escape had nearly fled; despondency was stealing fast upon me; but life
is sweet, and so I urged on, as much to overcome the intense cold I
felt, as with any hope of finding a shelter from the pitiless storm. The
magnitude of my loss never once entered my mind in this struggle for
existence. I would have given all the remainder of my hard earnings for
the sight of a cottage, in which to preserve my life. In this, my hour
of need, I was snatched from death. As I stood, unable to move a step
farther, and on the point of sinking upon the snow, to rise no more, the
sound of a dog, barking loudly, fell upon my ear. There was life in the
welcome sound; and, with an energy I had felt myself incapable of a
minute before, I started off towards the spot from whence the sounds
proceeded, calling at intervals with all my strength, and listening as
the barking of the dog became more and more distinct. At length I could
perceive the light shine dimly through the drifting snow, from a cottage
window, which, having reached, I entered, almost exhausted. I was kindly
received by the humane inmates, to whom I told my piteous tale. The
storm still howled without. The good woman made for me a shake-down upon
the floor, close by the fire, whereon to pass the night. After my
benumbed limbs were restored to animation, the good man of the house
took the book, and, after the worship, in which I joined with a fervour
I had never felt before, we all retired to rest, the family speaking all
the comfort to me their feeling hearts could dictate, and promising to
rise before dawn, to assist in searching for my pack. All was still
within; but the storm raged with unabated violence without, and for
hours sleep forsook my pillow. I was tormented with heat; pains shot
through my frame, and before the dawn I was in a raging fever, and
unable to rise. The good people of the house were sore distressed. I
gave them the best information I could where to search for my pack; but
it was very vague, for I knew not myself the spot where it had bounded
from me, and I was at this time two long Scotch miles from the Soutra
Hill, and one mile off the highway. The storm of the preceding evening
had been followed by a partial thaw after daybreak; but all, save where
the wind had blown the snow from the heights, lay a trackless waste. Far
on in the day the searchers returned from their fruitless labours,
fatigued and hungry. I was myself much worse; no doctor was to be had
nearer than Haddington, neither was there accommodation for me in the
house. Ill as I was, I had no choice. A horse and cart were, at my
request, procured, and, carefully wrapped up, I was conveyed to
Haddington. What followed for some days I know not. I will hurry on. I
would not have been so minute, were it not to show you that there are
shipwrecks and disasters on land as well as at sea.
"When I recovered my consciousness, I found myself in an obscure garret,
the dwelling of a lone and pious widow, who had taken into her house the
sick stranger, when all else had refused. I had occupied her only bed,
while she passed her nights, seated by her scanty fire, and nursed me in
my delirium and fever. The good doctor had attended me as assiduously as
if I had been his own son, and aided the widow in supporting me. The
snow had been all off the ground for many days; and whoever had found my
store had kept it concealed, for I never heard of it. I was once again
penniless, and worse than I was at the commencement; for I was indebted
to my kind landlady and the doctor. My two guineas and seven shillings
were still in my pocket untouched; for the pious widow had, even in her
straits, on my account held them sacred, and they knew from the people
who brought me of my ruinous misfortune. When I became able to move
about, I besought them to accept of even one of the guineas as a
remuneration; but their answer was, they would give me credit until I
was enabled to pay them in full--and, thank God, I have done this long
ago.
"It was well up in February before I could resume my toils.
Disheartening as my misfortune had been, my ultimate object, and the
means of attaining it, I had never for one moment allowed to pass from
my mind. It was now that the reward of honesty and fair dealing was felt
by me, and proved of immense advantage in enabling me to recover my
loss. There was not a merchant with whom I had ever dealed, who did not
offer me his goods in trust, to what amount I chose; but to avoid debt
has ever been my maxim, and I took no more than my finances would allow.
I had only a smaller assortment, and returned the sooner. I was
astonished at the rapidity of my own sales--for all had heard of my
misfortunes, and pitied me; and, if I was expected, no other packman had
any chance. What was required, if not in my pack, I got orders for, and
brought at the appointed time. From that day to this, everything has
prospered with me. I have attained my second step, and am now on my way
to London, and other towns, to purchase goods, and a horse and cart. To
cover my expenses, I am doing a little business by the way. An extensive
shop, and at length a competency, are, I trust, not far distant."
By mid-day, the gale of wind had considerably abated; the tide being in
the evening, the vessels could not depart. We sat chatting together. The
perseverance and success of my companion had made a deep impression on
me. I began to think that I might do worse than follow his example; for
I had never left my country through choice.
"Wilson," said I, "do you think I could be converted into a packman? I
care not what I do for an honest livelihood. I have often heard that an
old packman makes a good merchant--I am willing to try if an old
merchant can make a good packman. I have a few guineas to purchase goods
with. If you will tell me what are the proper kinds, we will go
together, by sea, to London, where you are going, and make our
purchases: are you agreed?"
"No! Square, no! I will never agree to trust myself upon the fickle
element, when there is no occasion for it, besides manifest loss. With
what goods are in my pack, I will travel free to London, and put a pound
in my pocket, at least. If you have any thought of turning to my
profession, you must study economy and a placid temper--'take the bit
and the buffet with it.' I have not a doubt you may succeed, if you
stick to it in earnest; and I have no objection to give you all the
information I can, before we part."
I myself had, indeed, no other motive for going by sea to London, than
to avoid the fatigue and get quickly there; so it was agreed that I
should proceed with him, and learn from his experience. My sailor's
dress was sold, and one similar to his own purchased; and, while this
was being done, he told me that he had upon his person, carefully
concealed, an order from the Royal Bank of Scotland, upon the Bank of
England, for one hundred and sixty guineas, which he had doubly secured.
It was, he said, not indorsed, nor would he indorse it, until he was
obtaining the cash. "There are such things as robberies," he said, "and
much worse. I have left a letter and instructions at the bank, and with
Widow Craig, who nursed me in my sickness (we have been as mother and
son since then), that, if my order is not called for within twelve
months, she is to give my letter to the worthy doctor, who will receive
the amount, and administer to the widow's comforts. What remains at her
death, I cheerfully bequeath to him. You may smile at this; but our
trade is one not without danger even in Scotland; and in England, where
highwaymen and footpads are plenty, we travel with our lives in our
hands."
Before the evening closed, I was all ready to start upon my new line of
life. As Berwick, he said, was not a proper place to lay in a store of
goods to sell again with a sufficient profit, I purchased only a few
pounds' worth of hardware, Wilson being so kind as sell me, at cost, one
dozen of Barcelona silk handkerchiefs, of which he had a great supply,
and which he esteemed as valuable and light of carriage. The remainder
of my cash he made me take out of my purse, saying that none but those
who knew not the value of money carried it in purses. It was as if the
owner had collected it for the first who chose to put his hand in his
pocket, or for a vain display.
"Square," said he, "if you had a thousand guineas in your pocket, among
strangers never show or say you have a coin in gold. Tempt no man to
evil. The poor travel safe, when the rich are in peril. Allow me to
place your guineas in the bank."
He then opened the lining of the waistband of my small-clothes, and
stitched them in so dexterously, that no one could have thought there
was coin there.
"Now," says he, "we are all ready to start for London on the morning.
The way is long, and our burdens heavy; but they will get lighter as we
move along. Our lodging for to-morrow night is Belford. I shall manage
so that we shall reach it before dark. The direct distance is only
fifteen miles; but we may travel thirty in quest of customers. You are
not now, as you were a few months since, to expect that customers will
come to you--the pack is a travelling counter, and must move about."
Next morning, after an early breakfast, we crossed the Tweed, and walked
on, with our packs slung over our shoulders--the weather cool and
pleasing. I felt a buoyancy of spirits I had not experienced for some
time; I dreamed waking dreams, and built castles in the air. Wilson sung
snatches of songs. I had once more entered on a new walk in life, and
begun at the right end, as Wilson said in one of his sage remarks.
"Square, your last misfortune arose from this--you began business at the
wrong end; you commenced too soon and too full. No man can manage money
well who knows not, by earning, the value of it. Be prudent--be cunning,
too, if you please; but use not your cunning to wrong any one--a
shilling won by fraud is a pound of loss. I have known many since I
began who have hastened to be rich in that way; but they have all failed
in their attempts. Those who once dealt would never deal with them
again; their means of success became every journey more circumscribed.
Here is a farm-steading--we must try how we are to succeed on the south
of the Tweed."
I will not weary you with our hawking adventures. We progressed on our
journey with various success, but constantly with gain, our packs
lightening apace; I liking the profession very ill. I loved not money
sufficiently to bend my mind to the slights and insults we were often
forced to endure. Upon Wilson they had no effect in ruffling his temper.
He would smile, and, with a slyness of humour, turn their bitterest
taunts against the taunters, or banter them into good-humour, and effect
a sale. He would, indeed, be as good-humoured under insult as if he had
been civilly treated; while I was on the eve of bursting into a rage,
and either looking sulky or returning taunt for taunt. Indeed, before we
reached Northallerton, I had made up my mind to relinquish my new
calling as soon as we got to London; and told Wilson so. He shook his
head.
"John Square, you are one of those who, for want of firmness, never get
on in the world. When there is an object to gain, we must not be scared
from it by trifles, or neglect an honest mean that leads to success. You
have commenced at the hardest part of a packman's life--his journey in
England. But, ho! here is Northallerton. To-morrow we will strike off
the eastern road, and go to York. I expect to see some acquaintances
there."
Thus we journeyed on, I more through a dogged stubbornness not to yield,
than any love I had for the mode of life I had chosen, until we were a
few miles from York, where we overtook a brother of the trade. As soon
as he came in sight, Wilson said--
"There is Simon Hepburn, the Praying Packman, as the profane call him,
or Pious Simon, his more befitting name; for he really is a good,
well-meaning man. I have known him for some years, neither richer nor
poorer; his pack or cash seldom exceeds twenty pounds, yet he could
easily increase his store, if he had ambition; but that he wants; and
his gains are always spent upon objects of charity or piety. He is never
without Bibles or pious books, which he bestows, in free gift, where he
thinks they may be of use; he has only particular houses where he stops,
and he is always a welcome guest, superseding the goodman of the house,
for the time, in the Christian office of a teacher. The most pleasing
and edifying evenings I have ever spent were with him. When he is in
Haddington, Widow Craig's is his home; and, although we are two of a
trade, happy am I when we meet. You shall judge for yourself. His
history is a most singular one, and nothing gives him more pleasure than
to relate it. Let him speak for himself."
We quickened our pace, and soon overtook him. He was a man, to all
appearance, above sixty years of age; his hair was white as snow, with a
shade of care at times upon his regular features, that flitted off, and
was succeeded by a gleam of internal satisfaction. The smoothness of his
brow, and the fulness of his features, bore an unusual contrast to the
whiteness of his locks, the appearance of age and youth being strangely
combined, while his whole appearance was winning in the extreme. When we
came up to him, Bill said--
"Simon, I am happy to have met you; how come you on?"
"Far beyond my deserts," said he. "How are you? and how did you leave my
worthy friend the widow?"
"In good health," said Bill; "I thank you. I have been just talking of
you to my friend Square here, who would feel obliged were you to give
him an outline of your strange history, as we walk on to York."
"Certainly, Bill, certainly; it may be of use to him. He is a new
beginner in his present craft, as I was when the events happened that I
am going to relate.
"The changes that occur both in nations and families," said Simon, "are
soon felt by the individuals. Lawsuits and bad management had reduced
the once extensive patrimony of our family to a small farm. At my
grandfather's death, my father, who had married, as his father thought,
far beneath him, had three sons. My oldest brother, before he succeeded,
went to Holland, having got a commission in the Scottish brigade; the
second attended the farm, at which I assisted until I was about
eighteen. I grew weary of farming, and resolved to become a merchant. I
was induced to this by the success of several who had left our
neighbourhood, done well after a few years' travel as packmen, and were
then settled in various towns, and prosperous. It was in the beginning
of May, as soon as the weather became settled, that I left the
neighbourhood of Annan, with a few pounds, on my way to Dumfries, and
thence to Edinburgh; my object being to furnish my pack. I had a
relation of my mother's, a wholesale merchant, in the first town, who
had promised to do all in his power for me, as far as advice and a few
articles would go. Cheerful and full of hope, I strode along, till,
within about two miles from Dumfries, I overtook a young and interesting
female, accompanied by a young man. We entered into conversation as we
walked along. She appeared sad, and often sighed; while he was taciturn,
and appeared to avoid conversation. When within a few hundred yards of
the town, they stopped behind for a minute or so, and then, the man
leaving her, she overtook me, and we entered the town together. I
learned from her that she was on her way to Edinburgh, and, having a
brother married in Dumfries, she was going to his house for some
articles belonging to her, and her fellow-traveller was to meet her
there.
"Anxious to commence my new mode of life, I had soon completed my
business with my friend. He was standing at the door when I came up with
the young woman, and, laughing, inquired if she was my sweetheart or
wife. In the course of two or three hours, I was again upon the road
towards Moffat, on my way to Edinburgh, with my light pack upon my back,
as happy as a king. As I passed the side of a young plantation that
skirted the road, a few miles from Dumfries, I saw, lying on the side of
the way, a small bundle, tied in a silk handkerchief. I immediately
picked it up; and, after standing a few minutes, and looking around to
see if any one was in sight who might have dropped it, I called aloud,
but there was no answer. I continued my pace, rejoicing in my good
fortune. At about a quarter-of-a-mile from the spot, there was a
public-house, into which I entered, for a little refreshment, and to
inquire if they would purchase anything I could supply them. I placed
the bundle I had picked up and my pack upon the table, got what I asked
for, and then inquired if they would purchase. During my stay, two
farm-servants came in; and, when I was about to depart, they, seeing me
lift the bundle from the table, inquired if it was my own. I hesitated
for a moment, and, unfortunately, said that it was. They looked at each
other; no more passed, and I resumed my journey towards Moffat, which I
was anxious to reach before nightfall. I accomplished it; and, stopping
at a cheap lodging-house, had an early supper, and went soon to bed,
weary with my day's walk.
"Scarce had I fallen asleep, when I was aroused by a loud knocking at
the door, and the sound of many voices. Before I was fully awake, I was
seized in my bed, and my hands bound tightly together. My terror became
extreme--I shook in every limb. In vain I strove to speak, and inquire
what all this meant. I could only see that every eye was bent on me with
an expression of horror and rage. My clothes were searched, and then
forced upon me. I was not allowed to assist myself--my hands were
unbound to get on my coat; but a man held each arm while another pulled.
They seemed afraid I would do something desperate, and were as coarse
and cautious as if I had been a ferocious animal; yet I was passive from
excess of fear; and, although numbers were speaking, I was in such a
state that I could not collect the purport of their conversation.
Execrations sounded in my ears above the confusion of voices, and the
first sentence I made out was spoken by my landlady:--'Oh, the
bloody-minded young wretch!' she cried. 'Who would have thought it, to
look at him? But I hope they will hang him as high as Haman. And, after
all, to come into a lone widow's house to bring disgrace on it. Take him
away, sirs, as quick as you can, or I shall be an undone woman, and my
character entirely lost.'
"Astonished at what the woman said, I inquired what offence I had
committed--or where. O God! what was my horror to learn that I was
charged with murder!--that the bundle in my possession had been the
property of the victim of some ruthless villain--and that I was taken
for him! In vain I protested my innocence. The two men were present to
whom I had said, when they inquired, that the bundle was my own. I was
thus, by my own confession--if not a murderer--a convicted liar. No one,
for a moment, thought me innocent. So strong was their conviction of my
guilt, that had the laws not deterred them, they would have rejoiced to
have put me to death on the spot. Even this would have been kindness, in
a worldly sense, to what I was doomed to suffer.
"It was nearly eleven o'clock at night, but clear and bright; the moon
was nearly full; the air a little sharp, but not cold, when I was
placed, bound hand and foot, in a cart, and accompanied by the two men
and two officers. I thought my heart would have burst. I opened not my
mouth to speak in answer to their questions, cruel taunts, and
upbraidings. I saw I was an object of horror and loathing to them--and
deservedly so, had I been the guilty creature they had cause to think
me. I passed the melancholy time we were upon the road in tears, and
prayers that my innocence might be made manifest; but I knew not yet the
extent of my misery. At length the cart stopped at the door of the
public-house; my feet were loosened, and I was desired to come down, and
enter the same room where I had been in the afternoon. A crowd of
horrorstricken people were huddled round the fireplace. In the wooden
bed lay an object, covered with a white sheet, resembling a human body.
I had never seen a corpse laid out in my life; yet the idea rushed upon
my mind that this was one; and my blood curdled in my veins, as the
conviction came over me that it was one that had met its fate by
violence. I trembled, while the large drops of sweat stood upon my brow.
All eyes were turned to me; a grim smile of malicious satisfaction was
on the faces of some, while horror and pity were equally strongly marked
upon the countenances of others. My natural feelings were, to all
present, a sure indication of my guilt. I would have sunk to the ground
had not the two men supported me. My head fell upon my breast. I
requested a little water, in a voice scarcely audible. It was given me,
and the sickness went off. One of the officers then, taking a lamp, went
to the bed, and removed the sheet from the body. My eyes involuntarily
followed him; a cry of horror escaped my lips; and I felt my muscles
become rigid. Before me lay the body of the female I had parted with in
health early in the forenoon, at the shop-door of my relation,
shockingly mangled, her long fair hair clotted with blood, and her mild
blue eyes, that had smiled upon me, dulled by the shade of death. I
could only groan. My sufferings at this sight were beyond utterance. All
in the room moved to the bed, and placed their hands upon the bosom of
the dead, and protested their innocence. I was ordered to do the same;
but I could not summon resolution to touch the body. My whole nature
revolted from the contact.
"'I am innocent!' I cried; 'God knows I am innocent! I know nothing of
this foul murder. Ask me to cut off my hand, or place it in the burning
fire, among the live coals; but ask me not to touch that bloody body,
for pity's sake!'
"My appeals were vain; they only served to confirm the prepossessions of
my hearers that I was guilty. As I stood, shrinking from the fearful
object as far as those who held me would permit, a cry arose that I was
the murderer beyond a doubt, and that I should be compelled to touch the
body. One of the officers seized my hand; those who held me pushed me
towards the bed; I struggled in vain; my hand was held fast as I was
forced along; and the consequence was, that it came with force upon the
chest of the murdered victim, when a gurgling sound issued from the
gaping wound. I became insensible.
"When my faculties returned, it was the grey of the morning. We were
entering the town of Dumfries; I in the cart, and the murdered body by
my side. I was lodged in the jail--a criminal already condemned in the
eyes of my fellow-men. Even the felons and debtors in prison avoided my
society. At my examination before the sheriff, I trembled at the array
of circumstantial evidence that was brought against me. My own relation
admitted that he had seen us together at his shop-door. The young woman
had gone from thence to her brother's, and staid only a short
time--telling them she was on her way to Edinburgh, and was to meet a
young man, who was to accompany her there. She had been seen by the two
men lingering upon the Moffat road, near the planting, a short time
before, with the same bundle in her hand that I had said was mine when
they saw me in the public-house with it in my possession. They had
thought it strange, but paid no attention until the body of the young
woman was discovered in the wood a few hours after, and still warm. I
had been pursued, and the property proved to belong to the victim of my
cruelty. My terror at being apprehended, and my refusal to touch the
dead body, all militated against me. I was fully committed as the
murderer, without hope of escape, innocent as I was of the crime. To
this damning evidence, all I had to advance was my unheeded assertion of
my innocence.
"From the beginning of May until the month of September I lay in jail--a
stranger to comfort of any kind. Every anguish was mine, except remorse.
I was looked upon by all, except my parents, as the most hardened
villain on earth. No one doubted my guilt, except my parents; and it was
only their parental feelings that made them doubt and pray that, if
innocent, the really guilty might be discovered. I will not attempt to
describe the scenes between me and my parents. They both wished that the
grave might hide their shame before the fatal day of the execution of
their son; for all chance of proving my innocence seemed out of the
question. The worthy minister that visited the jail firmly believed in
my guilt; to all my solemn asseverations of innocence, he only replied
by holding forth on the dangers of hardened crime, with earnest
exhortations for me to confess and make atonement as far as was in my
power. He would for hours lay before me the horrors of appearing before
my Maker with a lie in my mouth. My pride was wounded by the good man's
well-meant efforts. I began to avoid him as much as possible; and, when
I could not, I was silent and sullen. This, also, was held to be a sure
token of my guilt. Alas! I was not hardened; but I was heart-broken. My
Bible was my only companion--my soother and support; for I found no
threat there but against the wicked. Its Author was the searcher of
hearts. In it I found I was really guilty of many crimes which my
fellow-men thought nothing of; but there I also found a Saviour and
Mediator. My mind became humbled and composed; and, while I still
solemnly asserted my innocence of the murder, I did it with temper and
meekness.
"'Worthy sir,' I said to the clergyman, 'appearances have deceived you.
If it is the will of God that the innocent should suffer, for some wise
purpose, his will be done. If it is not so, my guiltlessness of blood
will be made evident in this world--at least I shall be declared
innocent on that great day when all shall render their account--in this
matter, innocent, save of the guilty falsehood I stated, that the
unfortunate female's bundle was my own. Alas! I wished not to keep the
property from the rightful owner. My thought at the time was, that, if I
owned that I had found it, they would take it from me, or make a
disturbance about it. Had they only said a few words more, I had told
the truth; and thus, probably, have contributed to the proof of my
innocence.'