No. 7. [STEELE

From _Saturday, April 23_, to _Tuesday, April 26_, 1709.

* * * * *

It is so just an observation, that mocking is catching, that I am become

an unhappy instance of it, and am (in the same manner that I have

represented Mr. Partridge) myself a dying man in comparison of the

vigour with which I first set out in the world. Had it been otherwise,

you may be sure I would not have pretended to have given for news, as I

did last Saturday, a diary of the siege of Troy. But man is a creature

very inconsistent with himself: the greatest heroes are sometimes

fearful, the sprightliest wits at some hours dull; and the greatest

politicians on some occasions whimsical. But I shall not pretend to

palliate, or excuse the matter; for I find, by a calculation of my own

nativity, that I cannot hold out with any tolerable wit longer than two

minutes after twelve o'clock at night, between the 18th and 19th of the

next month. For which space of time you may still expect to hear from

me, but no longer, except you will transmit to me the occurrences you

meet with relating to your amours, or any other subject within the rules

by which I have proposed to walk. If any gentleman or lady sends to

Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq., at Mr. Morphew's,[130] near Stationers' Hall,

by the Penny Post, the grief or joy of their soul, what they think fit

of the matter shall be related in colours as much to their advantage, as

those in which Jervas[131] has drawn the agreeable Chloe. But since,

without such assistance, I frankly confess, and am sensible, that I

have not a month's wit more, I think I ought, while I am in my sound

health and senses, to make my will and testament; which I do in manner

and form following:

Imprimis, I give to the stockjobbers about the Exchange of London, as a

security for the trusts daily reposed in them, all my real estate; which

I do hereby vest in the said body of worthy citizens for ever.

Item, Forasmuch as it is very hard to keep land in repair without ready

cash, I do, out of my personal estate, bestow the bearskin,[132] which I

have frequently lent to several societies about this town, to supply

their necessities. I say, I give also the said bearskin, as an immediate

fund to the said citizens for ever.

Item, I do hereby appoint a certain number of the said citizens to take

all the custom-house or customary oaths, concerning all goods imported

to the whole city, strictly directing, that some select members, and not

the whole number of a body corporate, should be perjured.

Item, I forbid all n----s and persons of q----ty to watch bargains near

and about the Exchange, to the diminution and wrong of the said

stockjobbers.

Thus far, in as brief and intelligible a manner as any will can appear,

till it is explained by the learned, I have disposed of my real and

personal estate: but, as I am an adept, I have by birth an equal right

to give also an indefeasible title to my endowments and qualifications;

which I do in the following manner:

Item, I give my chastity to all virgins who have withstood their

market.

Item, I give my courage among all who are ashamed of their distressed

friends, all sneakers in assemblies, and men who show valour in common

conversation.

Item, I give my wit (as rich men give to the rich) among such as think

they have enough already. And in case they shall not accept of the

legacy, I give it to Bentivolio,[133] to defend his works from time to

time, as he shall think fit to publish them.

Item, I bestow my learning upon the honorary members of the Royal

Society.[134]

Now for the disposal of this body.

As these eyes must one day cease to gaze on Teraminta, and this heart

shall one day pant no more for her indignation: that is to say, since

this body must be earth, I shall commit it to the dust in a manner

suitable to my character. Therefore, as there are those who dispute,

whether there is any such real person as Isaac Bickerstaff or not, I

shall excuse all persons who appear what they really are, from coming to

my funeral. But all those who are, in their way of life, persons, as the

Latins have it, persons assumed, and who appear what they really are

not, are hereby invited to that solemnity.

The body shall be carried by six watchmen, who are never seen in the

day.

Item, The pall shall be held up by the six most known pretenders to

honesty, wealth and power, who are not possessed of any of them. The

two first, an half-lawyer, a complete justice. The two next, a chemist,

a projector. The third couple, a Treasury solicitor, and a small

courtier.

To make my funeral (what that solemnity, when done to common men, really

is in itself) a very farce; and since all mourners are mere actors on

these occasions, I shall desire those who are professedly such, to

attend me. I humbly therefore beseech Mrs. Barry[135] to act once more,

and be my widow. When she swoons away at the church-porch, I appoint the

merry Sir John Falstaff, and the gay Sir Harry Wildair, to support her.

I desire Mr. Pinkethman[136] to follow in the habit of a cardinal, and

Mr. Bullock[137] in that of a privy councillor. To make up the rest of

the appearance, I desire all the ladies from the balconies to weep with

Mrs. Barry, as they hope to be wives and widows themselves. I invite

all, who have nothing else to do, to accept of gloves and scarves.

Thus, with the great Charles V. of Spain, I resign the glories of this

transitory world: yet, at the same time, to show you my indifference,

and that my desires are not too much fixed upon anything, I own to you,

I am as willing to stay as go: therefore leave it in the choice of my

gentle readers, whether I shall hear from them, or they hear no more

from me.

White's Chocolate-house, April 25.

Easter Day being a time when you can't well meet with any but humble

adventures; and there being such a thing as low gallantry, as well as a

low comedy, Colonel Ramble[138] and myself went early this morning into

the fields, which were strewed with shepherds and shepherdesses, but

indeed of a different turn from the simplicity of those of Arcadia.

Every hedge was conscious of more than what the representations of

enamoured swains admit of. While we were surveying the crowd around us,

we saw at a distance a company coming towards Pancras Church; but though

there was not much disorder, we thought we saw the figure of a man stuck

through with a sword, and at every step ready to fall, if a woman by his

side had not supported him; the rest followed two and two. When we came

nearer this appearance, who should it be but Monsieur Guardeloop, mine

and Ramble's French tailor, attended by others, leading one of Madame

Depingle's[139] maids to the church, in order to their espousals. It was

his sword tucked so high above his waist, and the circumflex which

persons of his profession take in their walking, that made him appear at

a distance wounded and falling. But the morning being rainy, methought

the march to this wedding was but too lively a picture of wedlock

itself. They seemed both to have a month's mind to make the best of

their way single; yet both tugged arm in arm; and when they were in a

dirty way, he was but deeper in the mire, by endeavouring to pull out

his companion, and yet without helping her. The bridegroom's feathers in

his hat all drooped, one of his shoes had lost an heel. In short, he was

in his whole person and dress so extremely soused, that there did not

appear one inch or single thread about him unmarried.[140] Pardon me,

that the melancholy object still dwells upon me so far, as to reduce me

to punning. However, we attended to the chapel, where we stayed to hear

the irrevocable words pronounced upon our old servant, and made the best

of our way to town. I took a resolution to forbear all married persons,

or any, in danger of being such, for four-and-twenty hours at least;

therefore dressed, and went to visit Florimel, the vainest thing in

town, where I knew would drop in Colonel Picket, just come from the

camp, her professed admirer. He is of that order of men who has much

honour and merit, but withal a coxcomb; the other of that set of

females, who has innocence and wit, but the first of coquettes. It is

easy to believe, these must be admirers of each other. She says, "The

Colonel rides the best of any man in England": the Colonel says, "She

talks the best of any woman." At the same time, he understands wit just

as she does horsemanship. You are to know, these extraordinary persons

see each other daily; and they themselves, as well as the town, think it

will be a match: but it can never happen that they can come to the

point; for instead of addressing to each other, they spend their whole

time in reports of themselves. He is satisfied if he can convince her he

is a fine gentleman, and a man of consequence; and she, in appearing to

him an accomplished lady and a wit, without further design. Thus he

tells her of his manner of posting his men at such a pass, with the

numbers he commanded on that detachment: she tells him, how she was

dressed on such a day at Court, and what offers were made her the week

following. She seems to hear the repetition of his men's names with

admiration; and waits only to answer him with as false a muster of

lovers. They talk to each other not to be informed, but approved. Thus

they are so like, that they are to be ever distant, and the parallel

lines may run together for ever, but never meet.

Will's Coffee-house, April 25.

This evening, the comedy, called "Epsom Wells,"[141] was acted for the

benefit of Mr. Bullock,[142] who, though he is a person of much wit and

ingenuity, has a peculiar talent of looking like a fool, and therefore

excellently well qualified for the part of Biskett in this play. I

cannot indeed sufficiently admire his way of bearing a beating, as he

does in this drama, and that with such a natural air and propriety of

folly, that one cannot help wishing the whip in one's own hand; so

richly does he seem to deserve his chastisement. Skilful actors think it

a very peculiar happiness to play in a scene with such as top their

parts. Therefore I cannot but say, when the judgment of any good author

directs him to write a beating for Mr. Bullock from Mr. William

Pinkethman, or for Mr. William Pinkethman from Mr. Bullock, those

excellent players seem to be in their most shining circumstances, and

please me more, but with a different sort of delight, than that which I

receive from those grave scenes of Brutus and Cassius, or Antony and

Ventidius. The whole comedy is very just, and the low part of human life

represented with much humour and wit.

St. James's Coffee-house, April 25.

We are advised from Vienna, by letters of the 20th instant, that the

Emperor hath lately added twenty new members to his Council of State,

but they have not yet taken their places at the board. General Thaun is

returned from Baden, his health being so well re-established by the

baths of that place, that he designs to set out next week for Turin, to

his command of the Imperial troops in the service of the Duke of Savoy.

His Imperial Majesty has advanced his brother Count Henry Thaun to be a

brigadier, and a Councillor of the Aulic Council of War. These letters

import, that King Stanislaus and the Swedish General Crassau are

directing their march to the Nieper, to join the King of Sweden's army

in Ukrania: that the States of Austria have furnished Marshal Heister

with a considerable sum of money, to enable him to push on the war

vigorously in Hungary, where all things as yet are in perfect

tranquillity: and that General Thungen has been very importunate for a

speedy reinforcement of the forces on the Upper Rhine, representing at

the same time, what miseries the inhabitants must necessarily undergo,

if the designs of France on those parts be not speedily and effectually

prevented.

Letters from Rome, dated the 13th instant, say, that on the preceding

Sunday his Holiness was carried in an open chair from St. Peter's to St.

Mary's, attended by the Sacred College, in cavalcade; and, after Mass,

distributed several dowries for the marriage of poor and distressed

virgins. The proceedings of that Court are very dilatory concerning the

recognition of King Charles, notwithstanding the pressing instances of

the Marquis de Prie, who has declared, that if this affair be not wholly

concluded by the 15th instant, he will retire from that Court, and order

the Imperial troops to return into the ecclesiastical state. On the

other hand, the Duke of Anjou's minister has, in the name of his master,

demanded of his Holiness to explain himself on that affair; which, it is

said, will be finally determined in a consistory to be held on Monday

next; the Duke d'Uzeda designing to delay his departure till he sees the

issue. These letters also say, that the Court was mightily alarmed at

the news which they received by an express from Ferrara, that General

Boneval, who commands in Commachio, had sent circular letters to the

inhabitants of St. Alberto, Longastrino, Fillo, and other adjacent

parts, enjoining them to come and swear fealty to the Emperor, and

receive new investitures of their fiefs from his hands. Letters from

other parts of Italy say, that the King of Denmark continues at Lucca;

that four English and Dutch men-of-war were seen off of Oneglia, bound

for Final, in order to transport the troops designed for Barcelona; and

that her Majesty's ship the _Colchester_ arrived at Leghorn the 4th

instant from Port Mahon, with advice, that Major-General Stanhope

designed to part from thence the 1st instant with 6000 or 7000 men to

attempt the relief of the Castle of Alicant.

Our last advices from Berlin, bearing date the 27th instant, import,

that the King was gone to Linum, and the Queen to Mecklenburg; but that

their Majesties designed to return the next week to Oranienburg, where a

great chase of wild beasts was prepared for their diversion, and from

thence they intend to proceed together to Potsdam; that the Prince Royal

was set out for Brabant, but intended to make some short stay at

Hanover. These letters also inform us, that they are advised from Obory,

that the King of Sweden, being on his march towards Holki, met General

Renne with a detachment of Muscovites, who placing some regiments in

ambuscade, attacked the Swedes in their rear, and putting them to

flight, killed 2000 men, the king himself having his horse shot under

him.

We hear from Copenhagen, that, the ice being broke, the Sound is again

open for the ships; and that they hoped his Majesty would return sooner

than they at first expected.

Letters from the Hague, dated May the 4th, N.S., say that an express

arrived there on the 1st from Prince Eugene to his Grace the Duke of

Marlborough. The States are advised, that the auxiliaries of Saxony

were arrived on the frontiers of the United Provinces; as also, that the

two regiments of Wolfembuttel, and 4000 troops from Wirtemberg, which

are to serve in Flanders, are in full march thither. Letters from

Flanders, say that the great convoy of ammunition and provisions which

set out from Ghent for Lille, was safely arrived at Courtray. We hear

from Paris, that the King has ordered the militia on the coasts of

Normandy and Bretagne to be in a readiness to march; and that the Court

was in apprehension of a descent, to animate the people to rise in the

midst of their present hardships.

They write from Spain, that the Pope's Nuncio left Madrid the 10th of

April, in order to go to Bayonne; that the Marquis de Bay was at Badajos

to observe the motions of the Portuguese; and that the Count d'Estain,

with a body of 5000 men, was on his march to attack Gironne. The Duke

of Anjou has deposed the Bishop of Lerida, as being a favourer of the

interest of King Charles; and has summoned a convocation at Madrid,

composed of the archbishops, bishops and states of that kingdom,

wherein he hopes they will come to a resolution to send for no more

bulls to Rome.

[Footnote 130: John Morphew was the publisher of the _Tatler_.]

[Footnote 131: See No. 4.]

[Footnote 132: Stockjobbers, who contract for a sale of stock which they

do not possess, are called sellers of bearskins; and universally whoever

sells what he does not possess was said to sell the bear's skin, while

the bear runs in the woods. "You never heard such bellowing about the

town of the state of the nation, especially among the sharpers, sellers

of bearskins--_i.e._ stockjobbers, &c." (Swift). See No. 38.]

[Footnote 133: Dr. Richard Bentley, Master of Trinity College,

Cambridge, took a leading part in the controversy regarding the

genuineness of the Epistles of Phalaris. In 1709 he published critical

notes on the Tusculan Disputations.]

[Footnote 134: There are several sneers at the members of the Royal

Society in the _Tatler_.]

[Footnote 135: See No. 1.]

[Footnote 136: See No. 4.]

[Footnote 137: William Bullock was a comic actor whose abilities are

praised by Gildon and others. He was the original Sir Tunbelly Clumsy in

Vanbrugh's "Relapse." Later on in this number (p. 70), Steele says that

Bullock had a peculiar talent of looking like a fool, and in No. 188 he

compares Bullock and Pinkethman in a satirical vein.]

[Footnote 138: Perhaps Colonel Hunter, afterwards Governor of New York;

or Colonel Brett, one of the managers of Drury Lane Theatre.]

[Footnote 139: See No. 34.]

[Footnote 140: The pun is, of course, on the word "unmarred."]

[Footnote 141: By Thomas Shadwell, 1676.]

[Footnote 142: See note on p. 67, above.]

No. 8. [STEELE.

From _Tuesday, April 26._ to _Thursday, April 28_, 1709.

* * * * *

Wills Coffee-house, April 26.

The play of "The London Cuckolds"[143] was acted this evening before a

suitable audience, who were extremely well diverted with that heap of

vice and absurdity. The indignation which Eugenio, who is a gentleman

of a just taste, has, upon occasion of seeing human nature fall so low

in their delights, made him, I thought, expatiate upon the mention of

this play very agreeably. "Of all men living," said he, "I pity players

(who must be men of good understanding to be capable of being such) that

they are obliged to repeat and assume proper gestures for representing

things, of which their reason must be ashamed, and which they must

disdain their audience for approving. The amendment of these low

gratifications is only to be made by people of condition, by encouraging

the presentation of the noble characters drawn by Shakespeare and

others, from whence it is impossible to return without strong

impressions of honour and humanity. On these occasions, distress is laid

before us with all its causes and consequences, and our resentment

placed according to the merit of the persons afflicted. Were dramas of

this nature more acceptable to the taste of the town, men who have

genius would bend their studies to excel in them. How forcible an effect

this would have on our minds, one needs no more than to observe how

strongly we are touched by mere pictures. Who can see Le Brun's[144]

picture of the Battle of Porus, without entering into the character of

that fierce gallant man,[145] and being accordingly spurred to an

emulation of his constancy and courage? When he is falling with his

wound, the features are at the same time very terrible and languishing;

and there is such a stern faintness diffused through his look, as is

apt to move a kind of horror, as well as pity, in the beholder. This, I

say, is an effect wrought by mere lights and shades; consider also a

representation made by words only, as in an account given by a good

writer: Catiline in Sallust makes just such a figure as Porus by Le

Brun. It is said of him, 'Catilina vero longe a suis inter hostium

cadavera repertus est; paululum etiam spirans, ferocitatemque animi quam

vivus habuerat in vultu retinens.'[146] ('Catiline was found killed far

from his own men among the dead bodies of the enemy: he seemed still to

breathe, and still retained in his face the same fierceness he had when

he was living.') You have in that one sentence, a lively impression of

his whole life and actions. What I would insinuate from all this, is,

that if the painter and the historian can do thus much in colours and

language, what may not be performed by an excellent poet, when the

character he draws is presented by the person, the manner, the look, and

the motion, of an accomplished player? If a thing painted or related can

irresistibly enter our hearts, what may not be brought to pass by seeing

generous things performed before our eyes?" Eugenio ended his discourse,

by recommending the apt use of a theatre, as the most agreeable and easy

method of making a polite and moral gentry, which would end in rendering

the rest of the people regular in their behaviour, and ambitious of

laudable undertakings.

St. James's Coffee-house, April 27.

Letters from Naples of the 9th instant, N.S., advise, that Cardinal

Grimani had ordered the regiment commanded by General Pate to march

towards Final, in order to embark for Catalonia, whither also a

thousand horse are to be transported from Sardinia, besides the troops

which come from the Milanese. An English man-of-war has taken two

prizes, one a vessel of Malta, the other of Genoa, both laden with goods

of the enemy. They write from Florence of the 13th, that his Majesty of

Denmark had received a courier from the Hague, with an account of some

matters relating to the treaty of a peace; upon which he declared, that

he thought it necessary to hasten to his own dominions.

Letters from Switzerland inform us, that the effects of the great

scarcity of corn in France were felt at Geneva; the magistrates of which

city had appointed deputies to treat with the cantons of Berne and

Zurich, for leave to buy up such quantities of grain within their

territories as should be thought necessary. The Protestants of

Tockenburg are still in arms about the convent of St. John, and have

declared, that they will not lay them down, till they shall have

sufficient security from the Roman Catholics, of living unmolested in

the exercise of their religion. In the meantime the deputies of Berne

and Tockenburg have frequent conferences at Zurich, with the regency of

that canton, to find out methods for the quieting these disorders.

Letters from the Hague of the 3rd of May advise, that the President

Rouillé, after his last conference with the deputies of the States, had

retired to Bodegrave, five miles distant from Worden, and expected the

return of a courier from France on the 4th, with new instructions. It is

said, if his answer from the French Court shall not prove satisfactory,

he will be desired to withdraw out of these parts. In the meantime it is

also reported, that his equipage, as an ambassador on this great

occasion, is actually on the march towards him. They write from

Flanders, that the great convoy of provisions, which set out from Ghent,

is safely arrived at Lille. Those advices add, that the enemy had

assembled near Tournay a considerable body of troops drawn out of the

neighbouring garrisons. Their high mightinesses having sent orders to

their Ministers at Hamburg and Dantzic, to engage the magistrates of

those cities to forbid the sale of corn to the French, and to signify to

them, that the Dutch merchants will buy up as much of that commodity as

they can spare, the Hamburgers have accordingly contracted with the

Dutch, and refused any commerce with the French on that occasion.

From my own Apartment.

After the lassitude of a day spent in the strolling manner, which is

usual with men of pleasure in this town, and with a head full of a

million of impertinences, which had danced round it for ten hours

together, I came to my lodging, and hastened to bed. My

_valet-de-chambre_[147] knows my University trick of reading there; and

he being: a good scholar for a gentleman, ran over the names of Horace,

Tibullus, Ovid, and others, to know which I would have. "Bring Virgil,"

said I, "and if I fall asleep, take care of the candle." I read the

sixth book over with the most exquisite delight, and had gone half

through it a second time, when the pleasing ideas of Elysian Fields,

deceased worthies walking in them, sincere lovers enjoying their

languishment without pain, compassion for the unhappy spirits who had

misspent their short daylight, and were exiled from the seats of bliss

for ever; I say, I was deep again in my reading, when this mixture of

images had taken place of all others in my imagination before, and

lulled me into a dream, from which I am just awake, to my great

disadvantage. The happy mansions of Elysium by degrees seemed to be

wafted from me, and the very traces of my late waking thoughts began to

fade away, when I was cast by a sudden whirlwind upon an island,

encompassed with a roaring and troubled sea, which shaked its very

centre, and rocked its inhabitants as in a cradle. The islanders lay on

their faces, without offering to look up, or hope for preservation; all

her harbours were crowded with mariners, and tall vessels of war lay in

danger of being driven to pieces on her shores. "Bless me!" said I, "why

have I lived in such a manner that the convulsion of nature should be so

terrible to me, when I feel in myself, that the better part of me is to

survive it? Oh! may that be in happiness." A sudden shriek, in which the

whole people on their faces joined, interrupted my soliloquy, and turned

my eyes and attention to the object which had given us that sudden

start, in the midst of an inconsolable and speechless affliction.

Immediately the winds grew calm, the waves subsided, and the people

stood up, turning their faces upon a magnificent pile in the midst of

the island. There we beheld an hero of a comely and erect aspect, but

pale and languid, sitting under a canopy of state. By the faces and dumb

sorrow of those who attended we thought him in the article of death. At

a distance sat a lady, whose life seemed to hang upon the same thread

with his: she kept her eyes fixed upon him, and seemed to smother ten

thousand thousand nameless things, which urged her tenderness to clasp

him in her arms: but her greatness of spirit overcame those sentiments,

and gave her power to forbear disturbing his last moment; which

immediately approached. The hero looked up with an air of negligence,

and satiety of being, rather than of pain to leave it; and leaning back

his head, expired.[148]

When the heroine, who sat at a distance, saw his last instant come, she

threw herself at his feet, and kneeling, pressed his hand to her lips;

in which posture she continued under the agony of an unutterable sorrow,

till conducted from our sight by her attendants. That commanding awe,

which accompanies the grief of great minds, restrained the multitude

while in her presence; but as soon as she retired, they gave way to

their distraction, and all the islanders called upon their deceased

hero. To him, methought, they cried out, as to a guardian being, and I

gathered from their broken accents, that it was he who had the empire

over the ocean and its powers, by which he had long protected the island

from shipwreck and invasion. They now give a loose to their moan, and

think themselves exposed without hopes of human or divine assistance.

While the people ran wild, and expressed all the different forms of

lamentation, methought a sable cloud overshadowed the whole land, and

covered its inhabitants with darkness: no glimpse of light appeared,

except one ray from heaven upon the place in which the heroine now

secluded herself from the world, with her eyes fixed on those abodes to

which her consort was ascended.[149] Methought, a long period of time

had passed away in mourning and in darkness, when a twilight began by

degrees to enlighten the hemisphere; and looking round me, I saw a boat

rowed towards the shore, in which sat a personage adorned with warlike

trophies, bearing on his left arm a shield, on which was engraven the

image of Victory, and in his right hand a branch of olive. His visage

was at once so winning and so awful, that the shield and the olive

seemed equally suitable to his genius.

When this illustrious person[150] touched on the shore, he was received

by the acclamations of the people, and followed to the palace of the

heroine. No pleasure in the glory of her arms, or the acclamations

of her applauding subjects, were ever capable to suspend her sorrow for

one moment, until she saw the olive branch in the hand of that

auspicious messenger. At that sight, as Heaven bestows its blessings on

the wants and importunities of mortals, out of its native bounty, and

not to increase its own power, or honour, in compassion to the world,

the celestial mourner was then first seen to turn her regard to things

below; and taking the branch out of the warrior's hand, looked at it

with much satisfaction, and spoke of the blessings of peace, with a

voice and accent, such as that in which guardian spirits whisper to

dying penitents assurances of happiness. The air was hushed, the

multitude attentive, and all nature in a pause, while she was speaking.

But as soon as the messenger of peace had made some low reply, in

which, methought, I heard the word Iberia, the heroine assuming a more

severe air, but such as spoke resolution, without rage, returned him

the olive, and again veiled her face. Loud cries and clashing of arms

immediately followed, which forced me from my charming vision, and

drove me back to these mansions of care and sorrow.[151]

[Footnote 143: A very coarse play by Edward Ravenscroft, produced in

1682, and often acted on Lord Mayors' days and other holidays.]

[Footnote 144: Charles Le Brun, who was born in 1619, and died in 1690,

was the son of a sculptor, of Scotch extraction. Under Colbert's

patronage he founded the Academy of Painting and Sculpture, at Paris,

and he received many honours from Louis XIV. Le Brun's painting of the

Defeat of Porus is 16 feet high and 39 feet 5 inches long.]

[Footnote 145: Porus was an Indian king who was defeated and put to

death by Alexander the Great. See Q. Curtius, viii. 12, 14.]

[Footnote 146: "Bell. Catil." cap. 61.]

[Footnote 147: Steele seems to have forgotten that he was Isaac

Bickerstaff, Esq., and had only an old maid-servant. (Nichols.)]

[Footnote 148: Prince George of Denmark, the consort of Queen Anne, died

on October 21, 1708, after a few days' illness. This dream gives a

picture of the state of England from his death until the conclusion of

the negotiations at the Hague in 1709.]

[Footnote 149: The mourning of Queen Anne was so long that the

manufacturers remonstrated, and secured a limit to the duration of

public mournings.]

[Footnote 150: About this time the D[uke]. of M[arlborough]. returned

from Holland with the preliminaries of a peace.--(Steele.)]

[Footnote 151: "Mr. Bickerstaff thanks Mr. Quarterstaff for his kind and

instructive letter dated the 26th instant" (folio).]

No. 9. [STEELE.

From _Thursday, April 28_, to _Saturday, April 30_, 1709.

* * * * *

Will's Coffee-house, April 28.

This evening we were entertained with "The Old Bachelor,"[152] a comedy

of deserved reputation. In the character which gives name to the play,

there is excellently represented the reluctance of a battered debauchee

to come into the trammels of order and decency: he neither languishes

nor burns, but frets for love. The gentlemen of more regular behaviour

are drawn with much spirit and wit, and the drama introduced by the

dialogue of the first scene with uncommon, yet natural conversation. The

part of Fondlewife is a lively image of the unseasonable fondness of age

and impotence. But instead of such agreeable works as these, the town

has this half age been tormented with insects called "easy writers,"

whose abilities Mr. Wycherley one day described excellently well in one

word: "That," said he, "among these fellows is called easy writing,

which any one may easily write." Such jaunty scribblers are so justly

laughed at for their sonnets on Phillis and Chloris, and fantastical

descriptions in them, that an ingenious kinsman of mine,[153] of the

family of the Staffs, Mr. Humphrey Wagstaff by name, has, to avoid their

strain, run into a way perfectly new, and described things exactly as

they happen: he never forms fields, or nymphs, or groves, where they are

not, but makes the incidents just as they really appear. For an example

of it; I stole out of his manuscript the following lines: they are a

Description of the Morning, but of the morning in town; nay, of the

morning at this end of the town, where my kinsman at present lodges.

Now hardly here and there an hackney coach

Appearing, showed the ruddy morn's approach.

Now Betty from her master's bed had flown,

And softly stole to discompose her own.

The slipshod 'prentice from his master's door,

Had pared the street, and sprinkled round the floor.

Now Moll had whirled her mop with dext'rous airs,

Prepared to scrub the entry and the stairs.

The youth with broomy stumps began to trace

The kennel edge, where wheels had worn the place.

The smallcoal-man was heard with cadence deep,

Till drowned in shriller notes of chimney-sweep.

Duns at his lordship's gate began to meet;

And Brickdust Moll had screamed through half a street;

The turnkey now his flock returning sees,

Duly let out at nights to steal for fees.

The watchful bailiffs take their silent stands;

And schoolboys lag with satchels in their hands.

All that I apprehend is, that dear Numps will be angry I have published

these lines; not that he has any reason to be ashamed of them, but for

fear of those rogues, the bane to all excellent performances, the

imitators. Therefore, beforehand, I bar all descriptions of the

evenings; as, a medley of verses signifying, grey-peas are now cried

warm: that wenches now begin to amble round the passages of the

playhouse: or of noon; as, that fine ladies and great beaux are just

yawning out of their beds and windows in Pall Mall, and so forth. I

forewarn also all persons from encouraging any draughts after my

cousin; and foretell any man who shall go about to imitate him, that he

will be very insipid. The family stock is embarked in this design, and

we will not admit of counterfeits: Dr. Anderson[154] and his heirs enjoy

his pills, Sir. William Read[155] has the cure of eyes, and Monsieur

Rozelli[156] can only cure the gout. We pretend to none of these things;

but to examine who and who are together, to tell any mistaken man he is

not what he believes he is, to distinguish merit, and expose false

pretences to it, is a liberty our family has by law in them, from an

intermarriage with a daughter of Mr. Scoggan,[157] the famous droll of

the last century. This right I design to make use of; but will not

encroach upon the above-mentioned adepts, or any other. At the same

time I shall take all the privileges I may, as an Englishman, and will

lay hold of the late Act of Naturalisation[158] to introduce what I

shall think fit from France. The use of that law may, I hope, be

extended to people the polite world with new characters, as well as the

kingdom itself with new subjects. Therefore an author of that nation,

called La Bruyère, I shall make bold with on such occasions. The last

person I read of in that writer, was Lord Timon.[159] Timon, says my

author, is the most generous of all men; but is so hurried away with

that strong impulse of bestowing, that he confers benefits without

distinction, and is munificent without laying obligations. For all the

unworthy, who receive from him, have so little sense of this noble

infirmity, that they look upon themselves rather as partners in a spoil,

than partakers of a bounty. The other day, coming into Paris, I met

Timon going out on horseback, attended only by one servant. It struck me

with a sudden damp, to see a man of so excellent a disposition, and that

understood making a figure so very well, so much shortened in his

retinue. But passing by his house, I saw his great coach break to pieces

before his door, and by a strange enchantment, immediately turned into

many different vehicles. The first was a very pretty chariot, into which

stepped his lordship's secretary. The second was hung a little heavier;

into that strutted the fat steward. In an instant followed a chaise,

which was entered by the butler. The rest of the body and wheels were

forthwith changed into go-carts, and ran away with by the nurses and

brats of the rest of the family. What makes these misfortunes in the

affairs of Timon the more astonishing, is, that he has a better

understanding than those who cheat him; so that a man knows not which

more to wonder at, the indifference of the master, or the impudence of

the servant.

White's Chocolate-house, April 29.

It is matter of much speculation among the beaux and oglers, what it is

that can have made so sudden a change, as has been of late observed, in

the whole behaviour of Pastorella, who never sat still a moment till she

was eighteen, which she has now exceeded by two months. Her aunt, who

has the care of her, has not been always so rigid as she is at this

present date; but has so good a sense of the frailty of woman, and

falsehood of man, that she resolved on all manner of methods to keep

Pastorella, if possible, in safety, against herself, and all her

admirers. At the same time the good lady knew by long experience, that

a gay inclination, curbed too rashly, would but run to the greater

excesses for that restraint: therefore intended to watch her, and take

some opportunity of engaging her insensibly in her own interests,

without the anguish of an admonition. You are to know then, that miss,

with all her flirting and ogling, had also naturally a strong curiosity

in her, and was the greatest eavesdropper breathing. Parisatis (for so

her prudent aunt is called) observed this humour, and retires one day to

her closet, into which she knew Pastorella would peep, and listen to

know how she was employed. It happened accordingly, and the young lady

saw her good governante on her knees, and after a mental behaviour,

break into these words: "As for the dear child committed to my care, let

her sobriety of carriage, and severity of behaviour, be such, as may

make that noble lord, who is taken with her beauty, turn his designs to

such as are honourable." Here Parisatis heard her niece nestle closer to

the keyhole: she then goes on; "Make her the joyful mother of a numerous

and wealthy offspring, and let her carriage be such, as may make this

noble youth expect the blessings of an happy marriage, from the

singularity of her life, in this loose and censorious age." Miss having

heard enough, sneaks off for fear of discovery, and immediately at her

glass, alters the sitting of her head; then pulls up her tucker,[160]

and forms herself into the exact manner of Lindamira: in a word, becomes

a sincere convert to everything that's commendable in a fine young lady;

and two or three such matches as her aunt feigned in her devotions, are

at this day in her choice. This is the history and original cause of

Pastorella's conversion from coquetry. The prudence in the management

of this young lady's temper, and good judgment of it, is hardly to be

exceeded. I scarce remember a greater instance of forbearance of the

usual peevish way with which the aged treat the young, than this, except

that of our famous Noye,[161] whose good nature went so far, as to make

him put off his admonitions to his son, even till after his death; and

did not give him his thoughts of him, till he came to read that

memorable passage in his will: "All the rest of my estate," says he, "I

leave to my son Edward (who is executor to this my will) to be

squandered as he shall think fit: I leave it him for that purpose, and

hope no better from him." A generous disdain and reflection, upon how

little he deserved from so excellent a father, reformed the young man,

and made Edward, from an errant rake, become a fine gentleman.

St. James's Coffee-house, April 29.

Letters from Portugal of the 18th instant, dated from Estremos, say,

that on the 6th the Earl of Galway arrived at that place, and had the

satisfaction to see the quarters well furnished with all manner of

provisions, and a quantity of bread sufficient for subsisting the troops

for sixty days, besides biscuits for twenty-five days. The enemy give

out, that they shall bring into the field 14 regiments of horse, and 24

battalions. The troops in the service of Portugal will make up 14,000

foot, and 4000 horse. On the day these letters were despatched, the

Earl of Galway received advice, that the Marquis de Bay was preparing

for some enterprise, by gathering his troops together on the frontiers.

Whereupon his Excellency resolved to go that same night to Villa-Vicosa,

to assemble the troops in that neighbourhood, in order to disappoint his

designs.

Yesterday in the evening Captain Foxon, aide-de-camp to Major-General

Cadogan, arrived here express from the Duke of Marlborough. And this day

a mail is come in, with letters dated from Brussels of the 6th of May,

N.S., which advise, that the enemy had drawn together a body, consisting

of 20,000 men, with a design, as was supposed, to intercept the great

convoy on the march towards Lille, which was safely arrived at Menin and

Courtray, in its way to that place, the French having retired without

making any attempt.

We hear from the Hague, that a person of the first quality is arrived in

the Low Countries from France, in order to be a plenipotentiary in an

ensuing treaty of peace.

Letters from France acknowledge, that Monsieur Bernard has made no

higher offers of satisfaction to his creditors than of £35 per cent.

These advices add, that the Marshal Boufflers, Monsieur Torcy (who

distinguished himself formerly, by advising the Court of France to

adhere to the treaty of partition), and Monsieur d'Harcourt (who

negotiated with Cardinal Portocarrero for the succession of the crown of

Spain in the House of Bourbon), are all three joined in a commission for

a treaty of peace. The Marshal is come to Ghent: the other two are

arrived at the Hague.

It is confidently reported here that the Right Honourable the Lord

Townshend is to go with his Grace the Duke of Marlborough into

Holland.[162]

[Footnote 152: Congreve's first play, produced in 1693. See also No.

193. This piece is attacked in Jeremy Collier's "Short View of the

Profaneness and Immorality of the English Stage," 1698.]

[Footnote 153: Swift.]

[Footnote 154: A Scotch physician in the reigns of Charles I. and

Charles II. An advertisement of his "famous Scots Pills" requested the

public to beware of counterfeits, especially an ignorant pretender, one

Muffen, who kept a china-shop.]

[Footnote 155: "Henley would fain have me to go with Steele and Rowe,

&c., to an invitation at Sir William Read's. Surely you have heard of

him. He has been a mountebank, and is the Queen's oculist; he makes

admirable punch, and treats you in gold vessels. But I am engaged, and

won't go; neither indeed am I fond of the jaunt" (Swift's "Journal,"

April 11, 1711). Read was knighted in 1705, for services done in curing

soldiers and sailors of blindness gratis. Beginning life as a tailor, he

became Queen Anne's oculist in ordinary, and died in 1715. See

_Spectator_, No. 547.]

[Footnote 156: Rozelli, the inventor of a specific for the gout, died at

the Hague. In No. 33 was an advertisement of the "Memoirs of the Life

and Adventures of Signior Rozelli, at the Hague, giving a particular

account of his birth, education, slavery, monastic state, imprisonment

in the Inquisition at Rome, and the different figures he has since made,

as well in Italy, as in France and Holland.... Done into English from

the second edition of the French." This work, like the continuation of

1724, has been wrongly attributed to Defoe. Rozelli advertised in the

_London Gazette_, for July 19, 1709, that the book was entirely

fictitious, and a libel upon his character.]

[Footnote 157: We learn from Ben Jonson, that Scoggan, or Skogan, was

M.A., and lived in the time of Henry IV. "He made disguises for the

King's sons, writ in ballad-royal daintily well, and was regarded and

rewarded." Jonson calls him the moral Skogan; and introduces him with

Skelton, the poet laureate of Henry VIII., into his Masque, entitled

"The Fortunate Isles," where he keeps them in character, and makes them

rhyme in their own manner.]

[Footnote 158: 7 Anne, cap. 5, was an "Act for naturalising Foreign

Protestants." After the preamble, "Whereas many strangers of the

Protestant or reformed religion would be induced to transport themselves

and their estates into this kingdom, if they might be made partakers of

the advantages and privileges which the natural-born subjects thereof do

enjoy," it was enacted that all persons taking the oaths, and making and

subscribing the declaration appointed by 6 Anne, cap. 23, should be

deemed natural-born subjects; but no person was to have the benefit of

this Act unless he received the sacrament. The Act was repealed by 10

Anne, c. 5, because "divers mischiefs and inconveniences have been found

by experience to follow from the same, to the discouragement of the

natural-born subjects of this kingdom, and to the detriment of the trade

and wealth thereof."]

[Footnote 159: It has been alleged that there is here an allusion to the

Duke of Ormond, whose servants enriched themselves at their master's

expense (see _Examiner_, vol. iii. p. 48). But in the _Guardian_, No.

53, Steele, writing in his own name, declared that the character of

Timon was not disgraceful, and that when he drew it he thought it

resembled himself more than any one else.]

[Footnote 160: The tucker, an edging round the top of a low dress, began

to be discontinued about 1713, as appears from complaints in the

_Guardian_, _passim_.]

[Footnote 161: "William Noye, of St. Burian in Cornwall, gentleman, was

made Attorney-General in 1631; his will is dated June 3, 1634, about a

month or six weeks before his death. The expedient did not operate an

alteration in his son so altogether favourable; for within two years

Edward was slain in a duel by one Captain Byron, who was pardoned for

it" (Wood's "Athen. Oxon." 1691, i. 506). Noye's character is drawn in

the first book of Clarendon's "History of the Civil War."]

[Footnote 162: "Mr. Bickerstaff has received the epistles of Mrs.

Rebecca Wagstaff, Timothy Pikestaff and Wagstaff, which he will

acknowledge farther as occasion shall serve" (folio).]

No. 10. [STEELE.

By Mrs.[163] JENNY DISTAFF, half-sister to Mr. BICKERSTAFF.

From _Saturday, April 30_, to _Tuesday, May 3_, 1709.

* * * * *

From my own Apartment, May 1.

My brother Isaac having a sudden occasion to go out of town, ordered me

to take upon me the despatch of the next advices from home, with liberty

to speak it my own way; not doubting the allowances which would be given

to a writer of my sex. You may be sure I undertook it with much

satisfaction, and I confess, I am not a little pleased with the

opportunity of running over all the papers in his closet, which he has

left open for my use on this occasion. The first that I lay my hands on,

is, a treatise concerning "The Empire of Beauty," and the effects it

has had in all nations of the world, upon the public and private actions

of men; with an appendix, which he calls, "The Bachelor's Scheme for

Governing his Wife." The first thing he makes this gentleman propose,

is, that she shall be no woman; for she is to have an aversion to balls,

to operas, to visits: she is to think his company sufficient to fill up

all the hours of life with great satisfaction: she is never to believe

any other man wise, learned, or valiant; or at least but in a second

degree. In the next place, he intends she shall be a cuckold; but

expects, that he himself must live in perfect security from that terror.

He dwells a great while on instructions for her discreet behaviour, in

case of his falsehood. I have not patience with these unreasonable

expectations, therefore turn back to the treatise itself. Here, indeed,

my brother deduces all the revolutions among men from the passion of

love; and in his preface, answers that usual observation against us,

that there is no quarrel without a woman in it, with a gallant

assertion, that there is nothing else worth quarrelling for. My brother

is of a complexion truly amorous; all his thoughts and actions carry in

them a tincture of that obliging inclination; and this turn has opened

his eyes to see, we are not the inconsiderable creatures which unlucky

pretenders to our favour would insinuate. He observes that no man begins

to make any tolerable figure, till he sets out with the hopes of

pleasing some one of us. No sooner he takes that in hand, but he pleases

every one else by-the-bye. It has an immediate effect upon his

behaviour. There is Colonel Ranter, who never spoke without an oath,

till he saw the Lady Betty Modish;[164] now never gives his man an

order, but it is, "Pray, Tom, do it." The drawers where he drinks live

in perfect happiness. He asked Will at the "George" the other day how he

did? Where he used to say, "Damn it, it is so," he now believes there is

some mistake: he must confess, he is of another opinion; but however he

won't insist.

Every temper, except downright insipid, is to be animated and softened

by the influence of beauty: but of this untractable sort is a lifeless

handsome fellow that visits us, whom I have dressed at this twelvemonth;

but he is as insensible of all the arts I use, as if he conversed all

that time with his nurse. He outdoes our whole sex in all the faults our

enemies impute to us; he has brought laziness into an opinion, and makes

his indolence his philosophy: insomuch, that no longer ago than

yesterday in the evening he gave me this account of himself: "I am,

madam, perfectly unmoved at all that passes among men, and seldom give

myself the fatigue of going among them; but when I do, I always appear

the same thing to those whom I converse with. My hours of existence, or

being awake, are from eleven in the morning to eleven at night; half of

which I live to myself, in picking my teeth, washing my hands, paring my

nails, and looking in the glass. The insignificancy of my manners to the

rest of the world makes the laughers call me a _quidnunc_, a phrase I

shall never inquire what they mean by it. The last of me each night is

at St. James's Coffee-house, where I converse, yet never fall into a

dispute on any occasion, but leave the understanding I have, passive of

all that goes through it, without entering into the business of life.

And thus, madam, have I arrived by laziness, to what others pretend to

by devotion, a perfect neglect of the world." Sure, if our sex had the

liberty of frequenting public-houses and conversations, we should put

these rivals of our faults and follies out of countenance. However, we

shall soon have the pleasure of being acquainted with them one way or

other, for my brother Isaac designs, for the use of our sex, to give the

exact characters of all the chief politicians who frequent any of the

coffee-houses from St. James's to the Change; but designs to begin with

that cluster of wise heads, as they are found sitting every evening,

from the left side of the fire, at the Smyrna,[165] to the door. This

will be of great service for us, and I have authority to promise an

exact journal of their deliberations; the publication of which I am to

be allowed for pin-money. In the meantime, I cast my eye upon a new

book, which gave me a more pleasing entertainment, being a sixth part of

"Miscellany Poems," published by Jacob Tonson,[166] which I find, by my

brother's notes upon it, no way inferior to the other volumes. There

are, it seems, in this, a collection of the best pastorals that have

hitherto appeared in England; but among them, none superior to that

dialogue between Sylvia and Dorinda, written by one of my own sex,[167]

where all our little weaknesses are laid open in a manner more just,

and with, truer raillery than ever man yet hit upon.

_Only this I now discern.

From the things thou'st have me learn;

That womankind's peculiar joys

From past or present beauties rise._

But to reassume my first design, there cannot be a greater instance of

the command of females, than in the prevailing charms of the heroine in

the play which was acted this night, called "All for Love; or, The World

Well Lost."[168] The enamoured Antony resigns glory and power to the

force of the attractive Cleopatra, whose charms were the defence of her

diadem, against a people otherwise invincible. It is so natural for

women to talk of themselves, that it is to be hoped all my own sex, at

least, will pardon me, that I could fall into no other discourse. If we

have their favour, we give ourselves very little anxiety for the rest of

our readers. I believe I see a sentence of Latin in my brother's

day-book of wit, which seems applicable on this occasion, and in

contempt of the critics.

--_Tristitiam et metus

Tradam protectis in mare Criticum

Portare ventis._[169]

But I am interrupted by a packet from Mr. Kidney,[170] from the St.

James's Coffee-house, which I am obliged to insert in the very style and

words which Mr. Kidney uses in his letter.

St. James's Coffee-house, May 2.

We are advised by letters from Berne, dated the 1st instant, N.S., that

the Duke of Berwick arrived at Lyons the 25th of the last month, and

continued his journey the next day to visit the passes of the mountains,

and other posts in Dauphine and Provence. These letters also informed

us, that the miseries of the people in France are heightened to that

degree, that unless a peace be speedily concluded, half of that kingdom

would perish for want of bread. On the 24th, the Marshal de Thesse

passed through Lyons, in his way to Versailles; and two battalions,

which were marching from Alsace to reinforce the army of the Duke of

Berwick, passed also through that place. Those troops were to be

followed by six Battalions more.

Letters from Naples of the 16th of April say, that the Marquis de Prie's

son was arrived there, with instructions from his father, to signify to

the viceroy the necessity his Imperial Majesty was under, of desiring an

aid from that kingdom, for carrying on the extraordinary expenses of the

war. On the 14th of the same month, they made a review of the Spanish

troops in that garrison, and afterwards of the marines; one part of whom

will embark with those designed for Barcelona, and the rest are to be

sent on board the galleys appointed to convoy provisions to that place.

We hear from Rome, by letters dated the 20th of April, that the Count de

Mellos, envoy from the King of Portugal, had made his public entry into

that city with much state and magnificence. The Pope has lately held two

other consistories, wherein he made a promotion of two cardinals; but

the acknowledgment of King Charles is still deferred.

Letters from other parts of Italy advise us, that the Doge of Venice

continues dangerously ill: that the Prince de Carignan, having relapsed

into a violent fever, died the 23rd of April, in his 80th year.

Advices from Vienna of the 27th of April import, that the Archbishop of

Saltzburg is dead, who is succeeded by Count Harrach, formerly Bishop of

Vienna, and for these last three years coadjutor to the said Archbishop;

and that Prince Maximilian of Lichtenstein has likewise departed this

life, at his country seat called Cromaw in Moravia. These advices add,

that the Emperor has named Count Zinzendorf, Count Goes, and Monsieur

Consbruck, for his plenipotentiaries in an ensuing treaty of peace; and

they hear from Hungary, that the Imperialists have had several

successful skirmishes with the malcontents.

Letters from Paris, dated May the 6th, say, that the Marshal de Thesse

arrived there on the 29th of the last month; and that the Chevalier de

Beuil was sent thither by Don Pedro Ronquillo with advice, that the

confederate squadron appeared before Alicante the 17th, and having for

some time cannonaded the city, endeavoured to land some troops for the

relief of the castle; but General Stanhope finding the passes well

guarded, and the enterprise dangerous, demanded to capitulate for the

castle; which being granted him, the garrison, consisting of 600 regular

troops, marched out with their arms and baggage the day following; and

being received on board, they immediately set sail for Barcelona. These

letters add, that the march of the French and Swiss regiments is further

deferred for a few days; and that the Duke of Noailles was just ready to

set out for Roussillon, as well as the Count de Bezons for Catalonia.

The same advices say, bread was sold at Paris for 6d. per pound; and

that there was not half enough, even at that rate, to supply the

necessities of the people, which reduced them to the utmost despair;

that 300 men had taken up arms, and having plundered the market of the

suburb St. Germain, pressed down by their multitude the King's Guards

who opposed them. Two of those mutineers were afterwards seized, and

condemned to death; but four others went to the magistrate who

pronounced that sentence, and told him, he must expect to answer with

his own life for those of their comrades. All order and sense of

government being thus lost among the enraged people, to keep up a show

of authority, the captain of the Guards, who saw all their insolence,

pretended, that he had represented to the King their deplorable

condition, and had obtained their pardon. It is further reported, that

the Dauphin and Duchess of Burgundy, as they went to the Opera, were

surrounded by crowds of people, who upbraided them with their neglect of

the general calamity, in going to diversions, when the whole people were

ready to perish for want of bread. Edicts are daily published to

suppress these riots, and papers, with menaces against the Government,

are publicly thrown about. Among others, these words were dropped in a

court of justice: "France wants a Ravilliac or a Jesuit to deliver her."

Besides this universal distress, there is a contagious sickness, which,

it is feared, will end in a pestilence. Letters from Bordeaux bring

accounts no less lamentable: the peasants are driven by hunger from

their abodes into that city, and make lamentations in the streets

without redress.

We are advised by letters from the Hague, dated the 10th instant, N.S.,

that on the 6th, the Marquis de Torcy arrived there from Paris; but the

passport, by which he came, having been sent blank by Monsieur Rouillé,

he was there two days before his quality was known. That Minister

offered to communicate to Monsieur Heinsius the proposals which he had

to make; but the pensionary refused to see them, and said, he would

signify it to the States, who deputed some of their own body to acquaint

him, That they would enter into no negotiation till the arrival of his

Grace the Duke of Marlborough, and the other Ministers of the Alliance.

Prince Eugene was expected there the 12th instant from Brussels. It is

said, that besides Monsieur de Torcy and Monsieur Pajot,

Director-general of the Posts, there are two or three persons at the

Hague whose names are not known; but it is supposed that the Duke

d'Alba, ambassador from the Duke of Anjou, was one of them. The States

have sent letters to all the cities of the Provinces, desiring them to

send their deputies to receive the propositions of peace made by the

Court of France.[171]

[Footnote 163: The word "Miss" was still confined, in Steele's day, to

very young girls or to young women of giddy or doubtful character. Thus

Pastorella in No. 9 is called "Miss," and similarly we find "Miss Gruel"

in No. 33. In the "Original Letters to the _Tatler_ and _Spectator_,"

printed by Charles Lillie (i. 223) there is a "Table of the Titles and

Distinctions of Women," from which what follows is extracted. "Let all

country-gentlewomen, without regard to more or less fortune, content

themselves with being addressed by the style of 'Mrs.' Let 'Madam'

govern independently in the city, &c. Let no women after the known age

of 21 presume to admit of her being called 'Miss,' unless she can fairly

prove she is not out of her sampler. Let every common maid-servant be

plain 'Jane,' 'Doll,' or 'Sue,' and let the better-born and

higher-placed be distinguished by 'Mrs. Patience,' 'Mrs. Prue,' or 'Mrs.

Abigail.'"]

[Footnote 164: Perhaps there is here an illusion to Mrs. Anne Oldfield

(died 1730), and Brigadier-General Charles Churchill, brother of the

Duke of Marlborough. Mrs. Oldfield acted as Lady Betty Modish in

Cibber's "Careless Husband," a part which was not only written for, but

copied from her. Her son by Churchill married Lady Mary Walpole.]

[Footnote 165: A coffee-house in Pall Mall. Swift and Prior frequented

it: "Prior and I came away at nine, and sat at the Smyrna till eleven

receiving acquaintance." "I walked a little in the Park till Prior made

me go with him to the Smyrna Coffee-house."--("Journal to Stella," Oct.

15, 1710; Feb. 19, 1711.)]

[Footnote 166: The sixth and last volume of the "Dryden" Miscellany

Poems was published by Tonson in 1709. The elder Tonson, who was founder

and secretary of the Kit Cat Club, died in 1736.]

[Footnote 167: By Elizabeth Singer, who became Mrs. Rowe in 1710, and

died in 1737. Besides poems which gained for her the friendship of

Prior, Dr. Watts, and Bishop Ken, she published "Friendship in Death, in

twenty letters from the Dead to the Living," and "Letters Moral and

Entertaining."]

[Footnote 168: Dryden's version of "Antony and Cleopatra" was produced

in 1673.]

[Footnote 169: Horace, 1 Od. xxvi. 2. The joke consists in Mrs. Jenny

Distaff mistaking Horace's "Creticum" for "Criticum," and so misapplying

the passage.]

[Footnote 170: See No. 1.]

[Footnote 171: "In the absence of Mr. Bickerstaff, Mrs. Distaff has

received Mr. Nathaniel Broomstick's letter" (folio).]

No. 11. [STEELE.

By ISAAC BICKERSTAFF, Esq.

From _Tuesday May 3,_ to _Thursday, May 5_, 1709.

* * * * *

Will's Coffee-house, May 3.

A kinsman[172] has sent me a letter, wherein he informs me, he had

lately resolved to write an heroic poem, but by business had been

interrupted, and has only made one similitude, which he should be

afflicted to have wholly lost, and begs of me to apply it to something,

being very desirous to see it well placed in the world. I am so willing

to help the distressed, that I have taken it in; but though his greater

genius might very well distinguish his verses from mine, I have marked

where his begin. His lines are a description of the sun in eclipse,

which I know nothing more like than a brave man in sorrow, who bears it

as he should, without imploring the pity of his friends, or being

dejected with the contempt of his enemies. As in the case of Cato:

When all the globe to Cæsar's fortune bowed,

Cato alone his empire disallowed;

With inborn strength alone opposed mankind,

With heaven in view, to all below it blind:

Regardless of his friend's applause, or moan,

Alone triumphant, since he falls alone.

"Thus when the Ruler of the genial day,

Behind some darkening planet forms his way,

Desponding mortals, with officious care,

The concave drum, and magic brass prepare;

Implore him to sustain the important fight,

And save depending worlds from endless night.

Fondly they hope their labour may avail,

To ease his conflict, and assist his toil.

Whilst he in beams of native splendour bright, }

(Though dark his orb appear to human sight) }

Shines to the gods with more diffusive light. }

To distant stars with equal glory burns,

Inflames their lamps, and feeds their golden urns.

Sure to retain his known superior tract,

And proves the more illustrious by defect."

This is a very lively image; but I must take the liberty to say, my

kinsman drives the sun a little like Phaëton: he has all the warmth of

Phœbus, but won't stay for his direction of it. Avail and toil, defect

and tract, will never do for rhymes. But, however, he has the true

spirit in him; for which reason I was willing to entertain anything he

pleased to send me. The subject which he writes upon, naturally raises

great reflections in the soul, and puts us in mind of the mixed

condition which we mortals are to support; which, as it varies to good

or bad, adorns or defaces our actions to the beholders: All which glory

and shame must end in what we so much repine at, death. But doctrines on

this occasion, any other than that of living well, are the most

insignificant and most empty of all the labours of men. None but a

tragedian can die by rule, and wait till he discovers a plot, or says a

fine thing upon his exit. In real life, this is a chimera; and by noble

spirits, it will be done decently, without the ostentation of it. We see

men of all conditions and characters go through it with equal

resolution: and if we consider the speeches of the mighty philosophers,

heroes, law-givers, and great captains, they can produce no more in a

discerning spirit, than rules to make a man a fop on his death-bed.

Commend me to that natural greatness of soul, expressed by an innocent,

and consequently resolute, country fellow, who said in the pains of the

colic, "If I once get this breath out of my body, you shall hang me

before you put it in again." Honest Ned! and so he died.[173]

But it is to be supposed, from this place you may expect an account of

such a thing as a new play is not to be omitted. That acted this night

is the newest that ever was writ. The author is my ingenious friend Mr.

Thomas D----y. The drama is called, "The Modern Prophets,"[174] and is a

most unanswerable satire against the late spirit of enthusiasm. The

writer had by long experience observed, that in company, very grave

discourses have been followed by bawdry; and therefore has turned the

humour that way with great success, and taken from his audience all

manner of superstition, by the agitations of pretty Mrs. Bignell,[175]

whom he has, with great subtlety, made a lay-sister, as well as a

prophetess; by which means, she carries on the affairs of both worlds

with great success. My friend designs to go on with another work against

winter, which he intends to call, "The Modern Poets"; a people no less

mistaken in their opinions of being inspired than the other. In order to

this, he has by him seven songs, besides many ambiguities, which cannot

be mistaken for anything but what he means them. Mr. D----y generally

writes state-plays, and is wonderfully useful to the world in such

representations. This method is the same that was used by old Athenians,

to laugh out of countenance, or promote opinions among the people. My

friend has therefore, against this play is acted for his own benefit,

made two dances, which may be also of an universal benefit. In the first

he has represenced absolute power, in the person of a tall man with a

hat and feather, who gives his first minister, that stands just before

him, a huge kick: the minister gives the kick to the next before; and so

to the end of the stage. In this moral and practical jest, you are made

to understand, that there is, in an absolute government, no

gratification, but giving the kick you receive from one above you to one

below you. This is performed to a grave and melancholy air; but on a

sudden the tune moves quicker, and the whole company fall into a circle

and take hands; then, at a certain sharp note, they move round, and kick

as kick can. This latter performance he makes to be the representation

of a free state; where, if you all mind your steps, you may go round and

round very jollily, with a motion pleasant to yourselves and those you

dance with: nay, if you put yourselves out, at the worst you only kick,

and are kicked, like friends and equals.

From my own Apartment, May 4.

Of all the vanities under the sun, I confess, that of being proud of

one's birth is the greatest. At the same time, since in this

unreasonable age, by the force of prevailing custom, things in which men

have no hand are imputed to them; and that I am used by some people, as

if Isaac Bickerstaff, though I write myself "Esquire," was nobody: to

set the world right in that particular, I shall give you my genealogy,

as a kinsman of ours has sent it me from the Heralds' Office. It is

certain, and observed by the wisest writers, that there are women who

are not nicely chaste, and men not severely honest in all families;

therefore let those who may be apt to raise aspersions upon ours, please

to give us as impartial an account of their own, and we shall be

satisfied. The business of heralds is a matter of so great nicety, that

to avoid mistakes, I shall give you my cousin's letter verbatim, without

altering a syllable.[176]

"DEAR COUSIN,

"Since you have been pleased to make yourself so famous of late, by your

ingenious writings, and some time ago by your learned Predictions: since

Partridge, of immortal memory, is dead and gone, who, poetical as he

was, could not understand his own poetry; and philomathical as he was,

could not read his own destiny: since the Pope, the King of France, and

great part of his Court, are either literally or metaphorically defunct:

since, I say, these things (not foretold by any one but yourself) have

come to pass after so surprising a manner; it is with no small concern I

see the original of the Staffian race so little known in the world as it

is at this time; for which reason, as you have employed your studies in

astronomy and the occult sciences, so I, my mother being a Welsh woman,

dedicated mine to genealogy, particularly that of our own family, which,

for its antiquity and number, may challenge any in Great Britain. The

Staffs are originally of Staffordshire, which took its name from them:

the first that I find of the Staffs was one Jacobstaff, a famous and

renowned astronomer, who by Dorothy his wife, had issue seven sons;

viz., Bickerstaff, Longstaff, Wagstaff, Quarterstaff, Whitestaff,

Falstaff, and Tipstaff. He also had a younger brother who was twice

married, and had five sons; viz., Distaff, Pikestaff, Mopstaff,

Broomstaff, and Raggedstaff. As for the branch from whence you spring,

I shall say very little of it, only that it is the chief of the Staffs,

and called Bickerstaff, _quasi_ Biggerstaff; as much as to say, the

great staff, or staff of staffs; and that it has applied itself to

astronomy with great success, after the example of our aforesaid

forefather. The descendants from Longstaff, the second son, were a

rakish disorderly sort of people, and rambled from one place to another,

till in Harry II.'s time they settled in Kent, and were called

Long-tails, from the long tails which were sent them as a punishment for

the murder of Thomas-à-Becket, as the legends say; they have been always

sought after by the ladies; but whether it be to show their aversion to

popery, or their love to miracles, I can't say. The Wagstaffs are a

merry thoughtless sort of people, who have always been opinionated of

their own wit; they have turned themselves mostly to poetry. This is the

most numerous branch of our family, and the poorest. The Quarterstaffs

are most of them prize-fighters or deer-stealers. There have been so

many of them hanged lately, that there are very few of that branch of

our family left. The Whitestaffs[177] are all courtiers, and have had

very considerable places: there have been some of them of that strength

and dexterity, that five hundred of the ablest men in the kingdom[178]

have often tugged in vain to pull a staff out of their hands. The

Falstaffs are strangely given to whoring and drinking: there are

abundance of them in and about London. And one thing is very remarkable

of this branch, and that is, there are just as many women as men in it.

There was a wicked stick of wood of this name in Harry IV.'s time, one

Sir John Falstaff. As for Tipstaff, the youngest son, he was an honest

fellow; but his sons, and his sons' sons, have all of them been the

veriest rogues living: it is this unlucky branch has stocked the nation

with that swarm of lawyers, attorneys, serjeants, and bailiffs, with

which the nation is overrun. Tipstaff, being a seventh son, used to cure

the king's evil; but his rascally descendants are so far from having

that healing quality, that by a touch upon the shoulder, they give a man

such an ill habit of body, that he can never come abroad afterwards.

This is all I know of the line of Jacobstaff: his younger brother

Isaacstaff, as I told you before, had five sons, and was married twice;

his first wife was a Staff (for they did not stand upon false heraldry

in those days), by whom he had one son, who in process of time, being a

schoolmaster, and well read in the Greek, called himself Distaff or

Twicestaff: he was not very rich, so he put his children out to trades;

and the Distaffs have ever since been employed in the woollen and linen

manufactures, except myself, who am a genealogist. Pikestaff, the eldest

son by the second venter, was a man of business, a downright plodding

fellow, and withal so plain, that he became a proverb. Most of this

family are at present in the army. Raggedstaff was an unlucky boy, and

used to tear his clothes getting birds' nests, and was always playing

with a tame bear his father kept. Mopstaff fell in love with one of his

father's maids, and used to help her to clean the house. Broomstaff was

a chimney-sweeper. The Mopstaffs and Broomstaffs are naturally as civil

people as ever went out of doors; but alas! if they once get into ill

hands, they knock down all before them. Pilgrimstaff run away from his

friends, and went strolling about the country: and Pipestaff was a

wine-cooper. These two were the unlawful issue of Longstaff.

"N.B. The Canes, the Clubs, the Cudgels, the Wands, the Devil upon two

Sticks, and one Bread, that goes by the name of Staff of Life, are none

of our relations.

"I am, dear Cousin,

"Your humble Servant,

"D. DISTAFF.

"From the Heralds' Office, _May 1_."

St. James's Coffee-house, May 4.

As politic news is not the principal subject on which we treat, we are

so happy as to have no occasion for that art of cookery, which our

brother-newsmongers so much excel in; as appears by their excellent and

inimitable manner of dressing up a second time for your taste the same

dish which they gave you the day before, in case there come over no new

pickles from Holland. Therefore, when we have nothing to say to you from

courts and camps, we hope still to give you somewhat new and curious

from ourselves: the women of our house, upon occasion, being capable of

carrying on the business, according to the laudable custom of the wives

in Holland; but, without further preface, take what we have not

mentioned in our former relations.

Letters from Hanover of the 30th of the last month say, that the Prince

Royal of Prussia arrived there on the 15th, and left that Court on the

2nd of this month, in pursuit of his journey to Flanders, where he makes

the ensuing campaign. Those advices add, that the young Prince Nassau,

hereditary governor of Friesland, consummated on the 26th of the last

month his marriage with the beauteous princess of Hesse-Cassel, with a

pomp and magnificence suitable to their age and quality.

Letters from Paris say, his most Christian Majesty retired to Marli on

the 1st instant, N.S., and our last advices from Spain inform us, that

the Prince of Asturias had made his public entry into Madrid in great

splendour. The Duke of Anjou has given Don Joseph Hartado de Amaraga the

government of Terra-Firma de Veragua, and the presidency of Panama in

America. They add, That the forces commanded by the Marquis de Bay had

been reinforced by six battalions of Spanish and Walloon guards. Letters

from Lisbon advise, That the army of the King of Portugal was at Elvas

on the 22nd of the last month, and would decamp on the 24th, in order to

march upon the enemy, who lay at Badajos.

Yesterday, at four in the morning, his Grace the Duke of Marlborough set

out for Margate, and embarked for Holland at eight this morning.

Yesterday also, Sir George Thorold was declared Alderman of Cordwainers'

Ward, in the room of his brother Sir Charles Thorold, deceased.[179]

[Footnote 172: Jabez Hughes (died 1731), the author of these verses, was

the younger brother of John Hughes. He published several translations,

and his "Miscellanies in Verse and Prose" appeared in 1737.]

[Footnote 173: "Honest Ned" was a farmer on the estate of Anthony

Henley, who mentions this saying in a letter to Swift.]

[Footnote 174: D'Urfey's "Modern Prophets" attacked the enthusiasts

known as "French Prophets," who were in the habit of assembling in

Moorfields to exert their alleged gifts. Lord Chesterfield says that the

Government took no steps, except to direct Powell, the puppet-show man,

to make Punch turn prophet, which he did so well, that it put an end to

the fanatics.]

[Footnote 175: See No. 3.]

[Footnote 176: The letter is by Heneage Twysden. (See Steele's Preface.)

Heneage Twysden was the seventh son of Sir William Twysden, Bart., of

Roydon Hall, East Peckham, Kent. At the time of his death (1709, aged

29) he was a captain of foot in Sir Richard Temple's Regiment, and

aide-de-camp to John, Duke of Argyle. Near his monument in the north

aisle of the Abbey are two other small ones to the memory of his

brothers Josiah and John. Josiah, a captain of foot, was killed in

Flanders in 1708, in his 23rd year; John was a lieutenant in the

admiral's ship, under Sir Cloudesley Shovel, and perished with him in

1707, in his 24th year. [Chalmers.]--Heneage Twysden was killed at the

battle of Blarequies.]

[Footnote 177: The allusion is to the staff carried by the First Lord of

the Treasury.]

[Footnote 178: The House of Commons.]

[Footnote 179: "Any ladies who have any particular stories of their

acquaintance, which they are willing privately to make public, may send

them by the penny-post to Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq., enclosed to Mr. John

Morphew, near Stationers' Hall" (folio).]

No. 12. [STEELE.

From _Thursday, May 5_, to _Saturday, May 7_, 1709.

* * * * *

May 5.

When a man has engaged to keep a stage-coach, he is obliged, whether he

has passengers or not, to set out: thus it fares with us weekly

historians; but indeed, for my particular, I hope I shall soon have

little more to do in this work, than to publish what is sent me from

such as have leisure and capacity for giving delight, and being pleased

in an elegant manner. The present grandeur of the British nation might

make us expect, that we should rise in our public diversions, and manner

of enjoying life, in proportion to our advancement in glory and power.

Instead of that, take and survey this town, and you'll find, rakes and

debauchees are your men of pleasure; thoughtless atheists, and

illiterate drunkards, call themselves free thinkers; and gamesters,

banterers, biters,[180] swearers, and twenty new-born insects more, are,

in their several species, the modern men of wit. Hence it is, that a man

who has been out of town but one half-year, has lost the language, and

must have some friend to stand by him, and keep him in countenance for

talking common sense. To-day I saw a short interlude at White's of this

nature, which I took notes of, and put together as well as I could in a

public place. The persons of the drama are, Pip, the last gentleman that

has been made so at cards; Trimmer, a person half undone at them, and is

now between a cheat and a gentleman; Acorn, an honest Englishman, of

good plain sense and meaning; and Mr. Friendly, a reasonable man of the

town.

White's Chocolate-house, May 5.

[_Enter_ PIP, TRIM, _and_ ACORN.

AC. What's the matter, gentlemen? What! Take no notice of an old friend?

PIP. Pox on it! don't talk to me, I am voweled by the Count, and

cursedly out of humour.

AC. Voweled! Prithee, Trimmer, what does he mean by that?

TRIM. Have a care, Harry, speak softly; don't show your ignorance:--If

you do, they'll bite you where-e'er they meet you; they are such cursed

curs,--the present wits.

AC. Bite me! What do you mean?

PIP. Why! Don't you know what biting is? Nay, you are in the right on

it. However, one would learn it only to defend oneself against men of

wit, as one would know the tricks of play, to be secure against the

cheats. But don't you hear, Acorn, that report, that some potentates of

the Alliance have taken care of themselves, exclusive of us?

AC. How! Heaven forbid! After all our glorious victories; all this

expense of blood and treasure!