Produced by MFR, David E. Brown, and the Online Distributed
Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
produced from images generously made available by The
Internet Archive)
[Illustration: _Yours Very truly_
_J. W. Hayes_]
PLEIADES CLUB
Telegraphers’ Paradise on
Planet Mars
_By_ JEFF. W. HAYES
AUTHOR OF
Tales of the Sierras, Looking Backward at Portland, Paradise on
Earth, Portland A. D. 1999, Autographs and Memoirs
of the Telegraph, etc.
[Illustration]
PUBLISHED BY
MULTNOMAH PRINTING COMPANY
PORTLAND, OREGON
MCMXVII
DEDICATORY
_To Edgar W. Collins,
Poet-Laureate of the Telegraph; noble, high-minded gentleman;
a true friend; this little volume is
inscribed with a loving heart._
Contents.
Page
Chapter I--On the Planet Mars 7
Eternity Illustrated 7
Lincoln’s Birthday on Planet Mars 7
Aaron Hilliker Sings Old Song 8
Biff Cook Makes a Speech 9
Chapter II--Fourth of July on Planet Mars 11
Colonel Crain Delivers Address 12
Chapter III--Dixie Day on Planet Mars 16
Chapter IV--Chicago Takes a Hand 21
Al Baker’s Speech 21
Chapter V--Peter Rowe’s Prohibition Speech 25
Chapter VI--California Elects a President 29
Chapter VII--Echoes From Gotham 33
Chapter VIII--The Planet Mars Enjoys a Telegraphers’
Tournament 37
Chapter IX--Washington’s Birthday Celebration on Planet Mars 41
Chapter X--Some Splendid Telegraphing 45
Chapter XI--Cleveland Day on Planet Mars 48
Chapter XII--Planet Mars Entertains Railroad Telegraph
Superintendents 52
Chapter XIII--Charles A. Tinker Arrives on Planet Mars 55
Chapter XIV--Tom Edison’s Inventions Applauded on Planet Mars 59
Chapter XV--Debut of Henry Ward Beecher on Planet Mars 62
Ernest Emery Heard From 63
P. V. De Graw Speaks 65
Chapter XVI--The Magnetic and Morse Clubs Entertain 66
Chapter XVII--Our Canadian Brothers on Planet Mars 69
Chapter XVIII--Relief Expedition From Planet Mars 71
Chapter XIX--Pennsylvania Day on Planet Mars 75
Chapter XX--The Journey to Jupiter 78
Adam Sends “73” to His Posterity 79
PREFACE
In offering the “Pleiades Club” to the public, I have no apologies to
make. Some may object to the declarations contained herein, but they
are all consistent with intelligent beliefs, and not contrary to fixed
or orthodox faith. “There is no death,” and my thought is to strengthen
and impress this health-giving idea upon all of my readers. I have
undertaken to describe a reign of harmony that exists after “Life’s
fitful fever” which is more worthy of credence than the hell afire and
damnation espoused by some creeds and religions; and I hope that my
telegraph friends will feel better on this score from a perusal of the
“Pleiades Club.”
THE AUTHOR.
CHAPTER I.
ON THE PLANET MARS
_Eternity Illustrated._
Eternity is an awe-inspiring theme and one which our little finite
minds are unable to comprehend. It is a subject, however, which should
never worry or distress us, when we stop to realize that we are all
living in the eternal now.
Once upon a time, an evangelist, in following up his line of business,
rendered a discourse on “Eternity” which would have given one an
opportunity for endless mathematics.
“Supposing this earth was a huge ball of steel,” he began, “25,000
miles in circumference and a little bird would pass over it once every
thousand years, lightly touching this immense steel body with the tip
of its wing. Were you to tell the souls in hades that they would be
released by the time the bird had cut a hole through and divided the
sphere, there would be great rejoicing among the condemned.”
Knowing that there is nothing lost in God’s creation this little
allegory should never make one nervous, for we also know that, like
John Brown, our “soul goes marching on,” onward and upward.
Having delivered my text, I will proceed with my story.
_Lincoln’s Birthday on Planet Mars._
It was a delightful gathering which assembled at a dinner on the
planet Mars given in honor of Abraham Lincoln, on the occasion of his
birthday, by the Pleiades Club, composed mostly of old-time telegraph
men and their admirers, A. D. 1916.
Numerically, the gathering was greater than that which assembled on any
previous occasion on Mother Earth, and viewing the happy, smiling faces
of those present, one felt that it was good to be here.
Sounders clicked on every side; all were readable, and harmony
prevailed, nobody ever sending six dots for the letter “p” or the
figure 4 for a “v.”
President Lincoln presided and much attention was paid to his remarks.
The President’s face possessed that wonderfully kind and loving
appearance so apparent during life and his voice bespoke his gentle
spirit. Earnestly he chatted with some late arrivals on Mars, asking
particularly for his old telegraph associates on earth. He enquired
about the “Sacred three” and Billy Dealy and many of the boys in the
field in the stirring days of the war.
The President was a busy soul, looking out for “his Father’s business,”
as he expressed it, and he was the recipient of much reverence from all
assembled.
_Aaron Hilliker Sings Olden Song._
Music was called for, when to the astonishment of all, the form of A.
B. Hilliker appeared at the threshold. Aaron was as full of bonhomme
as of yore and responded to many requests by singing “The Old Oaken
Bucket,” which evoked an enthusiastic encore.
“What did you sine in the spring of ’73?” queried Jim Largay.
“You should have asked me what I sined in ’53,” replied Hilliker, as he
smiled at Professor Morse, who pleasantly returned the recognition.
“The question before the Club tonight is ‘Preparedness,’” remarked
General Thomas T. Eckert, “and I would like to see this subject fully
discussed,” continued that gallant gentleman.
_Biff Cook Makes a Speech._
“Never mind,” interposed “Biff” Cook, “that is all provided for and
should our beloved country ever get into a war, it will be one of short
duration. It will be a one man’s war against a congress of nations.
Why, my friends, the ‘Wizard of Menlo Park’ has all that studied out,
but he is not talking about it or giving the idea away.”
“Why,” continued Cook, emphasizing his words, “Tom Edison has it
all figured out that in twelve hours’ time he can weave a cobweb
of wires on our ocean’s shore to completely annihilate immediately
any threatening craft fifty miles out at sea. I wish that I could
communicate this information to the timid people down there on earth,
for I believe it would do them a world of good.
“I know all about this, for Tom told me about the scheme back there in
’74, when I used to ‘dot on his quadruplex’ along with Eddie Fullum and
Billy Landy, at 145 Broadway.
“No, boys,” went on “Biff,” “let’s talk of the wireless. We are all so
much interested in that. Why, it was only last week that we all heard
New York talking to Honolulu and I tried to break in, but that ‘ham’ in
New York would not adjust and we lost our opportunity of being heard.
Just think, if he had pulled up his relay just half an inch we would
have been in direct communication. If that fellow had ever worked in
Cheyenne alongside of Comb Green, when I worked the overland at Omaha,
he would have known something about keeping adjusted and the dear old
Earth would have received startling news which would have thrown the
feat of Commander Peary into the shade.
“Don’t you know, cull,” continued Cook, “that I really believe that
our planet Mars may be called upon to perform her good offices in case
any hostile nation should attempt to invade the United States, and I
believe that Tom Edison has solved that intricate problem.”
With these remarks, “Biff” sat down amid thundering applause.
* * * * *
The St. Louis band, composed of W. W. Cummings, Sidney B. Fairchild,
James Nelson and James Murray, then rendered “The Star-Spangled
Banner,” after which the audience was addressed on the subject of
wireless telegraph.
Professor Zingalli, of Milan, whose name would indicate that he was
“flagging” while on earth, gave the assemblage a graphic account of the
possibilities of the wireless.
“Why, my friends,” he said, “this science is still in its infancy. Were
I to tell you of all its possibilities, you would not believe me. The
day is sure to come when all you gentlemen will have an opportunity of
talking to your loved ones on earth by means of the wireless telephone.
There will be a million circuits running into Chicago, none of them
interfering with the other. Every hamlet in the country will have a
wireless telephone and telegraph instrument. Trains will be run by
wireless, ships will use wireless as a motive power and city car lines’
power will be usurped by the ever present wireless.”
“Then I would not have to walk any more from San Francisco to Chicago,
would I?” ejaculated the irrepressible “Bogy.”
“Cold day when you ever walked,” laughed Hank Cowan, who sat opposite
his former colleague. “That ‘con’ told me a different story; yes, you
walked all the way, of course you did, but only from one end of the car
to the other.”
This sally caused much merriment among the members of the Club, which
gave way to a speech entitled “The Future of the Telegraph,” specially
prepared for the occasion by Col. Mark D. Crain.
The meeting then adjourned subject to the call of the secretary, who
was none else than that prince of good fellows, Jim P. Doody.