AND SET YOU DOWN THAT IN ALEPPO ONCE--OTHELLO.
The first thing Mr. Schnackenberger did was to draw his purse-strings,
and indemnify the cook-maid. The next thing Mr. Schnackenberger did was
to go into the public-room of the Gun, call for a common pipe, and seat
himself growling in a corner.--Of all possible privileges conferred by
the laws, the very least desirable is that of being created game: Juno
was now invested with that 'painful pre-eminence;' she was solemnly
proclaimed game: and all qualified persons, _i. e._ every man, woman,
and child, were legally authorised to sink--burn--or destroy her. 'Now
then,' said Mr. Schnackenberger to himself, 'if such an event should
happen--if any kind soul should blow out the frail light of Juno's life,
in what way am I to answer the matter to her purchaser, Mr. Fabian
Sebastian?' Such were the thoughts which fumed away from the anxious
mind of Mr. Schnackenberger in surging volumes of smoke.
Together with the usual evening visitors of the public-rooms at the Gun,
were present also Mr. Von Pilsen, and his party. Inflamed with wine and
insolence, Mr. Von Pilsen began by advancing the following proposition:
That in this sublunary world there are marvellous fools. 'Upon this
hint' he spake: and 'improving' his text into a large commentary, he
passed in review various sketches from the life of Mr. Schnackenberger
in B----, not forgetting the hunting scene; and everywhere threw in such
rich embellishments and artist-like touches, that at last the room rang
with laughter.
Mr. Jeremiah alone sat moodily in his corner, and moved no muscle of his
face; so that even those, who were previously unacquainted with the
circumstances, easily divined at whose expense Mr. Von Pilsen's witty
performance proceeded.
At length Von Pilsen rose and said, 'Gentlemen, you think, perhaps,
that I am this day in the best of all possible humours. Quite the
contrary, I assure you: pure fiction--mere counterfeit mirth--put on to
disguise my private vexation; for vexed I am, and will be, that I can
find nobody on whom to exercise my right arm. Ah! what a heavenly fate
were mine, if any man would take it into his head to affront me; or if
any other man would take it into his head to think that I had affronted
him, and would come hither to demand satisfaction!' So saying, he
planted himself in a chair in the very middle of the saloon; and ever
and anon leered at Mr. Schnackenberger in so singular a manner, that no
one could fail to see at whom his shafts were pointed.
Still it seemed as if our hero had neither ears nor eyes. For he
continued doggedly to work away at his 'cloud-compelling' pipe ([Greek:
nephelêgereta Schnakenberger]), without ever looking at his challenger.
When at length he rose, everybody supposed that probably he had had
badgering enough by this time, and meant to decamp quietly. All present
were making wry faces, in order to check their bursting laughter, until
Mr. Schnackenberger were clear of the room; that done, each prepared to
give free vent to his mirth and high compliments to Mr. Von Pilsen, upon
the fine style in which he had 'done execution upon Cawdor.'
_De_camping, however, entered not into Mr. Schnackenberger's military
plans; he rather meant to _en_camp over against Von Pilsen's position:
calmly, therefore, with a leisurely motion, and _gradu militari_, did he
advance towards his witty antagonist. The latter looked somewhat paler
than usual: but, as this was no time for retreating, and he saw the
necessity of conducting the play with spirit to its _dénouement_,--he
started up, and exclaimed: 'Ah! here is the very man I was wishing for!
framed after my very heart's longing. Come, dear friend, embrace me: let
us have a fraternal hug.'
'Basta!' cried Mr. Jeremiah, attaching his shoulder, and squeezing him,
with a right hand of 'high pressure,' down into his chair--'This is a
very good story, Mr. Von Pilsen, that you have told us: and pity it were
that so good a story should want a proper termination. In future,
therefore, my Pilsen,
When you shall these unhappy deeds relate,
be sure you do not forget the little sequel which I shall furnish: tell it
to the end, my Pilsen:
And set you down that in Aleppo once--'
Here the whole company began to quake with the laughter of anticipation--
'And set you down that in Aleppo once--
when a fribble--a coxcomb--a puppy dared to traduce a student from the
university of X----
I took the circumcised dog by the nose, And smote him thus----'
at the same time breaking his pipe calmly on the very prominent nose of Mr.
Von Pilsen.
Inextinguishable laughter followed from all present: Mr. Von Pilsen quitted
the room forthwith: and next morning was sought for in vain in B----.