Mrs Monnerie had rifled her collections for my use--pygmy Venetian
glass, a silver-gilt breakfast and tea service, pygmy porcelain. There
were absurd little _mechanical_ knick-knacks--piping birds, a maddening
little operatic clock of which I at last managed to break the
mainspring, a musical chair, and so on. My bath was of jade; my table a
long one of ebony inlaid with ivory, with puffing cherub faces at each
corner representing the four winds. My own few possessions, I must
confess, looked not only worn but provincial by comparison. But I never
surprised myself actually talking to any of Mrs Monnerie's exquisite
novelties as to my other dumb, old, wooden friends. She delighted in
them far more than I.
I suppose, really to enjoy such pomp and luxury, one should be
positively born in the purple; and then, I suppose, one must be careful
that the dye does not go to the bone. Whether or not, I have long since
come to the conclusion that I am vulgar by nature--like my mother
tongue. And at times, in spite of my relief at being free of the
blackness that had craped in my last days at Beechwood, I often found
myself hungering for my Bowater parlour--even for its smell. Another
thing I learned gradually at No. 2 was that I had been desperately
old-fashioned; and that is, to some extent, to belong to the dead.
Mrs Monnerie's chief desire, no doubt, was to give her new knick-knack a
suitable setting. But it may also have reminded her childlessness--for
she, too, like Mrs Bowater, was "nothing much better than an aunt"--of
her childhood. Of course I affected as much pleasure in it as I could,
and was really grateful. But she greatly disliked being thanked for
anything, and would blandly shut her eyes at the least manifestation of
gratitude. "Humour me, humour me, humour me," she once petulantly nodded
at me; "there are at least a hundred prayers in the Prayer Book, my pet,
to one thanksgiving, and that's human nature all over." It was what my
frame must have _cost_ that scandalized me. When, one day, after
rhapsodizing (not without a shudder) over a cape and hat, which she had
given me, composed solely of the shimmering emerald feathers of the
humming-bird, I rather tactlessly reminded her of my L110 a year, and of
my determination to live within it, her eyelids pinched me a glance as
if I had explained in public that I had been bitten by a flea.
Yet as time went on, a peculiar affection sprang up in me for this
crowded and lonely old woman. It has survived sore trials. She was by
turns generous and mean, honeyed and cantankerous, impulsive and
scheming. Like Mrs Bowater, she disapproved of the world in general, and
yet with how different a result. A restless, darting mind lay hidden
behind the great mask of her countenance, with its heavy-lidded eyes and
tower of hair. She loved to sit indolently peering, musing, and
gossiping, twiddling the while perhaps some little antique toy in her
capacious lap. I can boast, at any rate, that I was a spellbound
listener, and devoured her peculiar wandering, satirical talk as if it
had been manna from heaven.
It was the old, old story. Talking to me was the next most private thing
to talking to herself; and I think she enjoyed for a while the company
of so queer a confessor. Once, I remember, she confided to me the whole
story of a girlish love affair, at least forty years old. I could hardly
believe my eyes as I watched her; she looked so freshened and demure and
spirited. It was as if she were her own twenties just dressed up. But
she had a dry and acrid tongue, and spared nothing and nobody. To her
and to Mrs Bowater I owe nearly all my stock of worldly wisdom. And now
I shall never have time, I suppose, to sort it out.
Mr Monnerie, as Fleming confided in me one day--and the aristocracy was
this extremely reticent and contemptuous creature's favourite topic of
conversation--Mr Monnerie had been a banker, and had made a late and
dazzling marriage; for Mrs Monnerie's blood was as blue as Caddis Bay on
a cloudless morning. I asked Fleming if she had ever seen "Lord B.," and
what kind of man he was. She never had; but remarked obscurely that he
must have lived mainly on porridge, he had sown so many wild oats.
This information reminded me of an old rhyme I had once learned as a
child, and used to shout about the house:--
"Come all you young men, with your wicked ways;
Sow your wild, wild oats in your youthful days;
That we may live happy when we grow old--
Happy, and happy, when we grow old:
The day is far spent, the night's coming on;
So give us your arm, and we'll joggle along--joggle
and joggle and joggle along."
Fleming herself, I learned, had come from Ash, and was therefore, I
suppose, of an Anglo-Saxon family, though she was far from stupid and
rather elegant in shape. Because, I suppose, I did not like her, I was
rather aggrieved she had been born in Kent. Mr and Mrs Monnerie, she
told me, had had no children. The fair young man, Percy Maudlen, with
the tired smile and beautiful shoes, who came to tea or luncheon at No.
2 at least once a week, was Mrs Monnerie's only nephew by blood; and the
still fairer Susan Monnerie, who used to float into my room ever and
anon like a Zephyr, was the only one Mrs Monnerie cared to see of her
three nieces by marriage. And yet the other two, when they were invited
to luncheon, were far more docile and considerate in the opinions and
sentiments they expressed. _That_ seemed so curious to me: there was no
doubt that Mrs Monnerie belonged to the aristocracy, and yet there
always appeared to be quarrels going on in the family--apart, of course,
from births, deaths, and marriages, which seemed of little consequence.
She enjoyed relatives in every county in England and Scotland; while I
had not one, now, so far as I knew, not even in Kent.
Marvell, the butler--he had formerly been Mr Monnerie's valet--was
another familiar object of my speculations. His rather solemn,
clean-shaven countenance and steady grey eyes suggested a severe critic
of mankind. Yet he seemed bent only on giving pleasure and smoothing
things over, and stooped my dish of sliced cherries or apricots over my
shoulder with a gesture that was in itself the cream of flattery. It
astonished me to hear that he had a grown-up son in India; and though I
never met Mrs Marvell, I felt a prodigious respect for her.
I would look up and see him standing so smooth and benevolent behind
Mrs Monnerie's chair that he reminded me of my bishop, and I doubt if
ever she crisply uttered his delightful name but it recalled the
pleasant chime of a poem which my mother had taught me: _The Nymph
Complaining of the Death of her Fawn_. I should have liked to have a
long talk with Mr Marvell--any time of the day when he wasn't a butler,
I mean--but the opportunity never came.
One day, when he had left us to ourselves, I ventured to quote a stanza
of this poem to Mrs Monnerie:--
"With sweetest milk and sugar first
I it at my own fingers nursed;
And as it grew, so every day
It waxed more white and sweet than they--
It had so sweet a breath! and oft
I blushed to see its foot more soft
And white--shall I say?--than my hand,
Nay, any lady's in the land...."
"Charming, charming, Poppet," she cooed, much amused, pushing in a nut
for Chakka. "Many shades whiter than _your_ wrinkled old claw, you old
wretch. _Another_ sagacious old bird, my dear, though past blushing, I
fear, at any lady's hand."
Nothing would content her but that I must recite my _bon mot_ again when
her nephew Percy dandled in to tea that afternoon. He sneered down on me
with his pale eyes, and with finger and thumb exposed yet another inch
of his silk sock, but made no comment.
"Manners, my dear Percy, maketh man," said his aunt. "Congratulate Miss
M."
If Percy Maudlen had had no manners at all, I think I should at that
moment have seen the pink tip of his tongue; for if ever any human being
detested my small person it was he. For very good reasons, probably,
though I never troubled to inquire into them, I disliked him, too,
beyond expression. He was, of course, a superior young man with a great
many similar ancestors looking out of his face, yet he resembled a
weasel. But Susan Monnerie--the very moment I saw her I loved her; just
as one loves a field of buttercups or a bush of may. For some little
time she seemed to regard me as I suppose a linnet regards a young
cuckoo that has been hatched out in her nest (though, of course, a squab
cuckoo is of much the same size as its fostermother). But she gradually
grew accustomed to me, and even realized at last that I was something a
little more--and also perhaps less--human than either Chakka or Cherry
or a Dresden china shepherdess.
I would look at her just for pleasure's sake. Her hair was of the colour
of undyed silk, with darker strands in it; her skin pale; and she had an
odd little stutter in her light young voice when she was excited. I
would often compare her with Fanny. What curious differences there were
between them. She was graceful, but as if she had been taught to be.
Unlike Fanny, she was not so fascinatingly just a beautiful body--with
that sometimes awful Someone looking out of its windows. There was a
lovely delicacy in her, as if, absurd though it may sound, every bit of
her had been selected, actually picked out, from the finest materials.
Perhaps it was her food and drink that had helped to make her so; for I
don't think Miss Stebbings's diet was more than wholesome, or that
following the sea in early life makes a man rich enough to afford many
dainties for his children. Anyhow, there was nothing man-made in Fanny;
and if there are women-shaped mermaids I know what looks will be seen in
their faces.
However that may be, a keen, roving spirit dwelt in Susan's clear, blue
eyes. I never discovered in her any malice or vanity, and this, I think,
frequently irritated Mrs Monnerie. Susan, too, used to ask me perfectly
sane and ordinary questions; and I cannot describe what a flattery it
was. I had always supposed that men and women were _intended_ to talk
openly to one another in this world; but it was an uncommonly rare
luxury for me at Mrs Monnerie's. I could talk freely enough to Susan,
and told her a good deal about my early days, though I kept my life at
Beechwood Hill more or less to myself.
And that reminds me that Mrs Bowater proved to have been a good prophet.
It was one day at luncheon. Mrs Monnerie happened to cast a glance at
the _Morning Post_ newspaper which lay open on a chair near by, showing
in tall type at the top of the column, "Sudden Death of Sir Jasper
Goodge." Sir Jasper Goodge, whose family history, it seemed, was an open
book to her, reminded her whimsically of another tragedy. She put back
her head and, surveying me blandly as I sat up beside her, inquired if I
had known at all intimately that unfortunate young man, Mr Crimble.
"I remember him bobbing and sidling at me that delightful afternoon
when--what do you think of it, Susan?--Poppet and I discovered in each
other an unfashionable taste for the truth! A bazaar in aid of the
Pollacke Blanket Fund, or something of the kind."
The recollection seemed to have amused her so much that for the moment I
held my breath and ignored her question.
"But why was Mr Crimble unfortunate?" inquired Susan, attempting to make
Cherry beg for a bread-crumb. I glanced in consternation at Marvell, who
at the moment was bringing the coffee things into the room. But he
appeared to be uninterested in Mr Crimble.
"Mr Crimble was unfortunate, my dear," said Mrs Monnerie complacently,
"because he cut his throat."
"Ach! how horrible. How can you say such things! Get down, you little
silly! Please, Aunt Alice, there must be something pleasanter to talk
about than that? Everybody knows about the hideous old Sir Jasper
Goodge; so it doesn't much matter what one says of him. But...." In
spite of her command the little dog still gloated on her fingers.
"There may be things pleasanter, my dear Susan," returned Mrs Monnerie
complacently, "but there are few so illuminating. In Greek tragedy, I
used to be told, all such horrors have the effect of what is called a
purgation. Did Mr Crimble _seem_ that kind of young man, my dear? And
why was he so impetuous?"
"I think, Mrs Monnerie," said I, "he was in trouble."
"H'm," said she. "He had a very sallow look, I remember. So he discussed
his troubles? But not with _you_, my fairy?"
"Surely, Aunt Alice," exclaimed Susan hotly, "it isn't quite fair or
nice to bring back such ghastly memories. Why," she touched my hand with
the tips of her light fingers, "she is quite cold already."
"Poppet's hands are always cold," replied her aunt imperturbably. "And I
suspect that she and I know more about this wicked world than has
brought shadows to your young brow. We'll return to Mr Crimble, my dear,
when Susan is butterflying elsewhere. She is so shockingly easily
shocked."
But it was Susan herself who returned to the subject. She came into my
room where I sat reading--a collection of the tiniest little books in
the most sumptuous gilt morocco had been yet another of Mrs Monnerie's
kindnesses--and she stood for a moment musing out through my silk window
blinds at the vast zinc tank on the roof.
"Was that true?" she said at last. "Did you really know some one who
killed himself? Who was he? What was he like?"
"He was a young man--in his twenty-ninth year," I replied automatically,
"dark, short, with gold spectacles, a clergyman. He was the curate at St
Peter's--Beechwood, you know." I was speaking in a low voice, as if I
might be overheard.
It was extraordinary how swiftly Mr Crimble had faded into a vanishing
shadow. From the very instant of his death the world had begun to adjust
itself to his absence. And now nothing but a memory--a black, sad
memory.
But Susan's voice interrupted these faint musings. "A clergyman!" she
was repeating. "But why--why did he--do that?"
"They said, melancholia. I suppose it was just impossible--or _seemed_
impossible--for him to go on living."
"But what made him melancholy? How awful. And how can Aunt Alice have
said it like that?"
"But surely," argued I, in my old contradictory fashion, and spying
about for a path of evasion, "it's better to call things by their proper
names. What is the body, after all? Not that I mean one has any right
to--to _not_ die in one's own bed."
"And do you really think like that?--the body of no importance? You?
Why, Miss M., Aunt Alice calls you her 'pocket Venus,' and she means it,
too, in her own sly way."
"It's very kind of her," said I, breathing more freely. "Some one I know
always calls me Midgetina, or Miss Midge, anything of that sort. I don't
mean, Miss Monnerie, that it doesn't _matter_ what we are called. Why,
if that were so, there wouldn't be any Society at all, would there? We
should all be--well--anonymous." Deep inside I felt myself smile. "Not
that that makes much difference to good poetry."
Susan sighed. "How zigzaggedly you talk. What has poetry to do with Mr
Crimble?--that was his name, wasn't it?"
"Well, it hasn't very much," I confessed. "He hadn't the time for it."
Susan seated herself on a cushion on the floor--and with how sharp a
stab reminded me of Fanny and the old, care-free days of _Wuthering
Heights_.
Surely--in spite of Fanny--life had definitely taken a tinge of Miss
Bronte's imagination since then. But it was only the languor of Susan's
movements, and that because she seemed a little tired, rather than
merely indolent. And if from Fanny's eyes had now stooped a serpent and
now a blinded angel; from these clear blue ones looked only a human
being like myself. Even as I write that "like myself," I ponder. But let
it stay.
"So you really did know him?" Susan persisted. "And it doesn't seem a
nightmare even to think of him? And who, I say, made it impossible for
him to go on living?" So intense was her absorption in these questions
that when they ceased her hands tightened round her knees, and her small
mouth remained ajar.
"You said '_what_' just now," I prevaricated, looking up at her.
At this her blue eyes opened so wide I broke into a little laugh.
"No, no, no, Miss Monnerie," I hastened to explain, "not _me_. It isn't
my story, though I was in it--and to blame. But please, if you would be
so kind, don't mention it again to Mrs Monnerie, and don't think about
it any more."
"Not think about it! _You_ must. Besides, thoughts sometimes think
themselves. I always supposed that things like that only happened to
quite--to different people, you know. Was _he_?"
"_Different?_" I couldn't follow her. "He was the curate of St
Peter's--a friend of the Pollackes."
"Oh, yes, the Pollackes," said she; and having glanced at me again, said
no more.
The smallest confidence, I find, is a short cut to friendship. And after
this little conversation there was no ice to break between Susan
Monnerie and myself, and she often championed me in my little
difficulties--even if only by her silence.