_Lord G_. I tell you what it is, my dear--we've only known that fellow
Plumper a month, and he has already completely captivated Elaine with his
_Kindergarten_, and his sunflowers, and his hatred of the landed interest
and Irish coercion, and love of the _cloture_ and humanity, and Buddha
and Brahma, and Zoroaster and Mahomet, and all the rest of them. I must
really take steps to find out whether Gresham was well informed about his
reputed wealth. I shall ride down and take a look at 20 Heavitree
Gardens to-morrow. I haven't met a single man at the Club who has ever
heard of him.
_Lady G_. It's no use: if he should turn out a pauper, or even a
swindler, I am afraid Elaine will marry him. I saw it in her eye last
night; and so, I should think, did he. He certainly can't complain of
not receiving encouragement. I only wonder that he has not yet proposed.
I believe the man to be capable of any act of audacity, in spite of his
languid manner, and his long hair, and short-sightedness, and his
stammer.
_Enter_ Elaine.
_Lord G_. Are you coming to ride with me, or going out to drive with
your mother, Elaine?
_El_. Neither, dear papa. I am too busy finishing a paper I am writing
on the "Chiton; or, Clothing for the masses on the principles of the
ideal of the ancient Greeks," for the next meeting of the Women's Dress
Reform Association.
_Lord G_. Well, take care you make them put enough on. Remember the
climate, if you ignore other considerations.
_Lady G_. And pray do not so far overstep the bounds of maidenly modesty
as to consult your Mr Plumper on the subject.
[_Exit_ Lord _and_ Lady Gules.
_El_. [_sighing_]. My Mr Plumper! Ah, Adolphus, there is not a fibre in
our bodies or souls--and why should not souls have fibres?--that does not
vibrate in harmony! We are like AEolian harps that make the same music
to the same airs of the affections, while electrically our brains respond
sympathetically to the same wave-current of idea. Emotionally,
intellectually, we are one. Why should I allow an absurd custom of
conventional civilisation, degrading to the sex, to prevent my telling
him so? What more inherent right can be vested by nature in a woman than
that of telling a man that she loves him, and that, therefore, he belongs
to her? Hark! his step. My Adolphus!
_Enter_ Adolphus.
_Ad_. I have ventured to kuk-kuk-kuk-call, Lady Elaine, with the pap-pap-
pattern I promised of female attire suited to all classes; for why should
we recognise any did-did-distinction between the folds which drape the
form of the aristocrat and the pop-pop-pauper? It is all in
kuk-kuk-curves and circles; there is not a straight line about it worn
thus. See how graciously it flows! [_Puts his head through a hole in
the middle_.] But allow me; your form will do far more justice to it
than mine. [_Takes it off and puts it on_ Lady Elaine.] Ah, how
divinely precious! [_Gazes with rapture_. Lady Elaine _sits down in
it_.]
_El_. Dear Adolphus, why should this strained conventional formality
exist any longer between us? Can we not read each other's thoughts? Can
we not feel each other's hearts beating in sweet accord? Are we not
formed and fashioned for each other? Let this exquisite garment, which
we have both worn, be the symbol of that internal robe which costumes our
united souls, woven from the texture of our affections.
_Ad_. [_falling on his knees, kisses its hem_]. Sweet symbol of
sanctified intuitions! Tit-tit-tit-transparent--though it may seem tot-
tot-tolerably thick; for does it not reveal to me the workings of the
soul of my beb-beb-beloved? Ah, Elaine, how trifling do earthly
treasures seem, compared with those of the affections! You will be mine,
for ever mine, dud-dud-darling, will you not--even though I may not have
the riches I am supposed to possess?
_El_. Oh, Adolphus! how can you ask me such a question? What is the
wealth of the pocket as compared with the wealth of the soul!
_Ad_. True! oh, quite intensely true!--for how sweetly sings the poet
Oscar on this theme!--
"As like miners we explore
Hidden treasures in the soul,
And we pip-pip-pick the amorous ore
Firmly bedded in its hole;
New emotions come to light,
Flashing in affections' rays,
Scintillating to the sight,
With a tit-tit-tit-transcendental bib-bib-bib-blaze,
Warming us until we burn
With a glow of sacred fire,
And as coals to diamonds turn,
Sparkling in us with did-did-did-desire."
_El_. Oh, quite, quite too lovely! Come, Adolphus--why should we linger
here, now that our troths are plighted? Why should we not at once brave
the world together? I need the sweet scents of the air, the rustle of
leaves, the singing of birds, the chattering of monkeys, and the hum of
nature. Let us go, my love, and walk in the Zoo.
_Ad_. [_rising_]. Dud-dud-dud-do you intend to keep that on?
_El_. What on?
_Ad_. This mystic garment of kuk-kuk-curves and circles.
_El_. No; I will keep it for a pattern and a sweet reminiscence. Now I
will go and put on my Louis Quatorze hat, and be back in a moment, if you
will go and call a hansom.
[_Exit_ Elaine.
[Adolphus _bursts into a fit of uncontrollable laughter_.
[_Exit laughing_.