_Question._ What is the Stock Exchange?
_Answer._ The best English substitute for Monte Carlo.
_Q._ Has it any rivals?
_A._ Certainly; the Turf and the Card-room.
_Q._ In your opinion, is the Stock Exchange preferable to the alternatives
you have mentioned?
_A._ It is, as it is more business-like, and consequently more respectable.
_Q._ Has politics anything to do with speculation at Capel Court?
_A._ To a certain extent; but a good unscrupulous untruth is better than
the tottering of kingdoms.
_Q._ Is the dissemination of false news permissible?
_A._ Only by operators for the rise or fall.
_Q._ What is a flutter?
_A._ The performance of a financial operation with the assistance of a
tossed-up halfpenny.
_Q._ When is it advisable to indulge in a flutter?
_A._ At the moment when your credit is greater than your balance at the
Banker's.
_Q._ What is a balance?
_A._ An unknown quantity--to the impecunious.
_Q._ Is it necessary for the impecunious to suffer want?
_A._ Not if the lack of funds is concealed from the tradespeople.
_Q._ Ought not a (legal) infant to pay his debts?
_A._ Only at the instigation of a County-Court Judge, or if they happen to
be debts of honour.
_Q._ What is a debt of honour?
_A._ Usually the outcome of a discreditable transaction.
_Q._ Is the nonpayment of a tradesman dishonourable?
_A._ No, for such a payment is not a "necessary." Payment only becomes a
"necessary" when you bet with a man of your own order.
_Q._ Is it possible to do without money?
_A._ Yes, when you can live upon your acquaintances.
_Q._ From your last answers it would appear that money seems sometimes
capable of being treated with levity. Can you give me an instance when cash
is not a light subject?
_A._ Yes when it is under weight, and is, consequently, refused at your
Banker's.
_Q._ What is the best method of obtaining the full value of a light
sovereign?
_A._ By obtaining in return for it change in silver from a friend.
_Q._ Is silver of the same value as gold?
_A._ No, silver is a token; and in the instance to which I have referred,
it would be a token of confidence.
_Q._ Would this transaction be amusing?
_A._ Yes, to everyone but the friend.
* * * * *
Time-Work versus Piece-Work!
(_By John Bull, Employer of Labour._)
Payment of Members? Well, well, _I_ don't mind,
If Members who're worthy of payment I find.
But _then_ all this quarrelsome cackle must cease--
If my M.P.'s I pay--like my Smiths--_by the piece_,
I may yet get good work; but 'twere folly, nay, crime,
To pay seven hundred praters for wasting my _time_!
* * * * *