I have very few friends in the world; and before this happened I did
not know of one. I do not know who was my father and I never knew my
mother; for a long time I wondered why I lived.
I went out into the streets, searching for a determining influence from
outside. I thought, the first thing that happens to me will decide my
destiny; for I did not make myself as I am, too naturally kind for
that. The first act, I knew, would give a motive to my life. Naturally
kind, as I have said, my first act was to pick up a handkerchief. The
one who dropped it had only gone three steps. Running after him I
returned it to him. He took it without appearing surprised; no--the
surprise was mine when he handed me an envelope--the same one that you
see here.--Will you have the kindness, he said smilingly, to write here
an address.--What address? I asked.--That, he replied, of any one you
know.--So saying he placed near me all the materials to write with.
Wishing to let myself go to exterior influence I submitted. But, as I
told you, I have few friends in the world. I wrote the first name that
came into my head at the moment, a name quite unknown to me. Having
written the name I bowed--would have walked on--when I received a
tremendous blow on my face.
In my astonishment I lost sight of my adversary. When I came to myself,
I was surrounded by a crowd. All spoke at once. They would not let me
alone. I could only rid myself of their attentions by assuring them
that I was not hurt at all, even though my jaw caused me terrible pain
and my nose was bleeding furiously.
The tumefaction of my face confined me to my room for a week. I passed
my time thinking:
Why did he strike me?
It must have been a mistake. What could he have against me? I have
never hurt anybody; nobody could wish me ill.--There must be a reason
for ill-will.
And if it was not a mistake?--for the first time I was thinking. If
that blow was intended for me! In any case, what does it matter! by
mistake or not, I received it and ... shall I return it? I have told
you, I am naturally good-hearted. And then there is another thing which
worries me: the man who struck me was much stronger than I.
When my face was well and I could again go out, I looked everywhere for
my adversary; yes, but it was to avoid him. Anyway, I never saw him
again, and if I avoided him it was without knowing it.
But--and in saying this he leant towards Prometheus, you see to-day how
everything joins up, it is becoming more complicated instead of less
so: I understand that, thanks to my blow, this gentleman has received
£20.
--Ah, but allow me! said Damocles.
--I am Cocles, sir, said he, bowing to Damocles;--Cocles! and I tell
you my name, Damocles, for you must certainly be pleased to know to
whom you owe your windfall....
--But....
--Yes--I know: we will not say to whom; we will say: from the suffering
of whom.... For understand and do not forget that your gain came from
my misfortune....
--But....
--Do not cavil, I beg you. Between your gain and my trouble there is a
relation; I do not quite know which, but there is a relation....
--But, sir....
--Do not call me sir.
--But, my dear Cocles.
--Say simply Cocles.
--But once again, my best Cocles....
--No, sir,--no, Damocles,--and it is no use your talking, for I still
wear the mark of the blow on my cheek ... it is a wound that I will
show you at once.
The conversation becoming disagreeably personal, the waiter at this
moment showed his tact.