Well, Hank, I am out of jail again, the same of which will likely please
you. My trial was a farce, as it should have been, and I was vindicated
of wrong-doing as I expected. Right will always come out on top.
Have you seen Windy or Hondo lately, Hank? I sure got the deadwood on
them Jaspers. The lawyers sent up there for some character witnesses,
and I’ll be darned if they didn’t get Windy and Hondo. Hank, for a
minute I could feel the rope under my left ear, when them two walks into
the jail to see the sheriff. He was out but I was in, so they comes over
to my room.
“Ain’t he the desperate thing, Hondo?” asks Windy, meaning me, and Windy
says—
“I’d hate to meet him if I wasn’t heeled.”
So I says:
“What you two doing down here? Ain’t you tempting Providence pretty
strong, getting inside of a jail this way?”
“We was supeenied as witnesses to your character, Dobie,” says Hondo.
“The law pays the freight all the way down here for us to answer whether
we considers you a safe person to let loose.”
Hank, I feels as weak as sage tea for a minute, and I decides to talk as
pleasant as possible to them, so I says—
“How is things around the home range now?”
“We don’t know,” says Windy, rolling a cigaret one-handed. “Me and Hondo
just got in from a hunting trip over in Flathead country.”
“Never killed a darn thing either,” states Hondo. “No game.”
“See anybody you know over there?” I asks, and they shakes their heads.
“Nope,” says Windy, “never seen a darn soul, and we was gone three
weeks.”
“That’s good,” says I. “Now, you two lying, currycomb artists better not
hand me any the worst of it in court or I’ll swear that you was the two
what robbed that bank. What about my character now?”
They thinks it over for a while, and then Windy cusses low-like:
“You sure are lily white and all wool, Dobie,” states Windy. “Ain’t he
the upright person, Hondo?”
“Not here,” I reminds them. “Tell it to the judge.”
“Uh-huh,” agrees Hondo. “We’ll sure lie to beat ——, but as soon as you
get loose, Dobie, what we said in court don’t go.”
Well, Hank, them fellers sure done what I told them to. The lawyer says
to Windy—
“What do you know about the defendant’s character?”
Windy says:
“If Dobie Dalton told me that he planned the robbery of that bank I’d
know in a minute that he lied. He likely heard about it, tried to get in
on the reward and also get a little notoriety. He’s weak-minded but
harmless.”
The lawyer asks Hondo’s opinion, and he answers like this:
“I’ve knowed Dobie a long time, and nobody can ever convince me that
he’s got the nerve to rob a magpie’s nest. He likely got too much hooch
aboard and dreamed this thing. He’s only wicked in his mind.”
You see, Hank, I has them fellers complete under my control, and they
has to say things they don’t want to. Nobody can say a word about my
character, but with such liars as them it’s best to have a cinch on
their testimony.
All my fambly are in the court-room, and Uncle Gabe acts like he was
enjoying it a lot. The judge got me up there and asks me a lot of
questions. He asks me how it was that I suffers change of heart before
the time for the robbery. I didn’t dare to tell about that dream, on
acc’t of Uncle Gabe being back there, so I tells him that I got to
thinking about my poor little wife. Uncle Gabe roars right out in court,
like this:
“Haw! Haw! Haw!”
That makes the judge sore. He could see where it ain’t nothing to laugh
at, and so could I. Well, Hank, they decides that there ain’t no
evidence that I partook of the robbery, so they turns me loose.
Well, Hank, there ain’t no news to write, so I’ll close. It’s hard to
write propped up in bed like this, when all your knuckles are skinned,
and you got two black eyes and some almost busted ribs and several teeth
missing. I happens to meet Windy and Hondo after the trial. If I don’t
find that shepherd with my vest on I don’t know how the doctor is ever
going to get paid. Write a little oftener, Hank. Do you still get paid
on the first. Y’rs respectfully,