[Illustration: IN DOUBT.
“What’s the matter, Tom?”
“I’m in trouble. I don’t know whether I ought to die while I’m young,
and become a angel, or wait an’ grow up to be a man an’ have a
mustarche an’ side-wiskers.”]
[Illustration: NAUGHTYCAL.
“Tom, wot’s a spanker boom?”
“Is yer mother a-livin’?”
“Yes!”
“Does she wear slippers?”
“Yes!”
“Well, then, you must be an awfully good feller if you don’t know what
a spanker boom is!”]
[Illustration:
“Mother, I’ve a favor to ask of you. If you are a-goin’ to lick me,
don’t do it with a slipper; it always unmans me.”]
[Illustration:
“My! But your boy do be growin’, Mrs. Cafferty!”
“Faith, an’ that’s thrue for yez, Mrs. Owens! He’s outgrown all his
owld clothes, an’ it’s a pair of his father’s pants he do be wearin’,
an’ by that same token I do hate to cut thim, for I don’t think it will
be long afore the boy fills thim intirely!”]
[Illustration: A PLEASANT PROSPECT.
“Say, pop, come out an’ down him. Jimmy Ryan said his pa could lick
mine, and I said he couldn’t, and they’re waitin’ for you outside.”]
[Illustration: LOOKING FORWARD.
Aunt: “Well, Tom, how do you like your new little sister?”
Tom: “Oh, she’s good enough as a kid, but just think what a trouble
she’ll be when she gets a little older, and I’ve got to chase whistlers
away from the front stoop!”]
[Illustration:
Little Jimmy Carrol (to infant brother): “Oh, just wait till you git
old enough to lick! Won’t you catch it? Mother ain’t give me a cent
since you arrived.”]
[Illustration: A WORD OF ADVICE.
“Knock him out wid an uppercut, Jimmy; an’ if in de excitement of de
moment yez finds yez has got ter strike below de belt, hit so hard
he’ll have spazzums an’ won’t know de differ’nce.”]
[Illustration: A DIVISION OF LABOR A CAPITAL IDEA.
“I tell yer wot, Jimmy: tackle de dorg first, an’ when you’ve laid him
out go fer de feller, an’ after you’ve got him on de groun’ wid yer
foot over his mout’ ter keep him from a-hollerin’, I’ll sneak up an’
grab de flowers wot he’s got an’ run home wid ’em.”]
[Illustration:
Peacemaker: “Just read that motter, an’ then go an’ make up fren’s
agin!”
Hopeless: “Oh, that sayin’s good enuff to read, but yer can’t make me
berlieve that a small piece of chewin’ gum is plenty for two, nohow!”]
[Illustration:
“You dassent come over on this side of the street, so you dassent!”
Voice from over the way: “Why dassent I?”
Voice from barrel (in whisper): “Make it a objict for him to come
acrost: tell him you kin lick him wid yer little finger!”]
[Illustration: JUST THE THING.
Boy (calmly): “Say, Tilly, I want ter tell yer somethink: you’re so
full o’ fight you ought ter go ter some recruitin’ office an’ offer yer
services ter the government. Uncle Sam is just a-dyin’ ter git hold o’
such folks as you.”]
[Illustration: PRECAUTIONARY.
“Who’s he, Bill?”
“I dunno. I never see him afore.”
“Well, let’s slug him, anyhow, or else he’ll be puttin’ on airs.”]
[Illustration:
Vendor: “You leetel girla musta move away!”
Miss Casey (from de Fourt’): “Move away? You Dagos is a puttin’
on airs, ain’t you? I may not be a millyunyair, an’ I may not eat
charlotty roosters or drink lemon phosphiks, but I ain’t a-goin’ to
let no Dago give me points wot to do, an’ doan’t yer forgit it!”
(Exits, muttering something about “bringin’ de gang aroun’ an’ cleanin’
somebody out.”)]
[Illustration: STARS AND STRIPES.
First Little Girl: “My father was fighting for three years. He carried
the stars and stripes, and he’s got the flag yet.”
Second Little Girl: “My father was in for fighting for six years, and
he carries stripes yet. He’s got a striped suit now.”]
[Illustration: A CLIPPING FROM DOOGAN’S “MIRROR OF FASHION.”
“Madame Duffi, Corque, has opened a millinery establishment in Doogan
Alley, and her door is besieged the entire day by the bon-ton of that
swell neighborhood.”]
[Illustration: THE ENVY OF THE ALLEY.