I AM APPOINTED VICAR OF THE CURATE OF CHARLESBOURGH—THE PIETY, LIVES AND
DEATHS OF FATHERS BEDARD AND PERRAS.
The grand dinner previously described had its natural results. Several
of the guests were hardly at home, when they complained of various kinds
of sickness, and none was so severely punished as my friend Paquette,
the curate of St. Gervais. He came very near dying, and for several
weeks was unable to work. He requested the bishop of Quebec to allow me
to go to his help, which I did to the end of May, when I received the
following letter:
CHARLESBOURGH, May 25th, 1834.
REV. MR. C. CHINIQUY:
MY DEAR SIR: My Lord Panet has again chosen me, this year, to accompany
him in his episcopal visit. I have consented, with the condition that
you should take my place, at the head of my dear parish, during my
absence. For I will have no anxiety when I know that my people are in
the hands of a priest who, though so young, has raised himself so high
in the esteem of all those who know him.
Please come as soon as possible to meet me here, that I may tell you
many things which will make your ministry more easy and blessed in
Charlesbourgh.
His Lordship has promised me that when you pass through Quebec, he will
give you all the powers you want to administer my parish, as if you were
its curate during my absence.
Your devoted brother-priest, and
friend in the love and heart
of Jesus and Mary,
ANTOINE BEDARD.
I felt absolutely confounded by that letter. I was so young and so
deficient in the qualities required for the high position to which I was
so unexpectedly called. I know it was against the usages to put a young
and untried priest in such a responsible post. It seemed evident to me
that my friends and my superiors had strangely exaggerated to themselves
my feeble capacity.
In my answer to the Rev. Mr. Bedard, I respectfully remonstrated against
such a choice. But a letter received from the bishop himself, ordering
me to go to Charlesbourgh, without delay, to administer that parish
during the absence of its pastor, soon forced me to consider that sudden
and unmerited elevation as a most dangerous, though providential trial,
of my young ministry. Nothing remained to be done by me but to accept
the task in trembling, and with a desire to do my duty. My heart,
however, fainted within me, and I shed bitter tears of anxiety. When
entering into that parish for the first time, I saw its magnitude and
importance. It seemed, then, more than ever evident to me that the good
Mr. Bedard, and my venerable superiors, had made a sad mistake in
putting such a heavy burden on my young and feeble shoulders. I was
hardly twenty-four years old, and had not more than nine months’
experience of the ministry.
Charlesbourgh is one of the most ancient and important parishes of
Canada. Its position, so near Quebec, at the feet of the Laurentide
Mountains, is peculiarly beautiful. It has an almost complete command of
the city, and of its magnificent port, where not less than 900 ships
then received their precious cargoes of lumber. On our left, numberless
ranges of white houses extended as far as the Falls of Montmorency. At
our feet the majestic St. Lawrence, dashing its rapid waters on the
beautiful “Isle d’Orleans.” To the right the parishes of Lorette, St.
Foy, St. Roch, etc., with their high church steeples, reflected the
sun’s glorious beams: and beyond, the impregnable citadel of Quebec,
with its tortuous ranges of black walls, its numerous cannon and its
high towers, like fearless sentinels, presented a spectacle of
remarkable grandeur.
The Rev. Mr. Bedard welcomed me on my arrival with words of such
kindness that my heart was melted and my mind confounded. He was a man
about sixty-five years of age, short in stature, with a well-formed
breast, large shoulders, bright eyes, and a face where the traits of
indomitable energy were coupled with an expression of unsurpassed
kindness.
One could not look on that honest face without saying to himself: “I am
with a really good and upright man!” Mr. Bedard is one of the few
priests in whom I have found a true honest faith in the Church of Rome.
With an irreproachable character, he believed with a child’s faith all
the absurdities which the Church of Rome teaches, and he lived according
to his honest and sincere faith.
Though the actions of our daily lives were not subjected to a regular
and inexorable rule in Charlesbourgh’s as in St. Charles’ parsonage,
there was yet far more life and earnestness in the performance of our
ministerial duties.
There was less reading of learned, theological, philosophical and
historical books, but much more real labor in Mr. Bedard’s than in Mr.
Perras’ parish: there was more of the old French aristocracy in the
latter priest, and more of the good religious Canadian habitant in the
former. Though both could be considered as men of the most exalted faith
and piety in the Church of Rome, their piety was of a different
character. In Mr. Perras’ religion there was real calmness and serenity,
while the religion of Mr. Bedard had more of a flash of lightning and
the noise of thunder. The private religious conversations with the
curate of St. Charles were admirable, but he could not speak common
sense for ten minutes when preaching from his pulpit. Only once did he
preach while I was his vicar, and then he was not half through his
sermon before the greater part of his auditors were soundly sleeping.
But who could hear the sermons of Rev. Mr. Bedard without feeling his
heart moved and his soul filled with terror? I never heard anything more
thrilling than his words when speaking of the judgments of God and the
punishment of the wicked. Mr. Perras never fasted, except on the days
appointed by the church: Mr. Bedard condemned himself to fast besides
twice every week. The former never drank, to my knowledge, a single
glass of rum or any other strong drink, except his two glasses of wine
at dinner; but the latter never failed to drink full glasses of rum
three times a day, beside two or three glasses of wine at dinner. Mr.
Perras slept the whole night as a guiltless child; Mr. Bedard, almost
every night when I was with him, rose up, and lashed himself in the most
merciless manner with leather thongs, at the end of which were small
pieces of lead. When inflicting upon himself those terrible punishments,
he used to recite, by heart, the fifty-first Psalm, in Latin, “Miserere
mihi Deus secundam magnam misericordiam tuam” (Have mercy upon me, O,
Lord, according to thy loving kindness); and though he seemed to be
unconscious of it, he prayed with such a loud voice, that I heard every
word he uttered; he also struck his flesh with such violence, that I
could count all the blows he administered.
One day I respectfully remonstrated against such a cruel self-infliction
as ruining his health and breaking his constitution. “Cher petit Frere”
(dear little brother), he answered, “Our health and constitution cannot
be impaired by such penances, but they are easily and commonly ruined by
our sins. I am one of the healthiest men of my parish, though I have
inflicted upon myself those salutary and too well-merited chastisements
for many years. Though I am old, I am still a great sinner. I have an
implacable and indomitable enemy in my depraved heart, which I cannot
subdue except by punishing my flesh. If I do not do those penances for
my numberless transgressions, who will do them for me? If I do not pay
the debts I owe to the justice of God, who will pay them for me?”
“But,” I answered, “Has not our Saviour, Jesus Christ, paid our debts on
Calvary? Has he not saved and redeemed us all by his death on the cross?
Why, then, should you or I pay again to the justice of God that which
has been so perfectly and absolutely paid by our Saviour?”
“Ah! my dear young friend,” quickly replied Mr. Bedard, “that doctrine
you hold is Protestant, which has been condemned by the Holy Council of
Trent. Christ has paid our debts, certainly; but not in such an absolute
way that there is nothing more to be paid by us. Have you never paid
attention to what St. Paul says, in his Epistle to the Colossians. I
fill up that which is behind of the sufferings of Christ in the flesh
for his body’s sake, which is the Church. Though Christ could have
entirely and absolutely paid our debts, if it had been his will, it is
evident that such was not his holy will—he left something behind, which
Paul, you, I, and every one of his disciples, should take and suffer in
our flesh for his Church. When we have taken and accomplished in our
flesh what Christ has left behind, then the surplus of our merits goes
to the treasury of the Church. For instance, when a saint has
accomplished in his flesh what Christ has left behind for his perfect
sanctification, if he accomplishes more than the justice of God
requires, that surplus of merits not being any use to him, is put by God
into the grand and common treasure, where it makes a fund of merits of
infinite value, from which the Pope and the bishops draw the indulgences
which they scatter all over the world as the dew from heaven. By the
mercy of God, the penances which I impose upon myself, and the pains I
suffer from these flagellations, purify my guilty soul, and raising me
up from this polluting world, they bring me nearer and nearer to my God
every day. I am not yet a saint, unfortunately, but if by the mercy of
God, and my penances united to the sufferings of Christ, I arrive at the
happy day when all my debts shall be paid, and my sins cleansed away,
then if I continue those penances and acquire new merits, more than I
need, and if I pay more debts than I owe to the justice of God, this
surplus of merits which I shall have acquired will go to the rich
treasure of the Church, from which she will draw merits to enrich the
multitude of good souls who cannot do enough for themselves to pay their
own debts, and to reach that point of holiness which will deserve a
crown in heaven. Then, the more we do penance and inflict pains on our
bodies, by our fastings and floggings, the more we feel happy in the
assurance of thus raising ourselves more and more above the dust of this
sinful world, of approaching more and more to that state of holiness of
which our Saviour spoke when he said: ‘Be holy as I am holy myself.’ We
feel an unspeakable joy when we know that by those self-inflicted
punishments we acquire incalculable merits, which enrich not only
ourselves, but our holy Church, by filling her treasures for the benefit
and salvation of the souls for which Christ died on Calvary.”
When Mr. Bedard was feeding my soul with these husks, he was speaking
with great animation and sincerity. Like myself, he was far away from
the Good Father’s house. He had never tasted of the bread of the
children. Neither of us knew anything of the sweetness of that bread. We
had to accept those husks as our only food, though it did not remove our
hunger.
I answered him: “What you tell me here is what I find in all our ascetic
books and theological treatises, and in the lives of all our saints. I
can hardly reconcile that doctrine with what I read this morning in the
2d chapter of Ephesians. Here is the verse in my New Testament: ‘But
God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us,
even when we were dead in sins, he has quickened us together with
Christ. By grace ye are saved; for by grace ye are saved, through faith,
and not of ourselves, it is this gift of God; not of works, lest any man
should boast.’
“Now, my dear and venerable Mr. Bedard, allow me respectfully to ask,
how it is possible that your salvation is only by grace, if you have to
purchase it every day by tearing your flesh and lashing your body in
such a fearful manner? Is it not a strange favour—a very singular
grace—which reddens your skin with your blood, and bruises your flesh
every night?”
“Dear little brother,” answered Mr. Bedard, “when Mr. Perras spoke to
me, in the presence of the bishop, with such deserved eulogium of your
piety, he did not conceal that you had a very dangerous defect, which
was to spend too much time in reading the Bible, in preference to every
other of our holy books. He told us more than this. He said that you had
a fatal tendency to interpret the Holy Scriptures too much according to
your own mind, and in a sense which is rather more Protestant than
Catholic. I am sorry to see that the curate of St. Charles was but too
correct in what he told us of you. But, as he added that, though your
reading too much the Holy Scriptures brought some clouds in your mind,
yet when you were with him, you always ended by yielding to the sense
given by our holy Church. This did not prevent me from desiring to have
you in my place during my absence, and I hope we will not regret it, for
we are sure that our dear young Chiniquy will never be a traitor to our
holy Church.”
These words, which were given with a great solemnity, mixed with the
good manners of the most sincere kindness, went through my soul as a
two-edged sword. I felt an inexpressible confusion and regret, and,
biting my lips, I said: “I have sworn never to interpret the Holy
Scriptures except according to the unanimous consent of the Holy
Fathers, and with the help of God, I will fulfil my promise. I regret
exceedingly to have differed for a moment from you. You are my superior
by your age, your science and your piety. Please pardon me that
momentary deviation from my duty, and pray that I may be as you are—a
faithful and a fearless soldier of our holy Church to the end.”
At that moment the niece of the curate came to tell us that the dinner
was ready. We went to the modest, though exceedingly well-spread table,
and to my great pleasure, that painful conversation was dropped. We had
not sat at the table five minutes, when a poor man knocked at the door
and asked a piece of bread for the sake of Jesus and Mary. Mr. Bedard
rose from the table, went to the poor stranger, and said: “Come, my
friend, sit between me and our dear little Father Chiniquy. Our Saviour
was the friend of the poor: he was the father of the widow and the
orphan, and we, his priests, must walk after him. Be not troubled; make
yourself at home. Though I am the curate of Charlesbourgh, I am your
brother. It may be that in heaven you will sit on a higher throne than
mine, if you love our Saviour, Jesus Christ, and his holy mother, Mary,
more than I do.”
With these words, the best things that were on the table were put by the
good old priest on the plate of the poor stranger, who, with some
hesitation, finished by doing honor to the excellent viands.
After this, I need not say that Mr. Bedard was charitable to the poor;
he always treated them as his best friends. So also was my former curate
of St. Charles; and, though his charity was not so demonstrative and
fraternal as that of Mr. Bedard, I had never yet seen a poor man go out
of the parsonage of St. Charles whose breast ought not to have been
filled with gratitude and joy.
Mr. Bedard was as exact as Mr. Perras in confessing once, and sometimes
twice, every week; and, rather than fail in that humiliating act, they
both, in the absence of their common confessors, and much against my
feelings, several times humbly knelt at my youthful feet to confess to
me.
These two remarkable men had the same views about the immorality and the
want of religion of the greater part of the priests. Both have told me,
in their confidential conversations, things about the secret lives of
the clergy which would not be believed were I to publish them; and both
repeatedly said that auricular confession was the daily source of
unspeakable depravities between the confessors and their female, as well
as male penitents; but neither of them had sufficient light to conclude
from those deeds of depravity that auricular confession was a diabolical
institution. They both sincerely believed, as I did then, that the
institution was good, necessary and divine, and that it was a source of
perdition to so many priests only on account of their want of faith and
piety; and principally from their neglect of prayers to the Virgin Mary.
They did not give me those terrible details with a spirit of criticism
against our weak brethren. Their intention was to warn me against the
dangers, which were as great for me as for others. They both invariably
finished those confidences by inviting me more and more to pray
constantly to the mother of God, the blessed Virgin Mary, and to watch
over myself, and avoid remaining alone with a female penitent, advising
me also to treat my own body as my most dangerous enemy, by reducing it
into subjection to the law, and crucifying it day and night.
Mr. Bedard had accompanied the Bishop of Quebec in his episcopal visits
during many years, and had seen with his eyes the unmentionable plague,
which was then, as it is now, devouring the very vitals of the Church of
Rome. He very seldom spoke to me of those things without shedding tears
of compassion over the guilty priests. My heart and my soul were also
filled with an unspeakable sadness when hearing the details of such
iniquities. I also felt struck with terror lest I might perish myself,
and fall into the same bottomless abyss.
One day I told him what Mr. Perras had revealed to me about the distress
of Bishop Plessis, when he had found that only three priests besides Mr.
Perras believed in God, in his immense diocese. I asked him if there was
not some exaggeration in this report. He answered, after a profound
sigh: “My dear young friend, the angel could not find ten just men in
Sodom—my fear is that they would not find more among the priests! The
more you advance in age, the more you will see that awful truth—Ah! let
those who stand, fear, lest they fall!”
After these last words he burst into tears, and went to church to pray
at the feet of his wafer god!
The revelations which I received from those worthy priests did not in
any way shake my faith in my Church. She even became dearer to me; just
as a dear mother gains in the affection and devotedness of a dutiful son
as her trials and affliction increase. It seemed to me that after this
knowledge it was my duty to do more than I had ever done to show my
unreserved devotedness, respect and love to my holy and dear mother, the
Church of Rome, out of which (I sincerely believed then) there was no
salvation. These revelations became to me, in the good providence of
God, like the light-houses raised on the hidden and dreadful rocks of
the sea, to warn the pilot during the dark hours of the night to keep at
a distance, if he does not want to perish.
Though these two priests professed to have a most profound love and
respect for the Holy Scriptures, they gave very little time to their
study, and both several times rebuked me for passing too many hours in
their perusal; and repeatedly warned me against the habit of constantly
appealing to them against certain practices and teachings of our
theologians. As good Roman Catholic priests, they had no right to go to
the Holy Scriptures alone to know what “the Lord saith!” The traditions
of the Church were the fountains of science and light! Both of them
often distressed me with the facility with which they buried out of
view, under the dark clouds of their traditions, the clearest texts of
Holy Scripture which I used to quote in defence of my positions in our
conversations and debates.
They both, with an equal zeal, and unfortunately with too much success,
persuaded me that it was right for the Church to ask me to swear that I
would never interpret the Holy Scriptures, except according to the
unanimous consent of the Holy Fathers. But when I showed them that the
Holy Fathers had never been unanimous in anything except in differing
from one another on almost every subject they had treated; when I
demonstrated by our Church historians that some Holy Fathers had very
different views from ours on many subjects, they never answered my
questions, except by silencing me by the text: “If he does not hear the
Church let him be as a heathen or a publican,” and by giving me long
lectures on the danger of pride and self-confidence.
Mr. Bedard had many opportunities of giving me his views about the
submission which an inferior owes to his superiors. He was of one mind
with Mr. Perras and all the theologians who had treated that subject.
They both taught me that the inferior must blindly obey his superior,
just as the stick must obey the hand that holds it; assuring me at the
same time that the inferior was not responsible for the errors he
commits when obeying his legitimate superior.
Mr. Bedard and Mr. Perras had a great love for their Saviour, Jesus; but
the Jesus Christ whom they loved and respected and adored was not the
Christ of the Gospel, but the Christ of the Church of Rome.
Mr. Perras and Mr. Bedard had a great fear, as well as a sincere love
for their God, while yet they professed to make him every morning by the
act of consecration. They also most sincerely believed and preached that
idolatry was one of the greatest crimes a man could commit, but they
themselves were every day worshipping an idol of their own creating.
They were forced by their Church to renew the awful iniquity of Aaron,
with this difference only, that while Aaron made his gods of melted
gold, and molded them into a figure of a calf, they made theirs of
flour, baked between two heated and well-polished irons, and in the form
of a crucified man.
When Aaron spoke of his golden calf to the people, he said: “These are
thy gods, O, Israel, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt.” So,
likewise, Mr. Bedard and Mr. Perras, showing the wafer to the deluded
people, said: “Ecce agnus Die qui tollit peccata mundi!” (“Behold the
Lamb of God which taketh away the sins of the world!”)
These two sincere and honest priests placed the utmost confidence also
in relics and scapularies. I have heard both say that no fatal accident
could happen to one who had a scapulary on his breast—no sudden death
would overtake a man who was faithful about keeping those blessed
scapularies about his person. Both of them, nevertheless, died suddenly,
and that too of the saddest of deaths. Mr. Bedard dropped dead on the
19th of May, 1837, at a great dinner given to his friends. He was in the
act of swallowing a glass of that drink of which God says: “Look not
upon the wine when it is red, when it giveth its color in the cup, when
it moveth itself aright. At the last it biteth like a serpent and
stingeth like an adder.”
The Rev. Mr. Perras, sad to say, became a lunatic in 1845, and died the
29th of July, 1847, in a fit of delirium.