One of our younger clerks, a man of the name of Perkins, is said to be
very well connected. He certainly spends more than his salary, and
rarely wears the same trousers on two consecutive days. But I am not a
snob, nor one who thinks much of these things, and I had never
cultivated young Perkins. Consequently it rather surprised me when he
introduced me to his friend, the Hon. Eugene Clerrimount. Then I
remembered what had been said about Perkins's connections.
* * * * *
The Hon. Eugene Clerrimount was a handsome young man, though apparently
troubled with pimples. His manner had in it what I should call dash.
There was not an ounce of affectation about him; but then high rank
does not need affectations--I have always noticed that. He appeared to
take rather a liking to me, and insisted that we must all three go out
and have a drink together. This is a thing which I really never do, but
on this occasion I allowed myself to be persuaded. Not liking to
mention beer, I said that I would take a glass of sherry wine. Nothing
could have been more friendly and pleasing than his behaviour toward
me; there was nothing at all stuck-up about him. It turned out that,
after all, the Hon. Eugene Clerrimount had forgotten his purse, and
Perkins happened to have no money on him; I therefore paid for the
drinks, and also lent the Hon. Eugene Clerrimount half a crown for his
cab; it was, indeed, quite a pleasure to do so. He thanked me warmly,
and said that he should like to know me better. Might he call at my
house on the following Saturday afternoon? As luck would have it, I
happened to have a card on me, and presented it to him, saying that it
would indeed be an honour. "Thanks," he replied, "and then I can repay
you this half-sovereign, or whatever it is." "Only four shillings," I
replied, "and pray do not mention it."
[Illustration: _The Gentleman of Title._]
* * * * *
Eliza was certainly less pleased than myself when she heard that the
Hon. Eugene Clerrimount was coming. She said that he might be all
right, or he might not, and we did not know anything about him. I
replied: "One does not know anything about anybody in that rank of
life. It is not necessary."
"Oh!" she said. "Isn't it? Well, I don't happen to be an earl myself."
And, really, on the Saturday morning I had the greatest difficulty to
get Eliza to take a little trouble with the drawing-room, though I
asked for nothing more than a thorough dusting, chrysanthemums, and the
blinds up. For the tea I offered to make myself entirely responsible.
There was some doubt as to whether the girl should announce him as the
Hon. Mr. Clerrimount, or the Hon. Eugene Clerrimount, or Mr. Hon.
Clerrimount. "She'd better do all three, one after the other," said
Eliza, snappishly. I obviated the difficulty by telling the girl, as
she opened the drawing-room door, merely to say, "A gentleman to see
you." I am rather one for thinking of these little ways out of
difficulties.
Eliza wanted to know what time he was coming. I replied that he could
not come before three or after six, because that would be against
etiquette.
"Suppose he came at five minutes to three by accident," said Eliza.
"Would he sit on our doorsteps until the clock struck, and then ring
the bell?" I was really beginning to lose patience with Eliza.
However, by three o'clock I had Eliza in the drawing-room, with a
magazine and paper-knife by her side, as if she had been reading. She
was really darning socks, but they could easily be concealed in an
empty art flower-pot when the front bell rang.
* * * * *
We sat in the drawing-room until six, but, strangely enough, the Hon.
Eugene Clerrimount never came. The trifle that I had spent on the
Madeira cake and macaroons was nothing, but it did wound my feelings
that he had not even thought it worth while to explain his inability to
keep his appointment.
And on the Monday I said to Perkins, rather sharply: "There was that
matter of four shillings with your friend. I've not received the money,
and I should thank you to see about it."
"What?" said Perkins. "You ask my friend and me to come and drink with
you, and then want me to dun him for the money to pay for it. Well, I
_am_ blowed!"
Oh, the whole thing was most unsatisfactory and incomprehensible!