You’ve heard of Tovey Trant, Esquire,
Who tried to set the Thames on fire
And would not be dissuaded
From dropping lighted matches in,
With candle-ends and paraffin
And all the things that servants use
For lighting fires that refuse
To burn unaided?
He started his experiment
At Erith on the coast of Kent,
And when it wouldn’t burn he tried
At Purfleet on the Essex side
(For Tovey _was_ a trier).
He tried at Cleeve (near Nettlebed),
And then again at Maidenhead,
But all the people watching said,
“Go higher, Trant, go higher!”
So up he moved to Hurley Mill
And then to Caversham, and still
The stupid stream would not ignite;
Although he tried with all his might
He _could_ not set the Thames alight,
And that there’s no denying.
He tried at Stoke, and then a spot
Near Wallingford, and Wolvercot,
Again at Bablock, and so up
To Shifford, Rushy Lock and Thrupp,
And Inglesham. At Water Hay
He neared the source, and there, they say,
Poor Tovey’s still a-trying.
HUGH CHESTERMAN
[Illustration:
Setting the Thames on fire.
]