* * * * *
Grecian Coffee-house, June 18.
In my dissertation against the custom of single combat,[311] it has been
objected, that there is not learning, or much reading, shown therein,
which is the very life and soul of all treatises; for which reason,
being always easy to receive admonitions, and reform my errors, I
thought fit to consult this learned board on the subject. Upon proposing
some doubts, and desiring their assistance, a very hopeful young
gentleman, my relation, who is to be called to the bar within a year and
a half at farthest, told me, that he had ever since I first mentioned
duelling turned his head that way; and that he was principally moved
thereto, by reason that he thought to follow the circuits in the North
of England and South of Scotland, and to reside mostly at his own estate
at Landbadernawz[312] in Cardiganshire. The northern Britons and
southern Scots are a warm people, and the Welsh a nation of gentlemen;
so that it behoved him to understand well the science of quarrelling.
The young gentleman proceeded admirably well, and gave the board an
account, that he had read Fitzherbert's "Grand Abridgment,"[313] and had
found, that duelling is a very ancient part of the law: for when a man
is sued, be it for his life or his land, the person that joins the
issue, whether plaintiff or defendant, may put the trial upon the duel.
Further he argued, under favour of the court, that when the issue is
joined by the duel in treason or other capital crimes, the parties
accused and accuser must fight in their own proper persons: but if the
dispute be for lands, you may hire a champion at
Hockley-in-the-Hole,[314] for anywhere else. This part of the law we had
from the Saxons; and they had it, as also the trial by ordeal, from the
Laplanders.[315] "It is indeed agreed," said he, "the Southern and
Eastern nations never knew anything of it; for though the ancient Romans
would scold, and call names filthily, yet there is not an example of a
challenge that ever passed amongst them." His quoting the Eastern
nations, put another gentleman in mind of an account he had from a
boatswain of an East Indiaman; which was, that a Chinese had tricked and
bubbled him, and that when he came to demand satisfaction the next
morning, and like a true tar of honour called him "Son of a whore,"
"Liar," "Dog," and other rough appellatives used by persons conversant
with winds and waves; the Chinese, with great tranquillity, desired him
not to come aboard fasting, nor put himself in a heat, for it would
prejudice his health. Thus the East knows nothing of this gallantry.
There sat at the left of the table a person of a venerable aspect, who
asserted, that half the impositions which are put upon these ages, have
been transmitted by writers who have given too great pomp and
magnificence to the exploits of the ancient Bear Garden, and made their
gladiators, by fabulous tradition, greater than Gorman[316] and others
of Great Britain. He informed the company, that he had searched
authorities for what he said, and that a learned antiquary, Humphrey
Scarecrow, Esq., of Hockley-in-the-Hole, recorder to the Bear Garden,
was then writing a discourse on the subject. It appears by the best
accounts, says this gentleman, that the high names which are used among
us with so great veneration, were no other than stage-fighters, and
worthies of the ancient Bear Garden. The renowned Hercules always
carried a quarterstaff, and was from thence called Claviger. A learned
chronologist is about proving what wood this staff was made of, whether
oak, ash, or crab-tree. The first trial of skill he ever performed, was
with one Cacus, a deer-stealer; the next was with Typhonus, a giant of
forty feet four inches. Indeed it was unhappily recorded, that meeting
at last with a sailor's wife, she made his staff of prowess serve her
own use, and dwindle away to a distaff: she clapped him on an old tar
jacket of her husband's; so that this great hero drooped like a scabbed
sheep. Him his contemporary Theseus succeeded in the Bear Garden, which
honour he held for many years: this grand duellist went to hell, and was
the only one of that sort that ever came back again. As for Achilles and
Hector (as the ballads of those times mention), they were pretty smart
fellows; they fought at sword and buckler; but the former had much the
better of it; his mother, who was an oyster-woman, having got a
blacksmith of Lemnos to make her son's weapons. There is a pair of
trusty Trojans in a song of Virgil's, that were famous for handling
their gauntlets, Dares, and Entellus;[317] and indeed it does appear,
they fought [for] no sham prize. What arms the great Alexander used, is
uncertain; however, the historian mentions, when he attacked Thalestris,
it was only at single rapier; but the weapon soon failed; for it was
always observed, that the Amazons had a sort of enchantment about them,
which made the blade of the weapon, though of never so good metal, at
every home push, lose its edge and grow feeble. The Roman Bear Garden
was abundantly more magnificent than anything Greece could boast of; it
flourished most under those delights of mankind, Nero and Domitian: at
one time it is recorded, four hundred senators entered the list, and
thought it an honour to be cudgelled and quarterstaffed.[318] I observe,
the Lanistaé were the people chiefly employed, which makes me imagine
our Bear Garden copied much after this, the butchers being the greatest
men in it. Thus far the glory and honour of the Bear Garden stood
secure, till fate, that irresistible ruler of sublunary things, in that
universal ruin of arts and politer learning, by those savage people the
Goths and Vandals, destroyed and levelled it to the ground. Thus fell
the grandeur and bravery of the Roman state, till at last the warlike
genius (but accompanied with more courtesy) revived in the Christian
world under those puissant champions, St. George, St. Denis, and other
dignified heroes: one killed his dragon, another his lion, and were all
afterwards canonised for it, having red letters before them to
illustrate their martial temper.[319] The Spanish nation, it must be
owned, were devoted to gallantry and chivalry above the rest of the
world. What a great figure does that great name, Don Quixote, make in
history? How shines this glorious star in the Western world? O renowned
hero! O mirror of knighthood!
_Thy brandished whinyard all the world defies,
And kills as sure as del Tobosa's eyes._
I am forced to break off abruptly, being sent for in haste, with my
rule, to measure the degree of an affront, before the two gentlemen (who
are now in their breeches and pumps ready to engage behind Montague
House[320]) have made a pass.
From my own Apartment, June 18.
It is an unreasonable objection I find against my labours, that my stock
is not all my own, and therefore the kind reception I have met with is
not so deserved as it ought to be. But I hope, though it be never so
true that I am obliged to my friends for laying their cash in my hands,
since I give it them again when they please, and leave them at their
liberty to call it home, it will not hurt me with my gentle readers. Ask
all the merchants who act upon consignments, where is the necessity (if
they answer readily what their correspondents draw) of their being
wealthy themselves? Ask the greatest bankers, if all the men they deal
with were to draw at once, what would be the consequence? But indeed a
country friend has writ me a letter which gives me great mortification;
wherein I find I am so far from expecting a supply from thence, that
some have not heard of me, and the rest do not understand me. His
epistle is as follows:[321]
"DEAR COUSIN,
"I thought when I left the town to have raised your fame here, and
helped you to support it by intelligence from hence; but alas! they had
never heard of the _Tatler_ until I brought down a set. I lent them from
house to house; but they asked me what they meant. I began to enlighten
them, by telling who and who were supposed to be intended by the
characters drawn. I said for instance, Chloe[322] and Clarissa are two
eminent toasts. A gentleman (who keeps his greyhound and gun, and one
would think might know better) told me, he supposed they were papishes,
for their names were not English: 'Then,' said he, 'why do you call live
people "toasts"?' I answered, that was a new name found out by the wits,
to make a lady have the same effect as burridge[323] in the glass when a
man is drinking. 'But,' says I, 'sir, I perceive this is to you all
bamboozling; why you look as if you were Don Diego'd[324] to the tune of
a thousand pounds.' All this good language was lost upon him: he only
stared, though he is as good a scholar as any layman in the town, except
the barber. Thus, cousin, you must be content with London for the centre
of your wealth and fame; we have no relish for you. Wit must describe
its proper circumference, and not go beyond it, lest (like little boys,
when they straggle out of their own parish), it may wander to places
where it is not known, and be lost. Since it is so, you must excuse me
that I am forced at a visit to sit silent, and only lay up what
excellent things pass at such conversations.
"This evening I was with a couple of young ladies; one of them has the
character of the prettiest company, yet really I thought her but silly;
the other, who talked a great deal less, I observed to have
understanding. The lady who is reckoned such a companion among her
acquaintance, has only, with a very brisk air, a knack of saying the
commonest things: the other, with a sly serious one, says home things
enough. The first (Mistress Giddy) is very quick; but the second (Mrs.
Slim) fell into Giddy's own style, and was as good company as she. Giddy
happens to drop her glove; Slim reaches it to her: 'Madam,' says Giddy,
'I hope you'll have a better office.' Upon which Slim immediately
repartees, and sits in her lap, and cries, 'Are you not sorry for my
heaviness?' This sly wench pleased me to see how she hit her height of
understanding so well. We sat down to supper. Says Giddy, mighty
prettily, 'Two hands in a dish and one in a purse': says Slim, 'Ay,
madam, the more the merrier; but the fewer the better cheer.' I quickly
took the hint, and was as witty and talkative as they. Says I,
"_'He that will not when he may,
When he will he shall have nay;'_
and so helped myself. Giddy turns about, 'What, have you found your
tongue?' 'Yes,' says I, 'it is manners to speak when I am spoken to; but
your greatest talkers are little doers, and the still sow eats up all
the broth.' 'Ha! ha!' says Giddy, 'one would think he had nothing in
him, and do you hear how he talks when he pleases.' I grew immediately
roguish and pleasant to a degree in the same strain. Slim, who knew how
good company we had been, cries, 'You'll certainly print this bright
conversation.'"
It is so; and hereby you may see how small an appearance the prettiest
things said in company, make when in print.
St. James's Coffee-house, June 20.
A mail from Lisbon has brought advices of June the 12th, from the King
of Portugal's army encamped at Torre Allegada, which inform us, that the
general of the army called a court-martial on the 4th at the camp of
Gerumhena, where it was resolved to march with a design to attempt the
succour of Olivenza. Accordingly the army moved on the 5th, and marched
towards Badajos. Upon their approach, the Marquis de Bay detached so
great a party from the blockade of Olivenza, that the Marquis des Minas,
at the head of a large detachment, covered a great convoy of provisions
towards Olivenza, which threw in their stores, and marched back to the
main army, without molestation from the Spaniards. They add, that each
army must necessarily march into quarters within twenty days.
Whosoever can discover a surgeon's apprentice, who fell upon Mr.
Bickerstaff's messenger, or (as the printers call him) devil, going to
the press, and tore out of his hand part of his essay against duels, in
the fragments of which were the words, "You lie," and "Man of honour,"
taken up at the Temple Gate; and the words, "Perhaps,"--"May be
not,"--"By your leave, sir,"--and other terms of provocation, taken up
at the door of Young Man's Coffee-house,[325] shall receive satisfaction
from Mr. Morphew, besides a set of arguments to be spoken to any man in
a passion, which, if the said enraged man listens to, will prevent
quarrelling.
Mr. Bickerstaff does hereby give notice, that he has taken the two
famous universities of this land under his immediate care, and does
hereby promise all tutors and pupils, that he will hear what can be said
of each side between them, and to correct them impartially, by placing
them in orders and classes in the learned world, according to their
merit.[326]
[Footnote 311: See Nos. 25, 26, 28, 29.]
[Footnote 312: Probably meant for Llanbadern Vawr, if not a name coined
for the occasion.]
[Footnote 313: Sir Anthony Fitzherbert's book was published in 1514.]
[Footnote 314: See Nos. 28, 134.]
[Footnote 315: See Selden, "De Duello" (1610), p. 19.]
[Footnote 316: A prize-fighter mentioned in Lansdowne's epilogue to "The
Jew of Venice."]
[Footnote 317: "Æneid," v. 437 _seq._]
[Footnote 318: Suetonius, "Life of Nero," chap. 12.]
[Footnote 319: An allusion to the rubrics in Roman missals.]
[Footnote 320: The fields at the back of Montague House, Bloomsbury,
were a favourite place for duels in the first half of the eighteenth
century. Cf. _Spectator_, No. 91: "I shall be glad to meet you
immediately in Hyde Park or behind Montague House, or attend you to Barn
Elms, or any other fashionable place that's fit for a gentleman to die
in."]
[Footnote 321: It has been suggested, with some probability, that this
letter is by Swift.]
[Footnote 322: See No. 4.]
[Footnote 323: Borago was a plant formerly used as a cordial.]
[Footnote 324: See No. 21.]
[Footnote 325: Young Man's Coffee-house at Charing Cross, had a back
door into Spring Garden. It seems to have been specially frequented by
officers.]
[Footnote 326: "Mr. Bickerstaff has received the advices from Clay Hill,
which, with all intelligence from honest Mr. Sturdy and others, shall
have their place in our future story" (folio).]
No. 32. [SWIFT AND STEELE.