Recording the Discovery of the Island of Madeira.
Before I am summoned to that offended tribunal, to propitiate which I
have passed so many years in penitence and prayer, let me record for the
benefit of others the history of one, who, yielding to fatal passion,
embittered the remainder of his own days, and shortened those of the
adored partner of his guilt. Let my confession be public, that warning
may be taken from my example; and may the sincerity with which I
acknowledge my offence, and the tears which I have shed, efface it from
the accumulated records of the willfulness and disobedience of man!
In a few days this attenuated frame will be mingled with the dust from
which it sprung, and scattered by the winds of heaven, or by the labour
of future generations, as chance may dictate, will yield sustenance to
the thistle which wars against the fertility of nature, or the grain
which is the support of our existence,--to the nightshade with its
deadly fruit, or the creeping violet with its sweet perfume. The heart
which has throbbed so tumultuously with the extreme of love, and which
has been riven with the excess of woe, will shortly pant no more. The
mind which has been borne down by the irresistible force of passion,--
which has attempted to stem the torrent, but in vain, and, since the
rage of it has passed away, has been left like the once fertile valley
which has been overflown, a waste of barrenness and desolation,--will
shortly cease from its wearied action. In a few brief days I must
appear in the presence of an offended, yet merciful Saviour, who,
offering every timing, weeps at the insanity of our rejection. Let then
the confessions of Henrique serve as a beacon to those who are inclined
to yield to the first impulse; when, alarmed at the discovery of their
errors, they will find that conviction has arrived too late, and that,
like me, they will be irresistibly impelled against the struggles of
reason and of conscience.
I am an Englishman by birth: my parents were called away before I was
five years old; yet still I have a dreaming memory of my mother--a faint
recollection of one at whose knees I used, each night, to hold up my
little hands in orison, and who blessed her child as she laid him to
repose.
But I lost those whose precepts might have been valuable to me in
after-life, and was left to the guardianship of one who thought that, in
attending to my worldly interests, he fulfilled the whole duty which was
required of him. My education was not neglected, but there was no one
to advise me upon points of more serious importance. Naturally of a
fiery and impatient temper,--endued with a perseverance which was only
increased by the obstacles which presented themselves, I encouraged any
feeling to be working in my mind in preference to repose, which was
hateful. To such excess did it arrive as I grew up, that difficulty and
danger, even pain and remorse, were preferable to that calm sunshine of
the breast which others consider so enviable. I could exist but by
strong sensations: remove them, and I felt as does the habitual drunkard
in the morning, until his nerves have been again stimulated by a
repetition of his draughts. My pursuits were of the same tendency:
constant variety and change of scene were what I coveted. I felt a
desire "to be imprisoned in the viewless winds, and blown with restless
violence about the pendent world." At night I was happy; for as soon as
sleep had sealed my eyes, I invariably dreamt that I had the power of
aerostation, and, in my imagination, cleaved through the air with the
strength of an eagle, soaring above my fellow-creatures, and looking
down upon them and their ceaseless drudgery with contempt.
To a mind thus constituted by nature, and unchecked by counsel, it is
not surprising that the darling wish and constant idea was to roam the
world; and the vast ocean, which offered to me the means of gratifying
my passion, was an object of love and adoration. If I had not the wings
of the eagle with which fancy had supplied me in my dreams, still I
could fly before the wings of the wind, and, as in my aerial excursions
when asleep, leave no track behind. As soon as I had arrived at the age
which allowed me to take possession of my property, I sought the element
so congenial to my disposition. For some years I continued the
profession, and was fortunate in my speculations; but I cared little for
gain; my delight was in roving from clime to clime, flying before the
gale,--in looking with defiance at the vast mountainous seas which
threatened to overwhelm me,--in the roaring of the wind,--in the mad
raging of the surf,--in the excitement of battle, even in the
destruction and disasters of the wreck.
It may be a source of astonishment that I arrived at the age of thirty
without ever feeling the sensation of love; but so it was. This most
powerful of excitements, which was so to influence my future existence,
had not yet been called into action: but it was roused at last, and like
the hurricane, swept every thing before it in ruin and desolation. I
was at Cadiz, where I had arrived with a valuable cargo, when it was
proposed that I should witness the ceremony of taking the White Veil.
As the young woman who professed was of a noble family, and the
solemnity was to be conducted with the greatest splendour, I consented.
The magnificent decorations of the church, the harmony of the singing,
the solemn pealing of the organ, the splendid robes of the priests in
contrast with the sombre humility of the friars and nuns, the tossing of
the censers, the ascending clouds of frankincense, and, above all, the
extreme beauty of the fair devotee,--produced feelings of interest which
I had not imagined could have been raised from any description of
pageantry. When the ceremony was over, I quitted the church with new
and powerful sensations, which at the time I could not precisely
analyse. But when I lay down on my couch, I perceived that, although
the splendour of the rites were but faint in my recollection, the image
of the sweet girl kneeling before the altar was engraven on my heart. I
felt an uneasiness, a restlessness, a vacuum in my bosom, which, like
that in the atmosphere, is the forerunner of the tempest. I could not
sleep; but, tossing from one side to the other during the whole night,
rose the next morning feverish and unrefreshed.
Following, as usual, the impulse of my feelings, I repaired to her
relative, who had taken me to witness the ceremony, and persuaded him to
introduce me at the wicket of the convent.
As she had yet one year of probation previous to her taking the final
vows, which were for ever to seclude her from the world, in seeing her
there was no difficulty. Her duteous resignation to the will of her
parents, her serene and beautiful countenance, her angelic smile,--all
contributed to the increase of my passion; and, after an hour's
conversation, I left her with my heart in a state of tumult, of which it
is not easy to express the idea. My visits were repeated again and
again. In a short time I declared my sentiments, and found that I was
listened to without offending. Before I quitted Cadiz which my
engagements rendered imperative, I obtained from her a reciprocal
acknowledgment. And as there were still nine months to pass away
previous to her decision upon a monastic life, before that period had
elapsed I faithfully promised to return and claim her as my own. As we
professed the same faith, and she had only been sacrificed that the
possessions of her brother might not be diminished by the fortune which
her marriage would require, I did not anticipate any objections from her
parents. I required no dower, having more than sufficient to supply her
with every luxury. We parted: our hands trembled as we locked our
fingers through the grating; our tears fell, but could not be mingled;
our lips quivered, but could not meet; our hearts were beating with
excess of love but I could not strain her in my embrace. "In three
months more, Rosina!" exclaimed I, as I walked backward from the
grating, my eyes still fixed upon her. "Till then farewell, Henrique!
Relying upon your faith and honour, I shall not hesitate to cherish your
dear image in my heart;" and, overcome by her feelings, Rosina burst
into tears and hurried from my sight.
I sailed with prosperous gales, and arrived safely at my own country.
My ventures were disposed of, I realised a large sum of money, had
completed all my arrangements, and in a few days intended to return to
Cadiz to fulfil my engagement with Rosina. I was in the metropolis
impatiently waiting for the remainder of the freight, to be put on board
of the vessel in which I had taken my passage, when one evening as I was
sauntering in the park, anticipating the bliss of rejoining the object
of my affection, I was rudely pushed aside by a personage richly
attired, who was escorting two of the ladies of the court. Fired at the
insult, and as usual acting upon the first impulse, I struck him in the
face and drew my sword--forgetting at the time that I was in the
precincts of the palace. I was seized and imprisoned: my offence was
capital; my adversary a relation of the king's. I offered a large sum
for my release; but when they found out that I was wealthy, they
rejected as I increased my offers, until I was compelled to sacrifice
one half of my worldly possessions to escape from the severity of the
Star Chamber. But the loss of property was nothing; I had still more
than enough: it was the dreadful length of my confinement, during which
anxiety had swelled hours into days, and days into months of torture and
suspense. I had been incarcerated more than a year before I could
obtain my release. When in my imagination I conjured up Rosina--
lamenting my infidelity, reproaching me in her solitude for my broken
vows, and (there was madness in the very thought) yielding in her
resentment and her grief to the solicitations of her parents, and taking
the veil,--I was frantic; I tore my hair, beat the walls of my prison,
raved for liberty, and offered to surrender up every shilling that I
possessed.
"By the beard of the Prophet this tires me," exclaimed the pacha.
"Murakhas, you are dismissed."
The Greek slave bowed, and retired.