A "Company for Oversea Enterprises" has been formed in Hamburg. It has
no connection with the German High Sea Fleet.
***
A guinea a dozen is being offered for rabbits in the Isle of Wight.
Most of them, however, are holding back for a War bonus.
***
A Newcastle man who has been missing for eleven months has just turned
up at his home. He excused himself on the grounds that the tea queue
was rather a long one.
***
There are reports current of an impending strike of brewery workers in
the North. Several employees have threatened to "Down Beer."
***
Confirmation is still awaited of the rumour that several food ships
have recently torpedoed themselves rather than fall into the hands of
the profiteers.
***
The statement that Viscount NORTHCLIFFE has refused the post of
Minister of Health is without foundation. It is no secret, however,
that he would decline the position even if he should offer it to
himself.
***
Double-headed matches are impracticable, according to the Tobacco and
Matches Control Board. The sorts with detachable heads, however, will
continue to be manufactured.
***
A Norfolk fisherman with twenty-six children has been fined five
shillings for neglecting seven of them. His offence is thought to have
been due to oversight.
***
According to the Lord Mayor of DUBLIN there is plenty of food in
Ireland. In the best Sinn Fein circles it is thought that this
condition of things points to an attempt on the part of the Government
to bring discredit on the sacrificial devotion of the Separatists.
***
So realistic has the stage become of late that in _The Boy_ at the
Adelphi, Mr. W.H. BERRY (we give the rumour for what it is worth)
sits down to a meal of wood cutlets.
***
In order that no confusion may be caused among guests the Government
has been requested to have a "take over" whistle blown in the
corridors before they commandeer the next hotel.
***
It seems that TROTZKY is to have no nonsense. He has even threatened
to make lynching illegal.
***
The _Neue Freie Presse_ describes LENIN as the revolutionary with
kings at his feet. He also seems to have several knaves up his sleeve.
***
A Brixton lady has left the sum of four hundred pounds to her dog. It
would be interesting to hear the family solicitor asking him whether
he would take it in War Bonds or bones.
***
The Timber Commission reports a grave shortage of birch, and a number
of earnest ushers are asking, "What is the use of the censorship?"
***
It is now declared that the high explosive found on Countess
MARKIEVICZ'S "green scouts" was not intended for destructive purposes.
Mr. DE VALERA, M.P., was merely going to eat it.
***
Many grocers and publicans, it is stated, have already been combed out
of the Welsh coal mines. Efforts to comb the others out of their gold
mines are meeting with only indifferent success.
***
British grit will win, declares Sir WILLIAM ROBERTSON. If some of
our elderly statesmen will refrain from dropping theirs into the
machinery.
***
The London Fire Brigade has been given permission to form a band. The
lack of some method of keeping the crowd amused at the more protracted
fires has often proved an embarrassment to the force.
***
The big elephant at the Zoo has been destroyed, says a news item. A
maximum price for potted game is already being considered by the Food
Ministry.
***
Charged with selling bacon that was bad, a firm of grocers pleaded
that the stuff had been released by the Government. At first sight it
looked as if it had merely escaped from custody.
***
The man who was last week charged at a London police court with posing
as a Government official has been put back for the state of his mind
to be inquired into.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Scandalised Voice from Gallery_. "'ERE, _WOT_'S THE
PAPER CONTROLLER DOIN'?"]
* * * * *
"The late Mr. Merryweather, who was in his 78th year,
was responsible for great developments in fire-lighting
appliances."--_Scotsman_.
A good scheme--light it first and fight it afterwards.
* * * * *
"Supposing a wolf were to attack you and your family, what
would you do?--Mr. Hedderwick.
"I would point out that season tickets are issued by
railway companies only as an act of grace.--Sir William
Forbes."--_The Star_.