My father satisfied himself, after the death of my beloved uncle,
with making a short and formal visit of condolence to the family, and
proposing either my return to school, or to pay an annual stipend (which
Mr and Mrs Melmoth had hitherto invariably refused) for defraying the
expences of my continuance and board with the amiable family by which I
had been so kindly nurtured. I shrunk from the cold and careless air
of a man whom I had never been able to teach my heart either to love
or honour; and throwing my arms round the neck of my maternal aunt,
murmured a supplication, mingled with convulsive sobs, that she would
not desert me. She returned my caresses affectionately, and entreated
my father to permit me to remain with her; adding, that it was her
determination to endeavour to rouse and strengthen her mind, for the
performance of those pressing duties--the education of her beloved
children, among whom she had ever accounted her Emma--which now devolved
wholly upon her.
My father made no objection to this request; but observed, that
notwithstanding he had a very favourable opinion of her heart and
understanding, and considered himself indebted to her, and to her
deceased husband, for their goodness to Emma, he was nevertheless
apprehensive that the girl had been weakened and spoiled by their
indulgence;--that his own health was at present considerably
injured;--that it was probable he might not survive many years;--in
which case, he frankly confessed, he had enjoyed life too freely to be
able to make much provision for his daughter. It would therefore, he
conceived, be more judicious to prepare and strengthen my mind to
encounter, with fortitude, some hardships and rude shocks, to which
I might be exposed, than to foster a sensibility, which he already
perceived, with regret, was but too acute. For which purpose, he desired
I might spend one day in every week at his house in Berkley-square, when
he should put such books into my hands [he had been informed I had a
tolerable capacity] as he judged would be useful to me; and, in the
intervals of his various occupations and amusements, assist me himself
with occasional remarks and reflections. Any little accomplishments
which Mrs Melmoth might judge necessary for, and suitable to, a young
woman with a small fortune, and which required the assistance of a
master, he would be obliged to her if she would procure for me, and call
upon him to defray the additional expence.
He then, looking on his watch, and declaring he had already missed an
appointment, took his leave, after naming Monday as the day on which he
should constantly expect my attendance in Berkley-square.
Till he left the room I had not courage to raise my eyes from the
ground--my feelings were harrowed up--the tone of his voice was
discordant to my ears. The only idea that alleviated the horror of my
weekly punishment (for so I considered the visits to Berkley-square)
was the hope of reading new books, and of being suffered to range
uncountroled through an extensive and valuable library, for such I
had been assured was Mr Courtney's. I still retained my passion for
adventurous tales, which, even while at school, I was enabled to gratify
by means of one of the day-boarders, who procured for me romances from a
neighbouring library, which at every interval of leisure I perused with
inconceivable avidity.