Supper at My Casino With M. M. and M. de Bernis, the French Ambassador--A
Proposal from M. M.; I Accept It--Consequences--C. C. is Unfaithful to
Me, and I Cannot Complain
I felt highly pleased with the supper-party I had arranged with
M---- M----, and I ought to have been happy. Yet I was not so; but whence
came the anxiety which was a torment to me? Whence? From my fatal habit
of gambling. That passion was rooted in me; to live and to play were to
me two identical things, and as I could not hold the bank I would go and
punt at the ridotto, where I lost my money morning and night. That state
of things made me miserable. Perhaps someone will say to me:
"Why did you play, when there was no need of it, when you were in want of
nothing, when you had all the money you could wish to satisfy your
fancies?"
That would be a troublesome question if I had not made it a law to tell
the truth. Well, then, dear inquisitive reader, if I played with almost
the certainty of losing, although no one, perhaps, was more sensible than
I was to the losses made in gambling, it is because I had in me the evil
spirit of avarice; it is because I loved prodigality, and because my
heart bled when I found myself compelled to spend any money that I had
not won at the gaming-table. It is an ugly vice, dear reader, I do not
deny it. However, all I can say is that, during the four days previous to
the supper, I lost all the gold won for me by M---- M----
On the anxiously-expected day I went to my casino, where at the appointed
hour M---- M---- came with her friend, whom she introduced to me as soon as
he had taken off his mask.
"I had an ardent wish, sir," said M. de Bernis to me, "to renew
acquaintance with you, since I heard from madame that we had known each
other in Paris."
With these words he looked at me attentively, as people will do when they
are trying to recollect a person whom they have lost sight of. I then
told him that we had never spoken to one another, and that he had not
seen enough of me to recollect my features now.
"I had the honour," I added, "to dine with your excellency at M. de
Mocenigo's house, but you talked all the time with Marshal Keith, the
Prussian ambassador, and I was not fortunate enough to attract your
attention. As you were on the point of leaving Paris to return to Venice,
you went away almost immediately after dinner, and I have never had the
honour of seeing you since that time."
"Now I recollect you," he answered, "and I remember asking whether you
were not the secretary of the embassy. But from this day we shall not
forget each other again, for the mysteries which unite us are of a nature
likely to establish a lasting intimacy between us."
The amiable couple were not long before they felt thoroughly at ease, and
we sat down to supper, of which, of course, I did the honours. The
ambassador, a fine connoisseur in wines, found mine excellent, and was
delighted to hear that I had them from Count Algarotti, who was reputed
as having the best cellar in Venice.
My supper was delicate and abundant, and my manners towards my handsome
guests were those of a private individual receiving his sovereign and his
mistress. I saw that M---- M---- was charmed with the respect with which I
treated her, and with my conversation, which evidently interested the
ambassador highly. The serious character of a first meeting did not
prevent the utterance of witty jests, for in that respect M. de Bernis
was a true Frenchman. I have travelled much, I have deeply studied men,
individually and in a body, but I have never met with true sociability
except in Frenchmen; they alone know how to jest, and it is rare,
delicate, refined jesting, which animates conversation and makes society
charming.
During our delightful supper wit was never wanting, and the amiable
M---- M---- led the conversation to the romantic combination which had
given her occasion to know me. Naturally, she proceeded to speak of my
passion for C---- C----, and she gave such an interesting description of
that young girl that the ambassador listened with as much attention as if
he had never seen the object of it. But that was his part, for he was not
aware that I had been informed of his having witnessed from his
hiding-place my silly interview with C---- C----. He told M---- M---- that
he would have been delighted if she had brought her young friend to sup
with us.
"That would be running too great a risk," answered the cunning nun, "but
if you approve of it," she added, looking at me, "I can make you sup with
her at my casino, for we sleep in the same room."
That offer surprised me much, but it was not the moment to shew it, so I
replied:
"It is impossible, madam, to add anything to the pleasure of your
society, yet I confess I should be pleased if you could contrive to do us
that great favour:"
"Well, I will think of it."
"But," observed the ambassador, "if I am to be one of the party, I think
it would be right to apprize the young lady of it."
"It is not necessary, for I will write to her to agree to whatever madam
may propose to her. I will do so to-morrow."
I begged the ambassador to prepare himself with a good stock of
indulgence for a girl of fifteen who had no experience of the world. In
the course of the evening I related the history of O-Morphi, which
greatly amused him. He entreated me to let him see her portrait. He
informed me that she was still an inmate of the 'Parc-aux-cerfs', where
she continued to be the delight of Louis XV., to whom she had given a
child. My guests left me after midnight, highly pleased, and I remained
alone.
The next morning, faithful to the promise I had made to my beautiful nun,
I wrote to C---- C---- without informing her that there would be a fourth
person at the projected supper, and having given my note to Laura I
repaired to Muran, where I found the following letter from M---- M---- :
"I could not sleep soundly, my love, if I did not ease my conscience of
an unpleasant weight. Perhaps you did not approve of the 'partie carree'
with our young friend, and you may not have objected out of mere
politeness. Tell me the truth, dearest, for, should you not look forward
to that meeting with pleasure, I can contrive to undo it without
implicating you in any way; trust me for that. If, however, you have no
objection to the party, it will take place as agreed. Believe me, I love
your soul more than your heart--I mean than your person. Adieu."
Her fear was very natural, but out of shamefacedness I did not like to
retract. M---- M---- knew me well, and as a skilful tactician she attacked
my weak side.
Here is my answer:
"I expected your letter, my best beloved, and you cannot doubt it,
because, as you know me thoroughly, you must be aware that I know you as
well. Yes, I know your mind, and I know what idea you must entertain of
mine, because I have exposed to you all my weakness and irritability by
my sophisms. I do penance for it, dearest, when I think that having
raised your suspicions your tenderness for me must have been weakened.
Forget my visions, I beg, and be quite certain that for the future my
soul will be in unison with yours. The supper must take place, it will be
a pleasure for me, but let me confess that in accepting it I have shewn
myself more grateful than polite. C---- C---- is a novice, and I am not
sorry to give her an opportunity of seeing the world. In what school
could she learn better than yours? Therefore I recommend her to you, and
you will please me much by continuing to shew your care and friendship
towards her, and by increasing, if possible, the sum of your goodness. I
fear that you may entice her to take the veil, and if she did I would
never console myself. Your friend has quite captivated me; he is a
superior man, and truly charming."
Thus did I wittingly deprive myself of the power of drawing back, but I
was able to realize the full force of the situation. I had no difficulty
in guessing that the ambassador was in love with C---- C----, and that he
had confessed as much to M---- M----, who, not being in a position to
object to it, was compelled to shew herself compliant, and to assist him
in everything that could render his passion successful. She could
certainly not do anything without my consent, and she had evidently
considered the affair too delicate to venture upon proposing the party
point-blank to me. They had, no doubt, put their heads together, so that
by bringing the conversation on that subject I should find myself
compelled, for the sake of politeness and perhaps of my inward feelings,
to fall into the snare. The ambassador, whose profession it was to carry
on intrigues skilfully, had succeeded well, and I had taken the bait as
he wished. There was nothing left for me but to put a good face on the
matter, not only so as not to shew myself a very silly being, but also in
order not to prove myself shamefully ungrateful towards a man who had
granted me unheard-of privileges. Nevertheless, the consequence of it all
was likely to be some coolness in my feelings towards both my mistresses.
M---- M---- had become conscious of this after she had returned to the
convent, and wishing to screen herself from all responsibility she had
lost no time in writing to me that she would cause the projected supper
to be abandoned, in case I should disapprove of it, but she knew very
well that I would not accept her offer. Self-love is a stronger passion
even than jealousy; it does not allow a man who has some pretension to
wit to shew himself jealous, particularly towards a person who is not
tainted by that base passion, and has proved it.
The next day, having gone early to the casino, I found the ambassador
already there, and he welcomed me in the most friendly manner. He told me
that, if he had known me in Paris he would have introduced me at the
court, where I should certainly have made my fortune. Now, when I think
of that, I say to myself, "That might have been the case, but of what
good would it have been to me?" Perhaps I should have fallen a victim of
the Revolution, like so many others. M. de Bernis himself would have been
one of those victims if Fate had not allowed him to die in Rome in 1794.
He died there unhappy, although wealthy, unless his feelings had
undergone a complete change before his death, and I do not believe it.
I asked him whether he liked Venice, and he answered that he could not do
otherwise than like that city, in which he enjoyed excellent health, and
in which, with plenty of money, life could be enjoyed better than
anywhere else.
"But I do not expect," he added, "to be allowed to keep this embassy very
long. Be kind enough to let that remain between us. I do not wish to make
M---- M---- unhappy."
We were conversing in all confidence when M---- M---- arrived with her
young friend, who showed her surprise at seeing another man with me, but
I encouraged her by the most tender welcome; and she recovered all her
composure when she saw the delight of the stranger at being answered by
her in good French. It gave us both an opportunity of paying the warmest
compliments to the mistress who had taught her so well.
C---- C---- was truly charming; her looks, bright and modest at the same
time, seemed to say to me, "You must belong to me:" I wished to see her
shine before our friends; and I contrived to conquer a cowardly feeling
of jealousy which, in spite of myself, was beginning to get hold of me. I
took care to make her talk on such subjects as I knew to be familiar to
her. I developed her natural intelligence, and had the satisfaction of
seeing her admired.
Applauded, flattered, animated by the satisfaction she could read in my
eyes, C---- C---- appeared a prodigy to M. de Bernis, and, oh! what a
contradiction of the human heart! I was pleased, yet I trembled lest he
should fall in love with her! What an enigma! I was intent myself upon a
work which would have caused me to murder any man who dared to undertake
it.
During the supper, which was worthy of a king, the ambassador treated
C---- C---- with the most delicate attentions. Wit, cheerfulness, decent
manners, attended our delightful party, and did not expel the gaiety and
the merry jests with which a Frenchman knows how to season every
conversation.
An observing critic who, without being acquainted with us, wished to
guess whether love was present at our happy party, might have suspected,
perhaps, but he certainly could not have affirmed, that it was there.
M---- M---- treated the ambassador as a friend. She shewed no other feeling
towards me than that of deep esteem, and she behaved to C---- C---- with
the tender affection of a sister. M. de Bernis was kind, polite, and
amiable with M---- M----, but he never ceased to take the greatest
interest in every word uttered by C---- C----, who played her part to
perfection, because she had only to follow her own nature, and, that
nature being beautiful, C---- C---- could not fail to be most charming.
We had passed five delightful hours, and the ambassador seemed more
pleased even than any of us. M---- M---- had the air of a person satisfied
with her own work, and I was playing the part of an approving spectator.
C---- C---- looked highly pleased at having secured the general
approbation, and there was, perhaps, a slight feeling of vanity in her
arising from the special attention which the ambassador had bestowed on
her. She looked at me, smiling, and I could easily understand the
language of her soul, by which she wished to tell me that she felt
perfectly well the difference between the society in which she was then,
and that in which her brother had given us such a disgusting specimen of
his depravity.
After midnight it was time to think of our departure, and M. de Bernis
undertook all the complimentary part. Thanking M---- M---- for the most
agreeable supper he had ever made in his life, he contrived to make her
offer a repetition of it for two days afterwards, and he asked me, for
the sake of appearance, whether I should not find as much delight in that
second meeting as himself. Could he have any doubt of my answering
affirmatively? I believe not, for I had placed myself under the necessity
of being compliant. All being agreed, we parted company.
The next day, when I thought of that exemplary supper, I had no
difficulty in guessing what the ultimate result would be. The ambassador
owed his great fortune entirely to the fair sex, because he possessed to
the highest degree the art of coddling love; and as his nature was
eminently voluptuous he found his advantage in it, because he knew how to
call desires into existence, and this procured him enjoyments worthy of
his delicate taste. I saw that he was deeply in love with C---- C----, and
I was far from supposing him the man to be satisfied with looking at her
lovely eyes. He certainly had some plan arranged, and M---- M----, in
spite of all her honesty, was the prime manager of it. I knew that she
would carry it on with such delicate skill that I should not see any
evidence of it. Although I did not feel disposed to shew more compliance
than was strictly just, I foresaw that in the end I should be the dupe,
and my poor C---- C---- the victim, of a cunningly-contrived trick. I could
not make up my mind either to consent with a good grace, or to throw
obstacles in the way, and, believing my dear little wife incapable of
abandoning herself to anything likely to displease me, I allowed myself
to be taken off my guard, and to rely upon the difficulty of seducing
her. Stupid calculation! Self-love and shamefacedness prevented me from
using my common sense. At all events, that intrigue kept me in a state of
fever because I was afraid of its consequences, and yet curiosity
mastered me to such an extent that I was longing for the result. I knew
very well that a second edition of the supper did not imply that the same
play would be performed a second time, and I foresaw that the changes
would be strongly marked. But I thought myself bound in honour not to
retract. I could not lead the intrigue, but I believed myself
sufficiently skilful to baffle all their manoeuvrings.
After all those considerations, however, considerations which enabled me
to assume the countenance of false bravery, the inexperience of
C---- C----, who, in spite of all the knowledge she had lately acquired,
was only a novice, caused me great anxiety. It was easy to abuse her
natural wish to be polite, but that fear gave way very soon before the
confidence I had in M---- M---- s delicacy. I thought that, having seen how
I had spent six hours with that young girl, knowing for a certainty that
I intended to marry her, M---- M---- would never be guilty of such base
treason. All these thoughts, worthy only of a weak and bashful jealousy,
brought no conclusive decision. I had to follow the current and watch
events.
At the appointed time I repaired to the casino, where I found my two
lovely friends sitting by the fire.
"Good evening, my two divinities, where is our charming Frenchman?"
"He has not arrived yet," answered M---- M----, "but he will doubtless
soon be here."
I took off my mask, and sitting between them, I gave them a thousand
kisses, taking good care not to shew any preference, and although I knew
that they were aware of the unquestionable right I had upon both of them,
I kept within the limits of the utmost decency. I congratulated them upon
the mutual inclination they felt for each other, and I saw that they were
pleased not to have to blush on that account.
More than one hour was spent in gallant and friendly conversation,
without my giving any satisfaction to my burning desires.
M---M---- attracted me more than C---- C----, but I would not for the world
have offended the charming girl. M---- M---- was beginning to shew some
anxiety about the absence of M. de Bernis, when the door-keeper brought
her a note from him.
"A courier," he wrote, "who arrived two hours ago, prevents my being
happy to-night, for I am compelled to pass it in answering the dispatches
I have received. I trust that you will forgive and pity me. May I hope
that you will kindly grant me on Friday the pleasure of which I am so
unfortunately deprived to-day? Let me know your answer by to-morrow. I
wish ardently, in that case, to find you with the same guests, to whom I
beg you will present my affectionate compliments."
"Well," said M---- M----, "it is not his fault. We will sup without him.
Will you come on Friday?"
"Yes, with the greatest pleasure. But what is the matter with you, dear
C---- C----? You look sad."
"Sad, no, unless it should be for the sake of my friend, for I have never
seen a more polite and more obliging gentleman."
"Very well, dear, I am glad he has rendered you so sensible."
"What do you mean? Could anyone be insensible to his merit?"
"Better still, but I agree with you. Only tell me if you love him?"
"Well, even if I loved him, do you think I would go and tell him?
Besides, I am certain that he loves my friend."
So saying, she sat down on M---- M----'s knee, calling her her own little
wife, and my two beauties began to bestow on one another caresses which
made me laugh heartily. Far from troubling their sport, I excited them,
in order to enjoy a spectacle with which I had long been acquainted.
M---- M---- took up a book full of the most lascivious engravings, and
said, with a significant glance in my direction:
"Do you wish me to have a fire lighted in the alcove?"
I understood her, and replied:
"You would oblige me, for the bed being large we can all three sleep
comfortably in it."
I guessed that she feared my suspecting the ambassador of enjoying from
the mysterious closet the sight of our amorous trio, and she wished to
destroy that suspicion by her proposal.
The table having been laid in front of the alcove, supper was served, and
we all did honour to it. We were all blessed with a devouring appetite.
While M---- M---- was teaching her friend how to mix punch, I was admiring
with delight the progress made in beauty by C---- C----.
"Your bosom," I said to her, "must have become perfect during the last
nine months."
"It is like mine," answered M---- M----, "would you like to see for
yourself?"
Of course I did not refuse. M---- M---- unlaced her friend, who made no
resistance, and performing afterwards the same office upon herself, in
less than two minutes I was admiring four rivals contending for the
golden apple like the three goddesses, and which would have set at
defiance the handsome Paris himself to adjudge the prize without
injustice. Need I say what an ardent fire that ravishing sight sent
coursing through my veins? I placed immediately an the table the Academie
des Dames, and pointed out a certain position to M---- M----, who,
understanding my wishes, said to C---- C---- :
"Will you, darling, represent that group with me?"
A look of compliance was C---- C----'s only answer; she was not yet inured
to amorous pleasures as much as her lovely teacher. While I was laughing
with delight, the two friends were getting ready, and in a few minutes we
were all three in bed, and in a state of nature. At first, satisfied with
enjoying the sight of the barren contest of my two bacchanalians, I was
amused by their efforts and by the contrast of colours, for one was dark
and the other fair, but soon, excited myself, and consumed by all the
fire of voluptuousness, I threw myself upon them, and I made them, one
after the other, almost faint away from the excess of love and enjoyment.
Worn out and satiated with pleasure, I invited them to take some rest. We
slept until we were awakened by the alarum, which I had taken care to set
at four o'clock. We were certain of turning to good account the two hours
we had then to spare before parting company, which we did at the dawn of
day, humiliated at having to confess our exhaustion, but highly pleased
with each other, and longing for a renewal of our delightful pleasures.
The next day, however, when I came to think of that rather too lively
night, during which, as is generally the case, Love had routed Reason, I
felt some remorse. M---- M---- wanted to convince me of her love, and for
that purpose she had combined all the virtues which I attached to my own
affection--namely, honour, delicacy, and truth, but her temperament, of
which her mind was the slave, carried her towards excess, and she
prepared everything in order to give way to it, while she awaited the
opportunity of making me her accomplice. She was coaxing love to make it
compliant, and to succeed in mastering it, because her heart, enslaved by
her senses, never reproached her. She likewise tried to deceive herself
by endeavouring to forget that I might complain of having been surprised.
She knew that to utter such a complaint I would have to acknowledge
myself weaker or less courageous than she was, and she relied upon my
being ashamed to make such a confession. I had no doubt whatever that the
absence of the ambassador had been arranged and concerted beforehand. I
could see still further, for it seemed evident to me that the two
conspirators had foreseen that I would guess the artifice, and that,
feeling stung to the quick, in spite of all my regrets, I would not shew
myself less generous than they had been themselves. The ambassador having
first procured me a delightful night, how could I refuse to let him enjoy
as pleasant a one? My friends had argued very well, for, in spite of all
the objections of my mind, I saw that I could not on my side put any
obstacle in their way. C---- C---- was no impediment to them. They were
certain of conquering her the moment she was not hindered by my presence.
It rested entirely with M---- M----, who had perfect control over her.
Poor girl! I saw her on the high road to debauchery, and it was my own
doing! I sighed when I thought how little I had spared them in our last
orgie, and what would become of me if both of them should happen to be,
by my doing, in such a position as to be compelled to run away from the
convent? I could imagine both of them thrown upon my hands, and the
prospect was not particularly agreeable. It would be an 'embarras de
richesse'. In this miserable contest between reason and prejudice,
between nature and sentiment, I could not make up my mind either to go to
the supper or to remain absent from it. "If I go," said I to myself,
"that night will pass with perfect decency, but I shall prove myself very
ridiculous, jealous, ungrateful, and even wanting in common politeness:
if I remain absent, C---- C---- is lost, at least, in my estimation, for I
feel that my love will no longer exist, and then good-bye to all idea of
a marriage with her." In the perplexity of mind in which I found myself,
I felt a want of something more certain than mere probabilities to base
my decision upon. I put on my mask, and repaired to the mansion of the
French ambassador. I addressed myself to the gate-keeper, saying that I
had a letter for Versailles, and that I would thank him to deliver it to
the courier when he went back to France with his excellency's dispatches.
"But, sir," answered the man, "we have not had a special courier for the
last two months:"
"What? Did not a special cabinet messenger arrive here last night?"
"Then he must have come in through the garret window or down the chimney,
for, on the word of an honest man, none entered through the gate."
"But the ambassador worked all night?"
"That may be, sir, but not here, for his excellency dined with the
Spanish ambassador, and did not return till very late:"
I had guessed rightly. I could no longer entertain any doubt. It was all
over; I could not draw back without shame. C---- C---- must resist, if the
game was distasteful to her; no violence would of course be offered to
her. The die was cast!
Towards evening I went to the casino of Muran, and wrote a short note to
M---- M----, requesting her to excuse me if some important business of M.
de Bragadin's prevented me from spending the night with her and with our
two friends, to whom I sent my compliments as well as my apologies. After
that I returned to Venice, but in rather an unpleasant mood; to divert
myself I went to the gaming table, and lost all night.
Two days afterwards, being certain that a letter from M---- M---- awaited
me at Muran, I went over, and the door-keeper handed me a parcel in which
I found a note from my nun and a letter from C---- C----, for everything
was now in common between them.
Here is C---- C----'s letter."
"We were very sorry, dearest friend, when we heard that we should not
have the happiness of seeing you. My dear M---- M----'s friend came
shortly afterwards, and when he read your note he likewise expressed his
deep regret. We expected to have a very dull supper, but the witty
sayings of that gentleman enlivened us and you cannot imagine of what
follies we were guilty after partaking of some champagne punch. Our
friend had become as gay as ourselves, and we spent the night in trios,
not very fatiguing, but very pleasant. I can assure you that that man
deserves to be loved, but he must acknowledge himself inferior to you in
everything. Believe me, dearest, I shall ever love you, and you must for
ever remain the master of my heart."
In spite of all my vexation, that letter made me laugh, but the note of
M---- M---- was much more singular. Here are the contents of it:
"I am certain, my own beloved, that you told a story out of pure
politeness, but you had guessed that I expected you to do so. You have
made our friend a splendid present in exchange for the one he made you
when he did not object to his M---- M---- bestowing her heart upon you. You
possess that heart entirely, dearest, and you would possess it under all
circumstances, but how sweet it is to flavour the pleasures of love with
the charms of friendship! I was sorry not to see you, but I knew that if
you had come we would not have had much enjoyment; for our friend,
notwithstanding all his wit, is not exempt from some natural prejudices.
As for C---- C----, her mind is now quite as free of them as our own, and
I am glad she owes it to me. You must feel thankful to me for having
completed her education, and for rendering her in every way worthy of
you. I wish you had been hiding in the closet, where I am certain you
would have spent some delightful hours. On Wednesday next I shall be
yours, and all alone with you in your casino in Venice; let me know
whether you will be at the usual hour near the statue of the hero
Colleoni. In case you should be prevented, name any other day."
I had to answer those two letters in the same spirit in which they had
been written, and in spite of all the bitter feelings which were then
raging in my heart, my answers were to be as sweet as honey. I was in
need of great courage, but I said to myself: "George Dandin, tu las
voulu!" I could not refuse to pay the penalty of my own deeds, and I have
never been able to ascertain whether the shame I felt was what is called
shamefacedness. It is a problem which I leave to others.
In my letter to C---- C---- I had the courage, or the effrontery, to
congratulate her, and to encourage her to imitate M---- M----, the best
model, I said, I could propose to her.
I wrote to my nun that I would be punctual at the appointment near the
statue, and amidst many false compliments, which ought to have betrayed
the true state of my heart, I told her that I admired the perfect
education she had given to C---- C----, but that I congratulated myself
upon having escaped the torture I should have suffered in the mysterious
observatory, for I felt that I could not have borne it.
On the Wednesday I was punctual at the rendezvous, and I had not to wait
long for M---- M----, who came disguised in male attire. "No theatre
to-night," she said to me; "let us go to the 'ridotto', to lose or double
our money." She had six hundred sequins. I had about one hundred. Fortune
turned her back upon us, and we lost all. I expected that we would then
leave that cutthroat place, but M---- M----, having left me for a minute,
came back with three hundred sequins which had been given to her by her
friend, whom she knew where to find. That money given by love or by
friendship brought her luck for a short time, and she soon won back all
we had lost, but in our greediness or imprudence we continued to play,
and finally we lost our last sequin.
When we could play no longer, M---- M---- said to me,
"Now that we need not fear thieves, let us go to our supper."
That woman, religious and a Free-thinker, a libertine and gambler, was
wonderful in all she did. She had just lost five hundred pounds, and she
was as completely at her ease as if she had won a very large sum. It is
true that the money she had just lost had not cost her much.
As soon as we were alone, she found me sad and low-spirited, although I
tried hard not to appear so, but, as for her, always the same, she was
handsome, brilliant, cheerful, and amorous.
She thought she would bring back my spirits by giving me the fullest
particulars of the night she had passed with C---- C---- and her friend,
but she ought to have guessed that she was going the wrong way. That is a
very common error, it comes from the mind, because people imagine that
what they feel themselves others must feel likewise.
I was on thorns, and I tried everything to avoid that subject, and to
lead the conversation into a different channel, for the amorous
particulars, on which she was dwelling with apparent delight, vexed me
greatly, and spite causing coldness, I was afraid of not playing my part
very warmly in the amorous contest which was at hand. When a lover doubts
his own strength, he may almost always be sure that he will fail in his
efforts.
After supper we went to bed in the alcove, where the beauty, the mental
and physical charms, the grace and the ardour of my lovely nun, cast all
my bad temper to the winds, and soon restored me to my usual
good-spirits. The nights being shorter we spent two hours in the most
delightful pleasures, and then parted, satisfied and full of love.
Before leaving, M---- M---- asked me to go to her casino, to take some
money and to play, taking her for my partner. I did so. I took all the
gold I found, and playing the martingale, and doubling my stakes
continuously, I won every day during the remainder of the carnival. I was
fortunate enough never to lose the sixth card, and, if I had lost it, I
should have been without money to play, for I had two thousand sequins on
that card. I congratulated myself upon having increased the treasure of
my dear mistress, who wrote to me that, for the sake of civility, we
ought to have a supper 'en partie carree' on Shrove Monday. I consented.
That supper was the last I ever had in my life with C---- C----. She was
in excellent spirits, but I had made up my mind, and as I paid all my
attentions to M---- M----, C---- C---- imitated my example without
difficulty, and she devoted herself wholly to her new lover.
Foreseeing that we would, a little later, be all of us in each other's
way, I begged M---- M---- to arrange everything so that we could be apart,
and she contrived it marvellously well.
After supper, the ambassador proposed a game of faro, which our beauties
did not know; he called for cards, and placed one hundred Louis on the
table before him; he dealt, and took care to make C---- C---- win the whole
of that sum. It was the best way to make her accept it as pin-money. The
young girl, dazzled by so much gold, and not knowing what to do with it,
asked her friend to take care of it for her until such time as she should
leave the convent to get married.
When the game was over, M---- M---- complained of a headache, and said that
she would go to bed in the alcove: she asked me to come and lull her to
sleep. We thus left the new lovers free to be as gay as they chose. Six
hours afterwards, when the alarum warned us that it was time to part, we
found them asleep in each other's embrace. I had myself passed an amorous
and quiet night, pleased with M---- M----, and with out giving one thought
to C---- C----.