[Illustration: A BAD PART.
“Say, Tom, pretend yer a Spaniard, an’ let de gang play wid yer fer
five minits.”]
[Illustration: HIS SIMPLE WISH.
Jacky: “Hey, Jimmy! Wot’d yer do if yer wuz as strong as dat?”
Jimmy: “Why, I’d go down ter de school an’ take de teacher atween me
teet’ an’ knock de stuffin’ out him.”]
[Illustration: TONY DUFFY’S ORATION.
“Fellers! De gang has lost its pup! He scrapped wid a bull tarrier, an’
got it in de neck. He wuz a torrowbred, a chim dandy; a t’ree-times
winner way up to de limit. He had a head on to him wot wuz almost
hooman. I ain’t a-talkin’ troo me hat; I ain’t a-givin’ guff; I’m
a-givin’ it to yer straight--he wuz a corker. Der Wanderbilts or Asters
didn’t have de plunks ter buy dat pup--dat’s straight. He wuz way up in
G--are yous wid me? His deat’ has broke me up; don’t jolly me--not on
yer life. Yous wot has lungs chip in wid a song, sunthin’ sollum,--‘Ole
Dog Tray,’ or ‘Sweet Maree,’--an’ den we’ll plant him. Fellers, I’se
lost me grip; me name is Dennis--I’m all broke up. I’ll go chase myself
an’ have a game o’ craps. S’ long!”]
[Illustration:
“I tell yer Sandow isn’t in it wid him. He takes de kid an’ chucks him
in de air, den he turns a han’spring an’ drinks a can o’ cold tomatter
soup afore de kid reaches de groun’.”]
[Illustration: A PRIVATE EXHIBITION.
Master of Ceremonies: “De nex’ shot which me brudder de infant
phenomenal will preform is to carrum wid de ball on de bottle an’ de
lamp, an’ take de chimney off de lamp widout breakin’ of it, or puttin’
de light out. De shot is not on’y differcult, but marvelyous!”]
[Illustration: A SAD STATE OF AFFAIRS.
“It’s no use talking, Ellen Jane, the young men are not as sociable as
they were when we were girls. I haven’t had a solitary visitor this
week. How to account for it I don’t know; such a thing hasn’t happened
for years!”]
[Illustration: A WARNING.
Boy (reading paper): “The war cloud between the States and Italy has
not dispersed as yet--”
Patriot Youth (falling on knees): “Let forrin despots tremble, for in
case of war I solemmy promise to raise a rigimint an’ lead it merself;
let mer oath be registered!”]
[Illustration: SIC EUNT FATA HOMINUM.
Judge (on box): “Read the charges against Vladimir Casey!”
Clerk (reading): “Firstly: He is charged wid losin’ interest in de
gang, an’ has been stealin’ from de corner groceries for strange
parties; An’ whereover: It has bin discover’t dat he kin be bribed wid
a lemon; An’ whereas: He has given Mag Skelly de marble heart an’ has
nearly kilt her; An’ fourthly: When de gang had a pedlar down on de
sidewalk an’ was goin’ t’rough him, he refoosed to take a han’; An’ ter
conclood: He ain’t fit ter be our capt’in no longer, an’ it is moved by
de gang dat he gits it in de neck, an’ is furdermore removed from his
official office!”]
[Illustration:
Girl: “Please, ’m, give me an’ me brudders an’ sisters suthin’?”
Lady: “Why, you’re not all one family, surely?”