Ho! I'm a king, a king! A crown is on my head;
A sword is at my side; and regal is my tread:
Ho, slave! proclaim my will to all the people round,--
The schools are hereby closed; henceforth must fun abound.
Vacation shall not end; all slates I order smashed;
The man who says "arithmetic"--he must be soundly thrashed;
All grammars shall be burnt; the spellers we will tear;
The boy who spells correctly--a fool's cap he shall wear.
No dolls shall be allowed, for dolls are what I hate;
The girls must give them up, and learn to swim and skate;
Confectioners must charge only a cent a pound
For all the plums and candy that in the shops are found.
That man who asks a dime for any pear or peach--
I'll have him hung so high, that none his feet can reach;
No baker is allowed hereafter to bake bread;
He must bake only pies and cake and ginger-snaps instead.
All lecturers must quit our realm without delay;
The circus-men and clowns, on pain of death, must stay;
All folks who frown on fun, at once must banished be:
Now, fellow, that you know my will, to its fulfilment see!