_Treherne Court,_ _Sunday night._
|My Dear Theodora,--
The answer to my telegram has just arrived, and I find it is your sister
whom we are to expect, not you. I shall meet her myself by the night
train, Treherne being quite incapable; indeed, he will hardly stir from
the corridor that leads to his wife's room.
You will have heard already that the heir so ardently looked for has
only lived a few hours. Lady Augusta's letters, which she gave me to
address, and I took care to post myself, would have assured you of your
sister's safety, though it was long doubtful. It will comfort you to
know that she is in excellent care, both her medical attendants being
known to me professionally, and Lady Augusta, being a real mother to
her, in tenderness and anxiety.
You will wonder how I came here. It was by accident--taking a Saturday
holiday, which is advisable now and then; and Treherne's mother detained
me, as being the only person who had any control over her son. Poor
fellow! he was almost out of his mind. He never had any trouble before,
and he knows not how to bear it. He trembled in terror--thus coming face
to face with that messenger of God who puts an end to all merely mortal
joys--was paralyzed at the fear of losing his blessings, which, numerous
as they are, are all of this world. My love, whom I thought to have
seen to-night, but shall not see--for how long?--things are more equally
balanced than we suppose.
You will be sorry about the little one.
Treherne seems indifferent; his whole thought being, naturally, his
wife; but Sir William is grievously disappointed. A son too--and he had
planned bonfires, and bell-ringings, and rejoicings all over the estate.
When he stood looking at the little white lump of clay, which is the
only occupant of the grand nursery, prepared for the heir of Treherne
Court, I heard the old man sigh as if for a great misfortune.
You will think it none, since your sister lives. Be quite content about
her--which is easy for me to say, when I know how long and anxious the
days will seem at Rockmount. It might have been better, for some things,
if you, rather than Miss Johnston, had come to take charge of your
sister during her recovery; but, maybe, all is well as it is. To-morrow
I shall leave this great house, with its many happinesses, which have
run so near a chance of being overthrown, and go back to my own
solitary life, in which nothing of personal interest ever visits me but
Theodora's letters.
There were two things I intended to tell you in my Sunday letter;
shall I say them still? for the more things you have to think about the
better, and one of them was my reason for suggesting your presence here,
rather than your eldest sister's.--(Do not imagine though, your coming
was urged by me wholly for other people's sakes. The sight of you---just
for a few hours--one hour--People talk of water in the desert--the
thought of a green field to those who have been months at sea--well,
that is what a glimpse of your little face would be to me. But I cannot
get it--and I must not moan.)
What was I writing about? oh, to bid you tell Mrs. Cartwright from
me that her daughter is well in health and doing well. After her two
months' probation here, the governor, to whom alone I communicated her
history (names omitted) pronounces her quite fitted for the situation.
And she will be formally appointed thereto. This is a great satisfaction
to me--as she was selected solely on my recommendation, backed by Mrs.
Ansdell's letter. Say also to the old woman, that I trust she receives
regularly the money her daughter sends her through me; which indeed is
the only time I ever see Lydia alone. But I meet her often in the wards,
as she goes from cell to cell, teaching the female prisoners; and it is
good to see her sweet grave looks, her decent dress and mien, and her
unexpressible humility and gentleness towards everybody.--She puts me in
mind of words you know--which in another sense, other hearts than poor
Lydia's might often feel--that those love most to whom most has been
forgiven.
Hinting this, though not in reference to her, in a conversation with
the governor, he observed, rather coldly, "He had heard it said Doctor
Urquhart held peculiar opinions upon crime and punishment--that, in
fact, he was a little too charitable."
I sighed--thinking that of all men, Doctor Urquhart was the one who had
the most reason to be charitable: and the governor fixed his eyes upon
me somewhat unpleasantly. Anyone running counter, as I do, to several
popular prejudices, is sure not to be without enemies. I should be
sorry, though, to have displeased so honest a man, and one whom, widely
as we differ in some things, is always safe to deal with, from his
possessing that rare quality--justice.
You see, I go on writing to you of my matters--just as I should talk to
you if you sat by my side now, with your hand in mine, and your head,
here. (So you found two grey hairs in those long locks of yours last
week. Never mind, love. To me you will be always young.)
I write as I hope to talk to you one day. I never was among those who
believe that a man should keep all his cares secret from his wife. If
she is a true wife, she will soon read them on his face, or the effect
of them; he had better tell them out and have them over. I have learnt
many things, since I found my Theodora: among the rest is, that when a
man marries, or loves with the hope of marrying, let him have been ever
so reserved, his whole nature opens out--he becomes another creature;
in degree towards everybody, but most of all to her he has chosen. How
altered I am--you would smile to see, were my little lady to compare
these long letters, with the brief, businesslike productions which have
heretofore borne the signature "Max Urquhart."
I prize my name a little. It has been honourable for a number of years.
My father was proud of it, and Dallas. Do you like it? Will you like it
when--if----No, let me trust in heaven, and say, _when_ you bear it?
Those papers of mine which you saw mentioned in the _Times_--I am glad
Mr. Johnston read them; or at least you suppose he did.
I believe they are doing good, and that my name is becoming pretty well
known in connection with them, especially in this town. A provincial
reputation has its advantages; it is more undoubted--more complete. In
London, a man may shirk and hide; his nearest acquaintance can scarcely
know him thoroughly; but in the provinces it is different. There, if
he has a flaw in him, either as to his antecedents, his character,
or conduct, be sure scandal will find it out; for she has every
opportunity. Also, public opinion is at once stricter and more
narrow-minded in a place like this than in a great metropolis. I am glad
to be earning a good name here, in this honest, hard-working, commercial
district, where my fortunes are apparently cast; and where, having been
a "rolling stone" all my life, I mean to settle and "gather moss," if I
can. Moss to make a little nest soft and warm for--my love knows who.
Writing this, about the impossibility of keeping anything secret in
a town like this, reminds me of something which I was in doubt about
telling you or not: finally, I have decided that I will tell you. Your
sister being absent, will make things easier for you. You will not have
need to use any of those concealments which must be so painful in a
home. Nevertheless, I do think Miss Johnston ought to be kept ignorant
of the fact that I believe, nay, am almost certain, Mr. Francis
Charteris is at this present time living in Liverpool.
No wonder that all my inquiries about him in London failed. He has
just been discharged from this very gaol. It is more than likely he
was arrested for liabilities long owing; or contracted after his last
fruitless visit to his uncle, Sir William. I could easily find out, but
hardly consider it delicate to make inquiries, as I did not, you know,
after the debtor--whom a turnkey here reported to have said he knew me.
Debtors are not criminals by law--their ward is justly held private. I
never visit any of them unless they come into hospital.
Therefore my meeting with Mr. Charteris was purely accidental. Nor do
I believe he recognised me--I had stepped aside into the warder's room.
The two other discharged debtors passed through the entrance-gate, and
quitted the gaol immediately; but he lingered, desiring a car to be sent
for--and inquiring where one could get handsome and comfortable lodgings
in this horrid Liverpool. He hated a commercial town.
You will ask, woman-like, how he looked?
Ill and worn, with something of the shabby, "poor gentleman" aspect,
with which we here are only too familiar. I overheard the turnkey joking
with the carman about taking him to "handsome rooms." Also, there was
about him an ominous air of what we in Scotland call the "down-draught;"
a term, the full meaning of which you probably do not understand--I
trust you never may.
*****
You will see by its date how many days ago the first part of this letter
was written. I kept it back till the cruel suspense of your sister's
sudden relapse was ended--thinking it a pity your mind should be
burthened with any additional care. You have had, in the meantime, the
daily bulletin from Treherne Court--the daily line from me.
How are you, my child?--for you have forgotten to say. Any roses out on
your poor cheeks? Look in the glass and tell me. I must know, or I must
come and see. Remember, your life is a part of mine, now.
Mrs. Treherne is convalescent--as you know. I saw her on Monday for the
first time. She is changed, certainly; it will be long before she is
anything like the Lisabel Johnston of my recollection, full of health
and physical enjoyment. But do not grieve. Sometimes, to have gone
near the gates of death, and returned, hallows the whole future life. I
thought, as I left her, lying contentedly on her sofa, with her hand in
her husband's, who sits watching as if truly she were given back to him
from the grave, that it may be good for those two to have been so nearly
parted. It may teach them, according to a line you once repeated to me
(you see, though I am not poetical, I remember all your bits of poetry),
to=
````"hold every mortal joy
```With a loose hand."=
since nothing finite is safe, unless overshadowed by the belief in, and
the glory of, the Infinite.
My dearest--my best of every earthly thing--whom to be parted from
temporarily, as now often makes me feel as if half myself were
wanting--whom to lose out of this world would be a loss irremediable,
and to leave behind in it would be the sharpest sting of death--better,
I have sometimes thought, of late--better be you and I than Treherne and
Lisabel.
In all these letters I have scarcely mentioned Penelope--you see I am
learning to name your sisters as if mine. She, however, has treated me
almost like a stranger in the few times we happened to meet--until last
Monday.
I had left the happy group in the library--Treherne, tearing himself
from his wife's sofa--honest fellow! to follow me to the door--where he
wrung my hand, and said, with a sob like a school-boy, that he had never
been so happy in his life before, and he hoped he was thankful for it.
Your eldest sister, who sat in the window sewing--her figure put me
somewhat in mind of you, little lady--bade me good-bye--she was going
back to Rockmount in a few days.
I quitted them, and walked alone across the park, where the
chestnut-trees--you remember them--are beginning, not only to change,
but to fall; thinking how fast the years go, and how little there is in
them of positive joy. Wrong--this!--and I know it; but, my love, I
sin sorely at times. I nearly forgot a small patient I have at the
lodge-gates, who is slipping so gradually, but surely, poor wee man!
into the world where he will be a child for ever. After sitting with him
half an hour, I came out better.
A lady was waiting outside the lodge-gates. When I saw who it was, I
meant to bow and pass on, but Miss Johnston called me. From her face, I
dreaded it was some ill news about you.
Your sister is a good woman and a kind.
She said to me, when her explanations had set my mind at ease:--
"Doctor Urquhart, I believe you are a man to be trusted. Dora trusts
you. Dora once said, you would be just, even to your enemies."
I answered, I hoped it was something more than justice, that we owed
even to our enemies.
"That is not the question," she said, sharply; "I spoke only of justice.
I would not do an injustice to the meanest thing--the vilest wretch that
crawls."
"No."
She went on:--
"I have not liked you, Dr. Urquhart: nor do I know if my feelings are
altered now--but I respect you. Therefore, you are the only person of
whom I can ask a favour. It is a secret. Will you keep it so?"
"Except from Theodora."
"You are right. Have no secrets from Theodora. For her sake, and your
own--for your whole life's peace--never, even in the lightest thing,
deceive that poor child!" Her voice sharpened, her black eyes glittered
a moment, and then she shrank back into her usual self. I see exactly
the sort of woman, which, as you say, she will grow into--sister
Penelope--aunt Penelope. Every one belonging to her must try,
henceforth, to spare her every possible pang.
After a few moments, I begged her to say what I could do for her.
"Read this letter, and tell me if you think it is true."
It was addressed to Sir William Treherne; the last humble appeal of a
broken-down man; the signature "Francis Charteris."
I tried my best to disguise the emotion which Miss Johnston herself did
not show, and returned the letter, merely inquiring if Sir William had
answered it?
"No. He will not. He disbelieves the facts."
"Do you, also?"
"I cannot say. The--the writer was not always accurate in his
statements."
Women are, in some things, stronger and harder than men. I doubt if any
man could have spoken as steadily as your sister did at this minute.
While I explained to her, as I thought it right to do, though with the
manner of one talking of a stranger to a stranger--the present position
of Mr. Charteris, she replied not a syllable. Only passing a felled
tree--she suddenly sank down upon it, and sat motionless.
"What is he to do?" she said, at last.
I replied that the Insolvent Court could free him from his debts, and
grant him protection from further imprisonment; that though thus sunk in
circumstances, a Government situation was hardly to be hoped for, still
there were in Liverpool, clerkships and mercantile opportunities,
in which any person so well educated as he, might begin the world
again--health permitting.
"His health was never good--has it failed him?"
"I fear so."
Your sister turned away. She sat--we both sat--for some time, so still
that a bright-eyed squirrel came and peeped at us, stole a nut a few
yards off, and scuttled away with it to Mrs. Squirrel and the little
ones up in a tall sycamore hard by.
I begged Miss Johnston to let me see the address once more, and I
would pay a visit, friendly or medical, as the case might allow, to Mr.
Charteris, on my way home to-night.
"Thank you, Doctor Urquhart."
I then rose and took leave, time being short.
"Stay, one word if you please. In that visit, you will of course say,
if inquired, that you learnt the address from Treherne Court. You will,
name no other names?"
"Certainly not."
"But afterwards, you will write to me?"
"I will."
We shook hands, and I left her sitting there on the dead tree. I went
on, wondering if anything would result from this curious combination of
accidents: also, whether a woman's love, if cut off at the root, even
like this tree, could be actually killed, so that nothing could revive
it again. What think you, Theodora?
But this trick of moralizing, caught from you, shall not be indulged.
There is only time for the relation of bare facts.
The train brought me to the opposite shore of our river, not half
a mile's walk from Mr. Charteris's lodgings. They seemed "handsome
lodgings" as he said--a tall new house, one of the many which, only
half-built, or half-inhabited, make this Birkenhead such a dreary place.
But it is improving, year by year--I sometimes think it may be quite a
busy and cheerful spot by the time I take a house here, as I intend. You
will like a hill-top, and a view of the sea.
I asked for Mr. Charteris, and stumbled up the half-lighted stairs, into
the wholly dark drawing-room.
"Who the devil's there?"
He was in hiding, you must remember, as indeed I ought to have done, and
so taken the precaution first to send up my name--but I was afraid of
non-admittance.
When the gas was lit, his pale, unshaven, sallow countenance, his state
of apparent illness and weakness, made me cease to regret having gained
entrance, under any circumstances. Recognizing me, he muttered some
apology.
"I was asleep--I usually do sleep after dinner." Then recovering
his confused faculties, he asked with some _hauteur_, "To what may I
attribute the pleasure of seeing Doctor Urquhart? Are you, like myself,
a mere bird of passage, or a resident in Liverpool?"
"I am surgeon of ---------- gaol.
"Indeed, I was not aware. A good appointment I hope? And what gaol did
you say?"
I named it again, and left the subject. If he chose to wrap himself in
that thin cloak of deception, it was no business of mine to tear it off.
Besides, one pities a ruined man's most petty pride.
But it was an awkward position. You know how haughty Mr. Charteris
can be; you know also that unlucky peculiarity in me, call it Scotch
shyness, cautiousness, or what you please, my little English girl must
cure it, if she can. Whether or not it was my fault, I soon felt that
this visit was turning out a complete failure. We conversed in the
civillest manner, though somewhat disjointedly, on politics, the
climate and trade of Liverpool, &c., but of Mr. Charteris and his real
condition, I learned no more than if I were meeting him at a London
dinner-party, or a supper with poor Tom Turton--who is dead, as you
know. Mr. Charteris did not, it seems, and his startled exclamation at
hearing the fact was the own natural expression during my whole visit.
Which, after a few rather broad hints, I took the opportunity of a
letter's being brought in, to terminate.
Not, however, with any intention on my side of its being a final one.
The figure of this wretched-looking invalid, though he would not own to
illness--men seldom will--lying in the solitary, fireless lodging-house
parlor, where there was no indication of food, and a strong smell of
opium--followed me all the way to the jetty, suggesting plan after plan
concerning him.
You cannot think how pretty even our dull river looks of a night, with
its two long lines of lighted shores, and other lights scattered between
in all directions, _every_ vessel's rigging bearing one. And to-night,
above all things, was a large bright moon, sailing up over innumerable
white clouds, into the clear dark zenith, converting the town of
Liverpool into a fairy city, and the muddy Mersey into a pleasant river,
crossed by a pathway of silver--such as one always looks at with a kind
of hope that it would lead to "some bright isle of rest." There was a
song to that effect popular when Dallas and I were boys.
As the boat moved off, I settled myself to enjoy the brief seven minutes
of crossing--thinking, if I had but the little face by me looking up
into the moonlight she is so fond of, the little hand to keep warm in
mine!
And now, Theodora, I come to something which you must use your own
judgment about telling your sister Penelope.
Half-way across, I was attracted by the peculiar manner of a passenger,
who had leaped on the boat just as we were shoved off, and now stood
still as a carved figure, staring down into the foamy track of the
paddle-wheels. He was so absorbed that he did not notice me, but I
recognized him at once, and an ugly suspicion entered my mind.
In my time, I have had opportunities of witnessing, stage by stage, that
disease--call it dyspepsia, hypochondriasis, or what you will--it has
all names and all forms--which is peculiar to our present state of high
civilization, where the mind and the body seem cultivated into perpetual
warfare one with the other. This state--some people put poetical names
upon it--but we doctors know that it is at least as much physical as
mental, and that many a poor misanthrope, who loathes himself and the
world, is merely an unfortunate victim of stomach and nerves, whom rest,
natural living, and an easy mind, would soon make a man again. But that
does not remove the pitifulness and danger of the case. While the man is
what he is, he is little better than a monomaniac.
If I had not seen him before, the expression of his countenance, as he
stood looking down into the river, would have been enough to convince me
how necessary it was to keep a strict watch over Mr. Charteris.
When the rush of passengers to the gangway made our side of the boat
nearly deserted, he sprang up the steps of the paddle-box, and there
stood.
I once saw a man commit suicide. It was one of ours, returning from the
Crimea. He had been drinking hard, and was put under restraint, for
fear of delirium tremens; but when he was thought recovered, one day,
at broad noon, in sight of all hands, he suddenly jumped overboard. I
caught sight of his face as he did so--it was exactly the expression of
Francis Charteris.
Perhaps, in any case, you had better never repeat the whole of this to
your sister.
Not till after a considerable struggle did I pull him down to the safe
deck once more. There he stood breathless.
"You were not surely going to drown yourself, Mr. Charteris?"
"I was. And I will."
"Try,--and I shall call the police to prevent your making such an ass of
yourself."
It was no time to choose words, and in this sort of disease the best
preventive one can use, next to a firm, imperative will, is ridicule. He
answered nothing--but gazed at me in simple astonishment, while I took
his arm and led him out of the boat and across the landing-stage.
"I beg your pardon for using such strong language, but a man must be an
ass indeed, who contemplates such a thing;--here, too, of all places.
To be fished up out of this dirty river like a dead rat, for the
entertainment of the crowd; to make a capital case at the magistrate's
court to-morrow, and a first-rate paragraph in the _Liverpool
Mercury_,--'Attempted Suicide of a Gentleman.' Or, if you really
succeeded, which I doubt, to be 'Found Drowned,'--a mere body, drifted
ashore with cocoa-nut husks and cabbages at Waterloo, or brought in as
I once saw at these very stairs, one of the many poor fools who do this
here yearly. They had picked him up eight miles higher up the river,
and so brought him down, lashed behind a rowing-boat, floating face
upwards"--
"Ah!"
I felt Charteris shudder.
You will, too, my love, so I will repeat no more of what I said to him.
But these ghastly pictures were the strongest arguments available with
such a man. What was the use of talking to him of God, and life, and
immortality? he had told me he believed in none of these things. But
he believed in death--the epicurean's view of it--"to lie in cold
obstruction and to rot." I thought, and still think, that it was best
to use any lawful means to keep him from repeating the attempt. Best to
save the man first, and preach to him afterwards.
He and I walked up and down the streets of Liverpool almost in silence,
except when he darted into the first chemist's shop he saw to procure
opium.
"Don't hinder me," he said, imploringly, "it is the only thing that
keeps me alive."
Then I walked him about once more, till his pace flagged, his limbs
tottered, he became thoroughly passive and exhausted. I called a car,
and expressed my determination to see him safe home.
"Home! No, no, I must not go there." And the poor fellow summoned all
his faculties, in order to speak rationally. "You see, a gentleman in
my unpleasant circumstances--in short, could you recommend any place--a
quiet, out-of-the-way place, where--where I could hide?"
I had suspected things were thus. And now, if I lost sight of him even
for twenty-four hours, he might be lost permanently. He was in that
critical state, when the next step, if it were not to a prison, might be
into a lunatic asylum.
It was not difficult to persuade him that the last place where creditors
would search for a debtor would be inside a gaol, nor to convey him,
half-stupefied as he was, into my own rooms, and leave him fast asleep
on my bed.
Yet, even now, I cannot account for the influence I so soon gained, and
kept; except that any person in his seven senses always has power over
another nearly out of them, and to a sick man there is no autocrat like
the doctor.
Now for his present condition. The day following, I removed him to a
country lodging, where an old woman I know will look after him. The
place is humble enough, but they are honest people. He may lie safe
there till some portion of health returns; his rent, &c.--my prudent
little lady will be sure to be asking after my "circumstances"--well,
love, his rent for the next month at least, I can easily afford to pay.
The present is provided for--as to his future, heaven only knows.
I wrote, according to promise, to your sister Penelope, explaining where
Mr. Charteris was, his state of health, and the position of his affairs;
also, my advice, which he neither assents to nor declines, that as soon
as his health will permit, he should surrender himself in London, go
through the Insolvent Court, and start anew in life. A hard life, at
best, since, whatever situation he may obtain, it will take years to
free him from all his liabilities.
Miss Johnston's answer I received this morning. It was merely an
envelope containing a bank note of 20L. Sir William's gift, possibly; I
told her he had better be made aware of his nephew's abject state,--or
do you suppose it is from herself? I thought beyond your quarterly
allowance, you had none of you much ready money? If there is anything I
ought to know before applying this sum to the use of Mr. Charteris, you
will, of course, tell me?
I have been to see him this afternoon. It is a poor room he lies in, but
clean and quiet. He will not stir out of it; it was with difficulty
I persuaded him to have the window opened, so that we might enjoy the
still autumn sunshine, the church-bells, and the little robin's song.
Turning back to the sickly drawn face, buried in the sofa-pillows,
my heart smote me with a heavy doubt as to what was to be the end of
Francis Charteris.
Yet I do not think he will die; but he will be months, years
in recovering, even if he is ever his old self again--bodily, I
mean-whether his inner self is undergoing any change, I have small means
of judging. The best thing for him, both mentally and physically, would
be a fond, good woman's constant care; but that he cannot have.
I need scarcely say, I have taken every precaution that he should never
see nor hear anything of Lydia; nor she of him. He has never named her,
nor any one; past and future seem alike swept out of his mind; he only
lives in the miserable present, a helpless, hopeless, exacting invalid.
Not on any account would I have Lydia Cartwright see him now. If I judge
her countenance rightly, she is just the girl to do exactly what you
women are so prone to--forgive everything, sacrifice everything, and
go back to the old love. Ah! Theodora, what am I that I should dare to
speak thus lightly of women's love, women's forgiveness!
I am glad Mr. Johnston allows you occasionally to see Mrs. Cartwright
and the child, and that the little fellow is so well cared by his
grandmother. If, with his father's face, he inherits his father's
temperament, the nervously sensitive organization of a modern
"gentleman," as opposed to the healthy animalism of a working man, life
will be an uphill road to that poor boy.
His mother's heart aches after him sorely at times, as I can plainly
perceive. Yesterday, I saw her stand watching the line of female
convicts--those with infants--as one after the other they filed out,
each with her baby in her arms, and passed into the exercising-ground.
Afterwards, I watched her slip into one of the empty cells, fold up a
child's cap that had been left lying about, and look at it wistfully, as
if she almost envied the forlorn occupant of that dreary nook, where,
at least, the mother had her child with her continually. Poor Lydia! she
may have been a girl of weak will, easily led astray, but I am convinced
that the only thing which led her astray must have been, and will always
be, her affections.
Perhaps, as the grandmother cannot write, it would be a comfort to
Lydia, if your next letter enabled me to give to her a fuller account
of the welfare of little Frank. I wonder, does his father ever think of
him? or of the poor mother. He was "always kind to them," you tell me
she declared; possibly fond of them, so far as a selfish man can be. But
how can such an one as he understand what it must be to be a _father!_
My love, I must cease writing now. It is midnight, and I have to take
as much sleep as I can; my work is very hard just at present; but happy
work, because, through it, I look forward to a future.
Your father's brief message of thanks for my telegram about Mr.
Treherne, was kind. Will you acknowledge it in the way you consider
would be most pleasing; that is, least unpleasing, to him, from me.
And now, farewell--farewell, my only darling.
Max Urquhart.
P.S.--After the fashion of a lady's letter, though not, I trust, with
the most important fact therein. Though I re-open my letter to inform
you of it, lest you might learn it in some other way, I consider it
of very slight moment, and only name it because these sort of small
unpleasantnesses have a habit of growing like snow-balls, every yard
they roll.
Our chaplain has just shown me in this morning's paper a paragraph about
myself, not complimentary, and decidedly ill-natured. It hardly took me
by surprise; I have of late occasionally caught stray comments, not very
flattering, on myself and my proceedings, but they troubled me little.
I know that a man in my position, with aims far beyond his present
circumstances, with opinions too obstinate and manners too blunt to
get these aims carried out, as many do, by the aid of other and more
influential people, such a man _must_ have enemies.
Be not afraid, love--mine are few; and be sure I have given them no
cause for animosity. True, I have contradicted some, and not many men
can stand contradiction--but I have wronged no man to my knowledge.
My conscience is clear. So they may spread what absurd reports or
innuendoes they will--I shall live it all down.
My spirit seems to have had a douche-bath this morning, cold, but
salutary. This tangible annoyance will brace me out of a little
feebleheartedness that has been growing over me of late; so be content,
my Theodora.
I send you the newspaper paragraph. Read it, and burn it.
Is Penelope come home? I need scarcely observe, that only herself and
you are acquainted, or will be, with any of the circumstances I have
related with respect to Mr. Charteris.