Three bandits have been executed in Mexico without a proper trial or
sentence. This, we understand, renders the executions null and void.
***
The campaign against the cabbage butterfly in this country has reached
such an alarming stage that cautious butterflies are now going about
in couples.
***
After spending a one-pound Treasury note on cakes, chocolates, fish
and chips, biscuits, apples, bananas, damsons, cigarettes, toffee,
five bottles of ginger "pop" and a tin of salmon, a Chatham boy told
a policeman that he was not feeling well. It was thought to be due to
something the boy had been eating.
***
Incidentally the boy desires us to point out that the trouble was not
that he had too much to eat but that there was not quite enough boy to
go round.
***
"I read all English books," says Dr. HARDING in _The New York Times_,
"because they are all equally good." This looks dangerously like a
studied slight to Mr. H.G. WELLS.
***
We understand that, owing to the paper shortage, future exposures of
German intrigues will only be announced on alternate days.
***
At the Kingston Red Cross Exhibition a potato was shown bearing
a remarkable likeness to the German CROWN PRINCE. By a curious
coincidence a report has recently been received that somewhere
in Germany they have a Crown Prince who bears an extraordinary
resemblance to a potato.
***
Mystery still attaches to the authorship of _The Book of Artemas_,
but we have authority for saying that Lord SYDENHAM does not remember
having written it.
***
At Neath Fair, the other day, a soldier just home from the Front
entered a lions' den. The lions bore up bravely.
***
The question of body armour for the troops, it is stated, is still
under consideration by the authorities. This is not to be confused
with bully ARMOUR which has long been used to line the inside of the
troops.
***
Mr. WALTER HOWARD O'BRIEN, of New York, has sent to Queen Alexandra's
Field Force Fund 1,719,000 cigarettes. Several British small boys have
decided to write and ask him if he has such a thing as a cigarette
picture to spare.
***
Doctors in many parts of London are said to be raising their fees.
They should remember that there is such thing as curing the goose that
lays the golden eggs.
***
The _Münchener Neueste Nachrichten_ accuses the United States of
having stolen the cipher key of the LUXBURG despatches. It is this
sort of thing that is gradually convincing Germany that it is beneath
her dignity to fight with a nation like America.
***
A fine porpoise has been seen disporting itself in the Thames near
Hampton Court. It is just as well to know that such things can be seen
almost as well with Government ale as with the stronger brews.
***
Another statue has been stolen from Berlin, but Londoners need not be
envious. Quite a lot of Americans will be in this country shortly, and
it is hoped that their well-known propensity for souvenir-collecting
may yet be diverted into useful channels.
***
The Midland Dairy Farmers' Association have expressed themselves as
satisfied with the prices fixed for Winter milk. In other agricultural
quarters this action is regarded as a dangerous precedent, the view
being that no farmer should be satisfied about anything.
***
"My hopes of fortune have been dispelled by unremunerative Government
contracts," said a contractor at the Liverpool Bankruptcy Court. It is
good to read for once of the Government getting the best of a bargain.
***
"What is a bun?" asked the Willesden magistrate last week; which only
shows that with a little practice magistrates will get into the way of
doing these things almost as well as the High Court judges.
***
The _Frankfurter Zeitung_ declares that "the Germany that President
Wilson wants to talk peace with will only be a Germany beaten to its
knees." Our own opinion is that it will be a Germany beaten to a
frazzle.
***
There appears to be a great demand for small second-hand yachts. The
fact is connected, in well-informed circles, with the report that _The
Daily Mail_ contemplates taking up the anti-submarine question.
***
Some solicitors have been helping to run the gas works of a certain
Corporation during a strike. While commending this action, we admit
that we can conceive of nothing more likely to undermine the resolute
patriotism of the man in the street than a gas bill furnished by
solicitor.
***
Women are formally warned by the Ministry of Munitions against
using T.N.T. as a means of acquiring auburn hair. Any important
object striking the head--a chimney-pot or a bomb from an enemy
aeroplane--would be almost certain to cause an explosion, with
possible injury to the scalp.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "I'M COMING TO YOU WITH 'ARF A TON IN A MINUTE, SO
DON'T FRET YOURSELF, OLE PERISCOPE."]
* * * * *