IN THE TWILIGHT
It was not without misgiving that I climbed the steep zigzag at
Whinnyfold, for at every turn I half expected to see the unwelcome face
of Gormala before me. It seemed hardly possible that everything could
go on so well with me, and that yet I should not be disturbed by her
presence. Miss Anita, I think, saw my uneasiness and guessed the cause
of it; I saw her follow my glances round, and then she too kept an eager
look out. We won the top, however, and got into the waiting carriage
without mishap. At the hotel she asked me to bring to their sitting-room
the papers with the secret writing. She gave a whispered explanation
that we should be quite alone as Mrs. Jack always took a nap, when
possible, before dinner.
She puzzled long and anxiously over the papers and over my enlarged part
copy of them. Finally she shook her head and gave it up for the time.
Then I told her the chief of the surmises which I had made regarding the
means by which the biliteral cipher, did such exist, might be expressed.
That it must be by marks of some sort was evident; but which of those
used were applied to this purpose I could not yet make out. When I had
exhausted my stock of surmises she said:
"More than ever I am convinced that you must begin by reducing the
biliteral cipher. Every time I think of it, it seems plainer to me that
Bacon, or any one else using such a system, would naturally perfect it
if possible. And now let us forget this for the present. I am sure you
must want a rest from thinking of the cipher, and I feel that I do.
Dinner is ready; after it, if you will, I should like another run down
to the beach."
"_Another_" run to the beach! then she remembered our former one as a
sort of fixed point. My heart swelled within me, and my resolution to
take my own course, even if it were an unwise one, grew.
After dinner, we took our way over the sandhills and along the shore
towards the Hawklaw, keeping on the line of hard sand just below
high-water mark.
The sun was down and the twilight was now beginning. In these northern
latitudes twilight is long, and at the beginning differs little from the
full light of day. There is a mellowed softness over everything, and all
is grey in earth and sea and air. Light, however, there is in abundance
at the first. The mystery of twilight, as Southerns know it, comes later
on, when the night comes creeping up from over the sea, and the shadows
widen into gloom. Still twilight is twilight in any degree of its
changing existence; and the sentiment of twilight is the same all the
world over. It is a time of itself; between the stress and caution of
the day, and the silent oblivion of the night: It is an hour when all
living things, beasts as well as human, confine themselves to their own
business. With the easy relaxation comes something of self-surrender;
soul leans to soul and mind to mind, as does body to body in moments of
larger and more complete intention. Just as in the moment after sunset,
when the earth is lit not by the narrow disc of the sun but by the
glory of the wide heavens above, twin shadows merge into one, so in the
twilight two natures which are akin come closer to the identity of one.
Between daylight and dark as the myriad sounds of life die away one by
one, the chirp of birds, the lowing of cattle, the bleating of sheep,
the barking of dogs, so do the natural sounds such as the rustle of
trees, the plash of falling water, or the roar of breaking waves wake
into a new force that strikes on the ear with a sense of intention or
conscious power. It is as though in all the wide circle of nature's
might there is never to be such a thing as stagnation; no moment of
poise, save when the spirits of nature proclaim abnormal silence, such
as ruled when earth stood "at gaze, like Joshua's moon on Ajalon."
The spirits of my companion and myself yielded to this silent influence
of the coming night. Unconsciously we walked close together and in step;
and were silent, wrapt in the beauty around us. To me it was a gentle
ecstasy. To be alone with her in such a way, in such a place, was the
good of all heaven and all earth in one. And so for many minutes we went
slowly on our way along the deserted sand, and in hearing of the music
of the sounding sea and the echoing shore.
But even Heaven had its revolt. It seems that whether it be on Earth or
in Heaven intelligence is not content to remain in a condition of poise.
Ever there are heights to be won. Out of my own very happiness and the
peace that it gave me, came afresh the wild desire to scale new heights
and to make the present altitude which I had achieved a stepping-off
place for a loftier height. All arguments seemed to crowd in my mind to
prove that I was justified in asking Marjory to be my wife. Other men
had asked women whom they had known but a short time to marry them; and
with happy result. It was apparent that at the least she did not dislike
me. I was a gentleman, of fair stock, and well-to-do; I could offer her
a true and a whole heart. She, who was seemingly only companion to a
wealthy woman, could not be offended at a man's offering to her all
he had to give. I had already approached the subject, and she had not
warned me off it; she had only given me in a sweetly artful way advice
in which hope held a distinct place. Above all, the days and hours and
moments were flying by. I did not know her address or when I should see
her again, or if at all. This latest thought decided me. I would speak
plainly to-night.
Oh, but men are dull beside women in the way of intuition. This girl
seemed to be looking over the sea, and yet with some kind of double
glance, such as women have at command, she seemed to have been all the
time looking straight through and through me and getting some idea
of her own from my changing expression. I suppose the appearance of
determination frightened her or set her on guard, for she suddenly said:
"Ought we not to be turning home?"
"Not yet!" I pleaded, all awake in a moment from my dreams. "A few
minutes, and then we can go back."
"Very well," she said with a smile, and then added demurely; "we must
not be long." I felt that my hour had come and spoke impulsively:
"Marjory, will you be my wife?" Having got out the words I stopped. My
heart was beating so heavily that I could not speak more. For a few
seconds, which seemed ages to me, we were both silent. I daresay that
she may have been prepared for something; from what I know now I am
satisfied that her own intention was to ward off any coming difficulty.
But the suddenness and boldness of the question surprised her and
embarrassed her to silence. She stopped walking, and as she stood still
I could see her bosom heave--like my own. Then with a great effort,
which involved a long breath and the pulling up of her figure and the
setting back of her shoulders, she spoke:
"But you know nothing of me!"
"I know all of you that I want to know!" This truly Hibernian speech
amused her, even through her manifest emotion and awkwardness, if one
can apply the word to one compact of so many graces. I saw the smile,
and it seemed to set us both more at ease.
"That sounds very rude," she said "but I understand what you mean, and
take it so." This gave me an opening into which I jumped at once. She
listened, seeming not displeased at my words; but on the whole glad of a
moment's pause to collect her thoughts before again speaking:
"I know that you are beautiful; the most beautiful and graceful girl I
ever saw. I know that you are brave and sweet and tender and thoughtful.
I know that you are clever and resourceful and tactful. I know that you
are a good comrade; that you are an artist with a poet's soul. I know
that you are the one woman in all the wide world for me; that having
seen you there can never be any one else to take your place in my heart.
I know that I would rather die with you in my arms, than live a king
with any other queen!"
"But you have only seen me twice. How can you know so many nice things
about me. I wish they were all true! I am only a girl; and I must say it
is sweet to hear them, whether they be true or not. Anyhow, supposing
them all true, how could you have known them?"
Hope was stepping beside me now. I went on:
"I did not need a second meeting to know so much. To-day was but a
repetition of my joy; an endorsement of my judgment; a fresh rivetting
of my fetters!" She smiled in spite of herself as she replied:
"You leave me dumb. How can I answer or argue with such a conviction."
Then she laid her hand tenderly on my arm as she went on:
"Oh, I know what you mean, my friend. I take it all in simple truth; and
believe me it makes me proud to hear it, though it also makes me feel
somewhat unworthy of so much faith. But there is one other thing which
you must consider. In justice to me you must." She paused and I felt my
heart grow cold. "What is it?" I asked. I tried to speak naturally but I
felt that my voice was hoarse. Her answer came slowly, but it seemed to
turn me to ice:
"But I don't know you!"
There was a pity in her eyes which gave me some comfort, though not
much; a man whose soul is crying out for love does not want pity.
Love is a glorious self-surrender; all spontaneity; all gladness, all
satisfaction, in which doubt and forethought have no part. Pity is a
conscious act of the mind; wherein is a knowledge of one's own security
of foothold. The two can no more mingle than water and oil.
The shock had come, and I braced myself to it. I felt that now if ever
I should do my devoir as a gentleman. It was my duty as well as my
privilege to shield this woman from unnecessary pain and humiliation.
Well I knew, that it had been pain to her to say such a thing to me; and
the pain had come from my own selfish impulse. She had warned me earlier
in the day, and I had broken through her warning. Now she was put in
a false position through my act; it was necessary I should make her
feelings as little painful as I could. I had even then a sort of dim
idea that my best plan would have been to have taken her in my arms and
kissed her. Had we both been older I might have done so; but my love was
not built in this fashion. Passion was so mingled with respect that the
other course, recognition of, and obedience to, her wishes seemed all
that was open to me. Besides it flashed across me that she might take it
that I was presuming on her own impulsive act on the rock. I said with
what good heart I could:
"That is an argument unanswerable, at present. I can only hope that time
will stand my friend. Only" I added and my voice choked as I said it
"Do, do believe that I am in deadly earnest; that all my life is at
stake; and that I only wait, and I will wait loyally with what patience
I can, in obedience to your will. My feelings and my wish, and--and my
request will stand unaltered till I die!" She said not a word, but the
tears rose up in her beautiful eyes and ran down her blushing cheeks as
she held out her hand to me. She did not object when I raised it to my
lips and kissed it with all my soul in the kiss!
We turned instinctively and walked homewards. I felt dejected, but not
broken. At first the sand seemed to be heavy to my feet; but when after
a little I noticed that my companion walked with a buoyancy unusual even
to her, I too became gay again. We came back to the hotel much in the
spirit in which we had set out.
We found Mrs. Jack dressed, all but her outer cloak, and ready for the
road. She went away with Marjory to finish her toilet, but came back
before her younger companion. When we were alone she said to me after a
few moments of 'hum'ing and 'ha'ing and awkward preparation of speech:
"Oh Mr. Hunter, Marjory tells me that she intends to ride on her bicycle
down to Aberdeen from Braemar where we are going on Friday. I am to
drive from Braemar to Ballater and then go on by train so that I shall
be in before her, though I am to leave later. But I am fearful about the
girl riding such a journey by herself. We have no gentleman friend here,
and it would be so good of you to take charge of her, if you happened
to be anywhere about there. I know I can trust you to take care of her,
you have been so good to her, and to me, already."
My heart leaped. Here was an unexpected chance come my way. Time was
showing himself to be my friend already.
"Be quite assured," I said as calmly as I could "I shall be truly glad
to be of the least service. And indeed it will just suit my plans, as I
hoped to go to Braemar on my bicycle one day very soon and can arrange
to go just as may suit you. But of course you understand that I must not
go unless Miss Anita wishes it. I could not presume to thrust myself
upon her."
"Oh that is all right!" she answered quickly, so quickly that I took it
that she had already considered the matter and was satisfied about it.
"Marjory will not object." Just then the young lady entered the room and
Mrs. Jack turning to her said:
"I have asked Mr. Hunter my dear to ride down with you from Braemar; and
he says that as it just suits his plans as he was going there he will be
very happy if you ask him." She smiled as she said:
"Oh since you asked him and he had said yes I need not ask him too; but
I shall be very glad!" I bowed. When Mrs. Jack went out, Marjory turning
to me said:
"When did you plan to go to Braemar?"
"When Mrs. Jack told me you were going" I answered boldly.
"Oh! I didn't mean that," she said with a slight blush "but at what time
you were to be there." To which I said:
"That will be just to suit your convenience. Will you write and let me
know?" She saw through my ruse of getting a letter, and smilingly held
up a warning finger.
As we strolled up the road, waiting for the dog-cart to be got ready,
she said to me:
"Now you can be a good comrade I know; and you said that, amongst other
things, I was a good comrade. So I am; and between Braemar and Aberdeen
we must both be good comrades. That and nothing more! Whatever may come
after, for good or ill, that time must be kept apart."
"Agreed!" I said and felt a secret exultation as we joined Mrs. Jack.
Before they started Marjory said:
"Mrs. Jack I also have asked Mr. Hunter to come on the ride from
Braemar. I thought it would please him if we both asked him, since he is
so diffident and unimpulsive!"
With a smile she said good-bye and waved it with her whip as they
started.