_House of Commons, Monday Night, February 6._--"Did you ever destroy your
offspring, TOBY?" Rather curious question to ask any fellow. To me
particularly startling. There are family traditions that, in accordance
with sort of Malthusian doctrine, some of my young relations, my
contemporaries in fact, were put out of the way even before their innocent
eyes had grown accustomed to the light of a beneficent heaven. Thought at
first GEORGE WYNDHAM meant something personal; was really thinking of his
own woes.
"That's my speech," he said, showing me with melancholy smile quite a
bundle of manuscript. "Worked at it all yesterday, instead of going to
church. Read every Blue Book about Uganda; studied the map, and could pass
an examination in the matter of its rivers and valleys, its hills and
lakes, its various tribes, who are always murdering each other. Prince
ARTHUR, you know, asked me to resume Debate at to-night's Sitting. Great
opportunity; meant to make most of it; then, when I'm in my place conning
my manuscript, Prince ARTHUR gives me up. Mr. G. reads text of PORTAL'S
instructions, and shows we've nothing to complain about or to criticise.
Rather hard on a young fellow not unduly given to speech-making. Tell you
what, TOBY, if you've got three-quarters of an hour to spare, and will come
with me into the Lobby, I'll read you my speech."
Much touched at this kindness. Unfortunately had an engagement which
prevented my availing myself of it.
KENNAWAY and Alphabet COUTTS in same box as WYNDHAM; get out of it in
different fashion. They, also, had prepared speeches, unknowing what turn
affairs would take. Weren't going to waste them, so delivered them at
length. They had everything but an audience. House could not prevent them
reeling off their speeches, but wouldn't stay to listen. Everybody happy
all round, and evening agreeably wasted.
_Business done._--More talk round Address.
_Tuesday._--Pretty to see DON'T-KEIR HARDIE just now escorted into House
arm-in-arm with CHARLES EDWARD HOWARD VINCENT, C.B., formerly of the Royal
Welsh Fusiliers, now Colonel of the Queen's Westminster Volunteers. Some
talk of the two Members temporarily changing coats whilst they addressed
the House. This was HOWARD VINCENT'S suggestion.
"I fancy, Brother HARDIE," he said, "it would picturesquely emphasise the
situation, don't you know, if we thus made community of at least our coats.
That's rather a remarkable garment you wear. If I put it on, and you wore
mine, then House would see how thoroughly one we are. Do you mind?"
"Well," said HARDIE, dubiously, "there's a good many things in the pockets,
and they might get loose if you went mauling round with the coat. So I
think, if you don't mind, we'll go in our own duds."
"Oh, as you please," said the Colonel, coldly, a little hurt at this
evidence of lack of confidence on part of his new pal.
So DON'T-KEIR HARDIE, moving Amendment to Address, orated in his own
clothes, whilst HOWARD VINCENT sat above Gangway near him, and punctuated
his speech with persistent cry of "Hear! hear!" A notable figure his friend
made. Evidently in the ranks of the Unemployed in the DON'T-KEIR HARDIE
household are the comb and brush. Through a mass of black hair, matted on
head and chin, DON'T-KEIR looked on House of Commons. The coat HOWARD
VINCENT hankered after was rather a jacket, cut short, so as to hide little
of the effulgence of his murky mustard-hued trowsers. Pockets alike of
trowsers and jacket were bulging with letters and papers. You could see
when he stood up to speak that he had just posted a letter to himself,
sticking it in his waistcoat pocket, which only half concealed its surface.
"I don't exactly know how it is," said GORST, curiously regarding
DON'T-KEIR HARDIE, and his eruption of correspondence, "but our friend, for
whom I shall certainly vote, somehow reminds me of _Mrs. Jellaby_. The same
earnestness of vague purpose, the same self-devotion to public questions,
and the same large correspondence. I wouldn't be surprised, if you had the
opportunity of examining our friend's hands, if you found them rather inked
than horny. Still, I shall vote for him, and say something, if not exactly
in his favour, at least a few words that will puzzle our fellows and rile
the Bench opposite."
_Business done._--DON'T-KEIR HARDIE moved Amendment to Address, calling
upon Parliament to provide for Unemployed; negatived by 276 votes against
109.
_Wednesday._--"It was a good thing to win the Inverness Burghs," said the
SQUIRE OF MALWOOD just now, reflectively stroking his chin. "But it was not
all gain. FINLAY worth a good deal to us. In moments of profoundest
depression he acted upon Mr. G. with remarkable tonic effect. Often when we
sat on other side, things going bad, and Mr. G. has seemed a little dull,
he has accidentally turned round, and caught sight of FINLAY, sitting, as
you will remember he did, just behind us. In a moment our revered Chief was
another man. His eye flashed, colour came back to his face, every nerve
vibrated: Mr. G. was himself again. On the whole, I fancy FINLAY was worth
more to us than the two votes on a Division, for which we have bartered
him."
Much in what the SQUIRE says. It turned out this afternoon he did not mourn
as one who has no hope, FINLAY gone, but JESSE COLLINGS remains. Has in
degree, the same physical and mental effect on Mr. G. that FINLAY had. This
afternoon Mr. G. sitting on Treasury Bench, apparently waiting for
Division. Debate on JESSE COLLINGS'S Amendment to Address flickering out.
HENRY FOWLER, in vigorous speech, had replied for Government. EDWARD
STANHOPE said a few words; nothing to be done but to take Division. Whilst
STANHOPE speaking, Mr. G. turned round to see how forces were mustered.
Accidentally his eye fell on benevolent visage of JESSE COLLINGS, just then
lit up with smile of genial satisfaction at compliment paid him by personal
reference in STANHOPE'S speech. In an instant Mr. G.'s visage and attitude
altered. The spell had worked, and to surprise of House he followed
STANHOPE, falling straightway upon the unsuspecting JESSE, treating him, as
GRANDOLPH, an amused and interested spectator of the scene, observed, "with
all the vigorous familiarity Pantaloon is accustomed to meet with at
Christmastide."
[Illustration: THE GRAND OLD MARIONETTE; OR, THE HOME-RULE DANCE.]
_Business done._--Mr. G. "goes for" JESSE COLLINGS.
_Friday_, 2 A.M.--Long time since I saw Liberals in such fighting trim as
at this moment. Been at it all night discussing REDMOND'S motion for
release of Dynamitards. ASQUITH made speech that has confirmed and improved
his Parliamentary position. At quarter to one this morning Division taken,
giving thumping majority, 316, to Government. When figures announced,
Ulster Member moved Adjournment of Debate. Wants to talk about release of
Gweedore prisoners.
"Right you are," said SQUIRE OF MALWOOD; "Twelve o'Clock Rule suspended; we
can sit all night. Fire away!"
Prince ARTHUR, forgetful of many cheerful nights he has sat up hearing the
chimes in company with TIM HEALY, protested against this as tyrannical
proceeding. Irish Members massed below Gangway howled with delight. Their
turn come now. Long they groaned under Prince ARTHUR'S iron heel. Now
they've got _him_ down, and dance round him with shouts of exultation and
Homeric bursts of laughter. Hardly can his voice be heard above the din;
but he pegs along, finally turning his back on jubilant mob below Gangway;
addresses himself to SPEAKER, edging in a sentence amid comparative pauses
in uproar. PRINCE ARTHUR protests he will not yield to force; Liberals
opposite, cheered by news from Walsall, following fast on heels of triumph
at Halifax, laugh and scoff. Mr. G. safely packed off to bed; the SQUIRE
and his brother officers on Front Bench evidently ready to make a night of
it. TIM HEALY, radiant with this rare and rosy reflection of the good old
times, observes it is "an excellent hour of the evening to begin fresh
work."
More hubbub; House divides, showing Government in possession of majority of
80. Renewed tumult when they come back from the Lobby. JESSE COLLINGS
rising, with intent to implore House to remember its dignity, is met with
such swift, sudden, rampant roar of "Rat! Rat!" that after ineffectual
contest, he subsides. Another Division; Government majority gone up one.
Fresh Motion made for Adjournment; Members tightening their belts for
all-night sitting, when SQUIRE OF MALWOOD unexpectedly gives in. "Go on! go
on!" excited Liberals cry.
"No," said the dignified Old Roman, throwing an imaginary toga over
substantial shoulder. "No? they have done enough to make their position
clear before the country. Let them go to bed." So at 2:20 A.M. they went.
_Business done._--Blowing great guns.
_Friday Night._--A flash in the pan at the opening of the Sitting, when
PRINCE ARTHUR, meaning to smite at the unoffending figure of the SQUIRE OF
MALWOOD, hit Mr. G. He explained, and apologised; thereafter, a long, dull
night.
DAVITT took his seat, amid loud cheers from both sides. A curious episode
in his history, honourable both to him and House. A real good man DAVITT,
with all the modesty of sterling merit. Still, inclined to be
argumentative. Had scarcely taken his seat, when he came up to me, and
said, "It's very well for you, _Toby_, to be M.P. for Barks; but I'm M.P.
for Tenpence. Yes, that's the precise sum it cost me to win my seat."
New Members come, and old ones depart. Everybody sorry to hear of the death
of LOUIS JENNINGS, a fine-natured, high-souled man, of brilliant intellect
and wide culture. In later Sessions has been handicapped by the cruel
illness that carried him off whilst in his prime. But he made his mark at
Westminster as he had done in New York, India, and Printing House Square.
_Business done._--Still talking round Address.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE NEW DOCTOR.
"THE _HIDEAR_ OF A YOUNG MAN LIKE THAT A-TELLING O' _ME_ 'OW POOR PEOPLE'S
CHILDREN HOUGHTER BE FED AND LOOKED AFTER! WHY, I'VE BURIED FOURTEEN O' MY
_OWN_!"]
* * * * *