"I HA'E NAEBODY NOW."
Standing on the bank, Willy looked back over his shoulder at Fred, and
saw him dart off into a shady cow-path. No doubt he was going to his
uncle Diah's. When he was fairly out of sight, and Willy comprehended at
last that he had really left him, and did not mean to come back, he sat
down on a stone by the wayside, and began to rave.
"The tormentable, mean, naughty boy! I'd be ashamed to treat a _skeeter_
the way he's treated me! Did I ever coax a boy to go anywhere with me,
and then run off and leave him right in the middle of the river? No,
_sir_. Sore feet, hey? Didn't anybody ever have sore feet 'fore now, I
wonder? Why, I had chilblains last winter so deep they dug a hole into
my heels, and,--well, it's no use to make a great fuss,--I didn't cry
but two or three times. Blisters! what's that? Nothing but little puffs
of water! Perhaps that wasn't why he stopped, though. Just as likely as
not he meant all the time to stop, and come a-purpose to see Mr. Diah.
How can you tell? A boy that lies so! There, there, come to think of it,
shouldn't wonder if his feet weren't sore a bit! Wish I'd looked at 'em!
"Well, he's backed out, Fred Chase has! I should think he'd feel so mean
he never'd want to show _his_ head anywhere again! 'Fore I'd _sneak
out_ when I got started! Eh, for shame!"
Willy tore up a handful of grass, and threw it into the road, and the
action served to relieve him a little.
"Well, what'll _I_ do? now let's think. If a tiger should come right
down this ferry-hill, and tear me all to pieces, Fred wouldn't care.
'Course not. All he cares is to get enough to eat, and not make his feet
sore. He don't care what comes of me. I've got to think it out for
myself, what I'd better do. Got to do it myself, too, all alone, and
there won't be anybody to help me. Pretty scrape, I should think! Might
have known better'n to come!
"Well; will I be a lumberman and go up to the Forks? Let's see; I don'
know the way up there. That makes it bad, 'cause I guess there isn't
much of any road to it 'cept spotted trees; that's what I heard once.
Most likely I'd get lost. Fred wouldn't care if I did; be glad, I
s'pose. But, then, there's bears. Ugh! Pshaw! who's afraid of bears? And
then there's mother--O, I didn't mean to think about mother!"
Willy sighed, but soon roused himself.
"Well, what'll I do? O, wasn't that a real poor breakfast the woman gave
us? Don't see how I swallowed it! Makes me sick to think of it. Didn't
taste much like mother's breakfasts! I don't want to go where I'll have
to drink molasses in my coffee, and eat fatty potatoes too.
"And who'd take a little boy like me? Folks laugh at little boys--think
they don't know a thing. And folks always ask so many questions. They
want to know where you come from, and who your father is, and if he's
got any cows. And I _won't_ lie. And next thing they'd be sending me
home. They'd say home was the best place for little boys. H'm! So it is,
if you don't have to get whipped!
"O, my! Didn't I have to take it that last time? Father never hurt so
before. Made all the bad come up in my throat, and I can't swallow it
down yet. It would be good enough for him if I was dead; for then every
time he went out to the barn there'd be that horsewhip hanging up on the
nail; and he'd think to himself--'Where's that little boy I used to
whip?' And then the tears will come into his eyes, I pretty much know
they will. I saw the tears in his eyes once when I was sick. He felt
real bad; but when I got well, first thing he did was to whip me again.
Whippings don't do any good. All that does any good is when mother talks
to me; and that don't do any good, either. She made me learn this
verse:--
"'And thou, Solomon, my son, know thou the God of thy fathers, and serve
him with a perfect heart and a willing mind. If thou seek him, he will
be found of thee, but if thou forsake him, he will cast thee off
forever.'
"There, I know that straight as a book. She prays to God to make me
better, but He doesn't do it yet, and I should think she'd get
discouraged. 'Heart like a stone,' she said. That made me want to laugh,
for I could feel it beating all the time she spoke, and it couldn't if
it was a stone! Bad heart, though, or I wouldn't be so bad myself.
"Well, it's no use to think about badness or goodness now," said Willy,
flinging another handful of grass into the road. "_What'll I do?_ That's
the question.
"You see, now, folks have such a poor opinion of boys," added he, his
thoughts spinning round the same circle again. "Most wish I was a girl.
O, my stars, what an idea!"
And completely disgusted with himself, he jumped up and turned a
somerset.
"Better be whipped three times a day than be a girl!
"But father felt real bad that time I was sick, for I saw him. Not so
bad as mother, though. Poor mother! I no business to gone off and left
her. What you s'pose she thought last night, when I didn't come back
from the post office?"
This question had tried to rise before, but had always been forced back.
"She waited till nine o'clock, and didn't think much queer. But after
that she come out of the bedroom, with her face tied up, and said she,
'Hasn't Willy got home yet?' Then they told her 'No,' and father
scowled. And she sat up till ten o'clock, and then do you s'pose anybody
went out doors to hunt? She didn't sleep a wink all night. Don't see how
folks can lie awake so. I couldn't if I should try; but I'm not a woman,
you know, and I don't believe I should care much about my boys, if I
was. Would _I_ mend their trousis for 'em, when they tore 'em on a nail,
going where I told 'em not to? For, says I, I can't bear the sight of a
child that won't mind. But you see, mother--
"Poor mother, what'll she do without me? She said there wasn't anybody
she could take in her arms to hug but just me. Stephen's too big to sit
in her lap, and Love's too big; and there wouldn't anybody think of
hugging Seth, if he was ever so little.
"Yes, mother wants _me_. I remember that song she sings about the Scotch
woman that lost her baby, and she cries a little before she gets
through."
The words were set to a plaintive air, and Willy hummed it over to
himself,--
"I ha'e naebody now, I ha'e naebody now
To clasp at my bosom at even,
O'er his calm sleep to breathe out a vow,
And pray for the blessing of Heaven."
"Poor mother, how that makes her cry! Why, I declare, I'm crying too!
Somehow seems's if I couldn't get along without mother. But there, I
won't be a cry-baby! Hush up, Willy Parlin!
"WHAT'LL I DO? Wish I hadn't come. Wish I'd thought more about
mother--how she's going to feel.
"What if I should turn right round now, and go home? Why, father'd whip
me worse'n ever--_that's_ what. Well, who cares? It'll feel better after
it's done smarting. Guess I can stand it. Look here, Will Parlin, I'm
going."
Bravo, Willy! With both feet he plunged into the river, and waded slowly
across. Very slowly, for his mind was not fully made up yet. There was a
great deal of thinking to be done first; but he might as well be moving
on while he thought. Every now and then rebellious pride, or anger, or
shame would get the better of him, and he would wheel round, with the
impulse to strike off into the unknown _Somewhere_, where boys lived
without whippings. But the thought of his mother always stopped him.
Was there an invisible cord which stretched from her heart to his--a
cord of love, which drew him back to her side? He could see her
sorrowful face, he could hear her pleading voice, and the very tremble
in it when she sang,--
"I ha'e naebody now, I ha'e naebody now."
"But I'd never go back and take that whipping, if it wasn't for mother!"
He no longer felt obliged to hide from the approach of every human
being; and when a pedler, driving a "cart of notions," called out, "Want
a lift, little youngster?" he was very glad to accept the offer. To be
sure, he only rode two or three miles, but it was a great help.
It was noon, by that time, "high noon too," and the smell of nice
dinners floated out to him from the farm-houses, as he trudged by; but
to beg a meal he was ashamed. When he reached Cross Lots it was the
middle of the afternoon. He went up to the stump near the mill, where he
and Freddy had sat the night before; and, as he seated himself, he
thought with a pang of that pocket full of doughnuts, so freely made way
with.
He had eighteen cents in his wallet; but what good did it do, when there
was no store at hand where a body could buy so much as a sheet of
gingerbread? He was starving in the midst of plenty, like that
unfortunate man whose touch turned all the food he put in his mouth into
gold.
Beginning to think he would almost be willing to be whipped for the sake
of a good supper, he rose and walked on.
When he reached the Noonin farm, a mile and a half from home, the night
shadows were beginning to fall, but he could see in the distance a horse
and wagon coming that made his heart thump loud. The horse was old
Dolly; and what if one of the men in the wagon should be his father?
No, it was only Seth and Stephen; but Seth was almost as much to be
dreaded as Mr. Parlin himself.
"You here, you young rogue?" called out Stephen, in a tone between
laughing and scolding, for he would not have Willy suspect how relieved
they were at finding him. "You here? And where's Fred?"
"Up to Harlow, to Mr. Diah's," replied Willy, and coolly climbed into
the wagon.
"Better wait for an invitation. How do you know we shall let you ride?"
said Stephen, turning the horse's head towards home.
"First, we'd like to know what you've got to say for yourself," put in
Seth, in that cold, hard tone, which always made Willy feel as if he
didn't care how he had acted, and as if he would do just so again.
"I suppose you are aware that you have been a very wicked, deceitful,
disobedient boy?"
Willy made no reply, but lay down on the floor of the wagon, and curled
himself up like a caterpillar.
"Don't be too hard on him, Seth," said Stephen, who could not help
pitying the poor little fellow in his shame and embarrassment; "I don't
believe you meant to run away--now did you, Willy?"
The child was quite touched by this unexpected kindness. So they were
not sure he did mean to run away? If he said "No," they would believe
him, and then perhaps he wouldn't have to be whipped. But next instant
his better self triumphed, and he scorned the lie. Uncurling himself
from his caterpillar ball, he stammered,--
"Yes, I did mean to, too."
A little more, and he would have told the whole story. He longed to
tell it--how life had seemed a burden on account of his whippings, and
how he and Fred had planned to set up in business for themselves, but
Fred had backed out. But before he had time to speak, Seth said,
sternly,--
"You saucy child!"
He had taken Willy's quick "Yes, I did mean to, too," for impertinence;
whereas it was one of the bravest speeches the boy ever made, and did
him honor.
After this rebuke from Seth, Willy could not very well go on with his
confessions; the heart was gone out of him, and he curled up, limp and
quiet, like a caterpillar again.
"Meant to run away--did you?" went on Seth, who ought to have known
better than to pursue the subject; "to run away like a little dirty
vagabond! You've nearly killed mother, I wish you to understand. You'll
get a severe thrashing for this. I shall tell father not to show you any
mercy."
"Come, now, don't kick a fellow when he's down," said Stephen. "Willy
will be ashamed enough of this."
"Well, he ought to be ashamed! If he'd had a teaspoonful of brains he'd
have known better than to cut up such a caper as this. Did you think you
could run off so far but that we could find you, child?"
No answer.
"What did you little goslings mean to do with yourselves? Live on
acorns? And what did Fred's uncle say when he saw him coming into the
house in that shape?"
No answer.
Stephen looked down at the curled-up bunch on the floor of the wagon,
and as it did not move, he gently touched it with his foot.
"Poor little thing," said he, "I guess he's had a pretty hard cruise of
it; he's sound asleep."