dressed in
jackets, others in gowns, many wearing hoods upon their heads, whose
pointed ends hung down over their backs. I could not quite understand
why they should be so much surprised at seeing a man, and expressed my
surprise about it, saying that in the world where I lived men were as
plentiful as bugs on a tree, while gnomes were exceedingly scarce, so
that hardly anybody seriously believed in their existence, and that
nobody would dare to say openly that he ever saw a gnome, for fear that
somebody might laugh in his face.
Much better would it have been for me if I had been less loquacious,
for I saw that some of the more intelligent gnomes looked now very
indignant, and one of the wise ones came forward and said--
“Although you said yourself that you were a man, nevertheless I
perceive in you only an inferior being, perhaps a hobgoblin; for how is
it possible that men, being omnipotent and all-knowing spirits, should
not know that we exist, and that they would be afraid of speaking
the truth? Only a blaspheming elemental would dare to say that real
men were subject to animal passions. How could the creator of all be
ignorant of the existence of his creatures? How could he who rests on
his own self-consciousness, and is affected by nothing, suffer from
fear?”
I did not know what to say; but while trying to think of an answer to
subdue the rising storm, for I saw that the gnomes were getting angry,
the attention of the crowd was attracted towards the further end of the
hall, where a large globe of yellow light appeared, which in coming
nearer became condensed into a human form, appearing as a gnome of
venerable aspect, with a jewel looking like a fiery topaz upon his
head. He had a white beard, and was dressed in a black cloak or cape,
and short trousers, stockings, and buckled shoes. In his hand he held
something that looked like a tube or telescope. He was, as I heard
them say, Prince Cravatu, minister to the king.
As he approached, all the gnomes became silent and waited in mute
expectation for what he would have to say. He came up to me very
close, and looked at me through his tube, which turned out to be a
spiritoscope. The time during which he examined me seemed to me an
eternity, but at last he finished, and spoke the ominous words--“_Umbra
simiæ vulgaris._”
I knew enough Latin to understand that he said I was the ghost of a
common ape. A general laughter arose, which was followed by murmurs of
dissatisfaction. Cravatu’s unkind remark wounded my feelings, and I
therefore said--
“It is perhaps yourself who is a ghost and a monkey, Mr Smarty! I am
a man, and never had any monkey in my family. My father was Thomas
Mulligan, a member of as good standing in the Church as anybody, and
my mother’s name was Bridget O’Flannigan, and they were married by
Father Murphy, the parish priest.” And talking myself into a sort of
excitement, I proceeded to pull off my coat, and continued: “Just come
out of here, you brute, and I will show you whether or not I am a man.
I will blacken your eyes and turn you into a kettle-drum. I will make
you think that a thousand monkeys have come to scratch your head, you
blackguard!”
It was evident that among all present there was none who understood my
speech, and Adalga seemed to listen to it with delight. Cravatu looked
again and said, addressing the gnomes--
“He is from the land of dreams, and the product of an illusion. There
is not a spark of spiritual energy discoverable in him. His language
appears to belong to a certain tribe of monkeys inhabiting the dark and
impenetrable continent that lies beyond the confines of our kingdom,
where all sorts of hobgoblins, devils, and monsters exist, whose
greatest pleasure it is to torture each other. Among them you will find
different degrees of insanity: they wander about in the dark, without
knowing from whence they came or what will be the end of their journey;
turning around in a circular dance, sometimes whirling in one direction
and then again in another, always returning to the place from which
they started, without making any progress. Nevertheless, some of them
are said to enjoy their condition, because they do not know anything
better. They do not know their own selves, and they are not alive; they
only dream that they live, and mistake their dreams for realities. Some
of them may even dream to be men. They are dreams in a dream. They have
their imaginary dream-knowledge, dream-pleasures, and dream-sorrows,
and imagine them to be real. After a certain time they evaporate.”
Something in Cravatu’s manner made me feel that there was a grain of
truth in what he said, and kept me from getting angry; but I did not
like to hear a gnome speaking so disrespectfully of the human race. I
therefore said--
“I beg pardon. The place which you describe may be Purgatory or
something worse, but not our world, in which it is, after all, very
pleasant to live. We are neither fools nor idiots, but we have among
us people of great learning, scientists and inventors, and we have
many things which are quite beyond the power of the comprehension of a
gnome.”
“Listen to that phantom!” exclaimed Cravatu. “How every word of his
confirms what I said. It would be impossible to convince the product of
a delusion that he is only an illusion, because, believing himself to
be real, all his delusions seem real to him. Not knowing their own real
self, but only what appears to be their self, they do not perceive
anything real, but see only that which appears to be, and never that
which really is.”
Upon this a general discussion took place. Some of the gnomes expressed
their opinion that I might be a man after all without knowing it;
others said that they perceived that I was only a spook; some thought I
was a cheat, and others expressed their belief that I was the product
of an auto-suggestion. At last some of the brightest gnomes held a
consultation together, and when it was ended, one of the wisest-looking
came up to me and said--
“We will allow you fair play. Men are all-knowing, and, if you are a
man, you will be able to answer a question. Will you therefore have the
kindness to tell us what is the cube-root of the diameter of a circle
having a periphery of 3,1415, if you please?”
This of course I did not know, and therefore I said--
“I am not a mathematician, and you will therefore have to ask me
something easier. But, even if I were an expert in mathematics, I would
require a piece of paper and a pencil to figure it out.”
This remark of mine caused a great deal of merriment among all the
gnomes present. They jumped and yelled, and punching each others’ ribs
with the tips of their fingers, they cried--
“Ho! Ho! He does not know the cube-root of the diameter of a circle
having a periphery of 3,1415,” and from every corner of the place,
where groups of gnomes were standing, and from every projecting rock,
where some of them were perching and listening, shouts of derisive
laughter came back, repeating the suggestive and exasperating words:
“Ho! Ho! He does not know the cube-root of the diameter of a circle
having a periphery of 3,1415.”
“This is very idiotic!” I cried. “How could anybody know anything
without figuring it out or being informed about it?”
A triumphant smile appeared upon Cravatu’s face, and Adalga looked
downcast and perplexed, but my remarks only increased the hilarity of
the gnomes, many of whom stood upon their heads, and swinging their
legs, roared--
“He sees nothing! He knows nothing! He imagines to know what he is
informed about! He knows nothing himself!”
In the midst of this uproar a blast of trumpets was heard. Order was
immediately restored, and the gnomes whispered to each other--
“The king!”
A sound as of many tinkling silver bells announced the arrival of
his majesty, and immediately afterwards I saw a globe of red light
of unusual size, accompanied by many smaller ones approaching, and
directly I stood in the presence of Bimbam I., king of the gnomes.
The king, whenever he condescended to assume a corporeal form,
appeared as a gnome of noble bearing, medium-sized, and of middle age,
having a yellow beard, while upon his head rested a crown with many
stars; the greatest of them being a large carbuncle, emitting a living
red light, which enveloped his person, and caused everything upon which
it radiated to appear in a red colour.
“What is all this row about?” asked the king. “Has Kalutho again
forgotten to collect electricity from the clouds, and to supply with
vitality the roots of the buttercups on the eastern side of the
mountain?”
“Worse than that, your Majesty,” replied Cravatu, saluting the king.
“A spectre from the country of dreams has dared to penetrate into your
kingdom, and it remains with your majesty to decide what is to be done
with it. It is an animal hobgoblin belonging to the third dimension of
space.”
Thus speaking, he handed to the king the spiritoscope, through which
Bimbam I. took a long look at me, and returning it to the minister, he
spoke only one word--
“Empty!”
“What is most curious about it, if your majesty will permit,” continued
Cravatu, “is that this three-dimensional apparition dreams that it is
one of those supernatural beings which once existed upon the earth and
were called men!”
Upon hearing these words the king broke out into such a roar of
laughter that it was fearful to behold. He held his sides and laughed
so that it shook the rocks and disintegrated some of them, while all
the gnomes laughed with him. When the noise had subsided, Cravatu again
spoke and said--
“If it pleases your majesty to observe that the semi-intellectual
forces in nature produce such elemental forms. They do nothing by their
own volition, but act only according to the influences which act upon
them. Anybody can make them do as he pleases.”
So saying, Cravatu made a sign to one of the gnomes, whom I afterwards
learned to know as Clavo, the commanding general of the army. He was a
robust fellow, and very quick. Before I knew what he was about, he drew
a pin, which he carried in a scabbard by his side, and stuck it into my
back. I cried out, and made a jump.
“It is evident,” said the king, “that he is an elemental. Spirits do
not squeal and jump when they are stuck with a pin.”
This remark annoyed me, and I howled--
“I do not claim to be a spirit; I only said that I am a man!”
His majesty grinned ironically.
“Who ever heard,” he said, “of a real man who is not a spirit?”
Cravatu then motioned to another gnome who carried a fiddle under his
arm, and that fellow, understanding the order, began to play a jig.
I am a great lover of music, and love to dance, and this surely was
the best Irish jig I ever listened to; but I did not want to make an
exhibition of myself before the king, and resisted the impulse. At
last, however, the music got the best of me, my legs began to jerk, and
before I really knew what I was doing, I danced the jig as lively as I
ever danced one in my life.
“He dreams that he is a man,” said the king, “but he is only a product
of nature. If you stick his body with a pin, it jumps; if you fiddle
to his legs, he dreams that he must dance. I do not perceive any
spirit nor anything supernatural in him; he is only a composition of
semi-intelligent forces of nature. One can make such a compound do what
one likes. We can make it amiable or disagreeable, gay or sorry, angry
or contented, envious or generous, jealous, furious, or whatever one
likes.”
While the king spoke these words, the princess gave a faint cry, and as
I looked at her I saw that the silvery white of her star had assumed a
bluish tint. This was noticed by all the gnomes, and they became very
much alarmed.
“Her royal highness, the princess, has fallen in love,” cried Cravatu,
in a sorrowful tone, and the king quickly replied--
“Let the physician of the court be summoned immediately.”
These words were hardly spoken when the doctor made his appearance. He
was an old fellow, with a benevolent expression, wearing a blue cape
with yellow borders. He had a grey beard, and wore a pair of golden
spectacles.
Unlike our doctors, he did not ask the patient any questions; he
did not feel her pulse, nor even look at her tongue; but, like all
gnomes, he knew things by direct perception, and saw immediately what
was the matter with her. Turning to the king he expressed his sorrow
that such an unfortunate accident should have happened to a member
of the royal family, and for the purpose of removing the cause of the
disease, he advised the king that the object of the affection of the
princess--meaning myself--should have his head sawed off immediately.
To my horror, Adalga consented cheerfully, and the king was about to
give the required order, when the doctor spoke again, and said--
“If her royal highness would consent to wait until the next night, I
would propose to preserve the subject, and instead of sawing its head
off, have it dissected alive in the presence of the medical faculty,
as it would be very interesting to our physiologists to see of what
material spooks are made. If the princess would consent to have that
much patience, the whole profession would be thankful to her.”
The princess declared herself willing to wait, and said that the
sensation she experienced was rather pleasant that painful to her.
Thereupon the king said in a stern manner--
“See that he does not escape. Put him under the jumping-jack!” So
saying, the king and his suite turned to go.
“The jumping-jack!”--what a horror crept over me when I heard these
terrible words. My frame began to tremble, and my hair stood on one
end at the very thought of this jumping-jack, although I had not the
faintest idea of what it was, but imagined it to be some instrument
of torture. Soon, however, I had my doubts cleared up; for the head
executioner, a strong fellow in a scarlet robe, together with his
attendants, brought forth the instrument. It consisted of a yellow
stick, upon which a wooden monkey, painted purple, was with its hands
attached to a movable crossbar at the top, leaving the body free to
climb up and down. This they placed before me, planting the stick into
the ground, and by means of some contrivance unknown to me, they set
the wooden monkey a-going, and quietly walked away, leaving me alone
with the princess.
I do not know how it came, but that wooden monkey exerted a powerful
influence over me. I had often seen such jumping-jacks at toy-shops,
but never experienced such an attraction before. I could not divert
my eyes from that monkey. I called myself a thousand times a fool for
paying any attention at all to a jumping-jack, and nevertheless it kept
me spell-bound. I could do nothing else but sit there with my eyes
rivetted upon that monkey. I knew that the princess was still with me,
and I heard her imploring me with tears, by all that was sacred to me,
to desist from paying attention to that jumping-jack.
“Dearest Mulligan!” she cried, “why will you not desist from
worshipping that monkey? Why will you not make love to me? See, the
doors are open, and there is nothing to hinder us to depart. Have I not
promised you to follow you wherever you go?”
“Let me alone!” I cried in rage. “I cannot take my eyes away from that
confounded jack.”