MAKING AND RECEIVING GIFTS
WEDDING gifts may be sent any time after the wedding cards are issued.
They are sent to the bride, and may be as expensive and elaborate, or
as simple and inexpensive, as the means of the sender make proper. An
invitation to a church wedding, and not to the reception, precludes
the necessity of making a wedding-present. Indeed the matter of
wedding-presents admits of more freedom each year and many people make
it a rule to send gifts only to intimate friends and relatives. Perhaps
this state of affairs has been brought about by the fact that among a
certain—or uncertain—class, invitations were sometimes issued with the
special purpose of calling forth a number of presents,—in fact, for
revenue only. Few persons acknowledge this of themselves, but sometimes
a bride was met who was so indiscreet or so void of taste as to confess
her hope that all the persons whom she invited to her nuptials would be
represented by remembrances in gold, silver, jewelry or napery. The
pendulum has swung as far in the opposite direction, and fewer wedding
gifts than of old are sent from politeness alone.
Suitable gifts for a bride are silver, cut-glass, table linen,
pictures, books, handsome chairs or tables, rugs, bric-à-brac and
jewelry. In fact, anything for the new home is proper. It is not
customary to send wearing apparel, except when this is given by some
member of the bride’s family. A check made out to the bride is always a
handsome gift. The parents of the wife-to-be frequently give the small
silver.
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[Sidenote: MARKING THE SILVER]
How should the silver be marked? is sometimes asked. Good form demands
that if the donor wishes to have his gift marked, it must be engraved
with the bride’s maiden initials. Some persons are so thoughtful
that they send silver with the request that it be returned after the
ceremony by the bride for marking as she sees fit. She then returns
it to the firm from which it was bought,—said firm having received an
order from the donor to engrave it according to the owner’s wishes.
Still, if silver must be given marked, it is safe to have the
initials of the bride put upon it. Even should she die, good taste
and conventionality would forbid the use of her silver by the second
wife,—should there be one. While on this melancholy side of the
subject it would be well to state that when a wife dies, leaving
a child, and the husband remarries, her silver is packed away for
the child’s use in future years. This is demanded by custom and
conventionality. This rule is especially to be regarded if the child
be a girl, as she then has a right to the mother’s silver, marked with
that mother’s name.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: ACKNOWLEDGING GIFTS]
A wedding gift is accompanied by the donor’s card,—usually enclosed
in a small card-envelope. As soon as possible, the bride-to-be writes
a personal letter of thanks. This must be cordial, and in the first
person, somewhat in this form:
“425 Cedar Terrace, Milton, Pa.
“My Dear Mrs. Hamilton:
“The beautiful picture sent by Mr. Hamilton and
yourself has just arrived, and I hasten to thank you
for your kind thought of me. The subject is one of
which I am especially fond, and the picture will do
much toward making attractive the walls of our little
home. It will always serve to remind Mr. Allen and
myself of you and Mr. Hamilton.
“Gratefully yours,
“Mary Brown.
“June nineteenth, nineteen hundred and five.”
If a gift arrives so late that it can not be acknowledged before
the wedding, the wife must write as soon as possible after the
ceremony,—even during the first days of her honeymoon. To neglect to do
this is an unpardonable rudeness.
* * * * *
The wedding gifts may be displayed in a room by themselves on the
wedding-day, but must not be accompanied by the cards of the donors.
In spite of arguments pro and con, it is certainly in better taste to
remove the cards before the exhibition. If there are so many present
that there is any danger of the bride’s forgetting from whom the
different articles came, let some member of the family keep a list, or
take an inventory, before the cards are taken off. Some persons attach
to each gift a tiny slip of paper bearing a number. In a little book is
a corresponding number after which is written the name of the sender.
The rules that apply to wedding-presents apply also to the gifts sent
at wedding anniversaries, be they wooden, tin, crystal, silver or
golden anniversaries.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: ENGAGEMENT GIFTS]
Engagement presents are frequently sent to the fiancée, but this is
entirely a matter of taste or inclination, and is not demanded by
fashion or conventionality. Contributions to linen showers may be
included among the engagement gifts. The fashion of such “showers” is
ephemeral,—a fact not to be regretted.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: WHAT A MAN MAY GIVE]
A word or more is not out of place concerning the kind of gifts that
a young man may make with propriety to a young woman with whom he is
on agreeable terms. Flowers, books, candy,—these are gifts that he may
make without offense, and she may receive without undue or unpleasant
sense of obligation. If he be an old and intimate friend of her family,
he may offer her small trinkets, or ornamental, semi-useful articles,
such as a card-case, or a bonbonnière. Anything intended solely for use
is proscribed. If a young man is engaged to a young woman the possible
choice of gifts is, of course, much enlarged. Even then, however, very
expensive gifts are not desirable. They lessen somewhat the charm of
the relation between the two.
* * * * *
When a baby is born, the friends of the happy mother send her some
article for the new arrival. It may be a dainty dress or flannel skirt,
a cloak, cap or tiny bit of jewelry. These gifts the young mother is
not supposed to acknowledge until she is strong enough to write letters
without fear of weariness. As a rule some member of her family writes
in her stead, expressing the mother’s thanks.
When a baby is christened, it is customary for the sponsors to make the
little one a present. This is usually a piece of silver,—as a cup, a
bowl, marked with the child’s name; or a silver spoon, knife and fork
may be given. The godparents give as a rule, something that will prove
durable, or a gift that the child may keep all his life, rather than an
article of wearing apparel.
A guest invited to a christening party may bring a gift, if he wishes
to do so. This may be anything that fancy dictates. A pretty present
for such an occasion is a “Record” or “Baby’s Biography,” handsomely
bound and illustrated, containing blanks for the little one’s weight at
birth and each succeeding year, for the record of his first tooth, the
first word uttered, the first step taken, and so on, as well as spaces
for the insertion of a lock of the baby-hair, progressive photographs,
and other trifles dear to the mother’s heart. All christening gifts may
be orally acknowledged by the mother when the guest presents them.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: CHRISTMAS GIFTS]
The custom of making Christmas presents is so universal that it would
seem superfluous to offer any suggestion with regard to them, had not
the dear old custom been so abused that the lovers of Christmas must
utter their protest. It should be borne in mind that the only thing
that makes a Christmas gift worth while is the thought that accompanies
it. When it is given because policy, habit or conventionality
demands it, it is a desecration. If we must make any presents from
a sense of duty, let it be on birthdays, on wedding-days, on other
anniversaries,—never on the anniversary of the Great Gift to the World.
If the spirit of good will to man does not prompt the giving, that
giving is in vain. Nor should a present at this time be sent simply
because one expects to receive a reminder in the shape of a present
from a friend. A quid pro quo is not a true Christmas remembrance.
[Sidenote: TO PREVENT DUPLICATION]
Let us suppose then, that the making of holiday presents is a pleasure.
To simplify matters we would suggest that those who have a large circle
of friends to whom they rejoice to give presents retain over to another
year the list made the year previous. Not only will this keep in mind
the person whom they would remember, but it will prevent duplicating
presents. One woman learned to her dismay that for two years she had
sent the same picture—a favorite with her—to a dear friend, while
another sent a friend silver button-hooks for three consecutive
Christmases.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: SINCERE GRATITUDE]
All gifts, those of the holiday season included, should be promptly
acknowledged, and never by a card marked “Thanks.” If a present is
worth any acknowledgment, it is worth courteous notice. When one
says “Thank you!” either verbally or by letter, it should be uttered
with sincerity, and from the heart. To omit the expression of cordial
gratitude is a breach of good breeding.