I had much to do, and work kept me from brooding. It was three days
after I had gone to find Reverdy that he came to see me, bringing
Douglas. My first words to Reverdy were concerning Zoe; but Douglas at
once took a hand in that subject. She would either turn up after a
little wandering about the country or she was gone for good. If she had
met her death it would be known by now, in all probability. I could be
sure that she knew better than to go south. Her likely destination was
Canada, or northern Illinois. There was much going on in Chicago to
attract an adventurous girl. Should I not go there for her? But it was
only a chance that I would find her. What of her property, her
interests? Let them rest until an emergency arose.
In truth Reverdy and Douglas had not come to see me about Zoe, but to
enlist my support in Douglas' ambition to go to the legislature. Douglas
was now twenty-three years of age. He had been in Illinois just three
years. During that time he had become a lawyer, had had the law changed
so as to be appointed state's attorney. He had only held that office
from February to April of this year, when he had organized a convention
at Vandalia to choose delegates to the national convention for next
year. He had fought down opposition to the convention system; he had
successfully managed a county convention in which he had been nominated
for the legislature. Now he was out upon the stump, speaking in behalf
of state policies like canals and railroads; and there was the question
too of removing the state capital from Vandalia to Springfield, which
might constitute a leverage for a vote for internal improvements.
Douglas was in favor of both. While slave interests were seeking land
for cotton, the agrarian interests in Illinois were awake to the need of
transportation facilities and markets. As I had wheat and corn to sell
besides cattle and hogs, and would have them in increasing quantities, I
should use my influence in behalf of these measures and in behalf of
Douglas, who had a vision of their need and a practical mind for
securing them. Douglas did not hesitate on the matter of internal
improvements. He believed that they should be made by the state. That
obviated the centralization flowing from national aid. Let Illinois use
its own resources for building canals and railroads. Let the state's
credit be pledged. What state had greater natural riches? The Illinois
and Michigan canal must be completed. The rivers must be made navigable.
At least two railroads must be constructed, which should cross the state
from north to south, and from east to west. The credit of the state must
be pledged for a loan of money; and the interest on the loan should be
paid by the sales of the land, which Illinois had been granted by the
Federal government for the canal.
Douglas was full of youthful enthusiasm for this work of building up
the state. I could see his great energies moving like a restless tide
through them as he talked these projects over with Reverdy and me. I was
only too glad to lend him my help. It was to my interest. I trusted his
judgment, too. I saw moderation and wisdom in his policies.
Already it was apparent that Douglas stood upon no idealistic
immovability when the main thing was at stake. And hence, when the bill
which was brought in on the subject of railroads, appropriated the money
for eight railroads instead of Douglas' two, and bestowed consolations
here and there to counties in order to get their support, Douglas showed
his reluctance, but gave his vote. The state capital was moved to
Springfield as a part of the give and take of logrolling.
But on the occasion of this call Douglas stood for a very moderate
program, as I have already said. When he was elected and had legislative
power he surrendered his moderation in order to get the railroads. In
fact the people were moving in this direction; there was much
magnificent dreaming and hazardous experimentation and the general
result could not be prevented.
I had gone to see Reverdy, partly to inquire about Zoe, partly with the
hope that I could gain help as to Dorothy. Now he had come to me with
Douglas; and all the talk was of politics, with no chance to draw
Reverdy aside for a private word. When they arose to leave Reverdy took
my hand. His eyes grew wonderfully deep and sympathetic. Then with a
slap upon my back and a congratulation that I would help Douglas, the
two departed.
Then I began to think whether I should write Dorothy. Yes, her letter
demanded some reply. As I sat down to write, Dorothy's view became mine
in a flood of emotion of love's willingness to sacrifice. And I wrote:
"Dear Dorothy: The only thing I can say in my own behalf is that I found
myself suddenly placed in this position as Zoe's brother, without
understanding, or only understanding gradually what it meant to me, or
would mean to any one else. I have been learning all of these things;
and your letter makes them clear to me. I did not come straight home but
went to New Orleans; and your letter had been here some days when I
returned. I must tell you that Zoe disappeared in my absence. I don't
know where and cannot learn. I am fearful for her; and there are many
possible complications. But I am powerless to do anything at this time.
She may never return. She may fall into strange hands and make some new
relations which will come back upon me and upon any one I cared for with
embarrassing results. I am in a position where I can make no assurances.
I feel like asking you to forgive me for causing you any suffering or
anxiety. I should not have asked you to marry me. It was thoughtless;
but I could not with my experience and knowledge of things understand
all that my request might mean. As you are Reverdy's sister I can't help
but feel a tender and protecting interest in you, whatever may come of
it. And I hope life may deal with both of us in such a way that any harm
I have done you will be overcome by some good that I may be to you. And
without asking to see you again I still keep the hope that fate will be
good enough to let me meet you sometime when a clasp of the hand will be
welcome to you and with no consequences that are not pleasant."
And then I sealed the letter for mailing and retired; but not to sleep,
rather to turn restlessly for some hours in the night.