To help us herein best he can; therefore, till time he come,
Let us go in, if there be ought to get, thou shalt have some.
FOOTNOTES:
[245] [Altered by Dodsley. Old edition has _thing_.]
[246] _Curtal_ is a _small horse_; properly one who hath his tail
_docked or curtailed_. So, in Dekker's "Villanies discovered by
Lanthorne and Candlelight," &c., 1620, sig. H.: "He could shewe more
crafty foxes in this wild goose chase, then there are white foxes in
Russia; and more strange horse-trickes plaide by such riders, then
_Bankes his curtal_ did ever practise (whose gambals of the two were
the honester)."
[247] A naval phrase. The gib is the gib-sail. To set a sail, is also
the technical term.--_S._
[248] [Abominable.]
[249] _Friar Rush_ is mentioned in Reginald Scot's "Discoverie of
Witchcraft," 1584, p. 522: "_Frier Rush_ was for all the world such
another fellow as this _Hudgin_, and brought up even in the same
schoole; to wit, in a kitchen: insomuch as the selfsame tale is
written of the one as of the other concerning the skullian, which is
said to have been slaine, &c. For the reading whereof I referre you to
_Frier Rush_ his storie, or else to John Wierus 'De præstigiis
demonum.'"
[250] Old copy, _no_.
[251] Old copy, _on_.
[252] Gabriel Harvey, in his "Pierces Supererogation," 1593, speaking
of Long Meg of Westminster, says: "Although she were a lusty, bouncing
_rampe_, somewhat like Gallimetta or maid Marian, yet was she not such
a roinish rannel, such a dissolute flirt gillian," &c.
[253] Thou strumpet. See Note on "Antony and Cleopatra," Shakspeare,
1778, vol. viii., p. 175.--_S._
So in Davies's "Scourge of Polly" [1611]--
"Or wanton _Rigg_, or letcher dissolute,
Do stand at Powles Crosse in a sheeten sute."--_Reed._
[254] The accoutrements of an itinerant trull.--_S._
[255] Thinkest or imaginest.
[256] _Cut_ appears to have been an opprobrious term used by the
vulgar when they scolded or abused each other. It occurs again, act
v., sc. 2: "That lying _cut_ is lost, that she is not swinged and
beaten."
A horse is sometimes called _Cut_ in our ancient writers, as in the
"First Part of Henry IV.," act ii., sc. 1., and Falstaff says: "If I
tell thee a lye, spit in my face, and call me _horse_." _Cut_ is
therefore probably used in the same sense as _horse_, to which it
seems to have been synonymous. Several instances of the use of this
term are collected by Mr Steevens, in his edition of Shakspeare; see
vol. iv., p. 202.
It appears probable to me that the opprobrious epithet _Cut_ arose
from the practice of cutting the hair of convicted thieves; which was
anciently the custom in England, as appears from the edicts of John de
Northampton against adulterers, who thought, with Paulo Migante, that
"England ne'er would thrive,
Till all the whores were burnt alive."
--See Holinshed, vol. 9., 754, Ed. 1807.--_O. G._
[257] [_Thee_ is not in the old copy.]
[258] _i.e._, Rat. So in one of the Chester Whitsun plays--
"Here is a _rotten_, there a mouse."--_S._
[259] Not thy equal, but thy mistress.
[260] _i.e._, Rank strumpet from the stews.--_S._
[261] _Fygh_--First edition.
[262] _i.e._, Hodmandod.--_S._
I find this word used in Nash's "Anatomie of Absurditie," 1589, sig.
B., where it seems intended as synonymous to _cuckold_: "But women,
through want of wisedome, are growne to such wantonesse, that uppon no
occasion they will crosse the streete, to have a glaunce of some
gallant, deeming that men by one looke of them shoulde be in love with
them, and will not stick to make an errant over the way, to purchase a
paramour to help at a pinche, who, under hur husbands, that _hoddy
peekes_ nose, must have all the destilling dew of his delicate rose,
leaving him onely a sweet sent, good inough for such a sencelesse
sotte."
[263] A _losel_ is a worthless fellow. It is a term of contempt
frequently used by Spenser. It is likewise to be met with in the
"Death of Robert, Earl of Huntington," 1601:
"To have the lozels company."
Again, in "The Pinner of Wakefield," 1599:
"Peace, prating lozel," &c.
See Mr Steevens's "Notes on Shakspeare," vol. iv., p. 337. Again, in
Hall's "Satires," edit. 1753, p. 78--
"How his enraged ghost would stamp and stare,
That Cæsar's throne is turn'd to Peter chayre,
To see an old shorne _lozel_ perched high,
Crossing beneath a golden canopy."
See Holinshed's "Chron.," edit. 1577, vol. ii., p. 740 ("Five Days'
Pastime," p. 67); "Englishmen for my Money," p. 42; Holinshed, vol.
v., p. 208.--_O. G._
[264] Confess.
[265] _Gammer_ in the first edition.
[266] _Hodge_ in the first edition.
[267] _i.e._, Sulky, gloomy looks. It is still said, in vulgar
language, that a discontented person looks _glum_.--_S._
[268] This line is given to Gammer Gurton in the first edition.
[269] Old copy, _let_.
[270] That is, appear so mad. _To doat_ and _to be mad_ were used as
synonymous terms. See Baret's "Alvearie," _v. Dote_.
[271] Old copy has _Tyb_.
THE FOURTH ACT.
THE FIRST SCENE.
DOCTOR RAT, GAMMER GURTON.
DOCTOR RAT. A man were better twenty times be a bandog and bark,
Than here among such a sort be parish priest or clerk.
Where he shall never be at rest one pissing while[273] a day,
But he must trudge about the town this way, and [then] that way,
Here to a drab, there to a thief, his shoes to tear and rent,
And that which is worst of all, at every knave's commandment.
I had not sit the space to drink two pots of ale,
But Gammer Gurton's sorry boy was straightway at my tail;
And she was sick, and I must come, to do I wot not what:
If once her finger's-end but ache: trudge, call for Doctor Rat.
And when I come not at their call, I only thereby lose,
For I am sure to lack therefore a tithe-pig or a goose.
I warrant you, when truth is known, and told they have their tale,
The matter whereabout I come is not worth a half-pennyworth of ale:
Yet must I talk so sage and smooth, as though I were a gloser
But ere the year come at an end, I shall be sure the loser.
What work ye, Gammer Gurton? know here is your friend Doctor Rat.
GAMMER. Ah! good master Doctor, 'ch a troubled, 'ch a troubled
you, 'ch wot well that.
DOCTOR RAT. How do ye, woman? be ye lusty, or be ye not well at ease?
GAMMER. By Gis,[274] master, cham not sick, but yet chave a disease.
Chad a foul turn now of late, chill tell it you by gigs.
DOCTOR RAT. Hath your brown cow cast her calf, or your sandy sow her
pigs?
GAMMER. No, but chad been as good they had, as this, ich wot well.
DOCTOR RAT. What is the matter?
GAMMER. Alas, alas, 'ch a lost my good nee'le.
My nee'le, I say, and wot ye what? a drab came by, and spied it,
And when I asked her for the same, the filth flatly denied it.
DOCTOR RAT. What was she that--
GAMMER. A dame, ich warrant you: she began to scold and brawl;
Alas, alas, come hither, Hodge; this wretch can tell you all.
THE FOURTH ACT.
THE SECOND SCENE.
HODGE, DOCTOR RAT, GAMMER, DICCON, CHAT.
HODGE. Good morrow, Gaffer Vicar.
DOCTOR RAT. Come on, fellow, let us hear.
Thy dame hath said to me, thou knowest of all this gear?
Let's see what thou canst say.
HODGE. By m' fay, sir, that ye shall,
What matter soever here was done, ich can tell your maship:
My Gammer Gurton here, see now,
Sat her down at this door, see now,
And as she began to stir her, see now,
Her nee'le fell in the floor, see now,
And while her staff she took, see now,
At Gib her cat to fling, see now,
Her nee'le was lost in the floor, see now;
Is not this a wondrous thing, see now?
Then came the quean dame Chat, see now,
To ask for her black cup, see now:
And even here at this gate, see now,
She took that nee'le up, see now,
My gammer then she yede,[275] see now,
Her nee'le again to bring, see now,
And was caught by the head, see now;
Is not this a wondrous thing, see now?
She tare my gammer's coat, see now,
And scratched her by the face, see now,
Chad thought sh'ad stopp'd her throat, see now;
Is not this a wondrous case, see now?
When ich saw this, ich was wroth, see now,
And stert between them twain, see now,
Else ich durst take a book-oath, see now,
My gammer had been slain, see now.
GAMMER. This is even the whole matter, as Hodge has plainly told.
And chould fain be quiet for my part, that chould.
But help us, good master, beseech ye that ye do,
Else shall we both be beaten, and lose our nee'le too.
DOCTOR RAT. What would ye have me to do? tell me, that I were gone,
I will do the best that I can to set you both at one.
But be ye sure dame Chat hath this your nee'le found?
GAMMER. Here comes the man, that see her take it up off the ground,
Ask him yourself, Master Rat, if ye believe not me,
And help me to my nee'le, for God's sake and Saint Charity.[276]
DOCTOR RAT. Come near, Diccon, and let us hear what thou can express.
Wilt thou be sworn, thou seest dame Chat this woman's nee'le have?
DICCON. Nay, by Saint Benet, will I not, then might ye think me
rave.[277]
GAMMER. Why did'st not thou tell me so even here? canst thou for
shame deny it?
DICCON. Ay, marry, gammer: but I said I would not abide by it.
DOCTOR RAT. Will you say a thing, and not stick to it to try it?
DICCON. Stick to it, quoth you, Master Rat? marry, sir, I defy it.[278]
Nay, there is many an honest man, when he such blasts hath blown
In his friend's ears, he would be loth the same by him were known:
If such a toy be used oft among the honesty,[279]
It may [not] beseem a simple man of your and my degree.
DOCTOR RAT. Then we be never the nearer, for all that you can tell.
DICCON. Yes, marry, sir, if ye will do by mine advice and counsel:
If mother Chat see all us here, she ['ll] know how the matter goes,
Therefore I reed you three go hence, and within keep close;
And I will into dame Chat's house, and so the matter use,
That ere ye could go twice to church, I warrant you hear news.
She shall look well about her, but I durst lay a pledge,
Ye shall of gammer's nee'le have shortly better knowledge.
GAMMER. Now, gentle Diccon, do so; and, good sir, let us trudge.
DOCTOR RAT. By the mass, I may not tarry so long to be your judge.
DICCON. 'Tis but a little while, man: what, take so much pain;
If I hear no news of it, I will come soon here[280] again.
HODGE. Tarry so much, good Master Doctor, of your gentleness.
DOCTOR RAT. Then let us hie inward, and, Diccon, speed thy business.
DICCON. Now, sirs, do you no more, but keep my counsel just,
And Doctor Rat shall thus catch some good, I trust;
But mother Chat, my gossip, talk first withal I must,
For she must be chief captain to lay the Rat in the dust.
[_Aside._ _Exit._
Good even,[281] dame Chat, in faith, and well-met in this place.
CHAT. Good even, my friend Diccon, whither walk ye this pace?
DICCON. By my truth, even to you, to learn how the world goeth.
Heard ye no more of the other matter, say me now, by your troth?
CHAT. O yes, Diccon: hear the old whore and Hodge that great knave.
But, in faith, I would thou hadst seen: O Lord, I drest them brave.
She bare me two or three souses behind in the nape of the neck,
Till I made her old weasand to answer again keck.
And Hodge, that dirty bastard, that at her elbow stands,
If one pair of legs had not been worth two pair of hands,
He had had his beard shaven, if my nails would have served,
And not without a cause, for the knave it well deserved.
DICCON. By the mass, I can[282] thee thank, wench, thou didst so well
acquit thee.
CHAT. And th' adst seen him, Diccon, it would have made thee beshit
thee
For laughter: the whoreson dolt at last caught up a club,
As though he would have slain the master-devil, Belsabub;
But I set him soon inward.
DICCON. O Lord! there is the thing,
That Hodge is so offended, that makes him start and fling.
CHAT. Why, makes the knave any noiling,[283] as ye have seen or heard?
DICCON. Even now I saw him last, like a mad man he far'd,
And sware by heaven and hell, he would a-wreak his sorrow,
And leave you never a hen alive by eight of the clock to-morrow:
Therefore mark what I say, and my words see that ye trust,
Your hens be as good as dead, if ye leave them on the roost.
CHAT. The knave dare as well go hang himself, as go upon my ground.
DICCON. Well, yet take heed, I say, I must tell you my tale round:
Have you not about your house, behind your furnace or lead,
A hole where a crafty knave may creep in for need?
CHAT. Yes, by the mass, a hole broke down even within these two days.
DICCON. Hodge, he intends this same night to slip in thereaways.
CHAT. O Christ, that I were sure of it! in faith, he should have his
meed.[284]
DICCON. Watch well, for the knave will be there as sure as is your
creed;
I would spend myself a shilling to have him swinged well.
CHAT. I am as glad as a woman can be of this thing to hear tell;
By Gog's bones, when he cometh, now that I know the matter,
He shall sure at the first skip to leap in scalding water:
With a worse turn besides: when he will, let him come.
DICCON. I tell you as my sister; you know what meaneth mum.
Now lack I but my doctor to play his part again. [_Aside._
And lo, where he cometh towards, peradventure to his pain.
[_Leaves Mother Chat._
DOCTOR RAT. What good news, Diccon? fellow, is mother Chat at home?
DICCON. She is, sir, and she is not; but it please her to whom:
Yet did I take her tardy, as subtle as she was.
DOCTOR RAT. The thing that thou went'st for, hast thou brought it to
pass?
DICCON. I have done that I have done, be it worse, be it better.
And dame Chat at her wits-end I have almost set her.
DOCTOR RAT. Why, hast thou spied the nee'le: quickly, I pray thee tell?
DICCON. I have spied it in faith, sir, I handled myself so well;
And yet the crafty quean had almost take my trump;
But, ere all came to an end, I set her in a dump.
DOCTOR RAT. How so, I pray thee, Diccon?
DICCON. Marry, sir, will ye hear?
She was clapp'd down on the backside,[285] by Cock's[286] mother dear,
And there she sat sewing a halter or a band,
With no other thing but gammer's needle in her hand:
As soon as any knock, if the filth be in doubt,
She needs but once puff, and her candle is out:
Now I, sir, knowing of every door the pin,
Came nicely, and said no word, till time I was within,
And there I saw the nee'le, even with these two eyes.
Whoever say the contrary, I will swear he lies.
DOCTOR RAT. O Diccon, that I was not there then in thy stead!
DICCON. Well, if ye will be ordered, and do by my reed,
I will bring you to a place, as the house stands,
Where ye shall take the drab with the nee'le in her hands.
DOCTOR RAT. For God's sake, do so, Diccon, and I will gage my gown,
To give thee a full pot of the best ale in the town.
DICCON. Follow me but a little, and mark what I say,
Lay down your gown beside you, go to, come on your way:
See ye not what is here? a hole wherein ye may creep
Into the house, and suddenly unawares among them leap;
There shall ye find the bitch-fox and the nee'le together.
Do as I bid you, man, come on your ways hither.
DOCTOR RAT. Art thou sure, Diccon, the swill-tub stands not hereabout?
DICCON. I was within myself, man, even now, there is no doubt.
Go softly, make no noise, give me your foot, sir John,
Here will I wait upon you, till you come out anon.
[_D. Rat creeps in._
DOCTOR RAT [_calling from within_]. Help, Diccon,
out alas, I shall be slain among them.
DICCON. If they give you not the needle, tell
them that ye will hang them.
Ware that! how, my wenches, have ye caught the fox,
That used to make revel among your hens and cocks?
Save his life yet for his order, though he sustain some pain.
Gog's bread, I am afraid they will beat out his brain.
DOCTOR RAT. Woe worth the hour that I came here;
And woe worth him that wrought this gear,
A sort of drabs and queans have me blest,
Was ever creature half so evil drest?
Whoever it wrought, and first did invent it,
He shall, I warrant him, ere long repent it.
I will spend all I have without my skin,
But he shall be brought to the plight I am in;
Master Baily, I trow, and he be worth his ears,
Will snaffle these murderers, and all that [with] them bears:
I will surely neither bite nor sup,
Till I fetch him hither, this matter to take up.
FOOTNOTES:
[272] Fetched. So, in "Cynthia's Revels," act i., sc. 2: "Nay, the
other is better, exceeds it much: the invention is farther _fet_ too."
Again, in Ascham's "Toxophilus," p. 15: "And therefore agaynst a
desperate evill began to seeke for a desperate remedie, which was
_fet_ from Rome, a shop alwayes open to any mischief, as you shall
perceive in these few leaves, if you marke them well."
Again, in Lyly's "Euphues," p. 33: "That far _fet_ and deere bought,
is good for ladies."
[273] A proverbial expression used by Ben Jonson in his "Magnetic
Lady," and by Shakspeare in "The Two Gentlemen of Verona." See Mr
Steevens's Note on the latter, and [Hazlitt's "Proverbs," 1869, p.
127.] It is also to be found in Nash's "Lenten Stuff," 1599.
[274] In Shakspeare's "Hamlet," Ophelia sings a song, in which this
adjuration is used--
"_By gys_ and by Saint Charity."
And it is also to be found in Gascoigne's Poems, in Preston's
"Cambyses," and in the comedy of "See me and see me not," 1618--
_"By gisse_ I swear, were I so fairly wed," &c.
Mr Steevens's note on "Hamlet," in which Mr Steevens observes, that
_Saint Charity_ is a known saint among the Roman Catholics. Spenser
mentions her ("Eclog," v., 255):--
"Ah dear Lord and sweet _Saint Charity_!"
Again, in "The Downfall of Robert, Earl of Huntington," 1601--
"Therefore, sweet master, for _Saint Charity_."
--Note on _Hamlet_, act iv., sc. 5.
[Dr Bailey supposes, which is very probable, that this abbreviated or
corrupt form of _Jesus_ arose from] the letters I H S being anciently
all that was set down to denote that sacred name on altars, the covers
of books, &c.
It occurs also in the following passage of Erasmus's "Praise of
Folie," by Chaloner, 1549:--"Lyke as many great lordes there be who
set so muche by theim, as scant they can eate theyr meate, or byde a
minute without theim, cherisshyng them (_by iysse_) a little better
than thei are wont to dooe these frounyng philosophers," &c. Sig. G 2.
Again, in "Euphues and his England," 1582, p. 5:--"Unto whome he
replyed, shoaring up his eyes, '_by Jis_,' soune, I accompt the cheere
good which mainteineth health, and the servauntes honest whome I finde
faythfull."
[275] i.e., _she went_.
"For all _i-yede_ out at one ere,
That in that other she did lere."
--_Romaunt of the Rose._
The word is also used by Spenser and Fairfax.
[276] [See a note _supra_.]
[277] Baret, in his "Alvearie," explains _rave_, "to talke like a
madde bodie."
[278] I refuse, deny the charge.
[279] [Among the honest sort?]
[280] [Original, _sooner_.]
[281] [This should form the commencement of a new scene, but it is not
so marked.]
[282] So the edition of 1575. See note, _supra_.
[283] [Ado. See Nares, edit. 1859, p. 576.]
[284] Reward. It is a word used by Spenser, Shakspeare, and the chief
of our ancient writers.
[285] At the back of her house.
[286] God's, not the boy Cock's.
THE FIFTH ACT.
THE FIRST SCENE.
MASTER BAILY, DOCTOR RAT.
BAILY. I can perceive none other, I speak it from my heart,
But either ye are all in the fault, or else in the greatest part.
DOCTOR RAT. If it be counted his fault, besides all his griefs,
When a poor man is spoiled, and beaten among thieves,
Then I confess my fault herein at this season;
But I hope you will not judge so much against reason.
BAILY. And methinks by your own tale, of all that ye name,
If any played the thief, you were the very same:
The women they did nothing, as your words made probation,
But stoutly withstood your forcible invasion.
If that a thief at your window to enter should begin,
Would you hold forth your hand, and help to pull him in?
Or would[287] you keep him out? I pray you answer me.
DOCTOR RAT. Marry, keep him out: and a good cause why.
But I am no thief, sir, but an honest learned clerk.
BAILY. Yea, but who knoweth that, when he meets you in the dark?
I am sure your learning shines not out at your nose.
Was it any marvel, though the poor woman arose,
And start up, being afraid of that was in her purse?
Me-think you may be glad that your[288] luck was no worse.
DOCTOR RAT. Is not this evil enough, I pray you, as you think?
[_Showing his broken head._
BAILY. Yea, but a man in the dark oft[289] chances to wink,
As soon he smites his father as any other man,
Because, for lack of light, discern him he ne can.
Might it not have been your luck with a spit to have been slain?
DOCTOR RAT. I think I am little better, my scalp is cloven to the
brain:
If there be all the remedy, I know who bears the knocks.[290]
BAILY. By my troth, and well worthy besides to kiss the stocks.
To come in on the back side, when ye might go about,
I know none such, unless they long to have their brains knock'd out.
DOCTOR RAT. Well, will you be so good, sir, as talk with dame Chat,
And know what she intended, I ask no more but that.
BAILY. Let her be called, fellow, because of master doctor,
I warrant in this case, she will be her own proctor:
She will tell her own tale, in metre or in prose,
And bid you seek your remedy, and so go wipe your nose.
THE FIFTH ACT.
THE SECOND SCENE.
M. BAILY, CHAT, D. RAT, GAMMER, HODGE, DICCON.
BAILY. Dame Chat, master doctor upon you here complaineth,
That you and your maids should him much disorder,
And taketh many an oath that no word be feigned,
Laying to your charge, how you thought him to murder:
And on his part again, that same man say'th furder,
He never offended you in word nor intent;
To hear you answer hereto, we have now for you sent.
CHAT. That I would have murdered him! fie on him, wretch!
And evil mought he the for it, our Lord I beseech.
I will swear on all the books that opens and shuts,
He feigneth this tale out of his own guts.
For this seven weeks with me, I am sure, he sat not down;
[_To D. Rat._] Nay, ye have other minions in the other end of the town,
Where ye were liker to catch such a blow
Than anywhere else, as far as I know.
BAILY. Belike then, master doctor, your[291] stripe
there ye got not.
DOCTOR RAT. Think you I am so mad, that where I was bet, I wot
not?[292]
Will ye believe this quean, before she hath tried it?
It is not the first deed she hath done, and afterward denied it.
CHAT. What, man, will you say I broke your head?
DOCTOR RAT. How canst thou prove the contrary?
CHAT. Nay, how provest thou that I did the deed.
DOCTOR RAT. Too plainly, by St Mary.
This proof, I trow, may serve, though I no word spoke.
[_Showing his broken head._
CHAT. Because thy head is broken, was it I that broke?
I saw thee, Rat, I tell thee, not once within this fortnight.
DOCTOR RAT. No, marry, thou sawest me not; for why thou hadst
no light;
But I felt thee for all the dark, beshrew thy smooth cheeks!
And thou groped me, this will declare any day this six weeks.
[_Showing his head._
BAILY. Answer me to this, Master Rat, when caught you this harm
of yours?
DOCTOR RAT. A while ago, sir, God he knoweth; within less than these
two hours.
BAILY. Dame Chat, was there none with you (confess, i' faith) about
that season?
What, woman, let it be what it will, 'tis neither felony nor treason.
CHAT. Yes, by my faith, Master Baily, there was a knave not far,
Who caught one good filip on the brow with a door-bar.
And well was he worthy, as it seemed to me:
But what is that to this man, since this was not he?
BAILY. Who was it, then? let's hear.
DOCTOR RAT. Alas, sir, ask you that?
Is it not made plain enough by the own mouth of dame Chat?
The time agreeth, my head is broken, her tongue cannot lie;
Only upon a bare nay, she saith it was not I.
CHAT. No, marry, was it not indeed, ye shall hear by this one thing.
This afternoon a friend of mine for good-will gave me warning.
And bad me well look to my roost and all my capons' pens;
For if I took not better heed, a knave would have my hens.
Then I, to save my goods, took so much pains as him to watch;
And as good fortune served me, it was my chance him for to catch.
What strokes he bare away, or other what was his gains,
I wot not, but I am sure he had something for his pains.
BAILY. Yet tell'st thou not who it was.
CHAT. Who it was? A false thief,
That came like a false fox, my pullen[293] to kill and mischief.
BAILY. But knowest thou not his name?
CHAT. I know it, but what then?
It was that crafty cullion[294] Hodge, my Gammer Gurton's man.
BAILY. Call me the knave hither, he shall sure kiss the stocks.
I shall teach him a lesson for filching hens or cocks.
DOCTOR RAT. I marvel, Master Baily, so bleared be your eyes!
An egg is not so full of meat, as she is full of lies:
When she hath played this prank, to excuse all this gear,
She layeth the fault on such a one as I know was not there.
CHAT. Was he not there? look on his pate; that shall be his witness.