To all men come portentous moments, difficult moments, triumphant
moments. Loder had had his examples of all three, but no moment in his
career ever equalled in strangeness of sensation that in which, dressed
in another man's clothes, he fitted the latchkey for the first time into
the door of the other man's house.
The act was quietly done. The key fitted the lock smoothly and his
fingers turned it without hesitation, though his heart, usually
extremely steady, beat sharply for a second. The hall loomed massive
and sombre despite the modernity of electric lights. It was darkly and
expensively decorated in black and brown; a frieze of wrought bronze,
representing peacocks with outspread tails, ornamented the walls; the
banisters were of heavy iron-work, and the somewhat formidable fireplace
was of the same dark metal.
Loder looked about him, then advanced, his heart again beating quickly
as his hand touched the cold banister and he began his ascent of the
stairs. But at each step his confidence strengthened, his feet became
more firm; until, at the head of the stairs, as if to disprove his
assurance, his pulses played him false once more, this time to a more
serious tune. From the farther end of a well-lighted corridor a maid was
coming straight in his direction.
For one short second all things seemed to whiz about him; the certainty
of detection overpowered his mind. The indisputable knowledge that he
was John Loder and no other, despite all armor of effrontery and dress,
so dominated him that all other considerations shrank before it. It
wanted but one word, one simple word of denunciation, and the whole
scheme was shattered. In the dismay of the moment, he almost wished that
the word might be spoken and the suspense ended.
But the maid came on in silence, and so incredible was the silence that
Loder moved onward, too. He came within a yard of her, and still she did
not speak; then, as he passed her, she drew back respectfully against
the wall.
The strain, so astonishingly short, had been immense, but with its
slackening came a strong reaction. The expected humiliation seethed
suddenly to a desire to dare fate. Pausing quickly, he turned and called
the woman back.
The spot where he had halted was vividly bright, the ceiling light being
directly above his head; and as she came towards him he raised his face
deliberately and-waited.
She looked at him without surprise or interest. “Yes, sir?” she said.
“Is your mistress in?” he asked. He could think of no other question,
but it served his purpose as a test of his voice.
Still the woman showed no surprise. “She's not in sir,” she answered.
“But she's expected in half an hour.”
“In half an hour? All right! That's all I wanted.” With a movement of
decision Loder walked back to the stair-head, turned to the right, and
opened the door of Chilcote's rooms.
The door opened on a short, wide passage; on one side stood the study,
on the other the bed, bath, and dressing-rooms. With a blind sense of
knowledge and unfamiliarity, bred of much description on Chilcote's
part, he put his hand on the study door and, still exalted by the omen
of his first success, turned the handle.
Inside the room there was firelight and lamplight and a studious air
of peace. The realization of this and a slow incredulity at Chilcote's
voluntary renunciation were his first impressions; then his attention
was needed for more imminent things.
As he entered, the new secretary was returning a volume to its place on
the book-shelves. At sight of him, he pushed it hastily into position
and turned round.
“I was making a few notes on the political position of Khorasan,” he
said, glancing with slight apprehensiveness at the other's face. He
was a small, shy man, with few social attainments but an extraordinary
amount of learning--the antithesis of the alert Blessington, whom he had
replaced.
Loder bore his scrutiny without flinching. Indeed, it struck him
suddenly that there was a fund of interest, almost of excitement, in the
encountering of each new pair of eyes. At the thought he moved forward
to the desk.
“Thank you, Greening,” he said. “A very useful bit of work.”
The secretary glanced up, slightly puzzled. His endurance had been
severely taxed in the fourteen days that he had filled his new post.
“I'm glad you think so, sir,” he said, hesitatingly. “You rather
pooh-poohed the matter this morning, if you remember.”
Loder was taking off his coat, but stopped in the operation.
“This morning?” he said. “Oh, did I? Did I?” Then, struck by the
opportunity the words gave him, he turned towards the secretary. “You've
got to get used to me, Greening,” he said. “You haven't quite grasped me
yet, I can see. I'm a man of moods, you know. Up to the present you've
seen my slack side, my jarred side, but I have quite another when I care
to show it. I'm a sort of Jekyll-and-Hyde affair.” Again he laughed,
and Greening echoed the sound diffidently. Chilcote had evidently
discouraged familiarity.
Loder eyed him with abrupt understanding. He recognized the loneliness
in the anxious, conciliatory manner.
“You're tired,” he said, kindly. “Go to bed. I've got some thinking to
do. Good-night.” He held out his hand.
Greening took it, still half distrustful of this fresh side to so
complex a man.
“Good-night, sir,” he said. “To-morrow, if you approve, I shall go on
with my notes. I hope you will have a restful night.”
For a second Loder's eyebrows went up, but he recovered himself
instantly.
“Ah, thanks, Greening,” he said. “Thanks. I think your hope will be
fulfilled.”
He watched the little secretary move softly and apologetically to
the door; then he walked to the fire, and, resting his elbows on the
mantel-piece, he took his face in his hands.
For a space he stood absolutely quiet, then his hands dropped to his
sides and he turned slowly round. In that short space he had balanced
things and found his bearings. The slight nervousness shown in his
brusque sentences and overconfident manner faded out, and he faced facts
steadily.
With the return of his calmness he took a long survey of the room. His
glance brightened appreciatively as it travelled from the walls lined
with well-bound books to the lamps modulated to the proper light;
from the lamps to the desk fitted with every requirement. Nothing was
lacking. All he had once possessed, all he had since dreamed of, was
here, but on a greater scale. To enjoy the luxuries of life a man must
go long without them. Loder had lived severely--so severely that until
three weeks ago he had believed himself exempt from the temptations of
humanity. Then the voice of the world had spoken, and within him another
voice had answered, with a tone so clamorous and insistent that it had
outcried his surprised and incredulous wonder at its existence and its
claims. That had been the voice of suppressed ambition; and now as he
stood in the new atmosphere a newer voice lifted itself. The joy of
material things rose suddenly, overbalancing the last remnant of the
philosophy he had reared. He saw all things in a fresh light--the soft
carpets, the soft lights, the numberless pleasant, unnecessary things
that color the passing landscape and oil the wheels of life. This was
power--power made manifest. The choice bindings of one's books, the
quiet harmony of one's surroundings, the gratifying deference of one's
dependants--these were the visible, the outward signs, the things he had
forgotten.
Crossing the room slowly, he lifted and looked at the different papers
on the desk. They had a substantial feeling, an importance, an air of
value. They were like the solemn keys to so many vexed problems. Beside
the papers were a heap of letters neatly arranged and as yet unopened.
He turned them over one by one. They were all thick, and interesting to
look at. He smiled as he recalled his own scanty mail: envelopes long
and bulky or narrow and thin--unwelcome manuscripts or very welcome
checks. Having sorted the letters, he hesitated. It was his task to
open them, but he had never in his life opened an envelope addressed to
another man.
He stood uncertain, weighing them in his hand.
Then all at once a look of attention and surprise crossed his face, and
he raised his head. Some one had unmistakably paused outside the door
which Greening had left ajar.
There was a moment of apparent doubt, then a stir of skirts, a quick,
uncertain knock, and the intruder entered.
For a couple of seconds she stood in the doorway; then, as Loder made
no effort to speak, she moved into the room. She had apparently but just
returned from some entertainment, for, though she had drawn off her long
gloves, she was still wearing an evening cloak of lace and fur.
That she was Chilcote's wife Loder instinctively realized the moment she
entered the room. But a disconcerting confusion of ideas was all that
followed the knowledge. He stood by the desk, silent and awkward,
trying to fit his expectations to his knowledge. Then, faced by the
hopelessness of the task, he turned abruptly and looked at her again.
She had taken off her cloak and was standing by the fire. The compulsion
of moving through life alone had set its seal upon her in a certain
self-possession, a certain confidence of pose; yet her figure, as Loder
then saw it, backgrounded by the dark books and gowned in pale blue,
had a suggestion of youthfulness that seemed a contradiction. The
remembrance of Chilcote's epithets “cold” and “unsympathetic” came back
to him with something like astonishment. He felt no uncertainty, no
dread of discovery and humiliation in her presence as he had felt in
the maid's; yet there was something in her face that made him infinitely
more uncomfortable. A look he could find no name for--a friendliness
that studiously covered another feeling, whether question, distrust, or
actual dislike he could not say. With a strange sensation of awkwardness
he sorted Chilcote's letters, waiting for her to speak.
As if divining his thought, she turned towards him. “I'm afraid I rather
intrude,” she said. “If you are busy--”
His sense of courtesy was touched; he had begun life with a high opinion
of women, and the words shook up an echo of the old sentiment.
“Don't think that,” he said, hastily. “I was only looking through--my
letters. You mustn't rate yourself below letters.” He was conscious that
his tone was hurried, that his words were a little jagged; but Eve did
not appear to notice. Unlike Greening, she took the new manner without
surprise. She had known Chilcote for six years.
“I dined with the Fraides to-night,” she said. “Mr. Fraide sent you a
message.”
Unconsciously Loder smiled. There was humor in the thought of a message
to him from the great Fraide. To hide his amusement he wheeled one of
the big lounge-chairs forward.
“Indeed,” he said. “Won't you sit down?”
They were near together now, and he saw her face more fully. Again
he was taken aback. Chilcote had spoken of her as successful and
intelligent, but never as beautiful. Yet her beauty was a rare and
uncommon fact. Her hair was black--not a glossy black, but the dusky
black that is softer than any brown; her eyes were large and of a
peculiarly pure blue; and her eyelashes were black, beautifully curved
and of remarkable thickness.
“Won't you sit down?” he said again, cutting short his thoughts with
some confusion.
“Thank you.” She gravely accepted the proffered chair. But he saw that
without any ostentation she drew her skirts aside as she passed him. The
action displeased him unaccountably.
“Well,” he said, shortly, “what had Fraide to say?” He walked to the
mantel-piece with his customary movement and stood watching her.
The instinct towards hiding his face had left him. Her instant
and uninterested acceptance of him almost nettled him; his own
half-contemptuous impression of Chilcote came to him unpleasantly, and
with it the first desire to assert his own individuality. Stung by the
conflicting emotions, he felt in Chilcote's pockets for something to
smoke.
Eve saw and interpreted the action. “Are these your cigarettes?” She
leaned towards a small table and took up a box made of lizard-skin.
“Thanks.” He took the box from her, and as it passed from one to the
other he saw her glance at his rings. The glance was momentary; her
lips parted to express question or surprise, then closed again without
comment. More than any spoken words, the incident showed him the gulf
that separated husband and wife.
“Well?” he said again, “what about Fraide?”
At his words she sat straighter and looked at him more directly, as if
bracing herself to a task.
“Mr. Fraide is--is as interested as ever in you,” she began.
“Or in you?” Loder made the interruption precisely as he felt Chilcote
would have made it. Then instantly he wished the words back.
Eve's warm skin colored more deeply; for a second the inscrutable
underlying expression that puzzled him showed in her eyes, then she sank
back into a corner of the chair.
“Why do you make such a point of sneering at my friends?” she asked,
quietly. “I overlook it when you are nervous.” She halted slightly on
the word. “But you are not nervous tonight.”
Loder, to his great humiliation, reddened. Except for an occasional
outburst on the part of Mrs. Robins, his charwoman, he had not merited a
woman's displeasure for years.
“The sneer was unintentional,” he said.
For the first time Eve showed a personal interest. She looked at him in
a puzzled way. “If your apology was meant,” she said, hesitatingly, “I
should be glad to accept it.”
Loder, uncertain of how to take the words, moved back to the desk. He
carried an unlighted cigarette between his fingers.
There was an interval in which neither spoke. Then, at last, conscious
of its awkwardness, Eve rose. With one hand on the back of her chair,
she looked at him.
“Mr. Fraide thinks it's such a pity that”--she stopped to choose her
words--“that you should lose hold on things--lose interest in things,
as you are doing. He has been thinking a good deal about you in the last
three weeks--ever since the day of your--your illness in the House;
and it seems to him,”--again she broke off, watching Loder's averted
head--“it seems to him that if you made one real effort now, even now,
to shake off your restlessness, that your--your health might improve.
He thinks that the present crisis would be”--she hesitated--“would give
you a tremendous opportunity. Your trade interests, bound up as they
are with Persia, would give any opinion you might hold a double weight.”
Almost unconsciously a touch of warmth crept into her words.
“Mr. Fraide talked very seriously about the beginning of your career. He
said that if only the spirit of your first days could come back--” Her
tone grew quicker, as though she feared ridicule in Loder's silence.
“He asked me to use my influence. I know that I have little--none,
perhaps--but I couldn't tell him that, and so--so I promised.”
“And have kept the promise?” Loder spoke at random. Her manner and her
words had both affected him. There was a sensation of unreality in his
brain.
“Yes,” she answered. “I always want to do--what I can.”
As she spoke a sudden realization of the effort she was making struck
upon him, and with it his scorn of Chilcote rose in renewed force.
“My intention--” he began, turning to her. Then the futility of any
declaration silenced him. “I shall think over what you say,” he added,
after a minute's wait. “I suppose I can't say more than that.”
Their eyes met and she smiled a little.
“I don't believe I expected as much,” she said. “I think I'll go now.
You have been wonderfully patient.” Again she smiled slightly, at the
same time extending her hand. The gesture was quite friendly, but in
Loder's eyes it held relief as well as friendliness; and when their
hands met he noticed that her fingers barely brushed his.
He picked up her cloak and carried it across the room. As he held the
door open, he laid it quietly across her arm.
“I'll think over what you've said,” he repeated.
Again she glanced at him as if suspecting sarcasm then, partly
reassured, she paused. “You will always despise your opportunities, and
I suppose I shall always envy them,” she said. “That's the way with men
and women. Good-night!” With another faint smile she passed out into the
corridor.
Loder waited until he heard the outer door close, then he crossed the
room thoughtfully and dropped into the chair that she had vacated. He
sat for a time looking at the hand her fingers had touched; then he
lifted his head with a characteristic movement.
“By Jove!” he said, aloud, “how cordially she detests tests him!”