PUTTING THE TWO-ACT ON PAPER
You have selected your theme, chosen your characters, thought out
every angle of business, and mapped nearly all of your points, as
well as your big laugh-lines: now you are ready to put your two-act
on paper. Before "taking your pen in hand," stop for a moment of
self-analysis.
You can now determine how likely you are to succeed as a writer
of the two-act, by this simple self-examination:
How much of my two-act have I thought out clearly so that it is
playing before my very eyes?
If you have thought it all out, so that every bit of business moves
before your eyes, as every point rings in your ears, you are very
likely to turn out an acceptable two-act--if you have not played
a "chooser's" part, and your points are real points.
But do not imagine because you are positive that you have thought
everything out beforehand, and now have come to writing it down,
that your job of thinking is ended. Not at all; there are a few
things still to be thought out, while you are writing.
I. WHERE TO BEGIN
As in the monologue--because your material is made up of points--you
may begin nearly anywhere to write your two-act. And like the
monologue, you need not have a labored formal introduction.
The Introduction
Still, your introduction is no less comprehensively informing
because it has not the air of formality. If your characters by
their appearance stamp themselves for what they are, you may trust
complete characterization--as you should in writing every form of
stage material--to what each character does and says.
But in your very first line you should subtly tell the audience,
so there cannot possibly be any mistake, what your subject is.
Why are those two men out there on the stage?
What is the reason for their attitude toward each ther?
If they are quarreling, why are they quarreling?
If they are laughing, why are they laughing?
But don't make the mistake of trying to tell too much. To do that,
would be to make your introduction draggy. You must make the
audience think the characters are bright--precisely as the
introduction of the monologue is designed to make the audience
think the monologist is bright. Write your introduction in very
short speeches. Show the attitude of the characters clearly and
plainly, as the first speech of our two-act example shows the
characters are quarreling:
STRAIGHT
Say, whenever we go out together you always got a kick coming.
What's the matter with you?
Then get into your subject-theme quickly after you have given the
audience time to get acquainted and settled, with the memory of
the preceding act dimmed in their minds by the giggle-points of
your introduction.
The introduction of the two-act is designed to stamp the characters
as real characters, to establish their relations to each other,
to give the audience time to settle down to the new "turn," to
make them think the performers are "bright" and to delay the first
big laugh until the psychological moment has come to spring the
initial big point of the subject theme, after the act has "got"
the audience.
II. THE DEVELOPMENT
It would seem needless to repeat what has already been stated so
plainly in the chapters on the monologue, that no one can teach
you how to write excruciatingly funny points and gags, and that
no one can give you the power to originate laughter-compelling
situations. You must rise or fall by the force of your own ability.
There are, however, two suggestions that can be given you for the
production of a good two-act. One is a "don't," and the other a
"do." Don't write your points in the form of questions and answers.
The days of the "Why did the chicken cross the road?"--"Because
she wanted to get on the other side" sort of two-act, is past.
Write all your points in conversational style.
Never write:
What were you doing at Pat's dinner lathering your face with a
charlotte russe?
Write it:
So you were down at Pat's house for dinner, and you went and
lathered your face with a charlotte russe--I saw you.
Of course when a legitimate question is to be asked, ask it. But
do not deliberately throw your points into question form. Your
guide to the number of direct queries you would use should be the
usual conversational methods of real life.
Your subject, of course, in a large measure determines how many
questions you need to ask. For instance, if your theme is one
that develops a lot of fun through one character instructing the
other, a correspondingly large number of questions naturally would
be asked. But, as "The Art of Flirtation" plainly shows, you can
get a world of fun out of even an instruction theme, without the
use of a wearying number of inquiries. The two-act fashion today
is the direct, conversational style.
Now for the second suggestion:
Although some exceedingly successful two-acts have been written
with many themes scattered through their twelve or more minutes,
probably a larger number have won success through singleness of
subject. A routine with but one subject worked up to its most
effective height is often more likely to please.
Furthermore, for the reason that the two-act is breaking away from
the offering that is merely pieced together out of successful
bits--precisely as that class of act struggled away from the old
slap-stick turn--the single-routine now finds readier sale. The
present tendency of the two-act seems to be to present clever
characterization--and so to win by artistic acting, as before it
won by cruder methods.
Therefore, strive for unity of routine. Treat but one subject and
amplify that one subject with singleness of purpose.
The point, or the gag, of a two-act is very much like that of the
monologue. In so far as construction is concerned--by this I mean
laugh-wave construction--they are identical. Study "The Art of
Flirtation," and you will see how little laughs precede big laughs
and follow after, mounting into still bigger laughs that rise into
roars of laughter.
1. Introducing a Point
If you were telling a joke to a friend you would be sure to tell
him in your very first sentence all the things he would need in
order to understand the point of the joke, wouldn't you? You would
take great care not to leave out one salient bit of information
that would make him see the joke plainly--you would be as logical
as though you were trying to sell him a bill of goods. Take the
same attitude toward each point that you introduce into your
two-act. Remember, you are wholesaling your "jokes" to the
comedians, who must retail them to their audiences. Therefore,
introduce each new point as clearly and as briefly as you can.
Let us take a point from "The Art of Flirtation" and see how it
is constructed. The very first line the straight-man speaks when
he comes out on the stage unmistakably declares his relation to
the comedian. When he shows the book, he explains precisely what
it is. And while laugh after laugh is worked out of it, the precise
things that the book teaches are made clear.
STRAIGHT
No. It ain't ten cent love. It's fine love. (Opens book)
See--here is the destructions. Right oil the first page you
learn something. See--how to flirt with a handkerchief.
COMEDIAN
Who wants to flirt with a handkerchief? I want to flirt with a
woman.
STRAIGHT
Listen to what the book says. To a flirter all things have got
a language. According to this book flirters can speak with the
eye, with the fan, with the cane, with the umbrella, with the
handkerchief, with anything; this book tells you how to do it.
COMEDIAN
For ten cents.
Note that the straight-man does not say, "with the eye, cane,
umbrella--" and so on through the list. He says "With the eye,
with the fan, with the cane--." There can be no mistake--as there
might be if the items were enumerated swiftly. Each one is given
importance by the "with the eye, with the fan." The words "with
the" lend emphasis and a humorous weight.
STRAIGHT
Shut up. Now when you see a pretty woman coming along who wants
to flirt with you, what is the first thing a man should do?
COMEDIAN
Run the other way.
STRAIGHT
No, no. This is the handkerchief flirtation. . . .
You see precisely what the subject of this particular point is
because it is stated in unmistakable words.
STRAIGHT
. . .As soon as a pretty woman makes eyes at you, you put your
hands in your pockets.
COMEDIAN
And hold on to your money.
Now this is a big laugh at every performance--a sure-fire laugh
when it is well done. Note that it is the fourth line the comedian
has after the specific point introduction, ". . .See--how to flirt
with a handkerchief?" Now the line "Who wants to flirt with a
handkerchief? I want to flirt with a woman," is not intended to
be a real laugh-line. It serves as an audience settler, gives
emphasis to the explanation of just what the book tells and helps
to blend into the next line.
There's a first laugh on, "For ten cents." A bigger laugh comes
on, "Run the other way." And the bigest--in this point-division--
on the third laugh line "And hold on to your money."
2. Blending into the Following Point
When you have a big laugh, you must make the next line carry you
on smoothly into the succeeding lint. It matters not whether the
points are all related to the same general subject or not--although
we are considering here only the single-routine two-act--you must
take great care that each point blends into the following one with
logical sequence.
The line, "Who wants to flirt with a handkerchief? I want to flirt
with a woman," helps in the blending of the point division we have
just examined.
The straight-man's line following the big laugh line in that point
division, "No, you take out your handkerchief," (biz. [1]) is
another example of the blend-line. And it is the very first
introduction of the peculiar style of business that makes of "The
Art of Flirtation" so funny an act.
[1] _Biz._ is often used in vaudeville material for _bus._, the
correct contraction of _business_.
3. The Use of Business
Let us continue in the examination of this example.
COMEDIAN
Suppose you ain't got a handkerchief?
STRAIGHT
Every flirter must have a handkerchief. It says it in the book.
Now you shake the handkerchief three times like this. (Biz) Do
you know what that means?
COMEDIAN
(Biz. of shaking head.)
STRAIGHT
That means you want her to give you--
COMEDIAN
Ten cents.
The reason why these two words come with such humorous effect,
lies in two causes. First, "ten cents" has been used before with
good laugh results--as a "gag line," you recall--and this is the
comedian's magical "third time" use of it. It is a good example
of the "three-sequence mystery" which Weber and Fields mentioned,
and which has been used to advantage on the stage for many, many
years.
Second, the comedian had refused to answer the straight-man's
question. He simply stood there and shook his head. It was the
very simple business of shaking his head that made his interruption
come as a surprise and gave perfect setting for the "gag-line."
Read the speeches that follow and you will see how business is
used. Note particularly how the business makes this point stand
out as a great big laugh:
STRAIGHT
. . .Den you hold your handkerchief by the comer like dis.
COMEDIAN
Vat does that mean?
STRAIGHT
Meet me on the corner.
COMEDIAN
Och, dat's fine. (Takes handkerchief). . . Den if you hold it
dis way, dat means (biz.): "Are you on the square?"
This line reads even funnier than many laughs in the act that are
bigger, but its business cannot be explained in words. It seems
funnier to you because you can picture it. You actually see it,
precisely as it is done.
Then the next line blends it into the next point, which is clearly
introduced with a grin--is developed into a laugh, a bigger laugh
by effective business, and then into a roar.
Point after point follows--each point topping the preceding
point--until the end of the two-act is reached in the biggest laugh
of all.
III. HOW AND WHERE TO END
The business of the two-act, which secures its effects by actions
that are often wholly without words, makes the two-act more difficult
to time than a monologue. Furthermore, even if the time-consuming
bits of business were negligible, the precise timing of a two-act
by the author is not really necessary.
Precisely as a monologist can vary the length of his offering by
leaving out gags, the two-act performers can shorten their offering
at will--by leaving out points. Hence it is much better to supply
more points than time will permit to delivery in the finished
performance, than to be required to rewrite your material to stretch
the subject to fill out time. All you need do is to keep the
two-act within, say, twenty minutes. And to gauge the length
roughly, count about one hundred and fifteen words to a minute.
Therefore, having arranged your points upon separate cards, or
slips of paper, and having shuffied them about and tried them all
in various routines to establish the best, choose your very biggest
laugh for the last. [1] Wherever that biggest laugh may have been
in the sample routines you have arranged, take it out and blend
it in for your final big roar.
[1] See description of card system, Chapter VI, section III.
Remember that the last laugh must be the delighted roar that will
take the performers off stage, and bring them back again and again
for their bows.
IV. MAKING THE MANUSCRIPT A STAGE SUCCESS
The manuscript of a two-act is only a prophecy of what _may_ be.
It _may_ be a good prophecy or a bad prognostication--only actual
performance before an audience can decide. As we saw in the
monologue, points that the author thought would "go big"--"die";
and unexpectedly, little grins waken into great big laughs. There
is no way of telling from the manuscript.
When you have finished your two-act you must be prepared to construct
it all over again in rehearsal, and during all the performances
of its try-out weeks. Not only must the points be good themselves,
they must also fit the performers like the proverbial kid gloves.
More two-acts--and this applies to all other stage-offerings as
well--have started out as merely promising successes, than have
won at the first try-out. For this reason, be prepared to work
all the morning rehearsing, at the matinee and the night performances,
and after the theatre is dark, to conjure giggle points into great
big laughs, and lift the entire routine into the success your
ability and the performers' cleverness can make it.
Even after it has won its way into a contract and everybody is
happy, you must be prepared to keep your two-act up-to-the-minute.
While it is on the road, you must send to the performers all the
laughs you can think of--particularly if you have chosen for your
theme one that demands constant furbishing to keep it bright.
V. OTHER TWO-ACT FORMS
It is with direct purpose that the discussion of the two-act has
been confined to the kind of act that Weber and Fields made so
successful--and of which Mr. Hoffman's "The Art of Flirtation" is
a more up-to-date, mild and artistic form. There are other forms
of the two-act, of course, but the kind of two-act we have discussed
is peculiarly typical of two-act material. It holds within itself
practically all the elements of the two-act that the writer has
to consider. It is only necessary now to describe the other forms
briefly.
By "pure two-act form," I mean the two-act that is presented without
songs, tricks, or any other entertainment elements. Yet many of
the most successful two-acts open with a song, introduce songs or
parodies into the middle of their dialogue, or close with a song
or some novelty.
Do not imagine that a two-act in which songs are introduced cannot
be precisely as good as one that depends upon its talk alone. It
may be an even better act. If it pleases the audience better, it
is a better act. Remember that while we have been discussing the
two-act from the writer's view-point, it is the applause of the
audience that stamps every act with the final seal of approval.
But, whether a two-act makes use of songs or tricks or anything
else, does not change the principles on which all two-act points
and gags are constructed.
The more common talking two-acts are:
1. The Sidewalk Conversation or Gag Act
This form may or may not open and close with songs, and depends
upon skillfully blended, but not necessarily related, gags and
jokes.
2. The Parody Two-Act
This sort of act opens and closes with parodies on the latest
song-hits, and uses talk for short rests and humorous effect between
the parodies by which the act makes its chief appeal.
3. The Singing Two-Act
This type makes its appeal not by the use of songs, but because
the voices are very fine. Such an act may use a few gags and
unrelated jokes--perhaps of the "nut" variety--to take the act out
of the pure duet class and therefore offer wider appeal.
4. The Comedy Act for Two Women
Such acts may depend on precisely the same form of routine the
pure talking two-act for men uses. Of course, the treatment of
the subject themes is gentler and the material is all of a milder
character.
5. The Two-Act with Plot Interest
Acts of this character make use of a comedy, burlesque, melodramatic
or even a dramatic plot. This form of sketch seldom rises into
the playlet class. It is a two-act merely because it is played
by two persons. Often, however, this form of the two-act uses a
thread of plot on which to string its business and true two-act
points. It may or may not make use of songs, parodies, tricks or
other entertainment elements. We have now come to a form of two-act
which is of so popular a nature that it requires more than passing
mention. This is
6. The Flirtation Two-Act
Usually presented with songs making their appeal to sentiment,
almost always marked by at least one change of costume by the
woman, sometimes distinguished by a special drop and often given
more than a nucleus of plot, this very popular form of two-act
sometimes rises into the dignity of a little production. Indeed,
many two-acts of this kind have been so successful in their little
form they have been expanded into miniature musical comedies [1].
[1] See Chapter XXX, The One-Act Musical Comedy.
(a) _Romance_ is the chief source of the flirtation two-act's
appeal. It is the dream-love in the heart of every person in the
audience which makes this form of two-act "go" so well. Moonlight,
a girl and a man--this is the recipe.
(b) _Witty Dialogue_ that fences with love, that thrusts, parries
and--surrenders, is what makes the flirtation two-act "get over."
It is the same kind of dialogue that made Anthony Hope's "Dolly
Dialogues" so successful in their day, the sort of speeches which
we, in real life, think of afterward and wish we had made.
(c) _Daintiness of effect_ is what is needed in this form of
two-act. Dialogue and business, scenery, lights and music all
combine to the fulfillment of its purpose. The cruder touches of
other two-act forms are forgotten and the entire effort is
concentrated on making an appeal to the "ideal." Turn to the
Appendix, and read "After the Shower," and you will see how these
various elements are unified. This famous flirtation two-act has
been chosen because it shows practically all the elements we have
discussed.